Pulled from the comments:
That's Barry Bonds as Paula Abdul. Batgirl thinks that's one of the most disgusting things she's ever seen. Minnesota Twins: Hottest Chick is something pure and beautiful, and here Barry Bonds had to go and ruin it.
Also, Barry, uh...nice rack.
Dear Batgirl,
Please help me. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm so nervous about the WBC. We have 15 players on various rosters and if Johan Santana so much as stubs his toe I'm going to have a heart attack. What do I do? Can we give them all bubble wrap treatment before they go?
Sincerely,
Sleepless in St. Louis Park
Dear Sleepless,
I know, I know. Batgirl's had to up her Xanax quotient as this blasted thing draws closer. When the games start she's going to have worse blood pressure than Gardy. Batgirl recommends constant consumption of alcoholic beverages during the WBC--you can use a thermos at work. Remember, vodka doesn't smell on your breath. As for bubble wrap, Batgirl herself has delivered four industrial size rolls to Fort Myers. She thinks they know what to do.
Viva Venezuela,
Batgirl
Shannon Stewart says Give (Ba)Tist(a) a chance. "He's going to be a good fit," Stewart says--even though he doesn't fit in his trousers.
Meanwhile, Batista tells us the man upstairs brought him here, and he doesn't mean Terry Ryan.
MLB.com asks Who's Number Two?
John Brattain of the Hardball Times has a very interesting perspective on the Twins efforts to get out of their lease in Leverage for Dummies.
Through top secret channels (okay, Wonder Woman sent them) Batgirl has gotten a hold of the JOE MAUER FASHION SPREAD from Travel and Leisure. The results may shock you.
I'm bananas for fashion!
Oh, Garfield, you crazy puss!
Man, Torii's going to kick the crap out of me for this.
This is better than my Cretin yearbook shot!
Oh, Batgirl slays me!
This sweater is tighter than Torii's butt.
Hello, ladies. I am Johan Santana's battery mate.
The Twins have unveiled their new commercials. Sweetcheeks can come to BG's birthday party any ol' day.
Spring Training Pictures from Insider:
Clara the BatBaby, just in time for spring training. Congratulations to Goober and Sooz, who have made a very happy Auntie Batgirl.
Thank god almighty! Man, it's about freakin' time. BG knows there are many lucky Batlings heading down to the Nirvana of Spring Training this year--she expects stories, pictures, and of course lots of swag.
As pitchers and catchers gather in Florida, David E. sends this nice picture to remind us of what we have to look forward to next year.
BG got a sneak peak into the Twins Valentine mailbox! Here's what she saw:
Item: Reusse:Twins Are Hearing C-word Again.
BatRant:You have got to be bleepin' blargin' kidding Batgirl. This is where we are? The team has won three division titles in the past four years and we're still talking about this? Have we learned nothing? And Tim Pawlenty, who provided the leadership of a kumquat during this whole stadium proposal is the one who mentioned it? That's right. A kumquat. You can quote me.
If you look at the article carefully, it seems that the only ones really talking about this are Reusse and Timmy. So, what's up with that?
Also, could somebody please define "they are baseball's two most underperforming markets?" What is true about that statement and what is just truthiness?
Look, there's no doubt the state has sat on its kumquaty ass-bat in getting the Twins a stadium . There's also no doubt that the Twins sacrificed a heckuva--that's right, I said heck, and I'm not afraid to say it again--heckuva lot of good will in the community with the various threats to move the team and the contraction debacle. Trying to kill the team for cash just isn't the best way to make friends, and the Twins as an organization have done very little to regain the goodwill of the community after it. (The Twins as a team signed Johan Santana, who is Batgirl's official Goodwill Ambassador, and he should probably come over to Batgirl's house for his "swearing in ceremony." ) So, here: YOU, Twins, recognize all the goodwill you lost and come up with some way to get it back and YOU, state leadership, shut up and grow a pair. Cities, communities, and states should invest in themselves. Darn it.
Yes, darn it, I say.
Matt LeCroy/ Big LeRoy/ Big Country/Crawddady/ Softball Sammy/ Matty Go Boom to Nats.
Will, he's coming even closer to you. And take good care of him, Ball Wonk.
On the road to kicking world butt in the WBC, Team Venezuela pulls out an exciting last minute victory in the Caribbean series, spurred on by the clutch hitting of a familiar (Mango) face. King Kaufman of Salon.com writes:
The craziest play that ever ended a major league World Series, I think, was in 1926, when Babe Ruth, carrying the tying run with two outs and Bob Meusel batting in the bottom of the ninth, got thrown out trying to steal second.That had nothing on the way the Caribbean Series ended. Venezuela, the host team, was down to the Dominicans 4-3 in the bottom of the ninth, but Gonzalez, the new Red Sox shortstop, drove in the tying run with a single off Jorge Sosa, who works for the Atlanta Braves.
Henry Blanco, a Chicago Cub, then lifted a pop fly behind third. Out went Los Anahangeles Angels prospect Erick Aybar, toting the glove that got him labeled the best defensive infielder in the Angels' system by Baseball America last off-season.
Aybar went back and toward the line, stopped, turned around and looked at left fielder Napoleon Calzado, a Baltimore Orioles prospect, and then had the ball bonk him on top of the head. Jose Canseco lives!
Aybar had lost it in the lights. The ball, I mean. Not his head. Gonzalez scored, Venezuela won its first Caribbean Series since 1989, and suddenly I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.
ESPN's Jerry Crasnick picks the Twins to surprise in '06.
So why are the Twins dangerous? In a word, pitching. They've got Johan Santana, Brad Radke and Carlos Silva at the front end of the rotation, Joe Nathan at the back end of the bullpen, and enough arms in between to be competitive almost every night provided they catch the ball up to typical Twins standards.In spring training they'll take a long look at rookies Scott Baker and Francisco Liriano, who has been labeled a young Santana. When the Brewers were shopping Overbay in November, Melvin tried to pry loose Liriano or Baker from the Twins only to meet with stone-cold resistance.
"He has great stuff," Melvin said of Liriano. "He has the ability to be a Dontrelle Willis."
Meanwhile, a judge freed the Twins of their obligation to play in the Dome in '07. BG hopes this lights a fire under everyone's buttocks, but it still makes her profoundly uncomfortable.
EDIT South Side Annie sends this old interview with Carl Pohlad from just before the contraction debate. And this is why Batgirl's so hard on Carl. He was a great owner for many years, but he tried to kill the team. It's just hard to get over that.
From BadAndy48:
GOOD NEWS FOR THOSE WITH CABLE:
Who: Bitch Sox @ Twins, Garcia vs. Johan
What: Classic Twins 1-0 victory on a Jacques Jones homer in the 8th
When: tonight (Monday), 8:00pm CST
Where: Fox Sports Net North
Why: Because they like to tease us
Some thoughts:
- I was at that game and will remember it for a long, long time. I'll bore
my son talking about it when I take him to a game some day.
- I know we had to let him go and that we was a very undisciplined hitter,
but I'm really going to miss Jacque!
- I love that they're broadcasting this game again, but it seems almost
cruel to supply such a tastey appetizer of the season when it's still so far
away . . .
Two more offseason pick-ups, and the question rings eternal: If they were chicks, which one would be hotter?
|  |
| Rubena Sierra | Rondelle White |
A farmer needs to get Batgirl, Johan Santana, and George Steinbrenner across a river. He has a small boat and can only take one person at a time. But he needs to be careful. If he leaves Johan alone with Steinbrenner, Steinbrenner will try to sign him. If he leaves Steinbrenner alone with Batgirl, she'll unleash a furious ninja attack.
How does he get all these people across the river in his boat?
Yesterday, we discussed the philosophical implications of having Batgirl, Johan Santana, and George Steinbrenner stuck in a lifeboat. The following exchange occurred, and Batgirl found it quite stimulating.
From Public Enemy Mike:
Dear BatgirlWhat if we removed Mr Steinbrenner and replaced him with Mr Pohlad. How would Batgirl handle that situation ?
p.e.m.
From YankeeFan (soon to be a father):
and PEM, Batgirl would not have a chance to "handle" the situation if it were Pohlad. Pohlad would immediately drown BG and Santana and keep any supplies for himself. When rescued, he'd toss the captain of the rescuing ship (as well as any passengers, stowaways, animals, cute and fuzzy bunnie) overboard and take the ship and its contents for himself. When asked to pay for the gasoline used for the voyage to save him, he'd likely respond "let the taxpayers pay for it."
Discuss.
Dear Batgirl:
Your answer to the notorious "Valentine's Day" conundrum being so, well, Solomonic, I have decided to pose to you (no, not *for* you) the classic lifeboat question. Batgirl, Johan Santana, and George Steinbrenner are in the same lifeboat after the tragic sinking of the luxury liner on which they routinely spend every fourth week of the year. There are plenty of supplies, and help is expected to arrive within 24 hours. What do you do?
"Confused"
Portland, OR
Dear Mr. Confused,
This is an extremely difficult question. Batgirl is against the murder of innocents, and even noninnocents, but obviously three is a crowd in that boat. The solution may be very easy though, as it is likely Mr. Steinbrenner would start making offers to Mr. Santana, and Batgirl would fly into a BatRage and, with her super human strength, kick Mr. Steinbrenner all the way to the Lost island. Which solves a lot of problems, actually.
Sincerely,
Batgirl