(with deep and sincere apologies to John Keats)
Thou still undent'd length of maple wood,
Thou foster-child of Sucking and slow Curves,
Pine-tar'd historian, who canst thus express
A hitless tale more surely than our rhyme:
What soul-sucking legend haunts about thy shape
Of left-handers or righties, or of both,
In KC or the paths of Jacobs Field?
What men or gods are these? What bunters loth?
What mad putouts? What struggle to reach base?
What fouls and ground-outs? What wild swinging strikes?
All baseball games are sweet, but those we win
Are sweeter; therefore, ye young Twins, play on;
Not with the assbattery, but, more endear'd,
Swing at the pitch that falls within the zone:
Fair youth, beneath the lights, thou canst not leave
Home plate, unless thou can those fastballs smack;
Bold batter, never, never canst thou hit,
Swinging now this assbat--yet, do not grieve;
But proclaim, fie!, upon that curs'd wood,
After this wilt thou swing, and it fall fair!
You amaze me on a regular basis.
Posted by: Linda at April 25, 2007 09:09 AMExcellent! I felt like we should all be sitting in a smokey little coffee shop or club in Greenwich Village (or whatever the Mpls/StP equivalent might be), listening to the intent recitation.
Posted by: JimCrikket at April 25, 2007 09:17 AMThey have scored in 4 of their last 31 offensive innings; some of these runs were earned. Every night the opposing starter sets a new personal standard for innings pitched, consecutive batters retired, and overall effectiveness, and nickie bleeping punto bats 2nd. I don't see a problem here. Santana was 17-0 in home starts, and now he is 0-2. We have the easiest April schedule in the league, and have lost 4of 5 at home where we have a huge advantage in recent years; maybe we can get rid of batista and castro and turn it all around.
Posted by: al at April 25, 2007 10:00 AMWe never exactly start on fire in April.
That being said... yeah, I'm not sure Punto should be batting second, at least until his bat wakes up from winter hibernation. Maybe Bartlett or Tyner?
And Justin has had a bad couple of days. He's entitled to them, but it really is scary how much this team rises and falls on our first baseman.
Posted by: CarrieICL at April 25, 2007 10:04 AMi think they ought to take those assbats to some chairs - Corey Koskie-style! that'll take the curse off them...
Posted by: dfb at April 25, 2007 10:23 AM"...After this wilt thou swing, and it fall fair!
Or else take that assbat back and smack a chair!"
Whene’er I wander, at the fall of night,
Where Teflon sky shuts out the moon’s bright ray,
Should sad ass-battery my musings fright,
And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,
Peep at the ballgame under the woven roof,
And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof.
Beauty is scoring, scoring beauty.
In some ways, Punto is taking too much heat, because he's not the only guy not hitting. That said, I was a bit baffled by Gardy's decision last night to bat Tyner leadoff, Punto second, and Casilla ninth. It seems that the far more logical order would be 1)Casilla, 2)Tyner, and 9)Punto.
Posted by: Nick at April 25, 2007 10:48 AMOh, when two of my favorite things come together: Keats and baseball. Too bad assbats have to figure into the equation. :\
Inspired work, infield!
Posted by: Spacey Stacey at April 25, 2007 10:51 AMSimply lovely, infield! Nice work from twayn, too.
Posted by: FH at April 25, 2007 01:22 PM
Inspiring!
Here's the start of an Ode on Bronx Melancholy:
No, no, go not to Myers, neither Henn;
Nor Vizcaino for his gopher ball,
Nor suffer thy pale rubber by our 'pen
Of Proctor, Bruney, Farnsworth, Colter Bean...
Well done infield.
I spent the majority of the last two night repeating some version of "#&$*ing ass-bats." or "ENOUGH ass-bats already!!!" So a very appropriate post in my mind.
We root for a team called “The Twins.”
Right now, with a shortage of wins.
“The Ass-bats are out,”
fair BatGirl doth pout,
“#$#&^ put them all back in their bins!”
p.s. AND THEN BURN THEM!
Posted by: BD at April 25, 2007 03:58 PMEasiest sch? I hate when that is thrown around at the beginning of the year. Cleveland looks much better, we also played the bitch sox, and yes the Yankees pitching is horrible, they can still hit. I wonder how many thought having alot of games against Detroit early in their sch. might have thought their sch. easy. Baltimore isn't bad so far this year even though we swept them. Sorry off my soapbox now, but saying team have easy sch. this early is not always the case.
Posted by: Nora at April 25, 2007 04:15 PM'I wonder how many thought having alot of games against Detroit early in their sch. LAST YEAR might have thought their sch. easy.' Had to correct that mistake.
Posted by: Nora at April 25, 2007 04:17 PMNICE!
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at April 25, 2007 09:58 PMBatgirl is truth, truth Batgirl
More happy bats! more happy, happy bats
Remember it could be worse, you could be in last place of the AL East.
p.e.m.
Posted by: public enemy mike at April 26, 2007 11:58 AMHow rank
Of Yank,
To try to equates
Twins with Devil Skates. :p