This entry posted by Twayn, on assignment for Bat-girl.com
Cleveland at Minnesota. Indians 7, Twins 3.
Gardy’s office was a bit cramped after the grueling 12-inning tilt, with Wayne Hattaway, Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Michael Cuddyer, Jason Bartlett, Torii Hunter, and Nick Punto seated on folding chairs around the desk. Nobody spoke, each thinking back on the game and the many chances that slipped away like sands through an hourglass, and how that is so like the days of our lives, and why you should seize every opportunity to do good and battle evil because if you don’t that day is gone and you don’t get another until the cosmos flips the hourglass over again. The door closed with an ominous thud as Gardy came in and took a seat behind his desk. He paused a moment, as if he had second thoughts about the meeting, then shrugged his shoulders and spoke.
“Look, guys,” he began, “I don’t know why I have to keep explaining this to you. We expect more out of you; you’re the leaders. You’re the Team Batgirl Boyfriends, and a lot of people look forward to reading about which one of you is the Boyfriend of the Day every day and what incredibly good thing you did to help win the game. You know that, right?”
He looked around and met the eyes of each player momentarily. They all nodded their heads and furrowed their brows and pursed their lips in serious thought as they pondered the infinite privilege and responsibility the title Team Batgirl Boyfriend bestows.
Gardy paused for dramatic effect, to let the severity of the situation resonate, just like Howie Mandel on Deal or No Deal, only without all of the models with perfect teeth and short dresses, since his office is so small and Carl Pohlad isn’t likely to pay for models with perfect teeth and short dresses to decorate Gardy’s office. So after a dramatically sufficient moment, Gardy continued.
“You guys are the Team Batgirl Boyfriends, but look at you,” he said. “You lollygag a weak swing for strike three with runners in scoring position. You lollygag into rally killing double plays. You know what that makes you? Big Fella?”
“Lollygaggers!” exclaimed Hattaway, his half-smile obscured by wild moustache.
“Lollygaggers,” said Gardy, barely stifling his own urge to laugh. “What’s our record, Big Fella?
“Eleven and eight,” said Hattaway.
“Eleven and eight!” said Gardy, shaking his head in mock disgust. “How did we get there?”
“It’s a miracle,” said Big Fella, his eyes sparkling with subdued mirth.
“It’s a miracle,” repeated Gardy. “Now get your showers and go home. But I want you to think long and hard about all the chances we had tonight, all the ways any one of you could have stepped up to be the Boyfriend of the Day. Think about Team Batgirl and how they have to go to bed tonight without a B.O.D., and how Baby Dash may still have to learn at such a tender young age about the bitterness of early disappointment that can only be assuaged by the sweetness of eventual triumph against seemingly insurmountable odds, but which then gets crushed again by a disappointing postseason performance. And remember that the idea is for each of you to inspire the others to greatness in clutch situations so that we don’t get beat by a nondescript lefty named Jeremy and a bullpen coached by Wet-Ones Willis.”
The players filed out of the office, their heads only slightly down, their shoulders square and their gazes determined, already inspired to not let another single grain of sand slip through the narrow channel of glass that regulates the days of our lives without doing something inspiring to inspire the others to Boyfriend greatness. Big Fella stood, crossed the room, and closed the door behind them before turning to Gardy and pausing for dramatic effect.
“You know, Skip,” said the wizened gent slowly, his smile widening. “Sometimes they don’t know when you’re being serious and when you’re not.”
Gardy returned his conspiratorial grin as he swung his feet up onto the desk.
“It’s not important for them to know, Big Fella,” he said. “It’s only important for me to know. Now go tell Andy to bring in the bullpen.”
Posted by twayn at April 23, 2007 11:59 PMTo think - the man who gave us such a great supporting performance in Bull Durham went on to inflict Arli$$ on us.
I still disagree with the choice of candlesticks for the wedding gift. I would have gone with a picture frame or even better considering that this is a struggling young couple a gift certificate to Target. Not very romantic but oh so useful.
Hopefully this peptalk will fire up the BF's. I'm sure Gardy held it in his office since if he had held it in the showers there would be that risk of LNP washing down the drain.
Cyntana on the mound tonight all is right with the world.
Posted by: Moe at April 24, 2007 03:29 AMTwayn what an inspiring entry. Hopefully Gardy got through to them. The boys will turn it around soon. Gardy should have added after talking about baby Dash. 'If not for yourself, do it for the children!' LOL Who could resist that?
Posted by: Nora at April 24, 2007 03:42 AMMy daughter (13) is not athletic and has never been into sports on TV, but I've taken her to a few Twins games. She was really into the game last night. I finally sent her to bed after 11 innings. I'm glad she didn't have to see the carnage. Innocent baby! Hopefully "Wayne And The Miracles" can help get us back on track.
Justin's RBI Machine has been oddly quiet, of late.
Posted by: Brooklynegg at April 24, 2007 05:54 AMWhat movie is the lollygaging comment from? Was it Bull Durham?
Posted by: chirla at April 24, 2007 07:07 AMah...now the comments came up on my screen, and I see it was Bull Durham! Loved it. That scene and the mound conference...best movie scenes ever. Oh...let's not forget the breakfast table...but that's a different topic all together.
Posted by: chirla at April 24, 2007 07:09 AM((models with perfect teeth and short dresses ))
Silicone. Don't forget the silicone.
Posted by: tgd at April 24, 2007 07:15 AMYou made my day, Twayn. TYVM.
Posted by: Rune at April 24, 2007 07:26 AMah... Twayn, somewhere, Gardy just mildly gazed through that entry and promptly fell off his chair laughing.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at April 24, 2007 07:53 AMheehee - Lollygagging - that's what came into my head when Grady Sizemore skipped to the ball rolling into centerfield - ahhhhhhhhhhh baseball - why do you hurt me so?!?
much love
Wonder Woman
I love this movie
Posted by: Wonder Woman at April 24, 2007 09:12 AMI think we need a live rooster to take the curse off Jason Bartlett's glove. And I don't think it would hurt to keep a chicken bone cross in the dugout to remedy the assbats.
Posted by: Carmen at April 24, 2007 09:32 AMActually the immortal phrase of, "screw you, Jobu. I do it myself!" is rolling through my head.
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at April 24, 2007 10:01 AMI thought you guys would enjoy this...
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2847416
As a Tiger fan, I agree with one of my compadres who posted a comment. The only way to rectify the situation is to trade Hunter to the Tigers immediately for some bubbly.
Posted by: The Jack Morris Mutual Admiration Society at April 24, 2007 11:11 AMI thought you guys would enjoy this...
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2847416
As a Tiger fan, I agree with one of my compadres who posted a comment. The only way to rectify the situation is to trade Hunter to the Tigers immediately for some bubbly.
Posted by: The Jack Morris Mutual Admiration Society at April 24, 2007 11:11 AMThat's kind of funny. "Uhh... can we have out champagne back?"
And no, you cannot have Hunter. He's ours, ALL OURS! MU HA HA HA... -Until November when he signs with the Red Sox.
Posted by: Flip at April 24, 2007 11:23 AMHere's an Q & A with our fav side arm guy:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=keri/070423&sportCat=mlb
WW
Posted by: Wonder Woman at April 24, 2007 12:23 PMThanks Twayn, I needed that.
I was fortunately/unfortunately as the game last night, sitting in row 7 by the twins' bullpen. The guy who ran out on the field was directly in front, and 2 rows down from me, so that was fun. The only real upside of the game was having Neshek warm up 15ft. away from me. I did yell let's go sideshow as he walked to the mound and it seeped to work because he promptly got a K.
"And no, you cannot have Hunter. He's ours, ALL OURS! MU HA HA HA... -Until November when he signs with the Red Sox."
That is until he decides he will add another team to his no trade clause
Posted by: Spamsmom at April 24, 2007 03:33 PMJust voted! Remember Vote early and Vote often!
Posted by: spamsmom at April 24, 2007 03:46 PMJust read the Torii article. Would have been nice to listen to the clip they had of Torii explaining what happened but ESPN is going overboard with the 'insider' info thing.
Posted by: Nora at April 24, 2007 04:05 PMWell, it was probably a good thing that the awesome Bull Durham line about the "Long, slow, deep, soft wet kisses that last for 3 days" followed by '......Oh My' wasn't uttered in that conference. Right group of boyfriends of course, but Gardy & Wayne were not their proper kissing partners. Any volunteers from Team BatiGirl? (after me of course)
Posted by: Jaguar at April 24, 2007 07:04 PMOh good God. Twinsbaseball.com currently says that "John Santana is pitching." He's only the most famous pitchers in all of baseball, you think they'd get it right.
Posted by: melissa at April 24, 2007 08:03 PMTough loss for the Twins. Are they going to be able to keep Santana after 2008?
http://www.americanlegends.blogspot.com/
Posted by: J. Mark English at April 24, 2007 08:20 PMThey'll probably give up one for other, J. :/
*Funny* how quickly MLB can react to BOOZE transactions... Sweetcheeks should send a case to the home office. :P
Posted by: Piranhtachew at April 24, 2007 09:11 PMWay off topic, but has anybody been to the Redwings website and seen LeRoy's pic? It's classic Crawdaddy.
I don't know if the link will work. It's well worth checking out.
//www.redwingsbaseball.com/meettheteam/LeCroyM.php
Doesn't seem like the pep talk worked very well, since they lost last night 5-3. Bummer. I was at the game last night, and my presence didn't seem to help. Too bad. It was still fun to go, though.
Posted by: Tricia at April 25, 2007 08:17 AM