Twins at Kansas City. Weekend Round-Up.
Friday. Royals 11, Twins 7.
Saturday. Twins 7, Royals 5.
Sunday. Royals 3, Twins 1.
Ron Gardenhire knew there was something funny going on when he woke up in the morning and smelled something odd.
"I think…" he said, sniffing the air, "I think that's toad."
He climbed out of bed and looked around the room. No toads. He went into the bathroom and looked inside the bathtub and the toilet and found nothing. He checked under the bed, where sometimes one might find a stray toad, but there was none.
"I could've sworn…" he muttered to himself, opening the window shade.
And then he stopped and stared outside.
"Crap," he said. "Rain of toads."
"Ow!" he said, as something bit him on the ass. He smacked it and gasped as he beheld the squashed creature in his hand.
"Crap," he said. "Locusts."
He logged into his Little House on the Prairie message board and saw 10,456 new postings, and blaring at him was the headline, Manly and Albert: Our Hidden Love
"Crap."
He got dressed and went out the door ready to catch the car to the ballpark. As he got outside, a toad hit him in the head, and as he looked up, the sun turned black.
"Crap."
All sorts of things went wrong then, including a wee earthquake and the sky rolling back and a pregnant Demi Moore traipsing around and Sanjaya Malakar releasing an album, and Gardy felt pretty dejected by the time he got to the clubhouse. There, he found the training room littered with middle infielders and Sidney Ponson complaining loudly, "I'm so hungry."
"Crap," muttered Gardy. "Disease. Famines."
"No, it's just the munchies…" protested Ponson. Just then, Lew Ford let out a shriek. A column of light had grown around him, and before anyone could move, he began to slowly ascend to heaven.
"Crap," said Gardy.
"Hey, Gardy," said Steve Liddle, pointing his thumb out the clubhouse door. "There's four guys on horses out here. They say they want to talk to you."
"Crap," said Gardy. He looked at his line-up card for the game, on which was written the names Joe Mauer and Mike Redmond, with no third catcher in sight.
He swore under his breath, as around him the world was swallowed by flames.
"I knew it."
Poor Gardy.
Posted by: Shelley at April 22, 2007 10:32 PMHa! Nothing less than your usual brilliance, Batgirl. Hopefully as the Twins are fleeing Kansas City none of them look back. Except for Ponson, he can turn to stone.
Posted by: WV at April 22, 2007 10:46 PMpoor Ramon as well - pitches his 4th consecutive quality start, & still doesn't get the win! where is the offense? i hope this doesn't become a replay of '05 (although i LOVE the musical! rhyming "fasciatis" with "tight ass" is sheer genius!), when our pitchers were absolutely brilliant, but couldn't get any run support. for the love of Gwynn, put away those ass-bats!
Posted by: dfb at April 22, 2007 10:48 PMThird catcher? I think everyone knows that that is code for Matthew Lecroy.
Posted by: C-Pipe at April 22, 2007 10:57 PMSurely there must be some reward to be had for being brave and noble enough to sacrifice a win...or two.. so that the landed gentry might have their own fleeting moment of ESPN glory. Surely there must be.
I think I'm going to go be sick now.
Posted by: NickDanger at April 22, 2007 11:24 PMProbably not LeRoy - they actually want catchers to throw the ball to second now and then (so, so demanding) and Biggun reluctantly proved in DC that you can steal second and third at the same time on his throwing arm.
Posted by: TD at April 23, 2007 12:19 AMManly and Albert? *thinks*
...uhm...that's kinda hott.
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at April 23, 2007 12:24 AMI wonder if the champagne had been delivered as promised would the weekend had ended differently?
I hope the team collectively shook the dirt off their cleats as they left town.
Dogs and cats living together as one! The end is near . . . THE END IS NEAR!
Seriously, I can handle losing, but they just need to start playing better ball.
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at April 23, 2007 09:45 AMIts absolutely essential that you add, "Cuddybear," to your list of nicknames.
Posted by: Corey Ettinger at April 23, 2007 11:32 AMHello all...
"Crap" - at least our record is better than last year at this point.
Posted by: TAR at April 23, 2007 12:16 PMSandee -
Wasn't the champagne delivered? Mike Sweeney said after the game that they had had Dom courtesy of Torii.
So anyway, maybe whatever got into KC will not travel well. Let's hope.
Posted by: hrunting at April 23, 2007 12:16 PMFrom the K.C. Star's story on Friday night's game. You can click on my name for the whole game story (this is the only part relevant to champagne, and I think the Star requires registration):
The Royals also produced their first multihomer game of the season. Mark Grudzielanek’s two-run blast ignited a five-run fifth inning that put them on top to stay. Mike Sweeney and Reggie Sanders also went deep.
It was the first homer for each and boosted the Royals’ season total to 13 — or one more than Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez.
“Hitting is contagious,” Sweeney said, “and tonight, the bats came around.”
There was a further reward.
Sweeney found four bottles of Dom Perignon in his locker after the game. They represented the completion of a promise from last season by Twins outfielder Torii Hunter: a champagne party for sweeping the Tigers in the final series last season, which enabled Minnesota to win the American League Central Division.
“He’s one of the classiest guys in baseball,” Sweeney said. “Even his opponents respect him and care about him. Sending over the Dom Perignon, that’s a class act.”
Posted by: The Commish at April 23, 2007 12:16 PMI actually loved the movie the seventh sign.
Happy Monday
much love
Wonder Woman
I agree with TAR here. Need I remind everyone that we do still hold a 1 game lead in the Central and are only a game and a half off of the best record in all of baseball. I would hardly dare complain that we need to start playing better ball, lest we encroach on the territory of bitching. *shudders*
Posted by: KittyDoggy at April 23, 2007 01:46 PMSome people just are not happy unless they can nitpick and complain about everything sadly. Check out the MLB.com boards for example. LOL
Posted by: Nora at April 23, 2007 02:01 PMHehe, thanks for that, Commish. Everyone hearts the Sweetcheeks, and for good reason.
Posted by: FH at April 23, 2007 03:00 PMAlso, Rain of Toads sounds like it'd still be a lot better than Reign of Fire. Just sayin.'
Posted by: FH at April 23, 2007 03:01 PMFrom MLB.com's Twins notes:
======
No BP: As Gardenhire was finishing talking to reporters before the game on Sunday, a chant broke out in the Twins clubhouse. Hunter was parading around the clubhouse chanting, "No BP, no BP."
The weather before Sunday's game was less than desirable, with a lot of clouds in the sky and rain threatening. Gardenhire was happy to comply and gave in to Hunter's request. The team hit in the indoor batting cages before the game, making Hunter and the rest of the Twins happy.
======
File that away in the category of things that should never, EVER be done again.
Also, am I missing something? They didn't want BP because it was CLOUDY and MIGHT RAIN? Has anyone heard of grit? We clearly need a veteran player with grit who will say, "In my day we were GLAD to take BP in the rain because it meant we weren't shovelin' coal!" or "pushin' the bus uphill!" or "crappin' cinderblocks!" Now THAT would be some real grit. You know, the in-your-teeth kind of grit. The kind that we need from veteran leadership.
Posted by: sacky at April 23, 2007 04:18 PMScrew that! I have to practice at 5:30 AM every morning in the rain, since it ALWAYS rains in BFO. Coach would skin all of us alive if were to be like, "so coach, it's raining out, can we stay inside today and not go out?".
Posted by: ClosetJaysFan at April 23, 2007 04:42 PMHey BG,
I was playing MLB 2K7 as the Twins and in the pregame show Jeannie ripped off your Twins nicknames. She referenced Chairman, Dr Morneau, Cuddles and LNP along with Sideshow Pat. Should you maybe sue?
Posted by: Chris at April 23, 2007 05:45 PMWow, it seems like a lot of Twins fans - all around the Internets and not just present company — are kind of uptight today.
My guess is Torii was just trying to keep things light. Not every such effort succeeds, or sometimes just not immediately.
Hang loose, dudes. Chill.
Posted by: Franorama at April 23, 2007 05:45 PMIt was suggested on another blog that the Twins might do well to trade Mr. Ponson to the Phillies (who allegedly are looking desperately for pitching although I don't follow them closely enough to know that for a fact) in return for Chris Coste who is a Catcher and also can play a bit of Infield. It was fun to watch Chris back when we lived in Moorhead and he played for the FM RedHawks. Any comments on that?
Posted by: Jaguar at April 23, 2007 05:52 PMDear Mr. Chris,
BG just wants a PS3.
Sincerely,
Batgirl
oops. sorry to hear about the upshot of Torii's grand gesture:
"Hunter's gift of four bottles of Dom Perignon, which he had delivered to the Royals clubhouse this past weekend, was meant as a reward for the Royals sweeping the Detroit Tigers last September, allowing the Twins to come from behind to win the American League Central. The gift fulfilled a promise Hunter made last fall.
But baseball has rules about this sort of thing.
Namely, rule 21-b, which proclaims "Any player or person connected with a Club who shall offer or give any gift or reward to a player or person connected with another Club for services rendered ... in defeating or attempting to defeat a competing Club ... shall be declared ineligible for not less than three years." "
Posted by: msb at April 24, 2007 10:27 AMJaguar,
The Phillies do not want starting pitching--they want to trade starting pitching. They would only want Ponson if they viewed him as a late-inning option out of the bullpen, which they should not. Ponson is untradable.
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