Since the change occurred in the middle of a series with the Sox, I think it's clear what happened. AJ broke in to the clubhouse and replaced all the boom boom sticks with assbats.

When in doubt, I say, blame AJ.

Batgirl, I think it's Radke's fault. I know that sounds crazy, but I think the team deflated a bit when Radke had that short start, then missed one. With Radke out and Liriano out, it's hard to feel like the Twins will do anything IN the post-season, even if they make it. I think the team started to feel like it was a little hopeless, this notion of post-season glory, with a rotation that behind Santana is about as sure as a politician's promise. So they started to slump, and they started to suck.

Now, when it comes to your drop-off in performance, skipping a recap, we *know* it's the charming Mr. Gunn's podcasts keeping you up all hours.

I think it might be the fact that after the Sox series, we were all like "we can't take this anymore! We might as well chain smoke unfiltered cigarettes! This baseball is taking valubale years off of our lives!"

Well folks, the Twins are such caring and generous people, and they would hate to be responsible for the unintended aging of their fanbase, so they decided to give us a break.

I say they can cut the crap...don't make me start smoking!

By the way: BitchSox lose. Thank you Mr. Pena.

TOTALLY off subject... I apologize... but Carlos Pena is my honorary BOD... Walk off HR in the 10th to beat the Bitches :)

Who me?

Thanks Pat... glad I wasnt the only one to wander off subject.

I just want to go on record as saying Im THRILLED with the pitching performances of the "kids" brought up to patch together a rotation. Garza, Bonser, Baker... I mean... EVERY talking head in baseball was writing the Twins off when Liriano went down. Now Radke. Yet here they are a half game up in the WC a week or so before (hopefully) Liriano's return.

The offense thing has to get straightened around but I believe it will... even if it takes an assbat bonfire to do it.

Yes you, AJ... in fact, I propose the assbat bonfire be more of a pyre... with you, sir, as the guest of dishonor.

Clearly, the boys were so upset about the Appy League Twins' inability to snatch the Championship from the jaws of the pernicious (and vile) Danville Braves this weekend that they simply could not concentrate on their own game. What with the two-night rainout, the flash-flooding, and the two o'clock game starts instead of the usual seven o'clock, who can blame Joe and Justin and the Jasons for being on tenterhooks and unable to focus on their own play-off hopes?

C.C. Sabathia got his revenge on LNP for freeing all the kidnapped rodent pets of various big leaguers by taking his unicorn, just at the height of it's power the night that our Tiny Superhero hit his homer. The loss of that magical presence has clearly affected the whole team. Though LNP has tried to rescue it, he has only discovered that C.C. has closed off those tiny places that previously only he could get into.

However, there is hope! Though Punto may now be too large to get under doors and through keyholes in the evil lair of C.C. Sabathia, he is no longer the smallest player on the team! Currently, I have no doubt that Little Nicky Punto, Tiny Superhero is plotting with Little Alexi Casilla, Tiny Sidekick to rescue the magic unicorn and return it rightfully to the Twins clubhouse, where it will sprinkle fairy dust on all the bats, and all will be well again.

::Hopes TSHG & TSKG succeed.::

But isn't the MFU *technically* an ass-bat, or do I have the definition wrong?

Geez, it was just a couple days ago when my roomie blasted one to left and we scored six runs!

And we *won* today, so who cares about the assbats? Speak no more of them.

Celebrate Boof, celebrate Rondell, celebrate the wild card lead. Call us Land O' Lakes butter, 'cause we are back on a roll.

Pour it on, Twins fans, pour it on!

Oh, and Free Bert Blyleven!

Clearly, it's the "Project Runway" marathons. Bravo just keeps playing it over and over, and even though I've seen the Vincent/Angela debacle 5,000 times now, I CAN'T TURN AWAY. If that's how I feel, imagine what the fashionistas on the team must be going through? (The Chairman has dabbled in modeling, remember.)

Spacey Stacey is onto something.

OK, "its" not "it's."

Not like I have a BA in English or anything. . . :\

It's not like the arms are golden lately, either, between Radke's fracture, Liriano's ailment, Silva's befuddlement. Maybe all the warranties were expiring at the same time.

B.G.-

I blame the State Fair.
The Fair signals the unofficial end of summer, of school starting, the maple leaves are turning already for cripes sake. The air has changed--less moisture in the air--aha it negatively affects wooden bats, makes them lighter and therefore less powerful. Parched bat syndrome, or another form of ass bats.

Solution? Maybe more varnish on the bats?
Maybe the State Fair was a distraction to the team--the longing for treats on a stick and their lack of free time to be part of that Great Minnesota tradition was, well, painful. Maybe?
so the fair is over and maybe now the play will resume like it was when they knew how to hit and score runs.

Helpfully,

kal

Could the demoting of the planet Pluto be at least partially responsible for the lackluster performance of our Twins? I daresay it's possible. Lest you all forget--most of us are dyed-in-the-wool (now turned polyester, courtesy of Majestic) Twins fans, which means, essentially, we have an incredible and inexplicable spirit within us. Let's face it: If we were WAY ahead in the wildcard, we would NOT know what to do with ourselves. That being said, we mustn't lose heart. We mustn't lose faith. We must keep believing that all will right itself in its own time--ahem, preferably within the next two weeks...

I mean, really, what fun would all of this be if we didn't feel compelled to seek out the scores of the Bitch Sox games? Or, for that matter, root on the team that plays the Bitch Soxes? A little angst goes a long way towards building character...

Batlings: Let us all unify and take heart!

The problem with the offense? Much like Bert Blyleven, the Twins are assuming that the games are not being televised live and that they can just "do this f'ing thing over."

I blame La P, aka The Doomsday Device.

JetChick... Im an old man and have all the character I'm ever gonna have... I need a good 15 game winning streak, not more angst! :)

JC

Sadly the reason we are failing to score runs is the same reason we were scoreing runs Punto Mauer castillo and cuddyer. Morneau and Hunter have been good and as has bartlett. I think RonDL needs to Play the D-rays more. That would Help

Click on my name for the link.
I don't understand why the White Sox media are making such a big deal out of this. I don't think Morneau meant what he said in a bad way.

I caught an SI article in which Batgirl's close personal friend is quoted. (Click my name)

I agree, joe. Seems like a pretty generic comment to me, hardly worth interviewing Sox players and writing about.

Yeah, I think the Sox players responded appropriately. Theyd rather not see the Twins make it either. Just a reporter trying to stir things up. No news there.

Off topic, but I was watching the Angels game tonight, and without cisco, I think Weaver could give verlander a run at ROY this year. Does anyone know when he qualifies for an ERA title? (Not that I really want him to, but he's at 2.16 now)

Commish, outside of Silva and Garza's bad start on Sunday, the arms have looked pretty good. Boof has been pitching great, Baker looked superb in NY, and Santana is El Presidente.

And of course, Liriano is coming back soon. If the assbats can be "cured" whether by Stacey's idea or a good ol' bonfire, the Twins are in good shape for a playoff run.

I read the other day, a letter to the editor of the Strib. A lady wrote in about how she found it totally inappropriate that people booed AJ when he came here to play. She stated that he played well for MN and that we should treat him with respect...WHAT??
He should be the one getting the lesson on respect. People say it's just AJ being AJ but the Twins have always befriended him and tried to stick up for him. A few of them would even go so far as to call him friend. WHERE IS AJ'S RESPECT.
I would NEVER boo Cordell Koskie or Jacque Jones, they have class. As far as I am concerned AJ fit in with another team in MN in my book...The Vikings(undeserving of my RESPECT).

I'm all for blaming it on AJ, too. He's a great blame magnet now.

What I really want to know is if "Ass-Bats" were one of the episodes on the original "In Search Of..." with Leonard Nimoy, or from the 2002 revival with the guy from X-files.

I knew the media would jump all over the comments and make sure Sox heard it. Not sure how anything Morneau says is going to 'break up their clubhouse' LOL

It certainly hasn't fired them up to win it seems.

joe, regarding weaver, to qualify for ERA leader, a pitcher needs innings pitched equal to or greater than the number of games their team has played. This late in the season, Weaver won't be reaching 162 IP by year end. Likewise, Liriano won't get enough innings in either.

I think LNP needs to be reminded of what he can do. The following song/ditty can be sung to the tune of "Little Bunny Foo Foo"

Little Nicky Punto
Running down the baseline
Batting for a base hit
And sliding on his head

Eric, thanks for linking that article. That was a good read.

"We can't solve the problem until we name it. "

I have no particular insight into the cause. But as our peerless leader has noted, we *must* name this foe so we can defeat it.

I humbly propose that this whole GIDP problem henceforth be named 'Ralph.'

Because, really, how fearful is something named Ralph?

While A.J. makes an excellent blame target, aren't we forgetting the reverse jinx that Ozzie Guillen put on us when he created the name "Pirhanas?" Since he coined the phrase, the Pirhanas have stopped biting.

Does anybody know how to reverse the reverse jinx? In the meantime, we have to reverse jinx the Sox, to even the odds a little.

Mike, the Bitches have lost 6 of their last 10 (compaired to Minn's 5-5) so they're jinxing themselves pretty good. I'd hate to cast some sort of spell on them now and see it somehow turn them around and start winning again. Be VERY careful how you phrase that "reverse jinx"!

I kind of like this name for a band: RonDL White and GIDPs

Our pixie vest magic has worn down.

Verse 2 of "Little Bunny Punto"

Down came the magic unicorn
and he said:
"Little Nicky Punto
I don't want to see you
Batting for a base hit
and bouncing it to short"

I am all for blaming AJ.

Also, I am currently sending the Red Sox good vibes to beat the Bitch Sox. Last night I stood outside Fenway and mingled with the elated Sox fans. It was much fun. They weren't to thrilled to hear I was hoping the Twins kicked their asses when they come to town though...

Come on, y'all - you have to love the fact that the "inflammatory comments" the White Sox were being queried about were made by our good Doctor. How many of us would have imagined our Canadian physician ever saying anything that could even remotely be considered "trash talk"? What next? The Chairman flipping his bat brashly in the direction of the opposition's dugout? The Veep pumping his fist tauntingly at a flailing hitter after another K? The Bitches are in trouble, folks; we've been hitting about .093 over the past week, and we gained a game on them. When the bats return - and they will return, you can be assured of that - that last series at the Dome may not be much more than a formality. Bye bye, Bitches. Better get working on your "I think the Yankees will take the Twins in the playoffs" quotes, Buerhle, 'cause you're gonna need 'em.

It's my fault - I ran out of pixie stix =(
I will get some more -hopefully that will help or someone will have to start praying to Jobu - ASS BATS be gone! Hey maybe we just get some of that Goo Gone stuff and exorcise the ass bats -maybe the bats have been goo-ed!

Much Love
Wonder Woman

Rondell for MVP?

Congratulations to all Twins fans on getting back atop the Wild Card stack. Speaking of getting back, I hope Francisco can take the mound again soon. He's too much fun to watch and great for baseball. If you really love the game, check out Baseball Nooz when you have a chance.

Sincere good luck the rest of the way.
Walter Roark (editor)
http://www.baseballnooz.com/
(All baseball, all the time—over
200 blog feeds + news sources)

Bert's a YouTube star now... click the name, don't do it if you're at work.

And like Bert's botched intro, it's all in the preparation. If the guy's been in the majors for less than a year (Rasner, Corcoran, etc.), we don't know 'im and we certainly ain't gettin' many hits off 'im.

KW:

Thnx for the clip--wondered what all the excitement was about...compared to much of what is on the tube--this is nothing.

DAM

p.s. forgot to thank the person that gave us the link to Cuddles card tricks on TV 11--nice clip for those of us around the country. Even my wife liked it.

DAM

Since the subject was brought up, something has been bothering me about this story.

I was under the impression that all television and radio broadcasts were required to have a delay, with someone monitoring "the button" to make sure nothing inappropriate got through.

In my opinion, accidents happen, but the guy that was supposed to be watching the button should take the blame -- it's his job to make sure that when accidents happen, the station does not get fined.

Does someone else have more (read: any) information about that? Am I, once again, completely off base?

Appreciatively,
YankeeFan

They certainly weren't before that Janet Jackson Superbowl Halftime "Show" a couple years back, but yeah, I thought that incident resulted in a lot more restrictions on how "live" sporting events were broadcast.

YankeeFan,
A couple of things. First, Bert's incident only falls under FCC jurisdiction because it happened on an over-the-air station (Channel 29 in the Twin Cities) instead of on FSN, which is a cable network and exempt from FCC decency regulations. Second, broadcasters are not required to delay live broadcasts. However, they will often make use of a delay mechanism if they feel there is a risk of objectionable language or images being broadcast, such as in a live awards show. Use of the delay has increased since the FCC raised the penalties for indecency tenfold following the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident.

I don't believe that most live TV has a delay. i think they just implemented it for the SuperBowl halftime show. I mean really, what's the worst you could hear out of DickNFNBert?

Interesting, and I wonder if that broadcast had absolutely no delay. Like twayn mentioned, the use of delay has increased in the last 2-3 years, because with stiff penalties, it's better to be safe than sorry. There is always the possibility of a fan shouting an obscenity that needs to be dumped from the airwaves.

I also know that certain radio stations use different delay than television. For example, Fox is typically at least 1-2 seconds behind the radio broadcast (and yes, though infuriating, the thought of listening to McCarver and Buck is even more so).

I cannot imagine that the network employed no delay, but if they did, then blame should fall on them anyway. Making Bert the scapegoat (even though he blurted the offending wordS) merely shifts the burden to the "content", rather than the "content provider." Something doesn't sit well with me about that.

YF

I hope this isn't too far out of line, but I am thinking about bringing a sign to the upcoming Cleveland series that says "F---ing circle me, Bert!"

How do they know it was Bert saying that? You don't actually see him...I think it was A.J., personally.

I think we're not battling our tails off enough. We have to dial it up in the battle-your-tails-off department.

Eric, that's priceless!

or we need to enlist the help of Leonard Nemoy (sp) - I mean he did host "In Search of.." all those years ago-hmmmmmmmmmm????

Much Love
Wonder Woman

Eric, too funny...
And I love how everything is being blamed on anthony john, from ass bats, to bert dropping fbombs on TV. ahhh AJ being AJ. I also think AJ is responsible for Liriano's sore elbow, radke's stress fracture, kansas city's collapse in the 8th inning last night, hurricane ernesto...

You guys crack me up...from those of you artfully expressing the Laws of Puntology, to Eric's banner wit, to the conspiracy theory that is AJ.

I am laughing through this, otherwise, crappy day.
Which brings me to: thanks for the crappy day, AJ.

That would be f'ing hilarious, Eric... but I suspect none of us who aren't at the game would have a chance in f'ing hell to see it. The production crew would be laughing their f'ing asses off though, I'm sure.

I'm glad to see so many of you joining my "when in doubt, blame AJ" movement. I think the RedSox fans are probably on board now too after last night's AJism. In case you missed it, he went back and caught a foul ball (3rd out) behind home plate not too far from the stands and, after acting like he might give the ball to one of the Red Sox fans in the front rows, decided "nah" and turned around and carried it back to the dugout. Just AJ being A-H...I mean AJ.

He's starting to catch his share of flak over at southsidesox.com (and probably other WS blogs as well) though.

mr. crikket, i'm about a day late in mentioning this, but it was wily mo pena who hit that homerun for the red sox, not carlos. i only point this out because i love wily mo and want you to share in the joy of this beautiful beast of a man by considering him your honorary BOD :)

Does anyone else remember during the 4 game series in KC (that the Twins swept) a young woman standing in the stands right behind home plate, yapping on her cell phone and then quickly flashing her breast? It was so quick, if I hadn't had DVR to replay it (and replay, and replay...) I would have missed it. (One of my pet peaves - people sitting behind home plate talking on a cell phone and waving to the camera. Yeah, you're on tv. Big deal. Stop being annoying and watch the game!) I don't recall seeing anything in the paper or here or anywhere else about it. She was sitting with a group of about 4 young guys and gals just to the right of home plate and you could see them when they have that camera shot of right handed batters when they are not in the batters box. The next pitch or so was the end of the inning and I remember after the commericial break, the next time they had that camera shot, those seats were empty. Don't know if they left or got tossed, no one said anything about it on the broadcast. Maybe they missed it.

Dear Ms. Christy,

Actually, it was Carlos Pena! Batgirl saw the whole thing. This does not detract from the general awesomeness of Wily Mo, though.

Sincerely,
Batgirl

Christy and BG... given my advanced age and occasional senility, it's surprising I didn't say it was TONY Pena.

JC

Wow Justin, them's fightin' words. I like it. Like AJ has never talked trash about Minnesota-give me a break. And as far as not trying to catch Detroit, that's just silly. Of course we want to catch the Tigers, it's just more reasonable at this time to win the Wild Card. Yes? So go Justin. You talk that trash. It's kind of hot.

I agree with you, Erin.

Personal and totally off subject note to CapitalBabs and any other Sidearm Pat fans (yeah I guess thats most of us)...

Ever wonder how our heros travel from hotel to ballpark on the road? Dont you just assume in a place like NYC, they arrive at Yankee Stadium in one of the hundreds of black Town Cars or limos you see all over the place in The Apple? Or... at the very least... one of the 10s of thousands of yellow taxis flooding the streets there?

Nope. Not Sidearm. Check out his 9/5 entry at his blog. Pat takes the subway. In New York. I'm just glad he lived to make the flight to Tampa.

Ok, so Markakis won the rookie of the month and as twins fans I think we can say that was very well deserved, but look who also got some rookie lovin... click on my name for the link.

Arrghh-Dick just asked "Coomdawg" if he would like to circle someone-and he could not even manage a semi oval without messing up.......
Free Bert!!!!
Back to topic. I feel between Pluto, the State Fair and AJ it just put things out of whack. But i agree with the always clever Mr.Crickket,when in doubt blame AJ.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

For a recorded broadcast cut of Blyleven's blue-word blunder, go to www.righthandedheat.blogspot.com

It's all there.

Actually, the train is the best (cheapest, fastest) way to get to the Stadium.

Having taken it there during my NY summer of baseball (okay, NY two games of baseball), the subway is the dirt cheep fast way to get to Yankee Stadium. However, safest? Don't know. It felt fairly safe in 2000, however, in Gotham, a lot can change in six years.

On another topic, geeze, Bert's comments in the Strib seemed a little more morose and dire than I'd expect. I hope Bert doesn't get fired over this deal. Clearly, it was a mistake, unlike the much ballyhooed "wardrobe malfunction" of a few years back. But, if bad stuff does go down, I will be among the first to blame AJ.

That young kid in the Devil Ray's outfield who didn't steal Cuddy's HR (it was the fan behind him), but got thrown out anyway, should clearly be putting a call in to the White Sox's catcher asking for a ticket refund.

Sideshow Pat's taking the subway to Yankee Stadium is just one more bullet point to put under the heading of "25 Reasons Why We Love Pat Neshek." This man is clearly as down-to-earth as his blog conveys. You just gotta love the absence of overblown superstar ego.

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to be riding on a subway or light rail in some MLB city, glance up from the Sudoku you've been troubling over or to rip your gaze from the monotonous landscape passing by, only to find Sideshow Pat sitting across the aisle from you, on his way to work. Of course he'd be wearing the most infectious grin...

Wasnt that about the time Rondell White came back?