Bitch Sox at Kansas City. Weekend Round-Up.
Friday. Royals 7, Sox 5.
Saturday. Sox 5, Royals 3.
Sunday. Royals 7, Sox 3.
Just a few short days ago, Batgirl referred to the Kansas City Royals as beeyatches. There may have been some other things said, too, Batgirl doesn't really remember. The point is, Batgirl was not herself at the time—it was the jet lag talking, the booze, quitting coffee, quitting sniffing glue, bad prescription drug interaction, AJ made her do it, her words were taken out of context, they were distorted by the media, plus she totally didn't know we were live. But regardless of the unassailable and incontrovertible fact that Batgirl was not remotely responsible for her own actions, nonetheless she would like to officially extend her sincerest and most humble apologies to that most noble and esteemed organization, the Kansas City Royals, and to its fans—both of them. Because Batgirl is here to tell you the Kansas City Royals are the greatest team in baseball.
What is it that I love so much about them? Is it the cuddly yet insouciant charms of their mascot Sluggerrr? The unabashed abecedarian orgy inherent in every second-to-first play (Grudzielanek to Mientkiewicz, oh my)? The deceptive schoolgirl innocence of bullpen pitcher Jimmy "Gobble" Gobble, whose lips say no and his eyes say, yes, yes? Or is it—oh, I don't know—the fact that they took two of three from the Bitch Sox this weekend?
Hard to say. All Batgirl knows is when the Twins performed their two-day long dramatic leotards-and-stools re-interpretation of that cherished Keats poem "Ode on an Ass Bat" last Tuesday and Wednesday, it seemed for a moment like it might actually be something wrong with the Twins themselves. Silly Batgirl. The Royals juggernaut cannot be stopped, and soon the New York Yankees will find themselves just one more Landed Gentry pancake, with blueberries and maple syrup and whipped cream on top, and afterwards they can coming weeping into the arms of the Twins and the Sox, and we'll hold them oh-so-gently and say—we know, sweethearts, we know.
BatNote: Listen to MPR at 11am Monday for the annual State Fair Twins show with Howard Sinker—or else go watch them live at the Fair and ask questions for PRIZES—and eat something on a stick for Batgirl.
Posted by Batgirl at September 3, 2006 08:12 PMThank ye, thank ye kindly, O Landed Gentry, for making sure the Twins' assbattedness doesn't completely doom our faith in humanity.
Now, if the Angels can just hold on for another few innings...
Posted by: CarrieICL at September 3, 2006 08:50 PMDid everybody hear Bert dropping F-Bombs today?
Wow.
Does anybody know what he said about Paula Abul in may?
Posted by: Gamer at September 3, 2006 08:50 PMHey, my Royals are on pace to win like, 57 games, ok... they're not THAT bad.
ha ha ha hmmm.....
Posted by: Royals Fan at September 3, 2006 09:12 PMGamer, I couldn't believe it when I heard it, but a quick TiVo-assisted check confirmed it: Bert wasn't too happy with his little screw-up of the intro. That was hi-larious. And astonishing.
In other news, it's nice to know that the Twins can—in just three short days—make Yankees fans like A-Rod again. *sigh*
Posted by: joel. at September 3, 2006 09:15 PMI was talking to the hubby when I thought I heard Bert drop the f-bomb twice. Thought I'd just misunderstood until he apologized. Talk about bad timing-right after church for some people tuning in with kids.
I thought it was hilarious, but would not be funny if he could not renew as the Trib article BG had linked talked about. Yikes! Can't they just soap his mouth or something?
". . that cherished Keats poem 'Ode on an Ass Bat'. . ."
I'm having trouble finding this one in my anthology. Is it the one that begins like this:
"No, no, hit not to the mound, neither cause
Double plays, untimely, stranding men on third;
Nor suffer thy shiny helmet to be toss’d
By strikeouts. . ."
Or like this:
"My average aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My bat, as though of crappiness I stunk."
I'm not sure if anyone already posted or mentioned this, but for all you Cuddy fans outside the MN area, click on my name for the link.
Posted by: joe at September 3, 2006 09:49 PMIf Bert wants to drop F-bombs, let him start a blog.
Posted by: RonDavis at September 3, 2006 09:49 PMhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bert_Blyleven
That will get you to the Paula Abdul comment and several other instances that make me wonder if, in total, Blyleven's days may be numbered.
Posted by: Mr. Baseball No. 1 at September 3, 2006 10:08 PMI'll be very upset if they don't renew Bert's contract!
it sucks that the only game Beth, Laurie, and I missed was the one the Twins won. ah, well. I was there for the one we won last year, so I know it's not MY fault. ;-)
stupid Yankee fans after the game today were taunting us as we walked around in our Twins gear. so I just said, "we took two of three from you at the Metrodome. the series is even." they didn't have anything to say after that, not even the usual babble about 26 rings. idiots.
Posted by: kafumbly at September 3, 2006 11:26 PMThe best part was definitely "Oh! We're live..."
Posted by: Kathy at September 3, 2006 11:33 PMDickNBert are great for the Twins. Funny.
Remember, Bert was a problem at times as a player. Perhaps he reverts back sometimes to that rebel.
If you don't like DickNBert, turn it to a WGN Chi-Sox game. They suck.
He Gone!
Posted by: joe at September 3, 2006 11:42 PMIf the Royals could just go back to being bad around September 25, that'd be okay with me. They can beat up on all the teams between then and now, though. They don't play the WSox again, but they do play the Yankees, Yankees-North (Boston), and Detroit...
As for the f-bomb brouhaha... I hope Bert gets to stick around next year. I don't think I could tolerate Dick without him for 75-80 games in a year (MLB.tv). Of course, there are a lot of other announcing teams that the 3-10 games per year I hear them are quite enough, thankyouverymuch.
Posted by: neutrino boi at September 4, 2006 12:04 AMDear Kansas City Royals
We're coming for you next, Punks!!!!!
Love
The Yankees
p.s. We will trade you Arod for George Brett's hemroids
Posted by: public enemy mike at September 4, 2006 01:39 AMMaybe the Twins should have Bert drop some f-bombs on the players for their assbats coming back so soon.
Any thoughts on this lineup to shake it up a bit?:
1. Castillo 2B
2. Bartlett SS
3. Morneau 1B
4. Hunter CF
5. Mauer C
6. Cuddyer RF
7. Nevin DH
8. Tyner LF
9. Punto 3B
Can someone please post the Bert Blyleven clip on You Tube or something?
Posted by: You tube at September 4, 2006 06:58 AMBert has been suspended for two games. Thank God we have the FCC to protect our virgin ears from bad language!
Posted by: Kurtis at September 4, 2006 07:57 AM(By two games, I mean two telecasts.)
Posted by: Kurtis at September 4, 2006 07:58 AMI saw the headline about the profanities, and the first thing that came to mind was "circle THIS, Bert" :)
how is Nevin doing? I've have a soft spot for him ever since he had the best snap I'd ever seen in the Kingdome, lo these many years ago.... he was tossed for arguing balls and strikes, and when he finally went back to the bench, out comes the gloves, out comes the helmet, out comes some other crap, and then out comes Phil who yanks open his jersey in disgust, buttons flying eveywhere... ah, it was a fine one.
Posted by: msb at September 4, 2006 08:56 AMi thought i heard wrong while listening to the game yesterday. i had to rewind my tivo to confirm!!
nice job bert... nice job
Dear Landed Gentry,
Thank you! If it weren't for you, this weekend might have turned out a whole lot worse than it did. Please continue the slaughter of your enemies, namely, the Yankees. I like pancakes, and Yankee pancakes sound VERY good right now.
Lovingly,
TwinsPrincess
Shaun, changing the lineup is a fun idea, but Justin would never go for it. He has to do everything the same all the time.
Posted by: Erin at September 4, 2006 10:17 AMDo you ever sit around with your friends and wonder if the National Champs of any college sport can beat the worst team in the pros?
After yesterday I found myself wondering if Rochester really could the Chicago Bitch Sox for the wildcard?
Oh sure you have Santana, Cuddyer, and Hunter as ringers but is that enough for our beloved AAA affiliate?
I sure as hell hope so b/c it will make winning the Wildcard that much more sweet.
Win Twins
Posted by: cal at September 4, 2006 11:26 AMBut Justin is DHing today :)
Posted by: Shaun at September 4, 2006 11:59 AMYou know what game is really fun to watch if you have a subscription to MLBtv?
Aug 31, 2004
NYY vs. CLE
I logged on this morning wondering what laments BG would have about this weekend's stumblings... and she made my day by reporting on what was GOOD, rather than what should be forgotten. Celebrate the Landed Gentry!
BG making us happy again.
Posted by: twinsprof at September 4, 2006 12:43 PMjoe,
I remember that game. As well as games played on October 6, 8 and 9 of that same year. Thanks for the little trip down memory lane.
It was an interesting series this weekend. Nothing really expected. Baker pitched extremely well, and if he keeps that up, and Liriano comes back (ESPN reports today that he pitched without pain) the Twins will need 2 runs a game (tops) to go far in the playoffs.
Thanks for the well-wishes for the upcoming series with the Royals. Good luck with the Devil Rays (currently 0-0).
Warmest,
YankeeFan
P.S. TwinsinBoston, I recalled your comments about making A-rod look foolish all weekend. Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: YankeeFan at September 4, 2006 01:03 PMBut why would I want to watch those games YankeeFan? Aug 31 04 is so much more fun... Twins losing 3 games to the Yankees for the second year in a row in the ALDS... Not so much fun. I never want to watch that again...
Posted by: joe at September 4, 2006 10:18 PM