Twins at Baltimore. Twins 11, O's 2.
Okay, Batgirl's been waiting to use that one all season. She's also been waiting to use "It's Hard Out Here for a Gimp," which could apply in so many situations, including, perhaps, the story of Luis Castillo's year. And it is hard, it's hard out here, when you’re trying to get the money for the rent, for the Cadillacs and gas money spent, because a whole lot of bitches talkin' shit, will have a whole lot of bitches talkin' shit.
And don't I know it.
The point is, it didn't seem like the Boof, the Boof, the Boof was going to be on fire at all this season. Sure, there were some smoking innings in there (remember when he loaded the bases and then struck out the side?) but mostly we were lucky to get him at body temperature.
And it's been a little trying, frankly. We're in a pennant race, here, people, Batgirl's all on edge, and we've got a pitching rotation held together by wishes and fish glue. It's Santana, Radke, and pray like hell for three days of rain. (The actual meteorological event, not the Richard Greenberg play, though Batgirl thinks Julia Roberts was very brave to go on Broadway like that, where you actually have to, you know, act, and everyone was so mean to her and then she got snubbed for a Tony but had the dignity to go up and present at the ceremony, because that's Julia for you--dignity, which is something those fancy pants Broadway actors with their training and their talent don't know a thing about. So there.)
The thing is, it always feels like our doom is right around the corner, sometime roughly after Joe Nathan closes a Johan Santana start—and yet somehow these pray-for-rain guys have been managing to come through when we need them. The Boofster's Kid Funky Fried act was beautiful tonight—one walk, seven hits, and 2 runs that came on a 2 run homer in the seventh—more than that, he always seemed in control.
It helps, of course, to have an offense destined to produce 11 runs in one night. The Chairman and Cuddles were a combined 7 for 8, with 8 RBIs and three runs—slumping behind them were the Doctor and Sweetcheeks, with a long homerun a piece. Castillo was 3 for 5, LNP 2 for 5, making for a generally awesome evening.
Batgirl needed this. She has no fingernails left. Every time she thinks she can't take any more of this, she worries the baseball gods will grant her wish and take it all away. Our boys have been playing it this close for so long—always just behind in the wild card race and every time they get the lead it falls through their fingers. Batgirl wants it this weekend, she wants it bad. She's already talking to herself in tongues, and the game doesn't start 'til tomorrow. It's going to take all of us, my friends, you and me and the BatKitties Three. It's going to take Radke, Santana, and Silva pitching their bests, it's going to take the boys doing this whole monster mash thing they've been doing, it's going to take Little Nicky Punto and all of the powers at his disposal.
Picture courtesy of Eric based on 87&91s haiku.
Are you ready? Are you focused? Have you stretched, rested, hydrated? We don’t know where we'll be at the end of the weekend, but one thing's for sure--we'll have a whole lot of bitches talking shit.
Has anyone else noticed that Julia Roberts is 1/4 Shark? Seriously, I think she has a bigger mouth and about 30% more teeth than any other person in the history of mankind.
This isn't a dis. I think Sharks are totally cool, and I bet Richard Gere would pay good money to have sexual intercourse with a shark.
Good luck this weekend. Of course, I hope we sweep you out of the cell, but the reverse seems more likely, especially since Julia Roberts would have as good of a chance of reaching against Johan as most of the Sox.
Posted by: xian at August 24, 2006 10:03 PMClick my name for a sneak preview, where the unicorn makes its first appearance.
Posted by: Kurtis at August 24, 2006 10:12 PMThat is perfect Kurtis.
I will never quite see a unicorn the same way..........
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire......
Thanks Batgirl. I'll have that running through my head for the rest of the night. And probably tomorrow morning when I log back in.....
I owe you one.
Posted by: Chuckles at August 24, 2006 10:27 PMShouldn't LNP be sliding head-first in that picture?
Posted by: brianS at August 24, 2006 10:32 PMto paraphrase Jonah Goldberg...
Julia Roberts' face recently resembles a horse braying for so much hay....
Posted by: the guy behind the guy at August 24, 2006 10:39 PMOh crap - I really didn't want to relive the 90's and Arsenio Hall -
Dammit Boof =)
DJ Cuddles is just smoking - I hope he stays hott!
Congrats to Dennys Reyes -two more years with the Twins
Much Love
Wonder Woman
I'm sure he's about to dive into a head-first slide in that pic, brian.
Posted by: Spacey Stacey at August 24, 2006 10:56 PMPostgame quote from O's starter Kris Benson:
"Right now, I think they're pretty hot."
You've got that right, buddy.
Posted by: SaraZ at August 24, 2006 11:08 PMI listened to the game on Tuesday as I drove to Madison and by the time I got to the point where CCO was fading off into the sunset, I didn't want to hear it anymore anyway.
Didn't bring my computer to Madison this time around and my TV is still in storage so I didn't get to watch last night's game. I snuck into my roommate's room today to catch a glimpse of Cold Pizza on ESPN and found that we are only a half game behind the bitchsox (yay!).
Those storms that passed through the Cities tonight hit me somewhere around Tomah, WI and when I could finally get CCO again the lightning interference made it damn near impossible to hear the game. I did manage to catch the 9th inning.
I missed my boys. I'm gluing my kiester (sans unicorn) to a couch tomorrow night to watch the game... after I buy MLB.tv again for the month of September... and my tickets for the last series at the Dome.
Now I'm off to check ESPN's summaries these last two games.
Posted by: Shelley at August 24, 2006 11:10 PMIt was Herald Guy's idea, and my graphical prowess.
Posted by: Kurtis at August 24, 2006 11:10 PMxian,
I think Jets are totally cool. We should rumble sometime.
Um, what exactly is fish glue, anyway?
Posted by: Dee at August 24, 2006 11:55 PMSo says the Strib, so says I:
"It's on. Again."
Damn right.
Posted by: TwinsKiz at August 24, 2006 11:59 PMI agree with TwinsKiz. It's definetly on. Whether the bitches are talkin' shit or no.
And does anyone have a picture of Matt Garza getting pied? I've seen the clips and I laugh every time. Watching Joe Nathan run away makes me giggle.
Posted by: Elle at August 25, 2006 12:32 AMThe language has been so salty around here lately. Mmm, salt.
Posted by: Roscoe at August 25, 2006 12:35 AMOur Puntocornucopia runneth over.
SaraZ, well if anyone knows "hot", it's Kris Benson.
Alas, I was stranded at 32000 trying to get home from NY while the game was going on tonight... but upon landing, I was very pleased to see the score on my trusty cell phone as we taxi'd to the gate.
I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that, according to the poster, a movie with that title is still rated "G".
To quote Roscoe, "Mmm, salt."
Posted by: TwinsFoghorn at August 25, 2006 02:54 AMI'm salivating over tomorrow. I have to admit, I think I'm the only person who has been happy the Bitches have beaten the Tigers these last couple days. I want the Central, dammit. I also want to watch the Twins put away the BitchSox themselves. I didn't have Extra Innings in the glorious early 2000's beatdowns.
I have to register being very pleased with two things:
1) BG's sudden sailor mouth.
2) Baltimores' broadcast crew. So great to listen to. Jesus they spent the whole time talking up the Twins.
BEAT THE SOX.
I think Jets are totally cool. We should rumble sometime.
Nice :)
OK, off-topic, but I saw recent posts inquiring about a nickname for Garza. Too bad he doesn't follow in the footsteps of "NBP" Redmond or he could be called the "Garza Strip"! OK, I can hear all the groans now...
;0)
Posted by: Hrbekfan at August 25, 2006 08:03 AMOK, off-topic, but I saw recent posts inquiring about a nickname for Garza. Too bad he doesn't follow in the footsteps of "NBP" Redmond or he could be called the "Garza Strip"! OK, I can hear all the groans now...
;0)
Posted by: Hrbekfan at August 25, 2006 08:04 AMSorry about the duplicate post!
Posted by: Hrbekfan at August 25, 2006 08:04 AMI've only been able to attend 3 games so far this year, but they've been good ones. The Rivera game, and now these two. 3 games, 3 wins. And I'm scheduled to go up to NYC for the games over Labor Day weekend. If the Twins pull those out, well, it was a much larger sample size, but 1991 was the last year the Twins went undefeated in my presence.
Just sayin'
Posted by: TBird41 at August 25, 2006 08:26 AMYOW! We were at the game last night, got to meet Stacy (who recognized me from the sideburn contest - I'm a celebrity at last!), and, most importantly, got to see our Twins stomp on the pathetic, writhing carcass of a once-proud Orioles franchise. My son Cameron is now 4-0 at Twins games; I'm thinking he and I may need to go to Chicago this weekend...
Two of three, gents. That's all I ask. And Radke is gonna get it rolling tonight. Give 'em heck, Brad. (See? We're not all potty mouths.)
Posted by: adidasman at August 25, 2006 09:14 AM"and, most importantly, got to see our Twins stomp on the pathetic, writhing carcass of a once-proud Orioles franchise"
Eee. Harsh. Remember, the O's did do a bit of damage on Tuesday (and thank you for allowing that, BTW -- Nick Markakis is about all the O's fans have left in the way of moments of joy).
That being said, I'm pleased the Twins won, of course. And BG, the final paragraph of this post may be the finest closing paragraph of any Batgirl post yet. I tip my cap to you.
Posted by: CarrieICL at August 25, 2006 09:30 AMI'm beginning to wonder if BG (and staff) is somehow stalking my TV. Between references to Project Runway, Hustle and Flow and the Twins (obviously) it's getting a little creepy. C'mon inside BG, don't stay out in the dark peeping through the window.
Posted by: mfpack at August 25, 2006 09:41 AMSorry, CarrieICL - I didn't mean to be cruel. But it's true - the Orioles are a sad franchise these days, one of those teams it'd be hard to get excited about if you're a fan. Blame Peter Angelos, as big an idiot as there is in sports. And you're right about Markakis; he'll be good wherever he ends up, as will Bedard and Brian Roberts and Chris Ray. It's just sad they never seem to be able to compete - hence the fact that their announcers were so complimentary of the Twins. They see someone doing it right (and their radio guys are great, by the way), and they acknowledge it.
Posted by: adidasman at August 25, 2006 11:52 AMoh BG, I've been moving and away from the internet and chaos is all over and now i live on the dreaded South Side BUT now i see your past few days of truly amazing blogging and read life-changing haiku and know know that our boys can win even though i don't even have the internet yet. NOW to go and see if my guy got me a ticket to tonight's game!!
Posted by: AT at August 25, 2006 11:54 AMhas anyone else noticed that on the twins highlight reel on their website (where there are two video clips) they have picked up on "Dr. Morneau"? seems like BG nicknames are catching on!
Posted by: Hannah! at August 25, 2006 12:21 PMThanks for bringing it up, Elle - I, too, am looking for a picture of Garza pied. In fact, I missed the game, so I'd love to see the video replay, if someone has a link to that online...
Posted by: Beth at August 25, 2006 12:46 PMhttp://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/team?statsId=9
Go there (you can just click on my name) and scroll down a bit until you see the 'video' section on the left-hand side. Click on 'Twins cream Orioles' and enjoy!
No idea where to find a pic of it. I suppose if someone had fancy screenshot capturing software, they could probably get one from that video, but basic stuff isn't able to capture the image of a video.
Posted by: Will at August 25, 2006 12:59 PMMinnesota Twins (74-52) vs. Chicago White Sox (75-52)
Series Preview by Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower (deceased)
Pitchers, Hitters, and Position Players of the Minnesota Expeditionary Force!
You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the fans are upon you. The hopes and prayers of victory loving people all over the state march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the South Side baseball machine, the elimination of Bitch Sox tyranny over the oppressed teams of the American League, and happiness for ourselves in a free world.
Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely, and battle his tail off. But this is the year 2006! Much has happened since the World Series triumph of 2005. Our Allies have inflicted upon the Bitch Sox great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our pitching staff, Boom Boom sticks, and a pulled hamstring have seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage overwhelming superiority in slugging and home runs, and placed at our disposal great reserves of confidence in our baseball team.
The tide has turned! The free people of the world are marching together to Victory! I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory! Good Luck! And let us beseech the blessing of the Almighty baseball gods upon this great and noble undertaking.
will, you are my hero
i had heard rumors of such a pie-ing, but had yet to see it for myself
thanks for the link!!!!
Posted by: iheartmntwins at August 25, 2006 01:36 PMDear BG,
You are awesome.
Signed, twin-X
PS How did you know I had "It's hard out here for a pimp" stuck is my head?
What a game! We were stuck on the Baltimore-Washington parkway for the first 3 innings, but my frustration with the traffic was soon dissipated when, as I stood in line for my nachos(extra jalapenos), I looked to the monitor to find a 4-run lead. In the third. And then Morneau went Boom. Make that a 5-run lead- all before I got to my seat! The rest was history...
Oh, and for what it's worth, Baltimore fans are wonderful. A mellow, laid back bunch with still just a glimmer of pride in their lackluster team. And such a nice stadium! I wouldn't be upset if they airlifted Camden Yards to the Warehouse district.
GO TWINS, BEAT BITCHES!
Posted by: JanineInDC at August 25, 2006 02:53 PMEric,
That pic is freakin' hysterical. I especially like how it looks as though Punto is about to punch the bull.
And of course the sybolism of the Bitch Sox logo adorning the flaming bull is priceless.
--infield
Posted by: infield at August 25, 2006 03:12 PMThanks infield.
I had to pay homage to such a great haiku. Greater words have I yet to read.
Posted by: Eric at August 25, 2006 04:01 PMthanks, eric -- you certainly did the haiku justice...
Posted by: 87 & 91 at August 25, 2006 05:15 PMsky lopezsky lopez
sky lopez http://skylopez.crearforo.com sky lopez
http://www.forumage.com/index.php?mforum=kaysjewelry kays jewelry kays jewelry
Posted by: opy at September 17, 2006 03:33 PM