That haiku leaves me breathless and speechless.

Bravo.

That haiku--no words can describe it. Bravo, 87&91.

I'm getting that haiku tattooed on my kiester.

"you have a crazy-ass pitching delivery, just like a bunny."

i wasn't aware that bunnies pitched, much less have a crazy-ass pitching delivery.

i guess you learn something new everyday

thanks Batgirl, for keeping me informed

I also was unaware that bunny's had crazy deliveries-- or pitched, for that matter.

BG, I am counting on you to keep my life filled with Twins happiness as I am on ymy second to last night in the cities before heading out to boston for my first year at BU.

if i was of age, i would raise my glass to you and your amazing wit-- but i'll raise my bottle of water instead.

Well, one would imagine, iheartmntwins, that if bunnies could in fact pitch, their delivery would indeed be quite funky.

That haiku to me
Was the funniest freaking
Poem I ever read

Dear Batlings,

Happy for the win but we must admit that these are serious times - As Thomas Paine would have said were he alive today for surely he would be a Twins fan,

These are the times that try men's (Batlings') souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country (team); but he (or she (sexism is so 18th century)) that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman (and Ron Gardenhire). Tyranny (BitchSox, Sox and Yankees), like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM (World Series Victory) should not be highly rated. Britain (The BitchSox), with an army (Konerko, Thome et. al) to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right not only to TAX (win) but "to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER" (DEPRIVE us of ANY PLAYOFF APPEARANCE WHATSOEVER) and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God (Tony Gwynn).

While times are serious at least they aren't Yesterday's Enterprise serious. I'm sure you all remember when Jean-Luc Picard said,

"The war is going very badly for the Federation, far worse than is generally known. Starfleet Command believes defeat is inevitable. Within 6 months, we may have no choice but to surrender."

That's how serious it was last year at the All-Star break. Fortunately it isn't as bad as that. That sucked.

Anyhoo - Since these are serious times we all need to pitch in however we can. Ask yourself if you are doing all you can.

Are you wearing your lucky shirt, shoes, lingerie or other?
Have you downloaded Gasolina to play each time the President takes the mound? (Acutally I would like a ruling on this - should we reserve Gasolina for Johan starts or should we try to extend the karma and play it every day? I played it today and Garza won with it too so for my part at least I will need to play it until we lose - obviously. Not a huge Daddy Yankee fan but at least it isn't Yanni. That would suck.)

Are we summer soldiers or autumn warriors?

To conclude a post that has gone on far too long -

And so my fellow Batlings, ask not what your team can do for you; ask what you can do for Little Nicky Punto.

Very eloquently stated, Moe. Thomas Paine would certainly have to be a Twins fan, wouldn't he?

Hmmm. . . lucky lingerie? That's one I hadn't considered.

beautiful...but haunted by the image of naked Redmond chasing cuddy.

The 93X guys described Joe Nathan as a "twitchy, nervous" guy when he's on the mound. I giggled.

Nice work Moe. Picard and Payne in one post.

(Is it too scary to admit that I too watched that episode on G4 last night? Hey, gotta have one vice I guess.)

I love it when BG catches up on her correspondence. She always tells the boys exactly what they need to hear... Here's to Matt Garza not getting chickified!

But I hate it when I have to miss part of the game, and I completely miss my boyfriend's hypothetically great catch, but it's not even one of the top plays on the Twins site. :sigh:

Oh great... now I have to go to work with images of a Matt Garza as a chick AND a Batling lucky lingerie fashion show on my mind. Gonna be a very long day.

JC

Does LNP have a Bitch Sock-eating unicorn?

Could it also take care of blubbery pitchers who think Tiny Superheros are food?

“Dear Pat Neshek,
Your new nickname is "Sideshow Pat," even though Batgirl might call you Pat the Bunny every once in awhile…”

I feel honored to have had so much support for my Pat Neshek nickname suggestion, Sideshow Pat®. Thank you sincerely to everyone who voted. All of the suggestions on the ballot were truly deserving. But here’s the deal. When Batgirl announced the nickname contest I came up with the name Sidehow™ and I got all excited about it, you know, telling my friends and calling up my family and stopping people on the street and emailing all of my clients at work and going door to door to let the neighbors know. It was fun. But then something changed. I started wanting to win too much. I even went out and had t-shirts made up, but I was trying to keep expenses down what with the high cost of gas and all and went with the cheapest supplier I could find and he didn’t deliver the shirts until just today and they aren’t exactly what I ordered and, well, let’s just say I’m out a lot of money and I’m trying to make some of it back, and I’m sitting on a load of inventory the size of C.C. Sabathia’s butt, so if you have any interest in what’s sure to become the fashion statement of the 2006 season, please check it out.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/64671624@N00/223145667/

Ya gotta love Batgirl's attitude--or should I say, "Battitude." And was I the only one who noticed the new section in the latest Victoria's Secret catalog for "Batling Lucky Lingerie?" I think the fashion show might be okay after all, JimCrikket...

To keep the correspondence theme going:

Dear Twayn,

Is that shirt really "out of stock" because of legal action by the MPAA, or is that a joke?

Concernedly yours,
Nick

Regarding the notion of bunnies pitching:

I can state with as much certainty as is possible after a lifetime of accumulating an assortment of delusions and mental sludge that bunnies do indeed pitch, and do indeed have funky deliveries.

How do I know, you may well ask. And well you may.

I hadn't thought of it for quite some time, until recently I was reminded of it through the unlikely mnemonic assistance of one Rod Allen, who is half of the on-air broadcast team for Fox Sports Detroit's baseball coverage. (Parenthetically, he sidebarred, Mr. Allen was also a short-term Major League baseball player and long-term minor and Japanese leaguer, and he provides the color commentary and/or player's perspective analysis during the broadcasts, beside the quite excellent play-by-play man, Mario Impemba, who is definitely not Chinese.)

Rod Allen has a colorful way of doing his color commentary, and is wont to use certain phrases such as "that pitch was just filthy" rather too often, but he does on occasion use a descriptive metaphor that is both amusing and accurate, and recently he said of the Tigers' relief pitcher Fernando Rodney: "Rodney just tied him [the batter] up with that Bugs Bunny change-up."

And instantly I knew exactly what he meant, because from out of the mental sludge arose a vivid memory of Bugs Bunny going through a contortionist windup and delivery, and pitching a baseball that streaked toward Elmer Fudd like a rocket, complete with vapor trail, but then suddenly slowed to a near-motionless hover, a few feet in front of the plate, leaving poor Elmer swinging so hard at nothing that he twisted up like a Dairy Queen soft dip ice cream. And I chuckled, because "Bugs Bunny change-up" is a terrific description of that kind of pitch, and the batter (sludge has covered his name by now) did swing and twist and lose his balance and nearly come out of his shoes, and then walked to the bench with a dizzy, astonished expression on his puss.

So yes indeed, baseball fans: Bunnies do pitch, and do have peculiar deliveries.

(Unless it was all a just another thorazine dream.)

My NSMC had a great game last nite with a run saving catch, 3 hits, 2 rbis and a hustle run to 1B as told by BatGirl. He also preserved a save opportunity for the Veep by not trying to score from first on Torii's double...now that is a real team play!!! (Torii was not happy--the Os feed showed his face--about losing the RBI but you cant please everybody. )

DAM

Dear Nick,

My attorney has advised me not to comment on pending litigation.

Jocularly,
Twayn

The mental picture of a Unicorn emerging from Punto's rear will now be forever burned in my psyche.

Thank you...I think.

Dear Baseball Analysts everywhere,

Remember when the Twins put Liriano on the DL, and you said that was the end of their playoff hopes?

Twins as of 8/10/06:
67 - 47 (20 games over .500)
9 games out of division lead
1/2 game out of the WC lead

Twins as of 8/24/06:
73 - 52 (21 games over .500)
7 games out of division lead
1/2 game out of the WC lead

Respectfully,

The Team That Would Not Go Away

I was listening to the game on the radio and Dazzle and Gordo were never really able to adequately explain Gardy’s ejection. But who cares exactly why he got tossed; he got tossed and we won, period.

But that reminded me of a question I thought of last year; has anybody ever tracked our win/lose record in games where Gardy gets tossed? I got a chance to ask Dazzle that question in person last year. He laughed and said he hadn’t thought about it.

Now I know that this site is about sass, not stats, but I kinda think that the answer would be sort of a “sassy stat”. So I’m just askin’.

Play Ball!

Great News!!! Click on my name

I'm havin' a hard time remembering the Bugs Bunny pitch to Elmer Fudd (brain cells are at a premium these days), but I do remember the one where he single-handedly beat a whole team of bruisers -- even striking out the side on a single, slow ball pitch...
"strike-one, strike-two, strike-three, yer out.
Strike-one, strike-two, strike-three, yer out.
Strike-one, strike-two, strike-three, yer out."

Plus, Bugs played all the field positions. He had that wind up where his arm spins in a hyper-speed blur?? Remember that??

Yeah... rabbits sure can pitch and probably, Chief could take a couple lessons right about now.

Beware you Bitch Sox!
Nicky’s riding his magic
Fucking unicorn.

I have not had soda spew from my nose in ages- priceless, and, and, and well just priceless.

Did y'all see? We locked up Sampler for two more years. Very nice. I've grown to enjoy that enormously round face...

But the bloody Bitches are up 10-0 on the Tigers... Not so nice.

LOVed the letter to Angel Hernandez.

Welcome to *our* personal demon.

This may be looking ahead a bit, but good news for the twins:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2559945

Thome is out for this weekend.

Dear Batgirl,

Loved the missives. Love the site. Good vibrations all around.

Batfully yours,

E-6

"They're not booing, they're yelling "THROW STRIKES, Bonser!"

Bugs Bunny had the best change-up EVER!

KenK and rotrhed. I recall both examples of Bugs Bunny's fine pitching arm. If you'll look deeper into the sludge you will remember that Bugs once threw a baseball around the world to prove to the King and Queen that Columbus was correct in his belief that the world was round. So he was probably a fine outfielder, as well. Do you remember it?

Why do I love this site?

Batlings are damn smart and funny
They love the Twins
Provide links that give hope, Thome-less Sox is a good thing

Oh and unicorns and rabbits...what more could I ask for???

Oh yeah, WIN TWINS!

I was listening to 'CCO's severe weather warning and they were taking calls from people driving through the storms and some guy calls up and says, "Yeah, it's raining just like it does in Minnesota all the time. Can we go back to the Twins game?"

They hung up on the guy. Kinda funny.

Speaking of tonight's broadcast, Wrench's confused about the Landed Gentry's current fate.

::Name click.::

They're mathmatically eliminated from the division title, but *ARE* still clinging to a razor thin chance at the wild card.

Packerchu: I'd be totally ok with the Gents getting the wild card... as long as we get the Division.

True enough, Foghorn, as long as we'd get Dome field advantage. :)

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