Excellent round-up, BG. I caught your article about Puckett. Excellent, as well. Thanks.

BG:

I have been reading your book in my spare moments. You have this truly wonderful way with words, both in your book and on BG.com. How you manage to keep it up, I will never understand.

Anyway. Thanks so much. Even when our "Boys of Summer" are down, this site finds a way to pick me up.

Twins/Ferocious Saouth American Fishies Forever.

Hey...has anyone seen the movie About a boy? Anyone think that Kubel looks like the kid from that movie?

We attended Friday night's game and throughout the evening amused each other by thinking of things with which we were, "motherf-ing tired". You gotta love Samuel L. You gotta love these Twins.

The Legovision version of this post would have been one of the best. posts. ever.

I love snakes on a plane. the midnight showing was some of the most fun I'v ever had.

And Guillen is neferious. At least we have Piranhas against his snakes.

Twins Fans-

Great series. Looking forward to a tight, exciting rest of the season, too. Sox 5.5 back of DET, and you guys 1 back of us. This one is gonna be close.

BG-

Nice. But me thinks Santana has as much claim to hurling cobras up there (in the form of sliders and assorted other biting monsters) as Ozzie does with his mouth. ;)

Did anyone else see the Star Tribune article about Pierzynski's finger-to-the-nose thing on Saturday night?

"My nose has been running all day," he said. "The video guy thought I went like this [shush.] If you noticed, all game, I was doing this [wiping nose.] The video guy, when I got back in, said, 'You're going to be on ESPN, they caught you doing this [shush].' I said, 'No I didn't, I went like this to my nose.'

that. is so. lame.

I know this isn't consistent with the general vibe of this website, but I love Ozzie. He is almost always right even when he starts rambling. He is right about the NL, he is right about Gardy, and he is right about our piranha's. He seems to love our Twins for the same reasons I do. How can I not love the man in a love/hate sort of way.

I agree with Sox Matt. It was a great series and I am looking forward to what's left of the season. And if it's us and the Whitey's in the playoffs and Detroit stays home, I won't mind.

We were driving home from Michigan today and listened to the 1st half of the game on Chicago radio and last half on 'CCO. The funny thing is no one seems to understand the finger to the nose thing as "smell those RBI's". I can't imagine why...so obvious, really. The Sox announcers discussed it and sounded proud of Pierziynski's daring but a bit perplexed.
I'm surprised AJ is back-pedaling, now claiming to be a victim of post-nasal drip.
Maybe its because he realized he didn't get a motherf-ing RBI on that play...

LOL - Do snakes have asses - I have often wondered that my self!

I stayed out of trouble and did not publicly taunt one Sox fan late Friday night as I was out and about in their territory- LOL - =)
Of course had I - they could have taunted me right back on Saturday - =)

Much Love
Wonder Woman

Today at the game as NBP stepped to the plate in the 2nd inning and the bases were loaded, I informed my friend about the "smelling RBI's" movement and said that I, myself, was smelling them. Turns out Redman was smelling them too. Wahoo! What an exciting game. I was so happy to be surrounded by so many Twins fans.

TV ALERT!!
Catch Rosen's Sport's Sunday - they are doing a segment on the Twins Fantasty Football draft!
Showed a clip it looks 'pretty serious' -=)

Much Love
Wonder Woman

Ozzie's true nefarious plan is this: Befriend the young knights, convince them he respects no foe except them, even deign to bestow on them - as the ultimate sign of respect - the coveted enemy's "nickname of valor", convincing even the valets of television promotion along with young non-pirahna Cuddyer to instill that nickname into the venacular of the valet's of promotion... this man Guillen must be an acolyte of the great war stategist Clausewitz: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer... it's time for sweetcheeks to be running over the foil A.J. and get things back to their natural state.

Favorite Far Side cartoon ever ---
"When Snakes Trip".
Sorry this article from BG just put it back in my head. Giggled my ass off. Thanks BG.

BTW I agree with Sid - I think Ozzie is awsome also- sure he sticks his foot in his mouth once in a while bu he pulls no punches and gives it his all. JMO

BTW Can anyone tell me why the heck Twins fans are BOOing AJ? I mean I know he plays for the other team but hes still one of my fav MLB players. Just curious...........

"do snakes have asses?"

thats pretty much my favorite line right there. i can totally picture him saying it under his breath to, oh probably bartlett and tyner, and them giggling to themselves....

There is no reason to boo AJ. He hit one helluva HR in Oakland a few years ago and we get Boof, Nathan, and the F'bomb in a trade for him. I don't understand the booing.

Some of you younger Twins fans might not remember Ozzie when he played, but you would have liked him and he manages the same way he played. He plays very hard and if you beat him he will gladly tip his cap to you and offer no excuses. The Whitey's should be our second favorite team in the AL because it is good to keep our enemies very close.

For the last time. Had AJ gone to the Royals, Angels, D Rays, Cubs etc he might be spared. However, he put ink to paper and is a Bitch Sock(x?) Mientkiewicz was spared, as were Jacque, Eddie, and Cory. We have to draw a line somewhere! It almost seems as though people are giving him credit for Liriano, Boof and Nathan. He was catcher, not GM.

re: Twins fantasy football draft on Rosen's Sports Sunday. LNP and Lew Ford named their team "Blue Steel"! That one had me laughing.

That's a great graphic of Johan.

I think he should be spared for no other reason than the 3-run shot in Oakland in the playoffs, which was, for me, one of the top-five all-time monents in Twins history.

Sox Matt. Is there a BG equivalent in White Soxville?

It's kinda funny, certain baseball wags used to refer to the AL Central as "Comedy Central." Well, no more, baby. It's HBO. All the best drama. And Guillen providing quotes profane enough for Deadwood or the Sopranos. Love it.

Sid--Agree with you on AJ. Twins Geek has a nice read chastizing the boo-birds.

And finally, regarding the Rosen segment on Twins fantasy football, I thought it humorous that Lew and LNP's team appeared to have selected Clinton Portis--who happens to be out for the season.

Ok. ESPN actually made me laugh today. They showed a clip of Rincon, after being taken out of the game, kicking a bucket of water over, but then picking it back up. They were noting how well mannered he was, lol.
As for AJ, he may the biggest jerk, but he will always have a place in my heart. I can't BOO him for being on another team. That's something yankee/redsox fans do.

We need an update on the Tigers from Ken K. Can we begin to hope for meltdown from the best team in baseball, or is this a temporary slump? Please advise, Ken K.

Maybe Nate Robertson ran out of his big league chew.

Without getting into a political debate, think of AJ as Joe Lieberman, the "Bush Democrat," which would explain why many Twins fans have turned their backs on him. Mr. B merely thinks that AJ is a self-serving sack who needs to hit .300 and show some power in order not to be a liability to his team. Look at his year in San Francisco for evidence.

As for Ozzie, aside from his recent spate of gay-bashing, he was the one who responded to Torii's flattening of the B-Sox catcher in 2004 by saying, "I expect we go after someone and hopefully we hurt someone." None of his babbling since about admiring the Twins has meant anything.

AJ and Ozzie kind of deserve each other.

only rubber snakes could live in a park with artificial turf.

The El Tigres are collectively hitting the wall.

Central division champs . . . anyone?

It looks like a $#@!%&*@?! snake, what do you think it looks like?

That line cracked me up...

I dunno - the worst part about the fans booing A.J. is that he loves it. He WANTS to be booed. You know he does. And his perpetual innocence is comical - "I had a runny nose", "I didn't really mean to ram into the other catcher", "I wasn't taunting you, I just happened to flip my bat and mock you in a very loud, obnoxious voice as I rounded the bases". A.J. irritates everyone, and revels in it. The fact that he's booed should surprise no one.

I agree with adidasman. Booing doesn't bother AJ. And its really our way of saying we still care. Indifference, now THAT would kill him.

Oh no - they ate Nicky. You b******s!

An update on the Tigers, by request:

The Tigers have been in a recession, primarily due to a team-wide outbreak of ass bats. It was not unexpected, really. Most of us Tigers fans have been unhappily awaiting a hitting slump, knowing that the cosmological laws of baseball team physics and chemistry dictate that every team must slump, for some period of time, at some point in the season. Woe unto us, it has to happen now, in August, when the Tigers are playing their toughest part of the season's schedule (i.e. a pantload of games against the Bitch Sox, Twins, Other-color Sox, Texas Wranglers, and Evil Empire, with the Hakowie Tribe thrown in).

The pitching hasn't been as unbelievably stellar as it was earlier in the season, but it has still been generally good, particularly the bullpen, which has been terrific. Our much-beloved second baseman with the misshapen head and world-class glove is out probably for the season with a separated shoulder, and we miss his spark-plug bat (no power, but almost zero strikeouts, timely singles, advances runners by hook or crook) and his truly wonderful fielding (it's like buttah). The powers at the top acquired a naif named Perez from the Cubs in an effort to shore up the crumbling, and that should be better than nothing, but not as much as the something we are missing.

There have been some ass plays in the field (although still interspersed with some of the ohmygod I-can't-believe-he-made-that plays we've been more accustomed to all season), possibly due to the general malaise (or colonel funk, or major weariness) of the dog days without off days. We faithful are sternly hoping it isn't due to any sense of alarm within the team overall; nothing kills good baseball like fear. But from my own personal perspective (i.e., hundreds of subjective emotional years as an armchair and stadium seat observer and close follower of baseball as a religion and the Tigers as a church), I don't think they're panicking; I think they're just chugging through some choppy waters and trying to ride the waves.

But the main thing is the bats. Never a huge slugging team, they've all season long built wins in every way possible: bunts, singles, doubles, dingers, dashing, darting, and derring-do. Down by a run or two, they could be counted on to get a man or two on base, and move them around, one way or another. Up by a run or two, they maintained a steady pace of base runners and runs trickling in, to keep up the pressure. But not lately. Lately, they're not getting many hits, and seemingly never when they really need them. Ass Bat Syndrome. Their clutch is slipping.

Teams go through that stuff. This is a terrible time for them to go into a daze at the plate, but what's a fan to do? Keep watching and yelling at the tube. They face the much-loathed Bitch Sox for four games, starting now. Let me assure all Twins fans that I, and all other Tigers fans, are going to be yelling at the tube and applying all possible psychic pressure, from the Jungian collective unconscious to the Basque evil eye, to help them shove those ugly Bitch faces under the waves and hold them there until they stop squirming. Good luck to your Twins and may they be firmly in second place by week's end.

The Tigers will still be in first. The only question is by how many games.

"O whacking day, o whacking day,
Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day.
We'll break their backs,
Gouge out their eyes,
Their evil hearts,
We'll pulverise.
O whacking day, o whacking day,
May God bestow His grace on thee."

I also agree with Adidasman--AJ revels in being booed. He actually invites it--like with the nose thing this weekend--all the crap he pulled in last years post season--the tiff with M. Barrett.

He and Ozzie and Hawk are made for each other--most obnoxious player and manager and announcer all on the same DAM team--and you can put that on the board.........

DAM

A wondrous piece of work by KenK, our newly crowned Official Voice Of The Tigres Fans. As someone who has suffered greatly in recent years, your pain is duly noted and profoundly comprehended. I am torn about this series between the Bitches and the Tigres, though; were the Olde English "D"s to be roundly thumped and, thus, sped to their hasty demise, we have one less team with which to concern ourselves. However, the thought of actually wanting the Bitch Sox to win is so abhorrent to me that I can scarce imagine it. I think I just hope that one team, whichever it might be, sweeps the other into oblivion. Are any other Twins faithful suffering the same moral dilemma? If so, have you any words of wisdom to share? I am, as they say, betwixt and between.

No question - I'd like to see the Tigers win as many as possible this series. The Bitch Sox losing as many as possible is the best outcome no matter how you look at it. I want them trounced and demoralized by the time we head there this weekend. We close out the season w/ a home series with them and I want it to be meaningless.
I want the Twins and the Tiger to take the division and wildcard respectively. But if the Tigers do a worst-to-first, I'll be happy for them.

But if the Bitches sweep the Tigres, then the division title is up for grabs as well - and then, after we blow the Pale Hose out this weekend, we have a shot at either the AL Central crown or the wild card. Doesn't that work better for the Twins in the long run? Oh, this hurts my head...

Look at it this way: The Tigers, Twins and Bitch Sox have a lot of games betwixt each other left to play. To win the division, you have to climb over both of them. But when they're playing each other, only one will be losing and thus giving you a chance to move up on them. But the other will be winning, thus keeping you from moving anywhere in the standings on them. That makes for a much more difficult (and less likely) final outcome of triumph for the Twins.

However, if you concentrate on the Bitch Sox, the Tigers could help you by winning, potentially giving you the wild card lead as early as this week. (Of course, the Twins have to do their part by winning as well, but I'm sure you don't see that as being a problem.) Once you have the lead in the wild card race, you can keep it by the simple expedient of winning. And while doing so, you can think about the division lead (chyeah!), knowing the Bitches are behind, beneath, below and belittled.

Dealing with one enemy at a time is usually the course that gives the best odds.

So root for the Tigers against the Bitch Sox, while your boys do their thing. Then they can beat the Bitches themselves, and shove them well and fully out of the picture this weekend.

(In full-on Billy-Bob "Slingblade" drawl:) I like the way you talk, KenK.

Call me greedy, but I want the Division title. If it means I have to cheer for the Sox(es) and Yankees to kick Panthera Tigris butt, even though I have much more respect for the Tigers, so be it. I'll swallow my pride and cheer, knowing it's ultimately for the greater good -- another Central Division championship. But beyond greed, there's a good strategic reason for this line of thinking. As a wild card team, we'd almost certainly face the Yankees (although you can't discount the BoSox quite yet) in the first round of the playoffs. As division winners, we'd probably get the AL West champions in the first round. And possibly home field advantage, as well. I like that scenario better, myself, since I still visibly wince when I think about the 2004 ALDS.

Such an awesome weekend of Twins Baseball! I was at the games on Friday and Saturday and both were tons of fun (the Saturday game only because I was with people I haven't seen in 3 months and there was a little bit of beer involved). Friday's highlight for me didn't take place on the field (although watching that game was pure joy). I brought a friend with me and everytime they play that trumpet song and you're supposed to yell "charge!" at the end, she kept yelling "score!" I let her do it for about an hour before the guy sitting next to us was like "Do you know you're supposed to say 'charge!' at the end?"
Saturday's game...a few boots and it's not even winter, but hey, not everyone can be perfect. I had 4 in tow with me and unfortunately one of them was a Sox fan (boo on that), but we were walking around the concourse getting some food and one lady was looking at him and I and said "that poor girl, she's with a Sox fan..." as her voice trailed off sadly. We still had fun though, and I don't think this friend of mine has seen so much popcorn in his face before...
Sunday's game...wasn't there, but the TV did fine..Johan's pitching...need we say more?
All in all...awesome weekend.

You won't want to hear this, KenK, but I'm just thinking of which team is most likely to fade into the sunset once crippled, leaving only one enemy to vanquish - and, from where I sit, your Tigres appear to be the likeliest candidates. But surely, if you guys can sweep the Bitches, I shan't quibble with you. Go get 'em.

And, as Twayn suggests, our only shot at the division title will come if your boys falter - otherwise, t'ain't no way we're catching you. If you win, our only chance is the wild card; if you lose, we have a legitimate shot at either the division or the wild card. I hate to say this, but...ummmm...no, I can't. I can't say it.

AdidasMan-
I feel the same as you-who to cheer for? My family always reminds when the BitchSox are playing the Tiggers. At this point, I still think I would want the Tiggers to win. I think I just have too much hatred and resentment toward the Sox to ever cheer for them. Besides, as much as I would still LOVE for the Twins to win the division, it is more probable that they would get the Wild Card at this point (ass-bats in April will come back to haunt you in September). And if the Tiggers sweep the series, or even win the series, the chances that the Twins will be in the Wild Card lead will be pretty high. At any rate, all the Twins have to do then is keep winning games and especially beat the Tiggers when they play them. But yes, moral dilemma with no easy answer? Definetely, but I'd still go with Detroit.

I'm afraid to say I'll be rooting for Chicago, too. Well, not actively cheering for them -- how could a Twins fan actually do that? -- but consider this: If the Twins sweep Baltimore (which, from all I've heard, isn't that improbable) then a Chicago sweep of the Tigres puts Minnesota 3-1/2 games back from the division title and 1 out from the wild card lead. And frankly, I like the sound of that better than having the wild card by 2 games but being 6-1/2 out of first in the Central.

No hard feelins, fellers & fems. Many days yet, as they say in Britland. If you're of a mind to hope for a full-scale Feline collapse, I'm in no position to hinder; hope is one of the few pleasures that hasn't yet been taxed. But it's also one of the few pleasures that can turn instantly sour and leave you feeling hollow and kicked in the belly.

I still think it's better, from a third-place point of view, to focus on reaching second place first and first place second, but perhaps I'm merely too linear and Euclidean; I tend to think along a number line. (And I'm obviously too Tigercentric to want to encourage your hideous heresy in suggesting that any Bitch Sox victory is ever desirable.)

But one thing I'll prophesy without hesitation: A week from today, there will be seven fewer games upon which to pin hope (so it really doesn't spring eternal after all). I say this with confidence, my record as an augur being unbesmirched since I took that Kaline-swatted baseball off my noggin back in the divisionless ancient times. (I can also predict the seasons, holidays and tax increases.)

Enjoy baseball, Batlings.

Yeah, I remember thinking that whilst reading your tome - "Man, that KenK guy is just too linear and Euclidean." At least you recognize your failings. That's the first step, you know.

I, on the other hand, was dumbstruck by KenK's prognistic prowess and found myself wondering if his favored method of divination involves tea leaves, Tarot cards, or sheep entrails. But he's courteous, respectful, and kind, and that counts for something here in Minnesota.

One step at a time. First Wild Card lead, then we'll think about the division. All that matters is making the playoffs.
So when it comes to tigers vs. whitesox this week?
GO TIGERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chew Nate Chew!

I have root for El Tigres.

Thinking about the division is greedy and Da Boys have not played the Tigers all that well. So if the Tigers can put the knock out blow on the Bitch Sox and the Twins keep winning the Wild Card is ours.

Once we have the wild card then I'll worry about Detroit.

I think the 5 game sweep has finished the Bo Sox so whoever finishes 2nd in the AL Central gets the wild card (at least that's how I see it)

Go getem Le Tigres but watch your back b/c the Twins will be waiting when your done.

WIN TWINS!

I'm cheering for the Sox. 3 of 4. I want the division title. And we don't have THAT many games left.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssss!
I was so hoping that BatGirl would come through with a shoutout to the amazingly entertaining Snakes on a Plane. Many regulars on this site share the brand of humor that can appreciate that movie but only BG could tie it to the Twins.
Favorite line - "Sporks?!?!"
Use what you've got available - we've got Piranhas and we're coming after you BitchSox!

Wow, allie, Kubes really does look like that kid, minus the crooked haircut.

I'm still pulling for a twins-tigers LCS. As much fun as it it would be to knock the sox out in the playoffs, I think it would be more fun to knock them out of the playoffs. I also prefer Ken's way of thinking: let's get the wildcard now; we can trade the tigers for the division late in september. (I mean, I love abstract mathematics, but I really try to avoid non-euclidean surfaces/domains/geometries...)

Also, this whole rooting for the yankees against the red sox thing is really working out well for me. I'd like to see us get a little revenge in the LDS and, well, its the red sox... you know? In any case, 2 central teams is looking really likely right now.

The world needs more batgirl. Simply amazing writing.

So Sundays game was about the best one i can remember going to recently, not only because we whooped ass, but because i was with a damn fun crowd up in left field... even though we were 3 rows from the jumbotron.

My prediction for the end of the year is that the Tigers crumble and the clinch the division on Sept. 30 against the Bitch Sox, a game that i plan to attend. The reason i pick that day is somehow the last 3 times we've been to the playoffs, i've been at the game where we clinch. Good times.

Guillen's a macho-pro-wrestling-is-manly (when we all know a good number of pro wrestlers are gay)-kind of guy. If you saw his responses to (the) Hunter's catcher-obliterating slide, it was mostly to chastize members of his own Bitch Sox who were whining about it. He respected that damn slide. Good old-fashioned smashmouth baseball. Eddie Shore. Ty Cobb. There's no crying in baseball.

And a part of me thinks that if Guillen bashes other players, managers and teams in the same breath he tosses soft kudos to the Twins, maybe his bashes are justified. Maybe one could apply Bentham's Theory of Utility...

(a)Guillen likes Gardy
(b)We like Gardy
(c)Guillen hates Garner

...okay, that's not Bentham... but doesn't it still hold that (d) We hate Garner? Maybe not. But it does say Guillen may know a little of what he speaks. Or maybe he's just jealous that Gardy can be a hard-nosed baseball guy without being a gaybasher. I still contend Guillen sees the Twins as his biggest threat and is trying to soften them up with with all this sweet talk. In that context we need to dipense of both the Bitch Sox and the Tigers and take the division.

Well, At least now I know if I'm *ever* attacked by a snake in the Dome, just give it a Dome Dog.

What *is* it about LN "Zesty" P "Sauce" that EVERYBODY wants to eat him? That is NO way to figure out if snakes have asses, Tiny Superhero Guy!

Oh, and shouldn't it be "Los Tigres"?

::Cheers for them, because of Sparky.::

Dear Batlings,

On behalf of Los Tigres, I am please to present you with this gift of one half game.

Sincerely,
KenK

To "please" please add one "d". That's "d" as in "duh!"

Your presentation is most appreciated, KenK.

I must say that our guest from Detroit is a most eloquent raconteur. It's almost enough to make me a Tigers fan. Almost. Still, I find your comments most amusing, KenK. Please continue to visit.

KenK,
I liked it fine without the "d". It sounded like a bad Japanese to English translation.

I have to cheer for the Tigers here as well for a couple reasons. First, I still cant stand the Bitch Sox and cheering against your rival is what sports is all about. Secondly, with the trends in playoff baseball right now, I would rather make the playoffs witth the wild card. A wild card team has won 3 of the last 4 world serieses and at least one wild card team has made the world series in 5 of the last 6 years (dbacks/yankees being the only one wild card free).

We still have to take care of our own business though, so lets win us some games against the orioles.

If you were poking fun at the many years of bad = funny spanish spoken at me when I lived in Minnesota...

it would be El Tigres

Ah, OK.