Author's note: BG is off for a few days bravely claiming a portion of Red Sox Nation in the name of Twins Territory. Substitute bloggers will attempt to keep you rabble amused in the meantime.
Twins @ Landed Gentry, W 8-2
Half an hour before the game Thursday night, a knot of Twins huddled in the visitors clubhouse in Kansas City.
"Well, who's it going to be tonight?" asked Radke. "I can't, I'm starting. I have to go warm up!"
"I could do it," offered Luis Rodriguez.
"Hah. You did it yesterday, and look where that got us!" snorted Little Nicky Punto.
"Well, you did it Tuesday, and that was just as bad!" Lil' Rod retorted huffily.
Radke rolled his eyes and grabbed his glove. "I gotta go. You guys work this out." And he left.
"That was NOT just as bad!" yelled LNP. "Yesterday we had THREE errors!"
"One of them was yours, stupid!"
"And one of them was yours, clutz!"
"Hey, now, everybody settle down," said Torii, stepping between LNP and Lil' Rod. "I did it on Monday, and we kicked ass, so I'll do it again."
"Ummm..." interrupted Lew Ford, adjusting his reading glasses. He was peering at a small leaflet. "It says here each team must send, at minimum, seven different players in succession."
The others looked at each other uneasily.
"And, ah, what exactly does that mean?" wondered Sweetcheeks.
"It means," said the voice of Pat Neshek, emanating from a pile of fan mail twice the size of CC Sabathia, "that you can't do it again until six other people have. Four now, since there have been two since you."
"Crap," said Sweetcheeks. "Why do we have to do this, anyway?"
Lew flipped through the leaflet. "It says here the Commissioner thinks it will add interest to the game."
LNP suggested an alternate use of the Commissioner's time which caused Lil' Rod to blush a fiery red.
"Can you breathe in there?" Dr. Morneau asked the pile.
"Yep, it's all good." Neshek affirmed.
"Hey, guys, what's up?" wondered Josh Rabe, coming upon them on his way back from extra BP.
"We're trying to figure out who's going to do it tonight," the good Doctor explained.
"I'll do it," Rabe shrugged. "I feel lucky." And off he went, bat on his shoulder, whistling a merry tune.
"Think he'll be okay?" Lil' Rod fretted.
"He said he felt lucky," Morneau said philosophically. "We'll find out soon enough."
Rabe made his way through the corridors until he reached a special room hidden beneath home plate. The umpire crew chief and Kansas City shortstop Andres Blanco were already there.
"You're representing the Twins?" the umpire asked.
"Yes, sir!" Rabe said brightly. "And I feel lucky! Shall we?"
"All right," said the umpire. "Turn around, both of you. And no peeking!"
Rabe and Blanco turned around and stared at the wall. Rabe resumed his cheerful whistling.
"Stop that!" hissed Blanco, who was very nervous.
"You may turn around," the umpire announced. They did, and he was holding two straws in his clenched fist, carefully arranged to appear the exact same length.
Rabe and Blanco looked at each other, then at the straws. Two hands shot out, both straws were plucked. They held their straws up next to each other, and saw that Rabe's was clearly longer.
"Woo-hoo!" cried Rabe, jumping up and down. "We get to play baseball!" He ran off to share the good news with his teammates.
Blanco threw down his inadequate reed. "Crap," he said glumly. "Ass-ball."
Posted by infield at August 4, 2006 08:51 AMWell, BG, that explains it.
I hope they let Smithey do it tonight. He's not starting; and he said it himself, "...happy to have a job" (name to link). Seems lucky enough to me, to be wearing his big-league stripes again.
Posted by: Shanghai Twins at August 4, 2006 09:51 AMShanghai,
That was actually Infield....
I read the SI article on Joe Mauer last night. It's a great story, especially the stuff about his Grandpa. It's definetly worth your time.
Though I also encourage you all to perform every anti hex related dance/ceremony/chant/etc you know in hopes of holding off the SI cover jinx. Knowing he was on the cover was one thing, but actually seeing it was just......horrifying.
Posted by: Chuckles at August 4, 2006 10:02 AMHilarious!
You'd think Tiny Superhero would be a natural at straw-picking, what with the x-ray vision and all. ("I can see into places others cannot!")
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at August 4, 2006 10:24 AMHuh. Suddenly, it all makes sense.
Posted by: CarrieICL at August 4, 2006 10:31 AMThis obviously explains what is going on with the Cardinals as well. I would like to heartily agree with whatever LNP said about the Commissioner.
Excellent job, infield.
Posted by: Redbird at August 4, 2006 10:41 AMInfield,
That was delicious, and explains a lot. It's so natural that something like this would come from Bud Selig. After all, who'd know more about grasping at straws than him? Kudos and thank you.
Posted by: Carmen at August 4, 2006 11:20 AM'Morneau said Philosophically' - he DOES seem like a philosophical chap, doesn't he? I can almost picture him in Plato-esque robes surrounded by a crowd of admiring females, eager to hear him impart wisdom.
(Or without the robes would be good too.)
The article about the Chairman was most excellent, and accurately praised him. Seems like the SI cover jinx is starting to wane in power though, as a some of the recent cover guys/girls/trons (damn gender-inclusive language!) have not been horribly felled. I think the jinx has migrated to the Madden NFL game. Those guys seem to be dropping like flies.
Posted by: Mountainaire Man at August 4, 2006 12:03 PMIs it just me, or do the Twins seem to have the highest number of attractive guys in baseball? I think all the players did well last night.
Posted by: Carrie Hannie at August 4, 2006 12:38 PMNope, it's not just you, Carrie.
Hee hee, I loved this write-up. Had me wondering what the heck "it" was all the way to the end.
Posted by: Spacey Stacey at August 4, 2006 01:12 PMLovely job, infield. I particularly enjoyed the touch with Neshek.
MTRR that I need to purchase said SI issue.
Posted by: FH at August 4, 2006 01:48 PMIt's definitely not just you, Carrie ;) I was finally able to get a hold of a SI today. Couldn't find one to save my life in any of the local bookstores. It was really a great article. There's even a little diddy on Garza in one of the final pages in the baseball recap section.
Posted by: Newton at August 4, 2006 02:18 PMJake Sr. is so adorable. The SI article was great.
Posted by: Grace at August 4, 2006 02:46 PMI'll have to get a copy of SI and read the article.
Posted by: Carrie Hannie at August 4, 2006 03:54 PMOh! Sorry for the misplace kudos, rightly due to Infield.
Arghh. They don't sell S.I. here, and without a subscription, I can't even read the article on SI.com! Appreciate help from anyone with a link to an accessible version.
Posted by: Shanghai Twins at August 4, 2006 06:54 PMWell, at least there was an explanation for it all, and who knew it was as simple as drawing straws. I elect Rabe to picking the straws every seven games at Least.
I didn't get to read the article on Mauer, because little groceries stores out here are SO SLOW when it comes to getting new issues in.
Patiently waiting, L.H. girl
Posted by: L.H. girl at August 4, 2006 08:43 PMWow! What a game! I can't say that I'm entirely pleased at leaving the bases loaded a gagillion times, but if they can't get a clutch hit with the bases loaded, I'll take back to back jacks from the Chairman and Cuddles!
And here I'll go out on a limb with my BOD--before the game's over! Reyes was absolutely the clutchest thing we had going tonight. I was extremely impressed with his performance.
BYW, how in the world does a guy go 2-2 with 4 walks?! That's a little bit crazy if you ask me.
Posted by: hrbekfan at August 4, 2006 11:00 PMIS ANYONE ELSE WATCHING THIS?????? It's like a chairman-mcdimples-'neau-bartysteal-sweetcheeks sandwich smothered thickly in a healthy dose of luvin'!!!! HOTTT.
Posted by: flairjordan at August 4, 2006 11:01 PMInfeald, that was great.
WHAT A GAME!!!! Who-lye WOW!
Dennys Reyes is so beautiful.
Posted by: Grace at August 4, 2006 11:14 PMHow do you even pick a B.O.D. after that? What we really need here is a T.O.D.....
Posted by: flairjordan at August 4, 2006 11:16 PM