"We are winning because Joe Morgan is a giant boob."
hahaha. So unexpected and yet... so true.

I think he's won an Emmy, too. :cry:

"The Batbaby can provide better commentary just by pooping."

And that was probably the most appropriate commentary to be provided during the first few months of the season.

Ah, so Cubs fans and Twins fans DO have things in common: (1) disdain for Bitch Sox; and (2) loathing of Joe Morgan.

Um, Morgan's comments about Ortiz were the same ones I made at the time. And though he wasn't "released" he was not offered a contract. Same thing. Batgirl, I never ever want to refute you. I don't know what I'm doing...if only I could start my blog up again...

ESPN, full of anti-AL-Central boobs?

Nay, surely thou speaketh falsehoods!

Morgan and Miller are almost unlistenable. Between arguing that Travis Hafner's Pronk nickname came from Eddie Murphey's Donkey character (the most painful incorrect pop reference I have ever heard discussed during a baseball game...and it wasn't just mentioned in passing, we're talking a full-on ten minute discussion), arguing how the Red Sox and Yankees will never be beaten because they have been blessed by Almighty God Himself, and providing absolutely no insight into baseball a four-year old couldn't have provided already...it's pretty unwatchable stuff.

They're worse than Chris Berman even. "OOOOH NOOOOO THE BALL WENT THROUGH GRAFFANINO'S LEGS!" You'd think he was going to jump out of the booth to his portly death immediately afterwards. But still, he at least, has something. That je ne sais quoi that Miller/Morgan don't have. I really DON'T know what it is, but he has it, and it makes him marginally better.

But...at the very least...they can claim that they AREN'T Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

It may not spare them hellfire for their annoying failure, but it'll get them a glass of extra-sour lemonade from time to time to cool down with. Diluted with cat urine of course, but really it's the thought that counts.

On other notes...

AJ Pierzynski leads Joe Mauer in All Star Voting. As a White Sox fan, I have a little bit of pride, even as I recognize how ridiculously skewed that is. It is representative of how frustrating poor turnout in the face of superstardom can be. Meanwhile, Jason "I'm Batting My Weight! Almost!" Varitek hops skips and jumps into the ASG because The BoSox choose the time honored Yankee tradition of completely ignoring statistical and personal merit, and just go ahead and vote for all their players, no matter how ineffective and undeserving they really are.

At the VERY least, the extra players won't be chosen from another AL East chump. Although, I'm not sure how much of a solace that will be for you.

I'm thinking, Ozzie actually MAY screw Mauer, but it's tough to call...upon close examination, there's no way he can do that, no matter how decent I-Rod and Posada play or how much he likes AJ. Mauer deserves it, and if there is a just God, he's in as the backup catcher (although given how the extra innings ASG is a completely different beast from year's past, 3 catchers is a distinct possibility, and that WOULD bring in AJ I wager over the surprisingly deserving I-Rod and Posada).

Speaking of "Just" Gods...Morneau is getting the hose. Sorry Twins fans, but between Giambi, Konerko, Thome, Hafner (who's a stretch to put at first base, but no more a stretch than Senor Ortiz (or Senor Ortiz' belt) ), there's just no room for someone who's really only put together one solid month this season. Very, very solid, but very very only one month.

And poor Torii...he's not put up enough of the big run'n'jump'n'grabs this season to compliment okay-but-not-impressive offensive stats. It's going to Damon, Vlad, Dye, Magglio (not like Ozzie'd put HIM in though), Manny, Sizemore, Wells, Rios, and probably even Jonny Gomes before Torii gets the nod. Not too many OF though, he's probably gonna load up on IF, what with A-Rod, Jeter, Tejada, Pudge, Varitek, Mauer, Loretta, Iguchi, Konerko, Crede, Ortiz, Giambi (maybe...his numbers are impossible to ignore, but I get this strange feeling if he's not voted in, he ain't GETTIN in with Ozzie in charge), and not to mention any number of small market sucky teams to fill in players for.

I suppose a lot of the relievers and starters will come from the bottom feeders. Kazmir from TB, Zito from OAK, Gobble from KC (oh lord that is an awful team, which really brings back the debate about "Does every team necessarily DESERVE an ASG slot?", when the BEST PLAYER has a 3.70 ERA, 2-1 record with 1/1 in saves/opps. They're trying to push for Grudzielanek and his robust .385 SLG% as their hero)...it's kinda patchwork mess, but I think most teams have settled themselves out to get one player, while CHW, BOS, and NYY each put out between 3-5.

So yeah. Just my random thoughts on that, I kinda lost focus on my original point:

Morneau ain't gettin in (But he's helping the Twins win, which is more important really).

Mauer is 75% likely to get in (But given poor fan turnout and Ozzie's Homer-ism, possibly an unfortunate snub). Someone's getting screwed at catcher, cause he's not taking 4, and Varitek unfortuately will win the vote. So Pudge, Posada, and Mauer? Get your nets, tridents, and axes, and BATTLE IN THE COLLISEUM!

-Pander
The Pontificating and Recently-Absent White Sox Fan

i've loved this blog for a long time, but it took being reminded of joe morgan's astonishing suckitude to get me to post a comment.

joe morgan sucks. for being one of the top 5 second basemen of all time, he seems to know surprisingly little about baseball.

he argues about the importance of OBP, saying it's overrated, but he led the league in OBP four times and came in second three times... while only hitting over .300 twice. he keeps saying a hit is better than a walk, but when he was playing he didn't seem to think an out was better than a walk. without all of those walks, would he still rank 11th all time in SB's?

the game i watched him call when the twins still had batista and castro, he talked about the twins great defense. then, during the astros game, he took a break from his roger clemens wet dream to say that the twins defense had gotten a lot better since the start of the season. which is it, joe? how many twins games have you seen this year? and why don't you give a raise to the intern who clued you in on the reasons for the twins' defensive improvement?

he doesn't have the slightest idea how journalism works. so, maybe that's not important for a tv sports analyst, but then he shouldn't talk about during a ballgame. during the WBC he got very upset on the air while talking about "game of shadows," saying that he doesn't believe anything he reads that's attributed to anonymous sources. apparently watergate never happened for joe. he went on a long rant and jon miller made a rare attempt to disagree, mentioning the reasons a source might need to remain anonymous and that it was an accepted practice, but joe was like a runaway train. he came back to it several times throughout the game.

i could go on and on. this is already too long. just remember, then next time joe morgan is calling a yankees game and talking about how "clutch" derek jeter is, go online and check out jeter's stats in late and close situations.

p.s. while double-checking stats i saw that morgan's "most similar players by age" list on baseball-reference.com has luis rivas on it TWICE. the baseball gods' sense of irony reaches even onto the internet. let this be a warning.

Are we to believe that there are only two baseball gods?

And as for all that all-star talk, I think you can say Morneau's had only one good month, but his total numbers are comperable to all those other 1B candidates, so on the season he's really just as deserving. Also, Santana absolutely deserves it, and as much as I'd wish love for Nathan and Liriano, I'm realistic about the fact that they ain't getting in. Still, the MLB batting average leader and the MLB strikeout/AL ERA leader both should represent the Twinkies.

I'm ok with Morneau not getting in. But Mauer, Santana and Liriano should be there. A very solid case for Nathan could be made as well.

But that's not the way it works. ... If we're lucky we'll get Mauer and Santana. But we'll see.

Surely you folks have all been to www.firejoemorgan.com?

I was walking through the Chicago airport two days ago, having been up for 23 hours and needing to find my family a final leg of a trip home, so we could SLEEP, (screw United Airlines) and who should walk right by me in the terminal but Joe Morgan. I stopped in my tracks, thinking, "I should say something." But after racking my poor little sleep deprived brain, I came to the conclusion I thought Batgirl would most approve of: "If you can't say anything nice to the horrendous boob Joe Morgan, don't say anything at all."

I figured the best thing I could do is not give him the satisfaction of being recognized.

I second eric's plug for www.firejoemorgan.com

The world's second best baseball blog.

Joe seems to feel that being in the Hall of Fame means he automatically knows anyone without a plaque on the wall so he doesn't bother to use his eyes or his brain, just opens his mouth and sees what happens. and he sucks up to the Yankees

and even by his standards to say that Cleveland have a shot but the Twins don't is a statement of such incredible idiocy it's a wonder this head doesn't explose

Its my belief that the surgance of Joe Mauer is the result of comments made by KFAN's Dan Barreiro... A few months back he started a bit about the "M&M Boys," tracking the stats of Mauer, and our old first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz. It was an obvious snark to find who had the worst averages, but I've noticed he doesn't do that bit anymore.

Pander - at the very least, Mauer gets in on the fan voting for the extra 25th player.

The only reason I was able to stand Morgan for that Liriano game was because they had the velvety voice of god beside him in Gary Thorne (formerly of the Mets booth), who I totally adore. I was glad when hockey was gone and he could do more baseball.

Another sad thing about Morgan is that his boobery is so vast and wide and all-encompassing that is suffocates everyone and keeps them from hearing the actual intelligent things he DOES say. And yes, he does say them, every game, a pitching thing here, a fielding thing there. Then after each intelligent thing, 7 or 8 moronic bats to the temple. Thunk, thunk, pronk! Ow!

I really don't mind Miller. He's brought down by Morgan, but he has a good sense of humor and flow in my opinion, and I like his voice. I'll take an anti-hate moment here to tell the funniest thing I ever heard in a baseball announcing moment - which did involve Morgan and Miller:

It was a game at the new stadium years ago, the first year it opened in San Francisco, and in the pre-game they had just come back from a commercial and the lead-in shot was some tall ships that were docked nearby, lovely old nautically engineered things from the 1700's. Miller led the lead-in and said something like "Ah yes, the Tall Ships docked for the whatever festival, gorgeous stately things that all our ancestors came over on to start this country from lands far away." It was nothing too schlocky, and there was this extended pause as he waited for Morgan to chime in. And chime in he did. "Well.... not MY ancestors, Jon." He was audibly chuckling quietly - it was a thing even Morgan thought was funny, as Miller said something akin to "well, um, I, er, I mean, well...." convinced he KNEW he had to say something but literally too stunned by the apprpriate bat HE'D taken to the face, albeit in good humor. Finally Morgan simply said something to lead into the commercial while trying not to laugh more, and I could even hear him slapping Miller on the back.

A brilliant moment, and yes, for that moment I did love Morgan a little bit.

Why are we winning? Easy.

Castro gone
Batista gone
White stopped DH'ing
Kubel called up
Bartlett called up
Radke stopped sucking

Thats it in a nutshell

Dear mbnovak:

No. There's more than two baseball gods. Three made a run to the liquor store, and two others made a run for sliders. A couple others decided to check out the World Cup. The rest were at the College World Series.

k-bro

More fodder for the baseball gods:

Harold Reynolds said the following before the Clemens/Liriano tilt:

"The Twins are struggling right now and the Twins will suffer without the DH, so I predict Clemens will win this game in a big way."

Huh? the Twins had won 11 out of 12 games at that point and the DH position has struggled all year to get over the Mendozza line with two walks and one (pinch hit) homer. It's no exaggeration to say this team would be better off having the pitcher hit, especially if it means the other team also can't have a DH.

Throw in Kruck and it's no wonder Peter Gammons wears Depends during Baseball Tonight.

Miller is good on the radio- I used to listen to him on the Orioles broadcasts (WBAL-1090 on your AM dial) which are easy to get here in New England. As for Morgan... I echo the sentiments of many of you...maybe all that flapping of his elbow damaged his brain in some way. BTW anyone else think it's good idea to play Cretin Hop by the Ramones when the Chairman comes up? I'm sure Ronnie Newman would have.

Batgirl, this is one of those truly humbling moments in my life. As I read today's entry, I realized something I had never known before. I am, in fact, Baseball God #2 because those are direct and accurate quotes from me.

As amusing as I found this entry, BG, I must offer this for consideration. If the baseball gods are swayed to action so much by inane, inaccurate, incomprehensible idiocy... just how do you explain the BitchSox? The only possible explanation I can think of, personally, is that they put the "Hawk and DJ" on mute 2 years ago.

Torii is crying out for attention. He feels left out and irrelevant. It must be very important if he feels compelled to speak out during the best stretch of baseball we've seen since way before he got here.

Please batgirl, can't you do something for poor Torii?

jon miller is great. he's got a beautiful voice usually just gives the facts. he also sets up his analyst with intelligent questions. too bad he doesn't get intelligent answers. gary thorne seems pretty good too- nice voice- but i haven't heard him call many games.

i live in wisconsin now, and one thing that helps make up for missing so many twins games (besides bg) is the opportunity to listen to bob uecker evey day. the man is a national treasure. i came here not caring at all about the brewers, but needing a baseball fix, and only vaguely aware of the uke. now i pull for the brewers almost as much as the twins. if you live along the mn-wi border, try fiddling with your am dial some night when the twins are off.

I blame me, I benched Carlos Silva on my fantasy team cause he was awful...then he pitched a couple good games, so I put him back in...he stunk it up again. For the good of the twins I then released him from me team...been winning since then...

Since we're talking about broadcasters...

Any other XM-ers out there that end up listening to the other team's broadcasters for Twins games notice that John Gordon and Dan Gladden aren't that bad, compared to everyone else? Sure Gladden will call it a "pop up" that's subsequently caught on the warning track in center field, but Gordon will tell you right away if a fly ball's "in the park," he uses the pitch of his voice to describe the action, so he doesn't sound bored, and they don't spend too much time with guests in the booth (other teams seem to have "Some Guy" stop by to chat, with an occasional aside to tell us that "first and second, by the way, no one out)." They don't make up corny catchphrases ("The Yankees win! - The-e-e-e Yankeeeeees Win!" or "Just another Halo victory!" or I'm sure you can think of some), they don't call pitches "twisties" or "swifties," and unlike some, when something goes wrong for the Twins, John and Dan will actually think the Twins are to blame, not the gods (see: Pirates, Pittsburgh) All in all, from what's out there, we could do a lot worse, and I may be alone, but I like our guys and look forward to hearing them.

Was at the game last night in those seats right behind home plate, and they're expensive, but if you get a chance DO IT! I could hear them talking, they could hear my daughter and I cheering them on as they were on deck!! We could check out Castillo's necklace and see that not only is it gold, it's encrusted with diamonds - dude's running the bases with $50K on his neck. Torii looks up at the fans when he warms up. The Doctor is huge (did you see him standing next to Killebrew??). Most of the team looks like it's about fifteen years old. After they won, Gardy looked at the crowd and gave us a thumbs up sign. We had a blast. You should do it.

Regarding Sweetcheeks, I could see him on deck looking at the Detroit score and shaking his head. He almost got the grand slam early, he's batting better and his time is coming.

Well, my mother is quite certain that it's Terry Tiffee, so there is no confusion in the JustBeth family.

7 years of playing APBA baseball with my Dad and older brother, and my first love was Joe Morgan. I was 9 years old when I first owned the 1976 Reds, with Johnny Bench (good year, but not his best by a long shot), George Foster (1 year early. Dang!), Ken Griffey (senior), some obscure 3rd baseman that I forget, and Joe Morgan.

I got the Reds only because my evil older brother had just talked me into choosing the 1960 Pirates for my "historical" team, so he could pick the 1927 Yankees. Hoo baby. Dick Groat over Lou Gehrig. Older brothers are truly evil. My Dad felt sorry for me, so he insisted that I also get first pick of the modern teams. The Reds had just won the series, so they were my pick.

Joe was my star. It was one of his best seasons, and he never failed to pull through for me in big situations. I felt like we had a special bond. We were both small, and second basemen. It didn't matter to me that that was where the similarities ended. Joe had it all: power, speed, a flashy glove. The fact that I had none of these attributes didn't hinder my illusions of kismet. Joe was my hero.

So Joe, speaking as a nearing middle-age former worshipper, please shut up.

Pleadingly,

E-9

Ohhhhh, Lassus... I remember that "tall ships" gaffe quite well. It was excruciating. I also liked Joe Morgan just a little bit more for saying what he said.

One thing I do like about Jon Miller is that he actually pronounces the Latin names correctly.

SoCal,

Funny you should say that. When Gladden and Morris or really any other ex ballplayer are in the booth together, it's bloddy hell. Last night, they got on the pitch count tirade, which every old-time pitcher who won more than 250 games harps on but every old-time pitcher who blew out his arm at age 28 doesn't, and they failed to call an entire at bat with six pitches in it. All of a sudden, Punto steps in witha 3-2 count and not one pitch was called because of this fricken tirade that both Morris and Blyleven spend way too much time on.

In geneal, I wish they would keep the chatter to a minimum and to lulls in the action. The way it is with Gladden and someties Gordo, they seem genuinely perturbed when something happens on the field that interrupts their baseball brilliance. You hear the crowd cheer five seconds before you hear the call because they have to finish their thought.

Frustrating.

BG, been checking out your site for a while (link from Will Young). Love the site, love the humor. Keep it up.

I feel like a kid in an amusement park. One thrill after another. I just don't want it to stop! I know it will. It has to, eventually. But I don't want it too. It's too much fun.

I'm gonna enjoy it while I can. And Joe Morgan ain't stoppin me!

The season has turned around because 2006 is shaping up as the opposite of 2005. In 2005, on June 8, the Twins were 13 games over .500 after Santana shut out the Diamondbacks in Arizona. Lohse pitched the next day and lost, and the season went downhill from there. The Twins went to LA and made Hee Sop Choi look like Babe Ruth.

This year, before their game in Seattle (which, in most respects, politics and precipitation come to mind, is the opposite of Phoenix) on June 8, the Twins were 8 games under .500. Santana won that game, and the Twins have lost only twice since then. Who pitched the previous day--Lohse's replacement in the rotation, Bonser.

Last year, Bartlett was the starting shortstop, but was sent back to Rochester. This year, he starts in Rochester and gets called up to be the starting shortstop.

It's too wierd.

I listen on XM too and find Gordo and Gladden not too bad also. I'm a pretty forgiving listener though.

Bartlett's the answer. The Baseball gods would never give luck to a team that started Castro over Bartlett.

What Morgan should have said is that his ancestors did come over on tall ships. The diference is, they were stacked up like cord wood in the hold while Jon's ancestors were in cabins with cots and windows.

I like Jon Miller too. I wish Joe Morgan would get some great offer to go and do something else so Jon could get a more worthy partner. Although maybe they would give him Rick Sutcliffe, and then I would have to give up ever watching ESPN, because Sutcliffe makes Morgan look like a genius.

Christy M -

That wouldn't really be correct. The slave ships, for my learning, were NOTHING like the tall ships - all the ships from that day weren't as nice as the tall ones at all. THe majority of shipt period were cheap, small, completely crappily-made boats were used in that trade.

I will also use this space to talk up Gary Cohen and Howie Rose of the now-split-up (Gary went to TV, Howie still in the booth) Mets broadcasting team.

Heh, the Gods called Morgan an Assmonkey. That alone makes this hilarious. :)

Lassus,

Not to pic nits. But slavers needed to be fast and nimble because for the last 60 years of the slave trade, the predominant sea power (Brittain) banned slaving and fought to capture slavers. They also needed to be seaworthy enough to make the crossing from west Africa to the Carrabean. They might not have been as tall as war ships, but to attain the necessary speed, they needed to be tall ships, at the very least, well made schooners.

I guess I'm not the only Bob any more :). And it's nice to see the sass and swagger back across the board. I'd stress caution, but I'd rather try to ride this high to the All-Star break and beyond.

I generally don't mind the Twins being disrespected, whether it's Joe Morgan, some other media person, or opposing players. I find it amusing and it makes winning that much more satisfying. It's harder to take when you're sucking, but apparently we're done with that now, so they can say whatever they want.

1. That was well done of Morgan.
[Lassus: Miller led the lead-in and said something like "Ah yes, the Tall Ships docked for the whatever festival, gorgeous stately things that all our ancestors came over on to start this country from lands far away." It was nothing too schlocky, and there was this extended pause as he waited for Morgan to chime in. And chime in he did. "Well.... not MY ancestors, Jon." He was audibly chuckling quietly - it was a thing even Morgan thought was funny, as Miller said something akin to "well, um, I, er, I mean, well...." convinced he KNEW he had to say something but literally too stunned by the apprpriate bat HE'D taken to the face, albeit in good humor. Finally Morgan simply said something to lead into the commercial while trying not to laugh more, and I could even hear him slapping Miller on the back.]
2. Welcome back, Pander.
3. The West African slave trade was conducted in a wide range of ships, and might have looked like a so-called "tall ship." Once Britian barred its ships from participating in the slave trade the main objective would've been to be fast enough to out run a British warship.
The East African slave trade was conducted in dhows--small ships; dhows could not make the crossing to the Americas.
4. We're lucky, in my opinion, to have Gordo/Herb/Dazzle/Black Jack

Hey, Joe in in 3rd place in votes for the C spot so KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
We all need to vote like 200 times in the next 48hrs.

Best... recap... ever... =)

Joe Morgan is an automatic mute at my house. Has been for about 3 years now. He drags down John Miller, who I think is actually one of the better broadcasters out there, but he has to expend too much time & energy making up for the ineptitude of his partner.

When it's an ESPN game, I mute the TV and turn on ESPN radio so I can hear "Soup" (Dave Campbell) call the game.

IMO, he's far and away the best baseball analyst anywhere. He actually does his homework on the teams that are playing, doesn't just "guess" at what the pitches are, and gives credit for great play and dishes out dirt for poor play. Best of all, I learn something new about the game every time I listen to a game that he calls. That's what it's all about.

So the question is... how do we get Soup (Dave Campbell) back onto ESPN? It should be him and Gammons on baseball tonight, and MAYBE Orel Hershiser.

They need to stop wasting our time with hacks like Buster "I couldn't hit a whiffle ball with an oversize tennis racket" Olney, Harold "I don't actually watch the non-Yankee games" Reynolds, John "How'd I get kicked off Best Damn Sports Show and *still* get a job at ESPN?" Kruk and Steve "Take my good players, please!" Phillips.

Also... one interesting thing about MLB.tv and MLB Radio (online) is that you get to hear basically all the different announcers around... and I have to say, we're really lucky to have Bert & Dick and Dazzle and Gordo. 90% of the announcers/analysts out there are just garbage.

- Freez - AKA - President of the Dave Campbell fan club.

All of the national announcers are hopeless, as is ESPN. For people who are paid to watch baseball, they seem to do very little of it. I am constantly amazed at how little they seem to know about anyone on any team that isn't the Yankees or Red Sox.

What's funny is for a week before the Clemens start they were all talking about how washed up he was, then all of a sudden, he's The Rocket.

I find it impossible to listen to any announcer, even dicknbert for more than an inning. I play "lucky" music, which at the moment (somewhat unfortunately) happens to be vespers chants.

All this discussion makes me all the much happier that I skip cable (as to not be tempted to turn on ESPN) and just listen to Gordo and Dazzle.

p.s. Isn't it fun to see the recent entries littered with BOD postings?

How can anybody like Jon Miller? That guy overpronounces every single name he ever says. I'm so distracted by how annoying that is, I miss most of the game.

Miller and Morgan are the second worst broadcasters on the planet. Only those obnoxious White Sox guys are worse, and at least they get their facts right once in a while.

Some of my favorite all-time TC announcers:

Herb Carneal -40 years of excellence

Al "Close" Shaver " Maniago with the save...."

Frank Quilici (an idiosincratic choice, to be sure) "...high sky today Herb and fans.." and "every pitcher goes through peaks and valleys- Golzie's going through one of those valleys right now..."

Ray Christianson (sen?) "...and Midboe says no you don't"

Frank Buetel -in a bored a monotone " Hull skates down, shoots ...it's in; Jets 9, Saints 0"

CM, The radio folks would probably get after Blackjack and Dazzle if they *were* quiet.

ANY "dead air" is considered "a chance for folks to turn the dial." (Ironic, yes.)

Well, let's show this assweed.

That is the best word I think I've ever heard in my life. As usual BG, I love the commentary made by the baseball gods