Last week, we suggested some Mauerist propaganda slogans--and now that the Chairman is AL Player of the Week his support among the people is reaching new heights. Now is your chance to honor the Chairman as he has honored you with his wisdom and his .OPS. We are sponsoring a Mauerist Slogan contest--Team Batgirl will pick their favorites and then we'll all vote. The best slogan will appear on a BatShop T-Shirt. The Chairman serves the people! The Chairman serves the people!
Picture courtesy of Blue Canoe
Oh, and Vote Mauer, for God's sakes. Click on the picture to the left.
Posted by Batgirl at June 12, 2006 09:41 PMChairman Mauer says:
Hitting for power comes from the barrel of a bat
Posted by: freealonzo at June 12, 2006 10:03 PMJoe's hand is a little wrinkly there, I'm just saying, is all.
Posted by: Laurel Krahn at June 12, 2006 10:05 PMThis probably doesn't count, but I love "borrowing" stuff from great Simpsons episodes:
So we'll march day and night
By the big cooling tower
They have the lead
But we have Joe Mauer.
In waking a fastball, use a long stick.
Posted by: TD at June 12, 2006 10:17 PMChairman Mauer says:
All reactionaries are detroit tigers. In appearance, the reactionaries are terrifying, but in reality they are not so powerful.
Posted by: Franorama at June 12, 2006 10:28 PMChairman Mauer is a one-man gang of four.
Posted by: tgusblue at June 12, 2006 10:34 PMBaseball is not a dinner party.
Posted by: Eric at June 12, 2006 10:43 PMMauer to the Meople!
Posted by: EW at June 12, 2006 10:51 PMlol @ EW
Posted by: sacky at June 12, 2006 11:07 PMThe Chairman is a shining son in the heart of the People's lineup.
Posted by: sacky at June 12, 2006 11:12 PMJoin The Catcheral Revolution
or
All Catchers Are Equal, But Some Catchers Are More Equal Than Others
Posted by: Sam at June 12, 2006 11:13 PMOkay, this has very little to do with Mao, but:
Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon
Posted by: sacky at June 12, 2006 11:21 PMEW has set this bar really, really high, but here goes nuthin'...
Victory is the milk of excellent action.
(or)
March to victory on the legs of offense and defense.
(or)
Winning is a revolutionary act.
In America, Joe Mauer gets on base.
In Soviet Russia....Joe Mauer still gets on base.
no? I didn't like it either.
How about:
Joe Mauer: "A sideburn on every cheek, a hit in every game."
or
"Catchers of the world, unite!"
I can keep this up, but I'll take a break for now.
Posted by: Torhu at June 13, 2006 12:26 AMWait, just thought of another.
Joe Mauer says: "Jason Vari-who?"
Posted by: Torhu at June 13, 2006 12:26 AMThe bat is not love: the bat is a hammer which we use to crush the bitch sox.
Posted by: cynick at June 13, 2006 12:40 AM
The New Chairman Kills Only the WHiP and not Millions of his Innocent Citzens.
OK, I apologize if that was depressing. Too much chinese history in my past.
OPS With People!
The .400 Revolution
Way Mauer Hits
Embrace the On-Base
First in hits, First in walks, Third in the order
( btw: http://art-bin.com/art/omaotoc.html )
The revolutionary war is a war of the bats; it can be waged only by mobilizing the bats and relying on them.
- Chairman Mauer
The Collective can depend on the trust of Chairman Mauer's bat.
Posted by: JP at June 13, 2006 07:10 AMLooking at the AL leading vote totals, I find it very distressing that Vladimir Guerrero is the only player not from the Yankees or Red Sox who is leading their positions in votes Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon will be the other two outfielders).
That is pathetic for everyone involved.
Posted by: Mark at June 13, 2006 07:24 AMThe Revolution is Mau!!!
It's Chairman Mauer's World; the rest of us are just chasing after his never-ending line drives.
Even Sinatra would call Mauer "The Chairman."
Posted by: Reboulet at June 13, 2006 08:12 AMTo me, "Mauer to the People," works better than "Mauer to the Meople," and loses nothing.
Posted by: Kurtis at June 13, 2006 08:19 AM...er, that being said, either "Mauer to the Meople," or "Mauer to the People," is the clear winner.
Posted by: Kurtis at June 13, 2006 08:20 AMAll our at-bats, whatever the score, are servants of the people, and whatever we do is to serve the people. How then can we be reluctant to discard any of our ass-bats?
(Thanks to dlarso01 for the link)
Posted by: Saajak at June 13, 2006 08:22 AMUnite and strive for greater victory under the guidance of Chairman Mauer!
Posted by: Jeb at June 13, 2006 08:37 AM"Mauer Power grows out of the barrel of a bat". - Chairman Mauer
Posted by: adidasman at June 13, 2006 08:48 AMClosely follow Chairman Mauer's strategic plans. Set in motion a new upsurge in revolutionary Mauerism!
Posted by: Jeb at June 13, 2006 08:51 AMChairman Mauer: Catcher for the masses.
Posted by: sacky at June 13, 2006 08:53 AMA revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; it cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restrained and magnanimous.
-Chairman Mao
A revolution is a left-handed swing, an act of violence by which one catcher overmatches the opposition.
-Chairman Mauer
Posted by: Serial Thrilla at June 13, 2006 09:03 AMnananananananana Chairman!
nananananananana Chairman!
Chairman! Chairman!
Batman!
I mean Chairman!!!
Posted by: YankeeFan at June 13, 2006 09:10 AMIt only takes a hit to start a prairie rally
Posted by: Kurtis at June 13, 2006 09:14 AMAll of you do realize, of course, that by going to the Maoist quotes web site, your names and ISP addresses have been recorded by the FBI and you can expect increased electronic surveilance in the future. Naturally, you can all forget about political careers.
Ah well. It's all for a good cause!
JC
Posted by: JimCrikket at June 13, 2006 09:19 AMUnite people! Like the hairs on Chairman's sideburns!
Posted by: Thart at June 13, 2006 09:22 AMThere is no room for frivolity, no room for speed. We just breathe and are there.
- Chairman Mauer
Posted by: mn.minx at June 13, 2006 09:27 AMLong Live the Chairman Mauer's Bats O'Plenty and It Will Be Poured On!
Posted by: KT at June 13, 2006 09:32 AMHit or get off the pot. -- Chairman Mauer
Posted by: BK at June 13, 2006 10:10 AMBetter yet:
Our principle is that the Team commands the bat, and the bat must never be allowed to command the Team.
"Problems of War and Strategy" (November 6, 1938), Selected Works, Vol. II, p. 224.
Posted by: BK at June 13, 2006 10:17 AM* Once all struggle is grasped, base hits are possible.
* The cardinal responsibility of leadership is to identify the strike zone at each point of the game and to work out a line drive to resolve it.
* Be resolute, fear no pitcher and surmount every difficulty to win victory.
* What is an at-bat? An at-bat is struggle. There are pitchers and strike zones in those places for us to overcome and solve. We go there to work and struggle to overcome these difficulties. A good comrade is one who is more eager to go where the difficulties are greater.
* The raging tide of the people of Twins Territory against the A.L. aggressors is irresistible. Their struggle will assuredly win still greater victories.
From Beijing to Bemidji, Chairman Mauer rules!
And here's one the Twins television people can use, provided I (and Batgirl) am properly compensated:
Chairman Mauer logo above on front of shirt.
This revolution WILL be televised
FSN North
on back of shirt
Posted by: Franorama at June 13, 2006 11:20 AMChairman Mauer
You say you want a revolution...
You can count me in....
Hey Batgirl - Long Time, First Time.
Chairman Mauer is the sun that drives away all ass-bats.
Posted by: Harmon at June 13, 2006 11:32 AMI'm so glad this turned into a contest! To repost my earlier entries:
Congratulation! When the winner is Chairman Mauer, is winner is you.
In Mauerist Minnesota, Quickswing buys you.
Posted by: Roscoe at June 13, 2006 11:38 AMLet's learn from Chairman Mauer's good soldier, comrade Corky Miller.
Posted by: Roscoe at June 13, 2006 11:44 AMWhen navigating the internet, depend on comrade Ford, and when calling a game depend on Mauerist Thought.
Posted by: Roscoe at June 13, 2006 11:49 AMIn Mauerist Minnesota, sideburns grow you.
Posted by: Roscoe at June 13, 2006 11:49 AM"Long live the great Twins Territory! Long live the great leader, Chairman Mauer! Enthusiastically celebrate the successful convening of the 2006 National Congress of the People's All Stars."
"Enthusiastically cheer the victorious convening of the People's Congress of the Pittsburg Autonomous Prefecture for All Star minorities, comprising People's Representatives who pro-actively put Mauerist Thought into action, and award winners of the "Four-Base Regiment Competition" and the "Five-Tool Soldier Competition."
"When the will of the people and the Chairman are as one, who under the sky of the world can defeat us?"
Posted by: BlueCanoe at June 13, 2006 12:22 PMI love "Hit or get off the pot". Along the same lines, "Hit Happens" can work well. Not really part of the "Chairman Mauer" capaign, but still quality.
Posted by: mbnovak at June 13, 2006 12:26 PMWhen the hitting and the pitching are as one, who under the sky can defeat us? - Chairman Mauer
When navigating the sea depend on the helmsman, when hitting for average depend on the Chairman.
Take the Golden Road to Home as Pointed Out by Chairman Mauer.
Conversation, laughter and the song of victory greet those who reach home. - Chairman Mauer
Chairman Mauer's great guidance gives us limitless .OPS.
Posted by: matt at June 13, 2006 01:15 PMWhat about
"Pour It On"? -seems like a classic.
or maybe "Pour Mao On Joe"...well I think it's funny...
Follow And Be Led
Posted by: Megan J at June 13, 2006 01:49 PM*Chairman Mauer is the rising star that guides us to one hundred glorious wins.
And this one isn't really Maoist, or probably even very original, but fun anyway.
*Chairman Mauer. Not your average Joe.
Posted by: twayn at June 13, 2006 01:57 PMJC,
It's way too late for me, anyway. Several years ago, just out of curiousity, I wrote to the FBI asking if they had a file on me. Their response? "We do now!"
Posted by: twayn at June 13, 2006 01:59 PMMost Magnificent Chairman Mauer says:
See Mountain, knock down mountain with Fist.
See Bitch Sox, knock down Bitch Sox with bats.
Father Chairman Mauer says:
March On!
March On!
March On!
these are the spirit of the time!
Ass Bats be gone by the power of the People.
Chairman Mauer provides hits for the good of the People.
The People's sacrifice makes the Chairman Mauer good for all.
has anyone seen his mauer article on espn.com?
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=rogers_phil&id=2481290
Posted by: dadwenttogame7of91withoutme at June 13, 2006 02:47 PMThe Chairman's Bat is Benevolence to the People and Misery to the Opposition.
If total bases are the opiate of the people, the Chairman shall provide, and all will revel in the bounty of Joe.
Posted by: fiesta at June 13, 2006 02:48 PMMauer's Minnies respectfully wish the Chairman a long life.
Posted by: Roscoe at June 13, 2006 03:24 PMGo deeper into the campaign to denounce Ed Rapuano. Strike back at the deviationist's attempt to question our Chairman's strike-zone judgment.
Posted by: Roscoe at June 13, 2006 03:30 PMChairman Mauer says:
The organs of state must practise democratic centralism of hitting the ball many times, they must rely on the masses and their personnel must serve the people.
Posted by: el diablo at June 13, 2006 03:34 PM[Chairman Mauer] has an indomitable spirit and is determined to vanquish all [pitchers] and never to yield. No matter what the difficulties and hardships, so long as [Joe Mauer] remains, he will fight on!
Thousands upon thousands of [pitchers] have heroically sacrificed their [WHIPs] for the [Chairman]; let us hold [his] banner high and march ahead along the [base]path!
We should rid our ranks of all impotent [hitting]. All views that overestimate the strength of the [Bitch Sox] and underestimate the strength of the [Chairman] are wrong!
...but i *still* like Mauer to the Meople.
Mauer is not love. Mauer is a hammer which we use to crush the enemy.
Non-modified Mao quotes that also might work:
"People like me sound like a lot of big cannons."
"I voted for you during your last election."
Long live the great and powerful
ass-bat crusher, Chairman Mauer
Mauer Power will enrich us
and keep us strong
1)Chairman Mauer wisely guides us with ease through the Great Difficulty.
2)The hands and quick wrists of the Chairman steer us to enlightenment and victory.
3)Engage in Mauerist thought, it will lead you to a higher VORP and lower swiped bags.
4)When we put our trust into the Chairman, he blesses us with his OPS.
5)The Chairman uses his bat and his arm to fire benevolent beams of distress against his AL Central foes!
6)The Chairman is a surging ocean in the land of 10,000 lakes.
7)All praise the Chairman's little black book, for he spreads the people's message through former Miss America contestants.
Posted by: Skorch at June 13, 2006 04:16 PMBatgirl, is there anyway your loyal readers could being purchasing t-shirts with "The Chairmain" art on them? I'd love to take a few off your hands!
Posted by: Maoist at June 13, 2006 04:33 PMThere are a lot of great slogans here; I'd like to see multitudes wandering the Dome with several different great slogans on them, then people would have to try read each one of them.
Posted by: dlarso01 at June 13, 2006 04:46 PMChairman Mauer says:
All of my magnificant hitting of baseballs is for the masses of the people, and in the first place for the workers, peasants and soldiers; they are created for the workers, peasants and soldiers and are for their use and for the use of eliminating ass-bats.
Posted by: el diablo at June 13, 2006 05:30 PMYa know - I really have to vote for 'Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon' by Sacky. There could be some good artwork that accompanies that.
Posted by: Jaguar at June 13, 2006 05:51 PM*digs out copies of Mao's essays he theoretically read sometime in the last 3 months*
"People may ask: Since Mauerism is accepted by the majority of the people in our country as the guiding ideology, can it be criticized? Certainly it can. As a scientific truth, Mauerisim fears no criticism"
Comrades! In order to become the most faithful and best pupils of Mauer, Gwynn, Killebrew and Oliva, we need to carry on cultivation in all aspects in the course of the long and great revolutionary struggle of the proletariat and the masses of the people.
Criticize and Denounce Rondell White's conference "A cultivation on Hitter's Self-cultivation"!
Invincible Chairman Mauer thought lights up the revolutionary batting order!
Chairman Mauer's great guidance gives us invisible strength! [I have a feeling someone already said it]
The Catching class must lead in everything!
A shining example and great pioneering undertaking: Chairman Mauer's 5th straight game reaching base 4 times!
I wish Chairman Mauer could bring new, fast internet connections. Sigh.
Posted by: goesboom at June 13, 2006 05:54 PMJoe Tzu is wise. He knows many things, icluding:
1. Hits come to those who wait.
2. Pitches flow like a river: Do not swing against the river; swing with the river.
3. Concentrate your chi to acheive strength even in your weakness.
4. Focus your enemy's chi; deflect it and add it to your own.
Which all can be summed up in the four great doctines of Lao Tzu, which Joe Tzu keeps in his locker:
Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness and have few desires.
"Therefore the Sage embraces the One, and becomes the model of the world.
He does not show himself; therefore he is luminous. He does not justify himself; therefore he becomes prominent. He does not boast of himself; therefore he is given credit. He does hot brag; therefore he can endure for long.
It is precisely because he does not compete that the world cannot compete with him."
--Lao Tzu
Posted by: cmathewson at June 13, 2006 06:25 PMThe White Sox are nothing but a bunch of paper Tigers.
Posted by: presterjohn at June 13, 2006 06:51 PMDon't know if this one's been done before...
"Only by keeping on base can we achieve victory."
Posted by: Torhu at June 13, 2006 08:04 PMOkay, seriously, a lot of great stuff here, but I have to say that the only one that would truly look great on a t-shirt (hopefully along with some excellent Mauer art) is EW's inspired "Mauer to the Meople!" (And it might be the least likely to inspire the worship of dead Communist leaders that ss seems to be so worried about.) Can we get behind this, meople? EW the winner by acclamation?
Posted by: Sam at June 13, 2006 08:15 PMI agree that "Mauer to the People" loses nothing
Posted by: PJStP at June 13, 2006 09:31 PMI agree with ss. I hope Joe Mauer wouldn't want to be compared, even as a joke, to Mao Zedong.
Posted by: K8 at June 13, 2006 10:12 PMI've got a new one:
"If the Chairman thinks it's a ball, it's a frackin' ball."
"All your base are belong to us"--Chairman Mauer
Posted by: Valhalladeath at June 13, 2006 11:02 PMI rather like the "Embrace the On-Base" and "Mauer to the People" ideas. Good showing by all, though!
Posted by: FordHoiberg at June 13, 2006 11:36 PMI'm kinda partial to YankeeFan's nanananana Chairman! But then, it's late.
Posted by: mmmmarkiep at June 14, 2006 12:27 AM
I'm with SS and K8 -
But DAMN "If the Chairman thinks it's a ball, it's a frackin' ball!" made me laugh really hard. But maybe it's because I've watched almost the entire run of Battlestar Galactica in the last 2 weeks.
If we use this one we perhaps can make the Chairman reference be LESS referential to the ACTUAL THINGS Mao and his staff said as they slaughtered people? That's just depressing.
Posted by: Lassus at June 14, 2006 02:18 AM"Extend your enthusiastic support to the glorious maker of dingers and dongs!!! Vote Chairman!!!"
"Smash the gang of four: down AJ, down Jorge, down Pudge and Hernandez!!! Elevate the Chairman!!!"
"Sideburns, lumber and the gentle joy of victory. Vote Chairman!!!"
"The Central Committee has a plan for the three-spot. Vote Chairman!!!"
"Chairman Mauer values your on-line obedience. Tie your heart to his and provide him with tears of joy. Vote Chairman!!!"
"When selecting salmon depend on the fishmonger, and when calculating catchers depend on Chairman Mauer."
cp
Posted by: Mr. Sponge at June 14, 2006 06:58 AMMaybe I gotta be the only to vote for "A baseball game is not a dinner party." - I love that.
Posted by: Kelly at June 16, 2006 05:33 PM