Cleveland at Twins. Twins 6, Cleveland 5.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was a young girl named Batgirl with a plot of land, a hoe, and a dream of self-sufficiency. And she said: "I will take my plot of land and my hoe and my dream and with it I shall create a blog and this will be a blog devoted to the principle that baseball is fun and the Twins are beloved and the word "ass" is inherently hilarious and can be used as any part of speech, except for perhaps articles and conjunctions and maybe even pronouns and certainly prepositions. And through this blog I shall lead my baseball team to glory."
But there was a problem. You may not recall, it may seem strange to your modern ears, but in April of 2004 our bullpen assed it up all over the place. And so Batgirl took her land and her hoe and her dream and started a competition called Bullpen Idol, and that competition would motivate this band of Fultzs and Mulhollands and Rincons and Romeros and Roas and Ball Fours and this new guy we got from the Giants who's supposed to be our closer, whatshisname, to new heights of glory, or at least less heights of assitude.
Times have changed and since Mr. Joe Nathan was crowned the winner of Bullpen Idol three years ago our pen has been our shining star. But this year the cracks started to show more clearly than Paula Abdul's Happy Happy Fun Drink habit and suddenly games have gone quickly asswards when we get to the pen and it isn't right, it isn't fair, because we have Juan Rincon, we have Joe Nathan, and isn't that enough? Isn't it?
Tonight, it was. Tonight, it worked just like it was supposed to, just like the halcyon days of the aftermath of Bullpen Idol. The President faltered—he does that sometimes to pretend he's human but we know the truth. Casey "We Get It, We Get It, We Let You Go And We’re Sorry" Blake and Pronkzilla and Perez took the lead away from us and our 4 run lead became a one run deficit. Ass! I cried. Whoever will save our president now?
Never fear. We have Juan Rincon, we have Joe Nathan, and that, my friends, is enough. It's the Vice President's job to take the place of the President if he should be unable to fulfill his duties, and boy howdy did he. Down went the Indians—one, two, three! Four, five, six! It was sizzling, it was Santana-esque, it was Nathan-esque, it was what earned him the Bullpen Idol crown in the first place and launched his storied political career! After Sunday's ass-arm performance, we needed someone to step up and show the kids how it was done.
And that's why you, Joe Nathan, are the Bullpen Idol. Now and 4-ever.
I don't know, these seem to work: assand, assor, assbut.
Posted by: The Commish at May 24, 2006 12:34 AM*sniff* I remember that time, before Nathan became Vice President of Everything We Twins Fans Hold True, when we simply knew him as the Count. Truly, this was a Magically Delicious win.
Posted by: mk at May 24, 2006 01:08 AMStand up and shout, indeed.
Now, if we could only assentuate the importance of the starters and middle guys creating situations where the Twins take a small lead into the ninth, Mr. Nathan could asstuately fulfill his niche. As it stands now, he is our main trade bait dangler, kind of like K.C. having a lights out lefthanded specialist, or a fish having an extra bicycle.
Posted by: al at May 24, 2006 08:35 AMThis moodswingy season is making my hair turn white -- but if Taylor wins tonight, at least I'll be "cool."
Posted by: kw at May 24, 2006 09:06 AMHey now- Boo did ok on Sunday - he wasn't the one that put all the runners on base :p
SO he's not a sharp as he was in the past - I was still very happy to see it was Boo trotting out of the bullpen in the 8th =)
Much Love
Wonder Woman
Our beloved VP, trade bait? Perish the thought.
If someone wants Lyle, though...
Posted by: adidasman at May 24, 2006 09:16 AM2 innings, 5 Ks. *bows before the VP*
Posted by: CarrieICL at May 24, 2006 09:16 AMal, whether on purpose or not, your statement reminds me of:
"Wait a minute! We're FISH! We don't ride bicycles!
Let's go swimming...to the bottom of the Ocean."
I love Laurie Berkner, and so does Adam.
Can't say enough about the Veep's performance last night -- could be the best closer in baseball today. Definitely top 5.
YankeeFan
Posted by: YankeeFan at May 24, 2006 09:30 AMLots of details, lots to comment on, but basically last night's game was ASSTOUNDING!!
Posted by: kq at May 24, 2006 10:16 AMIt's nice to know, when El Presidente needs a break, the Vice President is willing to step in. And when the Vice President needs to step in for the President, enemies tremble in fear.
Posted by: JustBeth at May 24, 2006 10:44 AMwouldn't it be nice to have a chance to win today? radke v sabathia. real nice.
Posted by: clay jr at May 24, 2006 11:15 AMnice thought, clay.
Some days you have poor pitching, some days poor fielding, and some days poor hitting.
And some days, you get all three and seriously should consider refunds to everyone who paid to attend a major league baseball game.
Fortunately, it'll only count as one loss.
Posted by: JimCrikket at May 24, 2006 02:29 PMCaptain Cheeseburger going for back-to-back CG shutouts.
Sounds like you guys might need to add a new monster to the pantheon, to join Pronkzilla.
I say again - best of luck to the Twins, but
GO TRIBE!
Actually - I was wrong. Captain Cheeseburger surrendered 1 run to the Buckos last outing.
Posted by: Tribe Fan at May 24, 2006 02:48 PMSomebody's gotta make that guy put his cap on the right way. It just hurts to look at him. 7 feet 10, 987 pounds, size XXXXXXL uniform, and that goofy crooked cap. Painful.
Radke got dinked to death today, other than Blake's homer - he just can't catch a break. The bullpen didn't look too purdee, though, that's for sure. Of course, when you score no runs, none of the rest matters much, eh? The only good news is that Cleveland isn't going anywhere, either. Hitting's too streaky and pitching's too thin. (Except for Captain Cheeseburger, of course. You can call him what you like, but you can't call him thin.)
Posted by: adidasman at May 24, 2006 03:56 PMPainful is a CG shutout. I'm not trying to talk smack, but the way that guy is pitching right now, he can wear pink tutus and purple leotards for all I care.
Oh...and the Indians will win 90 this year.
Posted by: Tribe Fan at May 24, 2006 04:53 PMdid you guys hear something?
Posted by: Ovie at May 24, 2006 05:06 PMi'm sorry, but radke did not get dinked to death. radke got hammered, again. at some point, an 8 ERA isn't a fluke. time to package rondell white for a starter, put redmond in at DH, and radke, silva, and lohse can form the ex-starters club.