Twins at Kansas City. Twins 7, Royals 3.
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Ow.
My neck.
Is it going to be like this all year? I just want to know. I'm not going to be angry, really I'm not. I just want to be prepared. To take precautions. If we're going to be absolutely horrible one series and play like a professional baseball team the next, if we're going to only manage one run against El Fatto del Triple A one game and then score seven runs the next, I'd just like a little heads-up, that's all. It's not too much to ask, after all Batgirl has given. That way, she knows—oh, okay, we're going to be incredibly inconsistent all season and just when you're ready to write us off we're going to redeemify ourselves and just when we redeemify ourselves and it looks like we're getting it together we're going to make Batgirl fall into a black hole of despair such that she will never see the sun's beautiful beams again? Great. Thank you!
Hey, Twins, you know what would be cool? I mean, if you guys really wanted to establish yourself as crazily inconsistent? Really make your mark and let everyone know you have more personalities than Sybil? Finishing the month at .500. That would be COOL. Because, frankly, the schedule has been a little grueling and, frankly, Mr. Johan Santana is never quite himself in April, and Batgirl has often said to herself, "Self, if we can finish April at .500 I'll be really happy." And everyone wants to make Batgirl really happy, right? Of course to finish at .500 we'd have to sweep the Tigers, and to sweep the Tigers we would have needed to be swept by the Royals and if we had been swept by the Royals, Batgirl would be no longer with us in the "sane" sense and perhaps even the "alive" sense on account of the major stress-induced aneurysm, so, you know, it was nice to have dreams and all of that.
At the very least we can all take some time to thank all the gods of baseball that we're not the Kansas City Royals. Because just when you're talking about how incredibly bad at Base Ball we are, then you see the Royals play hot potato with the ball for a few innings and you realize how very lucky you are. I mean, we might not be able to hit worth a crap, and lately we can't really pitch either, but at least we know how to catch the baseball. Did you listen to the game today? Every time the a Royal let a ball through his legs or dropped it out of his glove or threw it nine feet over someone's head a little piece of Dazzle died inside. It hurt him. It hurt his soul. What's that saying? I thought I had trouble until I met a man with no shoes, and then I met a man with no legs, and then I met a Kansas City Royal. Something like that.
The point is, it's games like this that make us stop and count our blessings, including Blessing #1, Johan K. Santana. Because he struck out ten today and seems to be finding his form, and that, my friends, is worth a little whiplash.
BatNote Come see Batgirl's close personal friend at Birchbark Books in Minneapolis on Saturday at 2:00.
Does anyone else find it irritating that the Twins website doesn't update their photo gallery? The Dodgers site is updated every freakin' day, but the Twins have the Home Opener, and pictures of the Terrace Suite. Nauze.
Posted by: jimbaseball at April 27, 2006 10:44 PMIt's... been a long couple of days.
Posted by: CarrieICL at April 27, 2006 11:11 PMoh how I've missed Santana's strikeout reels. I know others prefer homeruns, steals, triples, web gems or walkoffs, but these things just don't affect my baseball senses in quite the same way.
Posted by: Bob at April 27, 2006 11:15 PMHeh, for a class assignment two years ago, I created a business plan for a book store. After encountering serious writer's block for a name of the store, I finally consented to my roommate's (who was from Baltimore and have never set foot in Minnesota) suggestion to name it Birch Tree Books.
Posted by: Will Young at April 28, 2006 12:19 AMMichael Cuddyer hit a home run!
I also understand some other things happened in the game, but they're all a little bit fuzzy. Oh, wait, I recall lots of people being told to sit down.
Here's to .500 for April!
Posted by: JustBeth at April 28, 2006 08:13 AM
Yeah my neck hurts a little, too. I was definitely flirting with one of those major stress-induced aneurysm thingys myself.
Amazing, the healing power of ten sat-down bitches, but how cruel that Johan's first win wasn't televised...
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 28, 2006 09:05 AMI am declaring war on the Twins.
Granted the Tigers have to overtake the White Sox and probably Indians to win games that truly matter, but The Tigers also need to rally around the ghosts of 1987 and Jack Morris and destroy the evil Twinkies.
So I say, on Kenny, on Shelton and on Zumaya, Destroy these evil Tiwns and all things Homerdome on your way to glory.
Of course all Twins related transgression will be halted when they play the Yankees or White Sox.
Tigers General in Arms "El Bengalo"
Posted by: Brad at April 28, 2006 09:19 AMBG is right: we are very lucky we aren't the Royals. Dazzle was seriously upset with how poorly they played yesterday, which is especially cool because they're the other team. I gained just a little liking for Dazzle as an announcer. Now, if he could only learn not to be so monotone while doing play-by-play.
Posted by: Nick at April 28, 2006 09:40 AMThe perimeter has been breached! By a bloody TIGERS fan, no less! Declaring war on our boys! WAR!!! Calling us evil!!! EVIL!!! In the name of all that's holy, we must quash the intruder! Mash his team into the dust! We must remind them of their all-too-humble recent history, their near-legendary putricity! We must shock the world (and probably ourselves) by winning two road series in a row!!! Come on, boys! Flummox the interloper, and bring happiness to BG and her legion of fans at the same time! We can DO this!!! I KNOW we can!!!
Posted by: adidasman at April 28, 2006 10:15 AMAs a break from Twins-induced whiplash, I might humbly suggest the World Snooker Champoinships, taking place in England this weekend, at a venue called The Crucible (bit of British hyperbole, that). The BBC has excellent coverage, including streaming video highlights of almost every match. I particularly like the official in white gloves who cleans the cue ball every fifth shot or so. It's refined yet intense. No need for protective cups.
And...umm..kind of boring.
So I'll take baseball any day, even the aggravating, inconsistent, unpredicatable, whacky variety the Twins are playing so far.
Chill, BG, it's still the game we love. Better than watching snooker, anyway.
Perversely,
Jim H.
Posted by: Jim H. at April 28, 2006 10:28 AMDear TwinsGoddess,
Everyone knows the revolution will not be televised!
Onward, RD
Posted by: RonDavis at April 28, 2006 10:33 AMTwins Goddess:
Twins website has video of Johan's 10Ks--great to watch...almost all changeups.
Almost as good as the DJ Cuddles HR which is almost as good as the DJ Cuddles stolen base!!!!! (part of the 5 run inning video)
DAM
Posted by: DAM-DC Twins Fan at April 28, 2006 10:45 AMAnyone notice that Hunter was 0 for 12 in this series. He is a bad weekend away from having a lower batting average than White. Throw in Morneau's .206 average and this years offence is not looking much improved from last year.
Posted by: joe at April 28, 2006 11:39 AMWhat would a week in Rochester do for Hunter, White, and Morneau?
Posted by: jimbaseball at April 28, 2006 11:58 AMThat depends, jimbaseball, on whether you're suggesting our AAA affiliate or the Mayo clinic.
Both could have effective, though substantially different, effects.
Posted by: JimCrikket at April 28, 2006 12:09 PMLaughing out loud
Posted by: jimbaseball at April 28, 2006 12:47 PMdid anyone hear bert the other night when they were talking about overweight pitchers? he thought CC sabathia might be on the DL because he ate too many cheeseburgers. i laughed out loud. maybe he ate too many tiny superheros.
Posted by: dorkyhouse at April 28, 2006 12:47 PMLOL @ dorkyhouse!
Did anyone else here the other day when Bert mentioned ME? Oh wait, he was calling Elarton a tall drink of water, but still, my heart went all aflutter.
Posted by: talldrinkowater at April 28, 2006 01:55 PMIt's great they got a win, but man, they really hit like poo against a team that probably couldn't go .500 if they were in either of the Triple-A leagues.
If they go 2-1 against Detroit, some hope for '06 may be rekindled. But this series, and this last game has done nothing to aleviate the concerns surrounding this team.
Posted by: andy at April 28, 2006 01:59 PMI sent BGs riff on the Royals to some of my Royals fan friends -- it's "classic."
P.S. They are mad at me now, I think
Posted by: funoka at April 28, 2006 02:24 PMI'm pretty sure the Rondell/Torii back-to-back combo is the worst combo since peanut-butter Combos.
Remember those?
I'm clever.
Posted by: haplo at April 28, 2006 06:16 PM