Not the curse of Rowand. The curse of Frank Thomas.

Unfortunately, spring training records have no actual relation to regular season records for the same year - the 2005 pairing explains less than 1% of the variation in regular season records.

The Bitch Sox had the fourth worst spring training record last year, too.

I'm old enough to remember 1970, when the Twins won five games in all of spring training and went on to win the division. Much as I'd like to see this as a harbinger of ill tidings for Chicago, the odds are it means nothing.

Perhaps someone stole all of their shadows?

I have a feeling that one should view spring training results the same way one views financial investments. Past performance does not necessarily reflect future returns. And speaking of the future, I was totally depressed by Jim Souhan's column in today's Star Tribune. He makes it sound as though Hunter's bags are already packed.

Attyfan:

Sometimes Souhan strikes me as a first-class muckraker. I'm not planning on worrying about it unless Torii goes all Daunte on us.

"Muckraker" isn't supposed to be a bad thing. A muckracker is an enterprising journalist who digs up the skeletons out of the closets of the powers that be and hold them up in the light of day for all to see. A thorn in the side of those who abuse power. And all of that. Souhan is not a muckraker. He's more of a rabble-rouser. Although that's not a perfect term for him, either. Maybe "dumbass" best describes it.

Neil, if Hunter goes Daunte on us I'll help him pack his bags.

How many games have Johan and Francisco pitched in so far? Right there could be a part of the answer.

Dearest BG:

I am surprised at the lack of rejoicing among Twins fans about the acquisition of Matt Thornton by the White Sox. If the Twins can get in a few innings facing Thornton, that could be like finding a magic elixir from the gods to transform ass-sticks to mighty ThunderSticks.

But the Twins will have to take advanatage of opportunities early in the season. It won't take long for Ozzie to figure out that he should never give Thornton the ball in a critical game siuation.

An inside source is reporting that the BitchSox have been suffering from an unexplained rash of pranks that have occurred over the last couple of weeks. Outfielders tripping over unseen obstacles when trying to shag fly balls. Pitchers experiencing the "hotfoot" during a windup. Hitters mysteriously hearing "heymanherecomesaheaterman" in a soft voice and then getting rung up on a slow curve. There's even a report of Ken "Hawk" Harrelsons Binaca being replaced with vinegar. Could it be they are being haunted?

Maybe Darth Thomas is using the dark side of the force on them?

Is he still Darth Thomas?

Dear Me,

God bless Kirby Puckett...

Dear Andre,

Yes, "dumbass" does seem to be the best description.

bubblemint

Andre,

I agree. "Muckraker" gives Souhan far too much credit towards effort. I'm not sure what things he's supposed to be doing, but analysis sure ain't one of them.

Aaron Gleeman gets it right: "Shecky" Souhan.

I've always liked Souhan. He's always struck me as one of the more professional writers on the Strib sports desk. I'll take him over Barreiro or Reusse anyday.

I think there's a bit of "blame the messenger" here. I don't like to think about Torii leaving either. But just because he might doesn't make Souhan a bad writer for reporting it.

As for the actual topic of the day, It wouldn't surprise me to learn the Sox don't have much depth, and it's their AAA and AA guys at camp losing those games in the late innings.

Kurtis--
Hear, hear. I've always thought Jim Souhan is one of the best writers on the Strib's sports page. He certainly made it clear that Torii would like to stay in one uniform, but that thanks to the business of the game it's mostly out of his hands.

Jeff A: "Much as I'd like to see this as a harbinger of ill tidings for Chicago"? I thought that was exactly what spring training was about. The records might not accurately predict regular season success, but I can choose to see them however I like, at least until the games prove me wrong.

I love March.

hrunting

I like Jim Souhan as well; he tends to be less bombastic and self-inflated than Reusse (which isn't hard to do, unless you're El Sid). But it seems clear that he went into this piece with a particular point of view in place - "Daunte is gone, KG may leave, and wouldn't it just make sense if Torii goes, too?" It seems the media have been keen on escorting Hunter out of town since he sold his townhouse in the fall, and they love the whole he's-the-only-position-player-left-from-2002-and-hey-that-means-he'll-be-gone-soon angle. Torii's honesty plays into that well, as he understands the business of the game and responds openly about the possibility of having to leave the Twins. But to say he's gone "sooner than later" seems premature, to say the least. (At least I hope it is. If there's anything I hope Torii learned from his buddy Puck, it's that there's a lot to be said for playing your whole career in one uniform.)

Oh, and I think any loss by the White Sox, spring training or not, is cause for celebration.

They're even on a two game winning streak right now. Has anyone asked Ozzie Guillen about this? I always like reading his interviews when the bitch sox are struggling. Last fall, when it seemed like they were trying to miss the playoffs, you could always count on Ozzie to brighten you day.

Here's a small bet, wish and prayer that the Bitch Sox pitching goes south, Thome continues his slow decline, and the Twins or Detroit or Cleveland catch them this year.

Is anybody excited about RonDL White yet?

P.S. Souhan's column made me a little ill this AM, but mostly because I think he's probably right.

I am afraid if Damon gets hurt, Torii will end up in pinstripes.

Dennis Green used to boast about going undefeated in the pre-season. Look what happened to his teams.

The white sox signed every lefty pitcher who has been in the majors in the past three years to try out for spring training. Every one of them sucks so they white sox have given up a billion runs so far in spring training beating out Cincy whose given up only 160.

AJ doesn't make booya in March. Watch out when he does.

Dear Fiesta,

The article didn't make me feel certain that Hunter would like to stay in one uniform for his entire career and that is why it made me feel down.

I'd like to see Hunter come out and say he wants to be a Minnesota Twin for his entire career. In my opinion he has alot of control whether that happens or not. He could be willing to take less (we'd still be talking about millions per year) and/or structure his contract in a way to help it happen.

I hope I don't offend anyone but I don't buy the I need to make alot b/c I spend alot thinking of many sports stars. I didn't buy it from Sprewell and I wouldn't from anyone else. If Torii wants to stay a Twiw he can make it happen.

A different question is, does it help the Twins more if he isn't around after this year.

Cal:

Quote from Torii from the article:

"I'd love to stay with one team my entire career. I know these guys, know the entire organization. I know all the coaches, know the way the Twins play baseball."

He did say it. I suppose it'll come down to the "show me the money" moment, when it finally arrives.

Dear Twins

We will trade you Johnny Damon for Torii

Love

The Yankees

p.s.

Or Gary "Wiggle Bat".

You will like him. He is friendly.

Buehrle has a soul???? Now that is scary!!!!

if i am remembering correctly didn't they have the same thing happen in spring training like that last year?

RD is trying to figure out how a story about Torii Hunter talking honestly about his future becomes a referendum on the writer. You don't want to read it because it makes you feel bad? You think that Torii just started thinking about this stuff when Souhan queried him?

RD's opinion is that it's nice to have an athlete's level-headed (albeit sad) comments about his future presented by a level-headed columnist who doesn't insult readers by being shrill and bombastic.

And, frankly, if the Twins bite doo-doo this year, the trick for TR is going to be knowing when to pull off a deal that will bring the next batch of can't-miss talent to the team in return for Hunter. It's a bummer to think about the upcoming season in a potentially cut-your-losses mode, but denial in the face of struggles won't be good for anyone.

I'm hoping all of the above become non-issues, but I'm not willing to put up the "Mission Accomplished" banner just because Torii is back in the lineup.

If Torii truly understands the business then how come he makes it a point to make sure everyone understands how unhappy he is when one of his friends from 1997 leaves the team? If he truly understood that the Twins are a small market team that can't afford to throw around their money loosely, then why all the whining over the last couple years? And I can't say as though I blame Souhan for the article at all. Torii has been talking about his impending departure for well over a year now. Always some comment about how the writing is on the wall. Perhaps that's just his honesty coming through. Could be.

I thought it was a requirement to lose your soul when you join the Bitch Sox.

>>p.s.
>>Or Gary "Wiggle Bat".
>>You will like him. He is friendly.

Ha! That's still making me laugh, PEMike. Heheheh.. friendly. Heheh.

Dearest BG,

I believe that, with a sound very much like "Patoooie!", the depths of Hell spit out Buehrle's soul. There's court case pending for breach of contract.

Sincerely,
mmm

"The Bitch Sox had the fourth worst spring training record last year, too."

True. Still, they were a respectable 14-18. They'd have to go 9-3 the rest of the way just to match that this year. Ding dong, the bitch is dead.

James:

Well....I wouldn't go THAT far yet. Wait for Dr. Morneau to wake up.

This is the story. Frank Thomas during his college days at Auburn once found himself in a small Louisiana town - on a little street partly obscured by a tree covered with spanish moss was a very special pharmacy run by Madam Cecille La Rue aka "Mistress of the Dark Arts".
Frank and she conversed and she provided him with a special dark paste that set right his leg muscle which had been bothering him.
They have remained friends ever since. Frank would call her when he had a pull or sprain and she would send him an ointment or drink containing here special herbs and Frank would feel better. Sadly Madam La Rue had nothing for a broken ankle but she and Frank still stayed in touch.
Stunned at being rejected by the only major league team he had played for a bitter, revengeful Frank Thomas visited Madam La Rue over the winter - she schooled him in some of her darker arts.
As a result Mr. Thomas, through ebay, sports memorbilia dealers and the wax carvings of Madam La Rue's cousin Andreas now has a likeness of every player on the White Sox 40 man roster. If you could only see behind the secret panel in Frank's bedroom - There the team sits on shelves along with candles, a box of needles and some acid.
Madam La Rue taught him well - it well be subtle. No sudden breaking of bones or rotator cuffs. Just a needle in a knee here, a drop of acid on a shoulder muscle there. The White sox will look no different to the ordinary observer but like Christian Guzman who only now lets us know his last years with the Twins were with bad eyes and a damaged shoulder the aches and pains will add up.
Sadly, the White Sox are DOOMED to resume the consistently mediocre performances the Twins had become accustomed to until last year.

let's all hope Dr. Morneau wakes up

Hi guys, stop referring to the city the Bitch Sox play in as Chicago. Call it the South Side or something. I'm sick of that piece of trash organization being identified with the city.

This site is great, Go Twins in '06!

Good luck guys. Hope that Sox did poorly in spring training so they will do poorly in the regular season thing works out for you. See you at the second victory parade in the Loop this year.

Eh. As the pre-eminant White Sox voice of sportsmanship, let me simply say...

"phhbbbbbbbt"

Worryin bout Spring Training beyond grabbing a quick giggle is futile. I've seen great springs result in blah seasons year after year, and last year after a weak spring we come out of the gates on absolute fire.

If we start 5-16 in the real season, I'll throw some worry. Not a whole lot, but a little. I'm not worried about this start though, between split squads, players just getting warmed up, acclimating to the season again, and general "whogivesacrap-itis", there're too many possible reasons besides "our team sucks". So yeah.

And what's with the Torii angst? Win 50 games by the ASB, and you'll keep Torii. Easy!

Well said, Pander.

Nothing is won or lost in March, unless people get badly injured.

Bat-BITCH.

We got a Championship in Chi-town.You Twins fans better pray,you still play in that crappydome of yours.

See you all this season,by the time we face you guys,you'll be paying attention to the Vikings by then!

Later,BBEEEEOOOOCHHH!!!!!!!!

Pay no attention to the angry fan above. Some of us in Chicago are still kind of bitter over years of Cub-love and take it out indiscriminately.

As a Sox fan I would like to thank Mark Buehrle for the brave sacrifice of his immortal soul in return for the 2005 season. It was really quite big of him I think.

If you are curious why the Sox have been losing so often this spring, you need only watch a game. Not only has Ozzie been playing every available left reliever he could find, but he plays more scrubs and minor leaguers than any other manager.

I am much more worried about Pods' health, Jenk's extra 50 pounds, and the other four ALC teams than I am about our Spring record.

And yes, please ignore the obnoxious Sox fan two posts up, as well as the obnoxious (read: jealous) Cubs fan named "slaky". Trolls permeate both sides of town.