My sentiments exactly Ron.

oh, man, Batgirl, you've outdone yourself this time.

"Do you know what my ERA is this week? It's 1.25. I'm going to be the [EDITED] Pitcher of the Week."

absolutely freakin' hilarious.

I just wish you could continue to be witty and amazing without the ass bats, you know? but I'm gonig to take those ass bats, and I'm going to build a huge bonfire with them - and I'm terrified of fire, BG. but I'm going to burn the ass bats, and I'll be crying because of the scary fire, but I'll do it. and the boys will be forced either to use the good bats the rest of the season or to go all A-Rod on the ball and slap at it with their hands for hits.

argh! blah blah blah A-Rod! I shake my fist at the stupid ass bats!!!

a play like that in the ninth used to spark a twins win. now, just more heartache. five great starts - one win.

At least I had fun with the Batlings. You folks at least made much of the game enjoyable!

So yeah, the ass-bats... let's lose 'em. I feel like we're at historically assy levels right now. I know you guys were never going to be like the Rangers, but you can do better than this.

"I pitched to the players' kids on Sunday morning. That little Ford boy's got some pop. I'm going make him my DH. He can't do any worse, I tell you what."

Yet another classic.

Thank you Batgirl, for letting Gardy blog for us tonight.

I really needed the laughs, and this entry was filled with really good ones.

BG, I'm sorry. I've tried and tried, but I just can't get our guys down here in Rookie League to send some good vibes to the team up North. We're 22-4 down here in Appy League, the best record in the league and possibly the best record for the club ever. I've begged and begged, but Legs and Stick and Gardy Jr and E-Ro and everyone just won't do it. They won't send any of their mojo home to MN. Even when they're nine games ahead of the Bristol Bitch Sox and Kingsport Mets (who are tied for second at 13-13). And I asked them nicely too.

So I'm sorry, BG, but I've also got good news. In five years or so, our big league team could be 22-4 with the Bitch Sox trailing by nine games.

-Annun

P.S. Kafumbly, may I join you in your ass-bat burning?

Like it matters or anyone cares, but I shaved my head bald tonight in an attempt to break up the bad juju that seems to be hanging around the Twins of late. Feels kinda weird, that's for sure...but I'm doing what I can, Mr. Gardenhire.

certainly you may join me, annun; the more the merrier. I will need help, anyway, because seriously... fire is bad. I almost cried tonight because of the guy running around the field with the torch. I thought he was going to light his head on fire. I mean, gosh! get the torch away from your head! are you stupid?!

There, there Gardy. We understand. You've been looking like you've swallowed a bug (a BIG one) for weeks now. We know you were itching for a reason to blow off some steam, and we don't blame you one bit. You don't deserve any of this. Sometimes... sometimes things just happen that don't make any sense. It will be okay. Someday, it will be okay. And, until then, we're here for you.

Much love,

TwinsGoddess

P.S. Did anybody else catch Boonie's little hissy fit at the plate at the end of the game last night? Very un-Twins-like behavior, if you ask ME...

I'll also join in on the ass-bat bonfire. And someone go give Gardy a hug. I think he could use one.

damn ass-bats. That's it, that's all I can say right now!

I love Gardy. Not so much love for the ass-bats.

Yeah, at least a couple of us Batlings joined together for the agonizing game, so it wasn't all bad. There's just something about being able to yell "C'mon, DJ Cuddles!" and having someone respond with, "Yeah! Get the Chairman home!" that makes any game fun. And watching Carlos Silva pitch does make me smile, too.

Poor Gardy. His pitching is spectacular. The defense last night was stellar. Unfortunately, bats and timely hitting were not so good.

I've planning my week around the day-game ESPN broadcast on Wednesday, but I'm starting to think I might not have the strength to watch it if someone -- anyone -- doesn't start hitting.

And yet it seems wrong to not watch when the game is actually available in my part of the country.

Advise, Gardy -- is there anything a fan can do to get kicked out of his or her own living room? I think I should have a strategy.

If anyone wants to hear the audio of Gardy's rant about the umpire last night, it will be on 92.5 fm at about 9am this morning. I just heard it, and it was glorious.

On the trade front...winds are blowing.

Boston is interested in JC Romero. And would be willing to part with Kevin Millar or Bill Miller (I think those were the two names)

TwinsGoddess,
I too saw Boone's spaz-attack after his at-bat. I decided at that moment that I really don't like him. Hey Boone--you're 36, not 12!

I don't blame Boone. I've seen some BAD umpiring in recent games. Specially in LAAAAA and KC.

If it's been like that through these last 5 games, I can't blame them.

Oh, and not to get too negative...but is it finally time to rally the villagers and get Ullger outta here?

There's only so much I can take of this: "We're struggling at the plate..." Before I finally go: "HIT. ING. COACH!"

[Edited]

Our poor pitchers must be about ready to put up a sign on the club house door that reads, "Abandon hope, all ye who pitch for the Twins".

"...puts the Gatorade bucket on his head, and introduces himself as the Queen of England, and he fancies a scone and then would like to attack France"

Beege, I was DRINKING WATER when I read this. I very nearly sprayed it all over my keyboard. Please try not to be so [EDITED] funny next time, okay? It's dangerous.

Sighhhhhhhhhhh...
Poor Carlos - poor poor Carlos -
as my sister says - if I were the pitchers I'd go on strike -

Can't blame BB for his bat breaking - I'd do it to if I was stinkin' up the joint -

I wish we publically hadn't thrown up the white flag about a month ago - yes I'm talking to you Torii - I love ya -but geesh did you have to say what ya did - that couldn't have been good for team morale - and oh while we're at it - let's stop worry about who's NOT in the clubhouse anymore and who is in there- can't really do much good for the Good Doctor or Cuddy or Matthew or Lew to know that in the backs of their minds a little voice is telling them some of the guys wish we still had Koskie-Doug- AJ or David Ortiz -what's done is done -get over it all ready - ya know. I'm over it -I know I didn't play with them - etc.. but you all know it's a business - and you're big boys.

I'm tired - I'm not giving up hope -but man I'm tired of so many excuses - - for cying out loud go out there and play like I know you can - stop thinking so much and have some freakin' fun.

I'm sorry - I'm crabby - and right now this team is pissing me off -
how appropriate that REM's Everybody Hurts was playing as I typed this

Yours -
A very Crabby Wonder Woman

I just hope that when the offense finally does get a bunch of runs, it's not another game where they get 8 and then the pitching goes ahead and collapses...

You know, like the KC series.

I haven't yet seen enough from Geez Boone to know if I'm going to love him or hate him but I will put it this way - he's no Shannon Stewart.

Gardy.. my heart just BROKE for you when they sent you out. That was the most passion I had seen from the anyone on our team in a couple weeks! Too bad it was from the manager. But this is all going to prove one thing - EXCELLENT pitching still doesn't score runs. SOMEONE has to HIT THE [EDITED] BALL!!

From what Ive heard of Carlos I wouldnt be surprised if the "unclean" comments were true...But on the brightside at least the games arent so long, nothing like watching the 4 hour 15 minutes long yankees-rangers game last night..ugh

From the Star Trib:

"There were numerous graphic posterior references in Gardenhire's tirade..."

Heehehehehe.

Great editing job, BG.

Just heard the Gardy rant on KQ92. It was glorious. Is Tom correct in stating Hunter Wendlestadt will be umping third base tonight?

"I'll scatter the monkeys through the line-up and put a whole bunch of monkey chow on second base and see what happens. Worse comes to worse, the other team's infielders slip on the monkey chow and can't execute the double play."

This is the kind of stuff that keeps me coming back. Simply awesome. I love it.

Gardy's ERA was pretty funny, too, even without testicles.

As for the game itself: pitiful. *sigh* Poor Carlos, poor Carlos.

Poor Gardy -
First you have to put up with ass-bats on a daily basis, Tail-less pitchers, and Rabbit-eared umpires.
Now you have to write for BG while she's at the bottom of a hole.
I hope you can find your happy place - maybe a nice quiet room, with the lights down low, a hot-fudge sundae, and a John Coltraine CD.
No sharp objects, Gardy, I'm worried about you.

Fabulous, BG! I didn't think you could rise to the occasion after last night's defeat. Who could? Even Paine's ally General George Washington might want to hang it up after this and head home to Mount Vernon. But somehow you dug deep and found a way. Thanks for making this sad season bearable.

Roy Hobbs

"Yesterday, after giving up the dinger to Jeff DaVaWhoever, Joe Mays comes into the clubhouse with this really funny look in his eye, puts the Gatorade bucket on his head, and introduces himself as the Queen of England, and he fancies a scone and then would like to attack France."

That part got me. Just picturing Mays like that made me laugh...A LOT.

I think that we should let Gardy set the ass bats on fire. It might be a good release for him.

Olbie-
Didn't you see that on Sunday when you were at the game? Or did you block that particular memory out?

I was at work during the game...got off at around 11 to find we had lost...again.

Then later, I learned the loss had been so terrible, it had actually cause me to suffer a mental breakdown, creating the illusion that I was at work.

...Including three fellow employees who were CONVINCED I showed up.

Man...this is a BAD time.

"Joe Mays comes into the clubhouse with this really funny look in his eye, puts the Gatorade bucket on his head, and introduces himself as the Queen of England, and he fancies a scone and then would like to attack France.

It just ain't right, BG, I tell you what."

Pure liquid comedy, that's what that is.

Just be glad we ain't the [EXPLETIVE] Devil Rays.

I FEEL like the Devil Rays sometimes. Apparently they're ownership promised an X% in payroll over X number of years, and never delievered. Stranding Pinella with a perpetual AAA club.

But watching the Twins the last few years...I've gotten that same feeling. We can never make the big trade of sign the key player back (or from a different team) because of payroll restrictions.

If we could just get a little more...we'd be so much better off. We especially wouldn't have to turn the lineup over (like how drastically it changed coming into this year)

We signed the entire pitching staff back. And with the exception of Nathan and Crain we haven't gotten anything back for it. Yes we've had GREAT pitching performances end in losses *coughTHISWEEKcough* But they're always marred by the fact it was *one* mistake...usually that damned long ball.

Hopefully the huge boom of attendence will show the ownership that we WANT this team to do well, and with the stadium deal in the works we WANT the team to stay.

Now it's time for ownership to show that they will reward our dedication and support with some moves to get a few proven players and keep the guys that prove themselves here...

And since I've been saying it a lot recently, I'll end with this.

NO MORE ULGER!

"Joe Mays comes into the clubhouse with this really funny look in his eye, puts the Gatorade bucket on his head, and introduces himself as the Queen of England, and he fancies a scone and then would like to attack France."

---anybody else an Eddie Izzard fan?

Wildchild,
YES! I've never loved a professional transvestite more!

"I don't even need the War and Peace monkey. I'll take the DaVinci Code monkey or the Thinner Thighs in 30 Days monkey."

Funniest. Line. Ever.

bandwagoner, that also was my favorite line.

For a red-assed baboon, I think Gardy does a pretty good impression of Batgirl's wit and wisdom, as well.

Hysterical, BG. Absolutely hysterical.

I wonder, is it time for Naked Batting Practice: Metrodome Edition?

(hastily prepares a shipment of flags for the invasion)... as for Boone's bat-breaking, it was obviously an ass-bat anyway. Break it, burn it, what difference?

Maybe a little emotion is what the team needs.

They may have already paid Gardy back. The Oriole goes to bunt, gets hit in the HAND (like last time) and the ump AGAIN tries to give him first base.

Dear Twins Goddess,
Thank God for Boones 'untwinslike' behavior! Twins like behavior is not working too much for us! Maybe if someone throws a 'hissy fit' we can spark this ridiculous team!

Twins Goddess & ForMorneau,
Sorry, I feel the need to explain my little tyrade. I have been an Ms fan (of course next to the Twins) because of my husband and have watched nearly every M's game for 5 years. Brett Boone is an excellent defensive second baseman and worth the risk that his hitting will come around. I have always felt the M's were a very Twinsish team, very likeable and classy. Boone wears his heart on his sleeve (he cried at his press conference to say goodbye to Seattle) and that has been one of my favorite things about him. So I will be continuing to defend Boone through his current suckfest, even though maybe he doesnt deserve it. Last night was extreme frustration acting out, and I felt like breaking a few things, so I cant blame him.
Sincerely,
Twinsfan

twinsfan, I am always willing to get behind a ball player who gets a little emoshy on occasion. And our friend Corkey Koskie's successful abuse of a chair has been well documented. The difference, of course, is that Mr. Koskie vented his frustration off-camera.

So I'll remain open minded on the subject of Mr. Boone for a little bit longer. I will say that it makes my Goddess heart so very happy to finally see a little quality D at second base...