Weekend Round-Up. California Angels at Twins.
Friday. Angels 3, Twins 2.
Saturday. Twins 5, Angels 4.
Sunday. Angels 2, Twins 1.
These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives everything its value.
So says Tom Paine, but the truth is, Tom Paine was a big weenie. He might have rallied the populace during war time, but he never fell twelve games back of the tyrannous Bitch Sox. Sure, the Continental Army may have sucked it up big time for the first few months of the War Against the British, but I don't think they ever committed two errors in one inning to allow three earned runs.
Yeah, British rule blew; I don't want to take anything away from our Founding Fathers and what they fought for. But, really, could some high-priced tea and a little billeting here and there be nearly as bad as facing Bitch Sox rule of the AL Central for the whole freakin' season?
I think not. In the last couple seasons, the Twins have governed the Central, but they haven't been obnoxious about it. They haven't been grabby. We liked to exercise a kinder, gentler leadership. We never seized hold of the division like some kind of power-mad pinstriped generalissimos—no, we asked nicely. We gave everyone else a chance.
But the Bitch Sox—no, no. They don't falter. They don't slump. They don't lose. Ever. And I'm here to say it's not nice. It's not just bitchy, it's fascist. And fascists are bad.
Now, I'm lashing out a bit. The tragic events of this series were not entirely the fault of the Bitch Sox. We did manage to lose three of four to the Angels, not due to the crushing weight of the yoke of oppression, but by skill alone. I mean, when your pitchers only give up eight earned runs over four games to one of the best offensive teams in the game and you still lose three of four, well, that takes some serious talent. There should be a monument built to that performance. We could dig a giant hole in the middle of the Metrodome Plaza and dedicate it to this weekend. Tim Pawlenty could call a special legislative session and leaders of both parties could come together and work day and night to move the Holy Crap That Sucked Monument Bill through as quickly as possible, for the good of the whole state, and when they announce the success of the bill, they'll hold hands and afterwards have a nice snuggle. There could be a band, and a ribbon cutting ceremony, and free cake, and everyone will come and gape at the giant hole we dug for ourselves.
Oh and Team Batgirl will be there, because they love their Twins and they also love free cake. They will hold hands and move in awed silence toward the hole, they will stand over the rim and gape into the endless blackness.
"I never knew a hole could be so deep," Jeb will exclaim.
"Or so dark!" Sooz will marvel.
"Or so very, very cold," Goober will say.
And Batgirl will peer into the hole, frantically looking for some bit of light therein, she will get down on her hands and knees, and push her head into the hole trying to find a little bit of meaning, she will lean so far forward in her desperate search that she will tumble into the hole and begin her slow plummet through eternity.
And Team Batgirl will stand over the hole, shaking their heads, listening as Batgirl's screams slowly fade, growing softer and softer until they, too, vanish into blackness.
"Well," Goober will say, "that sucked."
And Jeb will shake his head. "Only the Twins can help her now."
Will they, Twins fans? Stay tuned.
Whoo! I get to leave the first comment! Sorry, I'm done now...
Well that sucked, pretty much sums up the series. I attended every stinking game and was rewarded with Lew Ford getting hurt and Justin Morneau striking out. I also lost a whole bunch of money on bets. HMPH.
Sorry for my rant, and have a nice day.
~CJF
Posted by: closetJaysfan at July 17, 2005 08:45 PMI guess the good news is that BG is continuing with the great historical references.
We need to get going; if we lose this series with the O's we will also lose our lead in the wild card race.
Posted by: Nick at July 17, 2005 09:32 PMConfidence Atreyu Confidence............
Posted by: Rileyroy at July 17, 2005 09:37 PMFord got hurt?
I had to go to a bridal shower in Wisconsin today...missed the game.
What happened to Lew?
Can you believe we are now tied for the Wild Card lead with the....
F%$^&*n Yankees.
Posted by: NY-Brian at July 17, 2005 10:17 PMYeesh, what a downer of a weekend for baseball. There was one high point though. Friday night I ran into a couple batlings outside the 'dome, one was wearing a "Jack Morris is my boyfriend" shirt. Of course being almost completely socially inept I forgot to get their names, I was just in a hurry to get to my car and beat my head on the windshield in tempo with Pink Floyd's "Bike". My apologies, ladies, it was a pleasure meeting the two of you.
Saturday, figuring with the way things have been lately I decided to go see "Fever Pitch" when we were down three runs in the first inning. I got back to the compound, turned on Baseball Tonight and ta-daa! Victory!
Today I had to run some errands and I had to leave the compound before my street got blocked off so Hopkins could hold a parade to no doubt display their vast battery of tanks and missile launchers. Hence I didn't get to see the game and only caught bits on the radio. I did pass a TV and get to see K-Rod induce a groundout to end the game in a 1-2 loss.
If there's a silver lining, it's that the pitching was all around pretty damn good this weekend. Unfortunately so was LAAAAs. This game will kill you.
Posted by: Skorch at July 17, 2005 10:35 PMI was there today and I just want to know what a Twins pitcher has to do these days to get a win. Jeez. Poor Joe Mays gave up two hits in seven innings. The Angels committed three errors (or at least two, depending on how you felt about the calls). And still we didn't win. Good grief.
On the plus size, my friend Peter who was at the game with me and my fiance won the "Guess what Twin we're talking about" game by naming Little Nicky Punto after only two clues. He gets to go to Treasure Island, whereas the winner of the "guess how many miles to some dumb airport" contest gets to go see the Twins play the Yankees in New York. Harrumph. Tropics in Minnesota? Not so much.
Oh yeah-- someone knocked down all the fish in that pre-game casting contest in record time. I suppose that was exciting.
Alas, poor Joe Mays. I thought Jacque and Shannon played well. And Boone got a double (or single, depending on how you feel about that play).
Sigh.
At least today Dazzle could think of some players of the game (Redmond and Mays).
I still remember one Sunday when they almost gave the awards to the kids running the bases after the game and/or T.C. Bear for his performance in the mascot game.
That may be the most beautifully written "slap" at the Sox I will ever read. ;-)
But fear not, in a few days the Sucking will come to its deserved end, the deletrium will wear off and the sun will return to her rightful place.
It was either Chauncey Gardner or Dick Van Patten that once said "as the roots are not severed, all is well and all will be well in the garden"
Posted by: kojak at July 18, 2005 01:15 AM"Batgirl, wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Posted by: kafumbly at July 18, 2005 07:16 AMI'm sure this has been brough up before, but why isn't Scott Ullger's job on the line here? If nothing else, the need to experiment and find a solution almost demands that he be canned.
This team is more depressing to watch than any of the PK (Post Kirby) teams of the mid to late 90's. Those teams sucked because they had no talent - none. (Remember when Pat Meares was our headliner? Ouch!) But this team is loaded with the talent to go very far into the playoffs and night after night they look lifeless and spent.
Fire Scott Ullger. Make a trade. DO SOMETHING other than pick up a has-been for a player to be named later.
Posted by: BadAndy48 at July 18, 2005 07:32 AM*peers down the hole*
Hey, BG? While you fall through to China, could you pick us up a couple of those good Japanese league prospects?
Posted by: CarrieICL at July 18, 2005 08:11 AMNot to mention that the British wore bright red uni's and stood in a perfect line in the middle of the field. They were easier to hit than a Les Straker fastball.
p.s. did she mention free cake?
Posted by: Me at July 18, 2005 08:11 AMDespite the depressing results of the weekend, I did enjoy myself at the games Saturday and yesterday.
Saturday night I had the fortune of sitting next to a hilarious 9 year old boy. When Boone fouled off a pitch, the kid yelled "Yes! Contact!" All of section 214 had a good laugh with the little guy about that one.
Posted by: ndtf at July 18, 2005 08:20 AM
Sorry, can't hear you, fingers still in ears...
Thomas Paine knew what he was talking about. Except that he seemed to denigrate "summer soldiers." Actually, the Twins need some summer soldiers - those "boys of summer" who know how to hit, field and run the bases and win. Perhaps it's the fault of the Dome - our boys don't know it's summer. Really, how could you tell in that Teflon gloom?
Roy Hobbs
Posted by: Roy Hobbs at July 18, 2005 09:35 AM"Oh and Team Batgirl will be there, because they love their Twins and they also love free cake."
Definitely.
I agree with your sentiments. This sucks.
Posted by: brent at July 18, 2005 09:45 AMFree Cake - I am so there - =)
How could the Twins not help Batgirl - it's a must - it's their duty -where would they be without her - no lego vision - no hottest chic - no OH-Five - there would be no giggles in Twinsville - and that would be very tragic
I so hope we can string a few 'W's'together soon- I see a tough three weeks ahead. Hopefully the boys don't get blinded at how pretty Luis Matos and Brian Roberts are this evening.
Posted by: Wonder Woman at July 18, 2005 09:46 AMOh yeah - Sammy's in a slump - let's not help him get out of it =) And I don't think the O's have Javy Lopez back yet - he's also pretty -
Happy Monday all =0)
Much Love
Wonder Woman
True, no Javy. But Erik Bedard will be starting for the first time since May.
Please, please, please don't injure our fragile starter.
Posted by: CarrieICL at July 18, 2005 10:07 AMWhen you start commenting on Guerrero's choice of footwear (they sparkle like the ruby slippers) and whether or not Newmie has lost weight, you know that the game is not going well for the Twins.
That said, they put me on the Jumbotron, so it was all worth it.
Posted by: E at July 18, 2005 10:32 AMLucky you. I don't fit the Jumbotron.
Mmmm, I like me the bottomless pits. Please throw cake down after us.
Posted by: jekyll at July 18, 2005 10:56 AMUrghkjsjschk, I am stuck. Didn't even make it twelve feet.
Posted by: jekyll at July 18, 2005 10:57 AMBubblemint,
Lew got hit on the elbow and hasn't played since. He has also been wearing some sort of brace. According to him it's ok, but I suspect it's sore so Gardy's just letting him rest a bit.
Helpfully,
CJF
I actually thought this was a good weekend of baseball 3 out of 4 from the sox and only .5 out of first. Who said that the yankees were dead ?
Posted by: mike at July 18, 2005 11:33 AMHi Skorch!
I am one the the Batlings you met on Friday!
You spotted my "Jack Morris is my boyfriend" t-shirt and stopped to say hello. It was a pleasure meeting you. Hopefully we will see you again, and this time Cathy will be wearing her "Brian Harper is my boyfriend" shirt. The usual comments we get are "who is he" ? How quickly they forget....
And now (sorry, Carrie) we have to root for the Twins to sweep the Orioles which is extra bad because the Red Sox decided to go all sucking time on us and a certain Team Who Must Not Be Named is apparently not dead and.... oh dear.
I did thoroughly enjoy the game on Saturday, after the first inning, that is. Michael Ryan's home run was MONSTRUOUS. Personally I haven't seen a ball hit that hard since Buck Buchanan was in town.
Word Smith, I agree, Michael Ryan's home run was seriously beautiful. the poor dear, though... every time I see him I want to offer him a cup of hot chocolate and some chicken noodle soup. even on that sweltering hot day in Kansas City when they wore the Gophers' uniforms, he had long sleeves under the shirt, which was buttoned up to his neck. is he cold-blooded? does he need a heating blanket turned up to high at his spot on the bench? I've never had a nickname for him, but I think he's now Chilly. (not to be confused with Chili. or Chelli. - hockey fans should know who I mean.)
Posted by: kafumbly at July 18, 2005 01:38 PMESPN Page 2 has nice article on the Worried White Sox:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/050718&num=0
Good to know the BSox are still fearful!
Posted by: Dr. Jane at July 18, 2005 02:51 PM"Good to know the BSox are still fearful!"
Well, Dr., I don't think the Sox themselves are fearful, but all of us fans sure are. I guess that's what happens when your last two pennants were in 1959 and *cough* 1919 *cough*.
Posted by: mjm at July 18, 2005 04:42 PMmmmm...let them eat cake.
Posted by: dorkyhouse at July 18, 2005 09:06 PM