Cleveland at the Dome. Cleveland 4, Twins 3.
Batgirl says whenever I get thrown out of the game I have to do her entry for her. I'm not sure how that makes any sense, I mean I still have a job you know. Just because I'm not out there managing doesn't mean I don't have, like stuff to do. Do you know what it's like to have a job, Batgirl? Do you? Huh? I mean, sass isn't a job, it's really more of a hobby, don't you think? And not like a real hobby like fishing or the crossword or Little House on the Prairie reenactments, but a totally lame hobby without even any annual conventions at Walnut Grove. So there.
And you know what? You said you were in France last week delivering sass to homeless orphans, but I think you're full of…well, I don't really like to use that language, but you know what I mean. I called France and they never heard of you! Ha!
(Only problem is I used the bullpen phone and Pohlad's probably going to dock me. He's such a cheap bas—ah, well, you know. I don't know what long distance company he uses but man he should really look into Vonage.)
Oh, where was I? Oh, yeah—France. You know, I don't know French orphans from Little Orphan Annie—I'm just a simple guy from Okalahoma (home of YOUR American Idol Carrie Underwood! Woot!) but I can't imagine that what they need is sass. I mean—they're orphans BG. Do you think they might maybe have some other needs? Like, you know, say they're playing French orphan baseball and because they're orphans they can't afford any decent umpires and have to put a beret on a baguette and pretend it's an umpire and then who will call the balls and strikes? Who? I ask you, Batgirl, who will umpire the French orphan baseball?
Well, I have a plan, Batgirl, and that plan involves shipping our godda—I mean darned—umpires to France to help the orphans and then when little Marie-Claude pitches a little too close to Antoinette's head, that umpire can issue a warning to Marie-Claude and her team of orphans all he wants, because he's in France and we have to keep the French orphans in line, don't we? And then the French orphan manager—let's call him Monsieur Gardie—can storm out of the clubhouse and take one of those baguettes and use it to kick the living sh—
Okay, okay. I'm ranting. I'm just, you know, I'm just a little irritable right now. I shouldn't take it out on you, Batgirl. You're my guiding light. You know that. It's just---oooh! I get so mad! I mean, normally, I'm a peace-loving guy. You know me. I try to keep my temper in check. I don't yell at Big LeRoy when he fields like Mary Ingalls after her sight loss or at J.C. when he starts thinking he's playing Crazy Pepe's Chug&Toss. I don't get upset when my daughter starts talking about how hot Steve Liddle is or when Torii substitutes Lew's Star Wars figures for my fishing lures. (Turns out walleyes really like wookiees. Who knew?)
All I'm asking, Batgirl, is for a little consistency. All year the Cleveland pitchers have been taking target practice with our heads and they get to bean us six or seven times before the ump warns both benches, which means my pitchers don't get the inside corner anymore and what the hel-- heck did they do wrong, Batgirl? I ask you? What?
So every time I go out and very politely tell the ump that my guys didn't do anything wrong and perhaps he might like to reconsider his ruling and the umpire explains to me that he can't help it, it's just the rule, there's nothing to be done, his hands are tied, he's got to enforce the rule, it's for everyone's protection, and I—very politely—say that the rule makes no sense and it's an umpire's job to use some discretion and this might be a case when discretion is called for, discretion being the better part of valor and all, and that Camus says that integrity has no need of rules, and the ump says that I shouldn't get all Frenchie with him and he's just enforcing the rule and I—very politely— tell him that he can shove the rule right up his—well, you know. And then I spend the rest of the game in my office playing Batkitty Detective.
Okay. Fine. That's the way it's going to be, fine. If that's the rule then every time some punk-a—I mean big bully—pitcher treats Lew Ford like a backstop we're going to get warned and I'll run out of the dugout and dance around and wave my arms like everyone's monkey 'til I get thrown out. Because I have no choice, Batgirl. It is my moral imperative. I cannot sit back and do nothing in the face of injustice, can I Batgirl? Can I? What would Camus say?
Okay, so that's the way we're going to play it, fine. But you know what happened today? Do you know? Today, Batgirl, Silva loses control of an 0-2 pitch and the pitch sails right over Jody Gerut's head and Jody plays all, like, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! and what kind of a guy's name is Jody? I ask you? So, fine, then the ump, you know what he does?
He warns us.
Just us.
And what the goddamn motherfucking kind of ass-sense does that make?
And where's a baguette when you need one?
I ask you, Batgirl. I ask you.
Splendid recap, BatGardy.
"...because they're orphans they can't afford any decent umpires and have to put a beret on a baguette and pretend its an umpire ..."
I am so glad I was not drinking or eating anything when I read that.
"...and what kind of a guy's name is Jody? I ask you?"
For very (cough) personal reasons, I would like to know the answer to that question, too.
Posted by: QJW at June 1, 2005 12:47 AMGREAT JOB, Gardenblog!!
Hopefully he was also voting for the All Star Game when he was in there since we are being screwed out of spots.
Posted by: Stacy at June 1, 2005 01:01 AMOh my. Chock full of laughs, Beege. Some of my favorites:
>>I called France and they never heard of you.
>>put a beret on a baguette and pretend it's an umpire
>>[Big LeRoy] fields like Mary Ingalls after her sight loss
>>walleyes really like wookiees.
Posted by: mmmarkiep at June 1, 2005 01:29 AMI nominate this entry for the BatGirl Hall of Fame. Simply hilarious. Well done, Gardy.
Posted by: Anita at June 1, 2005 02:27 AMabsolutely beautiful!
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 06:30 AMYou forgot to post the warning - Content may cause hysterical laughter. I'm still laughing over, "I don't yell at Big LeRoy when he fields like Mary Ingalls after her sight loss... ".
Posted by: Attyfan at June 1, 2005 06:40 AMA classic. And you know that was actually Gardy, because of all the authentic Gardy-lingo thrown in....'I ask you?' and '-very politely-' and 'All I'm asking is' and such. Very well done.
Posted by: Craig in MN at June 1, 2005 07:08 AMTiffee's been sent back to Rochester. I guess it was inevitable. I wonder why he struggled so much this time around... well, he'll go get his swing back, and then all will be well.
and I'm watching BB2N from last night, and those dumbasses are defending the ump, saying that because Silva is a sinkerball pitcher, and he gets the ball up high like that, it was intentional. if he warns Cleveland, then it takes away the inside for Captain Cheeseburger.
right. let's forget all about the many times they do that to the Twins. let's forget about other teams hitting our guys and the Twins get warned for it.
insane.
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 07:34 AMfabulous entry Gardenblog. Up to BG's high standards.
Posted by: aurora at June 1, 2005 07:42 AMWhat a great way to start the day Gardenblog. Now I won't have to read Sidblog, but I'm sure he'll have some of it tommorrow. And I'm hoping for some answers, cause I don't understand this either. I'm looking for some buntas and chin musica from here on out.
Posted by: insider at June 1, 2005 07:48 AMPoor Gardy. I didn't win tickets to Sunday's game this morning either.
Here's the question: According to a recent Travelocity poll, 21% of people said they'd rather travel with this person if they were unable to travel with a family member or friend.
Answer: Ellen DeGeneres.
I shake my fist at you, KFYR!
Posted by: ndtf at June 1, 2005 08:13 AMndtf - I admire your persistence at attempting to win tickets. Surely it will pay off. I'm rooting for you.
Ellen DeGeneres?
Posted by: aurora at June 1, 2005 08:24 AMI have to laugh just picturing Gardy in the clubhouse with a typewriter on his lap. hahaha, great post Gardy. For it is good to hear what you "really" think!
I tip my hat to you.
*and I love the little scruched up face you get when arguing with the umps...sooo cute!
That post by Gardy proves the old rule: never carry what happened on the field the half-inning before into your blogging.
Posted by: Jeb at June 1, 2005 08:34 AMAh, Batgirl, the only one who can make sense of the baseball world. Excellent Gardenblog, today. Gotta love a manager who is willing to share his feelings--and the Batgirl who makes him!
How many opponents have our pitchers hit versus how many times our players have been hit? According to my addition, Twins batters have been hit 23 times, while Twins pitchers have hit 12 opposing batters. This is something Gardy probably shouldn't learn. He'd probably burst a blood vessel when he thinks about the number of times we've been warned, and then where would we be?
Just Beth
Posted by: Just Beth at June 1, 2005 08:36 AMAurora-
Thanks. It's probably just as well that I haven't been able to win tickets, because I'm pretty broke right now and it's a week until payday. One of these days I will win. Victory shall be mine! And I don't get the whole Ellen DeGeneres thing either. She'd be pretty low on my list of celebrities to go road-tripping with.
Nice job Gardy.
I didn't realize you were such a LHOTP fan. Do you call LNP half-pint?
Before you start asking what kind of name Jody is . . . remember, you have a Shannon in your clubhouse.
QJW- what does the J stand for? Eh?
Posted by: NY-Brian at June 1, 2005 09:31 AMif we're gonna get into girl names, we also have a torii.
GREAT job, BG. gardy cracks me up.
See? This sort of thing is exactly why I would like to kiss Gardy square on the noggin. I TOTALLY hate it when opposing pitchers treat Lew Ford like a backstop. Gardy is man enough to stand up and explain to an umpire--very politely--about fair and not fair, and in these troubled times, that is a rare and beautiful thing. Some days, a manager has to do what a manager has to do to protect Lew Ford's precious, precious physical well being. Plus, he knows about Little House and Mary going blind and all that. That's hot.
How did I not know that Gardy and I share a home state? Maybe that explains why the way he talks reminds me of my grandfather.
Posted by: Redbird at June 1, 2005 10:23 AMDearest Bat-Girl and Mr. Gardenhire,
Let me construct my argument for you. Carlos Silva has amazing control. Coming into last night's game, he had three walks. That's it, three. Carlos can throw pitches where he wants them.
Carlos just gave up a long home run to Victor Martinez. The game winning home run. Most likely upset by this, he threw at Jody Gerut's head. On purpose. Carlos simply doesn't throw many pitches poorly - it would seem very, very odd that he would lose control in a situation where one might otherwise expect him to throw a beanball.
Why defend Carlos? Your own Dr. Morneau was recently struck and injured by a misplaced fastball. Is it revenge? Is that what motivates you? What about the moral high ground? Or is the Republic of the Twins turning into the Twins Empire, motivated by fear and hate?
-Shoeless Joe
Posted by: Shoeless Joe at June 1, 2005 11:01 AMSo who do we have going again tonight? I'm gonna be at the game, and I want to see if he might - very politely - place a ball in Jody Gerut's rib cage. The way I see it, this was the Indians fault from the get-go. Allow me to explain.
A)Cap'n Cheeseburger has issues, rifles one to where Stewie was standing. Stew shrugs it off, despite the brouhaha earlier in the season. Twins forget, Indians/Umps don't
B)Ball one gets away from the Jackal on an 0-2 count, Gerut, remembering the Cap'n's message to Stew says, dude, this guy is throwing at me, even though the count is 0-2 its a close ball game and the Twins have never thrown at US before. So he glares, and the HP Ump is like, settle down Jody, I remembered what C.C. did, but he has his head screwed on straight, and it won't happen again, but this Silva, he's a wild man, always a variable, I'll give them a warning.
So, Sabathia set the tone, Gerut gave the, "what do you think you're doing?" glare, so of course, it's all on the Twins. Kudos to Gardy for getting tossed, he did the right thing.
Posted by: Ryan at June 1, 2005 11:11 AMBG, brilliant as ever. I tend to really enjoy it when Gardy loses his temper. I think it keeps him young.
Posted by: AT at June 1, 2005 11:49 AMLook, I agree that Silva doesn't lose many pitches. Especially not up and over the head area. Was he throwing at him? Only Silva, Gardy and their hairdressers know for sure. Uh, make that Silva's hairdresser and the guy that shines Gardy's head. Anyway. Is it likely that he was throwing at him? The circumstantial evidence would say yes. I don't think that's what Gardy was arguing. He was arguing that only the Twins got warned.
And in my little ol' world, that's WRONG. The whole POINT of the warning is to prevent things from getting out of control with retaliation. It doesn't work, but that's a debate for another day. So, when the ump only warned the Twins, he's saying, "Ok, Capt. Cheeseburger, you have one free chance to plunk a Twin. You Twins have used up your free one. (And you missed.)" And that's wrong and not in the spirit of the rule. Both sides should be warned. Does it take away the inside pitch? No. But it does take away the behind the back of the head pitch. Unless, as in last night's game, it was in the late innings and then, what starter is going to care TOO much about getting tossed in the 7th or 8th innings when he was probably going to be done for the night anyway?
Gardy was right about the lopsided warning. But let's not get carried away with how Poor Silva "let one get away from him." (Where's the eye rolling icon?)
Posted by: mmmarkiep at June 1, 2005 11:57 AMWait, I take that back. It DOES take away the inside pitch for pitchers who don't have much control and could miss high and way inside. And, really, if that's the case, maybe you don't have any business pitching high and inside ANYway.
Posted by: mmmarkiep at June 1, 2005 12:00 PMHey Shoeless-
Is it not also believable that Silva, having just given up a home run, and as you say, the eventual game winning hoperun, was very upset with himself, and his confidence was shaken, just for a moment, and he, being human, briefly lost the grip on his legendary control?
And I'm not sure he has THAT great of control. He's a groundball, sinkerball type pitcher. He DOESN'T paint the corners, he just throws the ball down the middle and lets them hit it. THAT'S why he doesn't walk people - because he isn't being fancy.
You don't plunk somebody on 0-2. You plunk them on 0-0.
And, anyway, Silva's a nice guy.
Posted by: NY-Brian at June 1, 2005 12:28 PMI don't think anyone is getting carried away with "poor Silva." it's all about the ump and his stupid warning. Silva/Radke/whoever pitches too far inside or over a head, and only Twins get warned. Captain Cheeseburger/other Cleveland pitcher hits TWO Twins or something similar, and BOTH benches get warned.
it just doesn't make sense.
if they feel the need to warn, then they need to keep it consistent, at the very least.
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 12:28 PMit's what LeCroy does when he heads to first: "I hope I can run that far."
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 12:32 PMYes, it does take away the inside corner.
Once the warning has been issued all a hitter has to do is lean into a pitch that is a little off the corner, and the pitcher gets thrown out of the game.
Oh and what happened to players being grown-up about getting hit by pitches. It used to be that it was a point of pride to the hitters that they could get out of the way of the high and tight. Now they stand there on an El Duque sloooooow curveball and charge the mound. That ball is going fifty MPH, my grandmother can get out of the way of that pitch.
Posted by: metsfan at June 1, 2005 12:43 PMShoeless Joe:
We still have the moral high ground. But having the moral high ground doesn't mean we don't speak up when something isn't fair. That's what Gardy was doing when he went out to protest. If we get a warning, it's only fair they get a warning, too. Maybe The Jackal WAS throwing at Gerut on purpose, but I seriously doubt it. The Jackal's not one for revenge. If you're going to look at it that way, he could have just as easily HIT Gerut.
I was messing around with Photoshop today, and I figured this would help cheer things up.
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/TRTorhu/b81c5156.bmp
:)
Posted by: Torhu at June 1, 2005 03:02 PMWait...wait...nevermind that link
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y263/TRTorhu/LewFordwalker.jpg
There we go :)
Posted by: Torhu at June 1, 2005 03:05 PMI think we do have the moral high ground still because although Carlos usually has very good control..alas..last night he did not. He did have a rep for hitting people in the NL, but has behaved himself in AL since arrival.
Point is: Sabathia was MORE clearly throwing at Stewart earlier after the two run Castro single. Why no warning then?
Posted by: Dr. Jane at June 1, 2005 03:15 PMBrilliant, once again BG-- I mean Gardy.
Best line:
"or at J.C. when he starts thinking he's playing Crazy Pepe's Chug&Toss."
Hilarious.
And, can we talk for just one second about the gangland stylings of Captain Cheeseburger and his hat - that should not be allowed... You aren't working the streets CC - have some class.
Posted by: Deuce at June 1, 2005 04:06 PMTorhu, that's fabulous. :)
Posted by: kafumbly at June 1, 2005 04:15 PMactually isn't the rule about warning benches that pitchers *could* start to get tossed, not that they have to? I thought it was still in the umps judgement, it's just that they now can eject any pitcher as if they had already hit people/been warned? So someone leaning into the pitch would still get their base, but the pitcher wouldn't be tossed.
Posted by: Shane at June 1, 2005 07:37 PM