Twins at Kansas City. Royals 8, Twins 5.
Okay, first of all, Batgirl owes everyone in Twins Territory a huge apology. It was just last Wednesday that Batgirl wrote a post about the Royals pitching staff suffering from a massive suck lag.. Things were said. Words were used. Words like, "incompetence," and "pain," and, well, "suck." BG even made fun of Jimmy "Gobble" Gobble, and I ask you, what has he ever done to her? Nothing, that's what.
Well, ever since then, the Twins are 0-2 against that incompetent, painful, sucky, Gobble-y pitching staff, and as Benjamin Franklin famously said, she who laughs first, well, has to watch her team drop two to the Royals. And, let me tell you, nothing, I mean nothing's worth that.
So, Mea Culpa. Batgirl is sorry. Elle regrette beaucoup. Batgirl will never do it again. From now on, she will blog with nothing but the utmost respect for the boys in grape. I mean, just look at the game today! Jose Lima came in with an ERA that matched his weight—if he weighed 760 pounds that is. That must be respected. Proper respect--or "props," if you will--must be given. Attention must be paid. This is no marshmallow, no pantywaist, no Jimmy "Gobble" Gobble—oops—I mean, no turkey. This is Jose "Lima time!" Lima! Just because he's only won one game this year, because he has an ERA higher than Batgirl's in her 6th grade softball team, just because he sucks total ass does not mean we should not respect and fear him.
And wasn't there something different about Lima this time? BG couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something to his appearance, something new, something springy and girlish, as if he'd taken off a little of that stubborn winter-weight or found something to take care of that not-so-fresh feeling....
Oh, wait, I see, now that you mention it, it was pretty hard to miss actually. Huh.... Interesting choice. ...As long as he's happy.
This brings up point #2, which I'll express in form of a quiz:
Q: What Do These People Have In Common?
 |  |  |
| Cybil Shepard | Lindsay Lohan | Jose Lima |
Come on, boys. It's Lima Time.
I thought the Twins started Lohan tonight.
Posted by: JonR at July 8, 2005 12:21 AMUm, not that I would know or anything, but, umm... I think it's "Lindsay" Lohan.
I'm... just guessing... is all.
Really.
Dear Mr. Eric,
Excellent guess. Thank you. Fixed.
Yours,
BG
Oh, and I thought you might like this picture- as he is your boyfriend- BG.
http://images.sportsline.com/u/ap/photos/MOOW102070722_1024x768.jpg
Posted by: Eric at July 8, 2005 01:16 AMMr. Lima has been bottling since his start against Texas on June 4. This is nothing new. I noticed it when he got his win over LA of Los Angeles (what do we call the Dodgers?)
Posted by: amr at July 8, 2005 01:56 AMClairol, huh? Summer Blonde... *sigh* oh, I hope it doesn't come to that. Johan... blonde... *shudder*
Posted by: kafumbly at July 8, 2005 06:55 AMSounds like Sweetcheeks took some naked batting practice after the game last night - tho it was in the Twins Shower
http://www.startribune.com/stories/509/5496015.html
Much Love
Wonder Woman -
Have a great weekend all!!
True enough, kafumbly. I had always pictured Johan more as a strawberry blond. (If I wasn't going to have nightmares before, I will now!)
Batgirl, I'm so glad you are around to make sense out of sucking time. Otherwise Twins fans would be wandering around with blank looks wondering what just happened. Jose Lima and Jimmy "Gobble" Gobble, indeed.
Posted by: Just Beth at July 8, 2005 07:44 AMBusted, Eric.
Posted by: Jeb at July 8, 2005 07:56 AMOhh I do have to add - no offense to any blonde batlings (since that is the title of the post) - but I think brunettes have way more fun =)
Much Love
Wonder Woman
I thought Lohan was in St Paul working on the "Prairie Home Companion" movie. That turncoat. Maybe she's bitter about getting carded at Escape Ultra Lounge earlier this week. We'll show her, she'll only go six innings and give up four runs, then she won't get the quality start.
The gloves are coming off, Lindsey. No more Minnesota nice.
Posted by: Skorch at July 8, 2005 08:12 AMWonder Woman, I'm with you on that. After being blonde most of my life I turned to the "dark side" if you will, and haven't looked back.
I too hope that the boys decide to not look like a bottle of peroxide attacked them, however if that's what it takes. . .after all my boyfriend is already a blonde.
Wonder Woman you are on a roll girl!
Torii and NBP, taking extra BP. . .NAKED!!! Man alive, what a girl wouldn't do to see that!
Torii's so awesome! Did you notice the title of that article? "Battiness Breaks the Ice!"
Those Strib guys know what's up.
Posted by: aussie at July 8, 2005 08:28 AM"On Thursday, [Redmond] offered to pitch to Hunter, naked."
uh... *ahem*
Posted by: kafumbly at July 8, 2005 08:35 AMHK,
Very true...what a girl wouldn't do to see that...How about a NBP with Morneau??
He doesn't seem the type, but I'm game. Maybe I should think about a career in sports writing...
CJF
Posted by: closetJaysfan at July 8, 2005 08:45 AMAnother entertaining and informative post. I grew up in Pennsylvania and am ashamed that I didn't know that Benjamin Franklin possessed a wealth of baseball knowledge. I was under the impression he was just a man who didn't know enough to come inside during a lightning storm.
"As Benjamin Franklin famously said, she who laughs first, well, has to watch her team drop two to the Royals".
Ben, I hardly knew ye.
Posted by: TwinsfaninNC at July 8, 2005 08:50 AMMs. Morneau,
Thanks for THAT visual, now I really won't get anything done today. Nor will the smile I have plastered on my face go away.
Distractedly,
HooliganKat
P.S. NBP isn't really all that bad, he king of has a gritty, rugged thing going for him.
Posted by: HooliganKat at July 8, 2005 09:00 AMThanks Kat =)
Welcome to the 'dark' side =p
I think the team should do whatever it takes to get out of the sucking time - NBP- Blonde hair - grow sideburns - facial hair - shave off all their hair - something!!
Batgirl how come no BOD?? Even in the loss there was a 'little' bright spot - ahem someone went 4-5 - ahem =)
Much Love
Wonder Woman
Dear Ms. Woman:
If Batgirl can't give BOD to our friend LNP, then I'll give him all the love I got. He was downright cute last night.
k-bro
Posted by: k-bro at July 8, 2005 09:36 AMThank you Batgirl and thank you Misters Hunter and Redmond. I needed a really good laugh after last night's sad affair - especially since I'm visiting down in enemy territory and their sports radio guys are already discussing the schedule for the World Series.
Posted by: Attyfan at July 8, 2005 09:39 AMI got linked here by a frequent reader who thought I'd appreciate today's entry. I'm a KC native and lifelong (theirs at least, I'm old enough to have attended A's games) Royals fan, but I've got some perspective on the festering sore that is the Royals, so I'm not here to disrupt. My wife's a longtime Twin Cities resident and we're both happy to see the Twinks prosper in the AL Central.
Lima's only still with the club because of the number of pitching injuries we've suffered, and I'm totally looking forward to a couple of guys (Snyder, Anderson and Bautista) coming back off the DL so we can release Lima. So when *he's* getting a quality start and Jimmy Gobble is dousing the little rally the Twinks had last night, well, I'm not sure that offensive slump covers the magnitude of the problem.
I'll be at tonight's game, with our putative 21 year old "ace," Zach Greinke, who's had a massively disappointing year (along of course with the rest of the team, but Greinke was deservedly highly touted), facing the only other Twins starter we've beaten this year, Brad Radke. Greinke is at least easier on the eyes than the awful home unis we trot out there (the sleeveless thing or the glorified BP jersey are almost powder-blue doubleknits bad), and should provide BG et.al. some visual relief, barring an offensive eruption from the Twins. Ans sewriously, good luck the rest of the way...starting Saturday, at least. I'm a partial season ticket holder, and I've seen enough bad baseball already.
peace from the lower midwest,
Bill
Bill - You KC fans aren't the only ones disappointed in Zach Greinke, I put him on my fantasy team as some cheap insurance figuring he'd hover around a 4.50 ERA and get roughly 10 wins. Neither is looking too likely at the moment.
At least most of the rest of my pitchers are doing well.
Posted by: Skorch at July 8, 2005 10:11 AMBlame Buddy Bell for the extreme disappointment, Skorch. He left him in for the ugliest pitching line of the year against Arizona about a month ago:
4.1 IP 15 H 11 R 11 ER 3 HR 2 BB 2 K
He's been inconsistent (or maybe just PTSD-struck) since then.
I just read that the Twins had a little naked BP after last night's game. Maybe that and some Greinke will make things right. Still, 11 games in the loss column is a lotta ground to cover. It's too soon to be looking wild card only, but time is past a'wastin' to try to catch the White Sox.
Bill
Posted by: Bill at July 8, 2005 10:24 AMDear BG
What would Old Man Mulholland look like with platinum blonde locks ?
Befuddled
mike
btw
Since the Yanks got swept by the Royals, I think it has become en vogue in baseball to lose a few to the Royals, so the Twins are just trying to keep up with the Joneses. At least thats how I will try to justify how we got swept by that garbage.
Posted by: mike at July 8, 2005 12:01 PMSucking time makes me sad.
Losing to LIMA makes me sad.
I am so sad.
Posted by: brent at July 8, 2005 12:57 PMBrent,
Proper haiku form is 5-7-5. Nice try, though. : )
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at July 8, 2005 02:40 PMThere once was a guy named Jose
Who turned to a blonde in a day
When KC beat our guys
They thought it'd be wise
To schedule a start for Fay Wray
How about a 5-7-5 double play?
Posted by: Eric at July 8, 2005 10:35 PM