Kansas City at Twins. Twins 11, Royals 8.
Batgirl tries so hard not to devote this site to her personal problems; she has a higher mission. Surely you do not care about her splinters, her blisters, her phalange. But sometimes her personal problems are so great that they interfere with her solemn blogging duties.
In other words, BG is still on Moldovan time, and finds herself overcome with an incredible desire to crawl into the BatBed at about 8pm. It's all quite strange, as--while Batgirl expressly disavows any relationship with nocturnal flying mammals of the order Chiroptera, as she is only a Batgirl in the sense that she is a girl who is employed by a baseball team to look after their equipment, (and by "looking after their equipment," one means, of course, sassing)—BG normally keeps rather nocturnal hours. Thus allowing her to look after her team's equipment well into the wee hours.
But now she is dazed, confused, exhausted, perpetually dehydrated, suffering from a rather unpleasant case of indigestion, and around 7 o'clock every night begins to slip slowly into unconsciousness. In other words, Batgirl has become quite sympathetic to the Kansas City Royals pitching staff.
It is a well-known fact that it supposed to take as many days to recover from your jet lag as time zones you have traveled across. It is a lesser known fact that it is supposed to take as many days to recover from your suck lag as runs you have let in by your pure incompetence.
I mean, first you've got starting pitcher J.R. Howell, who it seems like the Royals called up to give Zack Grienke someone to play Star Wars guys with. In three innings, Howell gives up six hits, four walks, and five earned runs. That's going to set him back at least 'til Sunday. Unfortunately for Howell, Sunday is his next scheduled start, so it's quite likely the cycle will start all over again.
After Howell came Mike "Knock on" Wood, who, while he gave up five hits over two innings, walked only one and allowed just two runs—thus looking like Cy Young in comparison. Less successful was Andrew "Please Make The Giant-Man Go Away" Sisco, who got to earned runs over one inning without giving up a hit. By the time Leo Nunez and Ryan Jensen got done doing the voodoo that they do, the Royals pitching staff had walked eight batters, which is exactly eight more than the Twins pitching staff.
The Twins pitchers managed to give up runs the old-fashioned way—by letting the Royals hit the crap out of the ball. Our first two pitchers had a suck lag of their own, before various people whose names start with "J" came in and stopped the bleeding. Poor Carlos was more Crapal than Jackal tonight and Terry Mulholland, well, apparently had too much carbonated green tea. Something is deeply wrong when the Royals pitching staff walks 84 batters, but we still can't put the game away 'til the 7th, when Jesse Crain stepped up and said, "I am Jesse Crain, and I've never suffered a day of jet lag in my life."
So, yes, we had some suck lag today. It happens. Unfortunately, it happens to the Royals pitchers every single day of their lives. It's not their fault—there's a lot of talent there, but most of them aren't even old enough to throw a curve ball yet. I don't know what's worse—being twenty-two-year-old J.R. Howell, who was just from the minor leagues untimely ripp'd, and forced to endure this agony because the club never bothered to get any real pitchers for the starting rotation, or to be Jimmy "Gobble" Gobble and to be deemed unworthy of said rotation.
So, boys, Batgirl feels your pain. She really does. And she's done some research into the issue. Drink plenty of water. Eat lots of protein. Don't take naps. Get some sunlight—melanin is good for you! Just try to adjust your body gradually. Be patient. It will take time, but we'll get there. We'll get there.
I noticed (and commented on) your last Macbeth reference several weeks ago, BG. Good one here, too.
Posted by: Rieux at June 28, 2005 11:17 PMDear Mr/Ms Rieux,
Probably the same reference. BG loves the phrase, for no good reason.
Sincerely,
BG
just got home from the game, so I saw the suck lag first-hand. it was at the same time fun (Kansas City) and puzzling and sad (Silva, TJ).
but the bats! the bats have awakened! and tonight, the bats saved us. Oz has hit in 13 straight games, the first 13 of his Major League career. and Doc with his 10th HR, in his only at-bat of the game. NBP went 3-for-3. and Jesse Crain got win number 7.
so many things to smile about, more than I can name here.
all will be well.
Posted by: kafumbly at June 28, 2005 11:23 PMLast night when Dick and Bert played the gobble sound effect, I almost died of a severe pain in the side from laughing my butt off.
Posted by: Stacy at June 28, 2005 11:27 PMfantastic game to watch in the end. Many thanks to E for not making me leave it early. And many children fell out of their chairs. And NPB was 3/3 and Shannon was pretty and we scored lots of runs, and it was fun!
Posted by: aurora at June 28, 2005 11:33 PMIt was indeed very fun. The Jackal didn't do well, but the bats were not assy, and the Batlings were very, very sassy.
Posted by: Nick at June 28, 2005 11:42 PMThat was a nice breath of fresh bats tonight. Even if our pitching did suck for awhile, it made the game more fun to watch...sort of...but nice recap there BG! Very nice!
Posted by: Maren at June 29, 2005 12:00 AMDear Rieux,
Watch out for that plague, I hear it's nasty.
Warningly,
Donnalove
Silva got the #3 WebGem for his behind-the-back snare and throw to first. nice.
Posted by: kafumbly at June 29, 2005 12:39 AMBat Girl--re: the jet lag. Try shining a bright light on the skin behind your knees. Do it for a minute or so. The light resets your circadian clock.
FAQ
Q. How could this possibly work?
A. Dunno.
Q. When you heard of this was your first response "Go ahead, pull the other one."
A. It was.
Q. Does it work for you?
A. Yes. For both me and my daughter.
Q. Could this be somehow related to the fabled 'placebo effect'?
A. It could.
*whimper* Oz is on the 15-day disabled list with a separated shoulder.
I'm so very sad.
Posted by: kafumbly at June 29, 2005 06:21 AMNo doubt. Guy sounds crushed. I really hope that shoulder heals right. When they showed the shot of him coming around second I was thinking "I thought he scored already." Then I saw how he was running and I couldn't believe it.
LNP is on rehab now, I hope we can find a spot for Williams when he comes back.
Posted by: TwinsFoghorn at June 29, 2005 06:50 AM
Three in a row! Three in a ROW!!
The game was lots of fun but I found myself cheering for the Twins while at the same time feeling really really bad for the pathetic Royals. And is it just me or does Nunez look as though he needs to break into Matty's locker and get some food? I thought a scarecrow had taken the mound when he came into the game.
Posted by: Attyfan at June 29, 2005 07:18 AMHooray for the J's!
It's true, the Royal's pitching staff are like baby lambs sent to the slaughter, but with our being a bit back in the division, I'm more than happy to see our beloved Twins as the executioners.
It's a tough world out there, someone has to teach them young'ens.
Posted by: brent at June 29, 2005 08:00 AMOz:
I'm very sorry. Really, I am. Because, after I compared you to the Terry Tiffee of last year, of course you had to go and extend the comparison and hurt yourself. I'm so very sorry. I'm just glad you didn't have to run into Pudge to do it.
In other news: Three in a bloody row!!!!
Posted by: Katharriet at June 29, 2005 08:23 AMI just heard on the radio that our beloved Mr. Jesse Crain broke an American League record by earning the most wins to start a career (10 -- 3 at the end of last year, and now 7 this year) before getting his first loss. How very cool.
k-bro
Posted by: k-bro at June 29, 2005 08:49 AMYesterday was a good day for me at the game. My life finally seems to be getting back on track after a slight derailment (which coincided with a sucking time for the Twins. Coincidence? I think not). Last night's game reminded me of what I love about baseball, the small game. Besides JustIncredible's shot to St. Paul last night, it was all hustle and heart out there and I loved every minute of it. Whether it was Jacque and Torii doing their best Smooth Criminal impersonation, or watching the wheels of Naked Batting Practice hustle in for 3 hits and even one Luis Rivas scrounged up 2 hits. I felt a peace I haven't felt in a while. Thank you boys for showing me the beauty of the game once again, may there be many more games like this (minus the Silva-OMM bit). My heart is broken for our little Oz though, he was really on a roll. May he come back strong and wield a mean bat again soon.
Did anyone else think that Buck O'Neil was just the cutest thing out there? I wanted to go out and give him a big TC bear hug!
P.S. to Batgirl, Gatorade works good to get the the electrolytes rolling again which should help your jetlag (which is also a good hangover remedy).
Posted by: HooliganKat at June 29, 2005 08:57 AMHa!
"But now she is dazed, confused, exhausted, perpetually dehydrated, suffering from a rather unpleasant case of indigestion, and around 7 o'clock every night begins to slip slowly into unconsciousness. In other words, Batgirl has become quite sympathetic to the Kansas City Royals pitching staff."
The only thing that could have improved that pitching performance by the Royals would have been a Shawn Camp sighting. (The man responsible for my single favorite relief appearance ever, as detailed here: http://cashbox.livejournal.com/125448.html )
Also, if there's not a Sisco/T.C. Wrestlemania match before tonight's game, marketing heads oughta roll.
Posted by: Matty Cash at June 29, 2005 09:54 AMI believe it was our beloved Shannon Stewart who last year went down with a case of Plantar Fasciitis. At the time, many Batlings, myself included, had no idea what this ailment was and even theorized that it was some sort of planter's wort. Well, having just been diagnosed with plantar fasciitis myself, I will promise you it is no planter's wort. It is described by many as a "stabbing sensation" in the foot or heel and it's the result of inflamtion in the tendon that holds your arch in place. It is incredibly painful and, when it acts up, I can't even walk, let alone play some of the best outfield in the American League. Treatments range from an orthotic to a cortisone shot. So, Stewie, I want to extend my heart-felt apology for ever having doubted the seriousness of your injury. If anyone wants to experience what Shannon went through, I encourage you to grab a steak knife out of your kitchen and implant it about an inch and a half into the bottom of your foot, then run around in grass for about four hours.
FL
Posted by: Florida at June 29, 2005 10:43 AMwow, Florida, thank you for putting that into perspective. I never doubted the seriousness of his injury, but I had no idea what it might feel like.
Posted by: kafumbly at June 29, 2005 10:51 AMMy only comment on the game was noticing that at once point that Michael Cuddyer only had two at-bats (one hit), but had scored three times. Two walks helped him immensely. (I know this is a non-stats site. I enjoy weird stats. Does that count as sass?)
Just like last time we played the Royals, I feel almost bad when we win. Perhaps because I always love the underdog. But I'd be even worse if they'd win, so I guess I'll be satisfied with a Twins win. I just want KC to take a series from the Team That Should Not Be Named (it ends in Sox), more for KC's sake than for us to gain games on them.
I really enjoyed the sassiness of the batlings, and the non-assiness of the bats.
Posted by: Just Beth at June 29, 2005 11:01 AMDear Florida,
I feel your pain...have every day for the last 6 months or so, in my left heel.
It sucks, and I too have found myself with a new appreciation for Shannon and his ability to play through it regardless of the pain.
Dear Batgirl,
Another wonderful recap, as usual.
Get some rest now. Today's game is at noon, so you can go to bed REALLY early tonight, and sleep all day Thursday with an off day on the schedule.
Unless of course you plan to do the Bitch Sox Hottest Chick edition. If so, please remember, Jon Garland prefers to be called Judy.
I recommend he be wearing a light blue gingham jumper, and pigtails for the hairstyle. I liked those so much better than the style she had after the Oz Salon got ahold of her.
Love,
bubblemint
bubblemint, bite your tongue.
Posted by: aurora at June 29, 2005 12:22 PMLooking after this team's equipment is a time-consuming duty. Get your rest. We're on it.
Posted by: LaurieNY at June 29, 2005 12:45 PMGood job boys, way to get the bats going! It was entertaining to watch at least, more back and forth, the game held my attention almost as well as a hockey game could. Nice HR Justin, he looked so relieved, and I'm pretty sure I saw him grin. Not just smile, grin.
Feel better soon BG.
CJF
Posted by: closetJaysfan at June 29, 2005 01:45 PMI was at the game last night (I needed LeCroy to boot one to win Twingo, and HE DIDN'T) and I have to say, I'm filled with mirth, as the Twins appear to have discovered the art of "hitting" again.
Also, I would like to commend BG on putting more links to previous posts in fresh posts. I think it helps the new reader jump into the flow much more readily.
Oh, forecast for tonight - big time storms.
- Ryan, meteorologist
Posted by: Ryan at June 29, 2005 01:50 PM"Last night when Dick and Bert played the gobble sound effect, I almost died of a severe pain in the side from laughing my butt off."
You heard it too? No one else at my house heard that and they thought I was going crazy. It probably didn't help that I couldn't really explain to them what was going on cause I was laughing so hard...
Posted by: closetJaysfan at June 29, 2005 02:00 PM"Thus allowing her to look after her team's equipment well into the wee hours. "
ahh... what I wouldn't give to have THIS responsibility for even one day... *evil grin*
Posted by: CapitalBabs at June 29, 2005 02:20 PMI'm hoping our "team" of "professional baseball players" can jump start you guys for the 2nd half of the season.
The Royals have given up an average of about 8 walks a game during the last 5 games.
-shudder-
Posted by: Royals Fan at June 29, 2005 02:24 PMRoyals Fan, your team of professional baseball players opened up an awesome can on the Yankees. Thank you. However, I am not pleased with the subsequent disrespect shown to the Twins, most notably Michael Cuddyer's wrist.
Posted by: LaurieNY at June 29, 2005 02:57 PMOh, and BG, I so loved the image of Terry Mulholland drinking too much carbonated green tea. Very hip of him.
Posted by: LaurieNY at June 29, 2005 03:17 PM