My Derek, what firm cheeks you have!!

"How many times do I have to tell you? My heart and my butt cheeks belong to A-Rod! Now unhand me, you beast!"

"come on, baby, you know I love you."

See, Derek, this height difference isn't so bad! Katie Holmes is taller in heels than Tom Cruise, and they're doing great!

"take your filthy paws
off my silky drawers!"

"Oh, Derek, we suck so bad. Hold me!"

Derek, you got sumthin on your lip... lemme get it for you.

I bet you and I would win on "Dancing With The Stars".

"Dude, I'm tellin' ya, you may be Derek Jeter, the Face of Baseball, but leggo my Eggo!"

"Let me show you what A-rod taught me."

Take me now or lose me forever!

Maybe a 162 game season is just too long - people have needs.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

McCarver is right - your eyes DO sparkle like stars in the clear summer sky.

You and your Goddamn chinese finger trap...

Everytime I look at you I get lost in your eyes.

"Wow, you're right! Pilates HAS made a difference!"

or...

"Sorry, dude. You're good, but you're no Mariah Carey."

Because A) My birthday isn't for another couple days, and B) I'm too old for birthday spankings.

Knowing Sheffield...

"You inject it WHERE?"

"...and Gary's dropping his personal 32 ounce bat, and he's opting instead to swing a Derek Jeter. While swinging a 76 inch bat is highly unorthodox in this day and age, smart players understand how empty and wooden Derek can be, and if they can make good contact on the ball with his head, there's a good chance of sending it a long way.

Here's the pitch...

HE CRUSHES IT! SEE YA! Gary tosses his Jeterbat aside and starts his trot...but waitaminute! Home plate umpire Hunter Wendelsta...wendelstaha...Smith has called him out! Apparently to get a good grip on his, er, handle, Gary Sheffield used too much pine tar! Oh, George Brett must be dying of laughter as well as, well, dying a little on the inside, just like all of us who have witnessed this spectacle. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeterbat has killed baseball."

-Pander
The "Ha ha ha stupid Yankees" White Sox Fan

"Hump.. or DEATH!"

C'mon Derek, are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary again?

"Meet me later for some Naked Batting Practice..."

+

"Look, Sheff. I promised I'd dance with you while Ronan Tynan was singing. But 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' isn't even a slowdance!"

"So, like, if this season doesn't improve and I end up out of baseball, do you think I could make a career as a pick-pocket?"

...I'm normally pretty good at captioning. But for once in my life...I can't do it.

The picture somehow blew a fuse in my head. I'm drawing a blank.

(GEEK TEST!)

Using his defective Hungarian-to-English phrase book, Jeter inadvisably asks Sheffield for directions to the railway station.

1) Now those are some MAN boogers he's wiping off on his bud there.

2) "Superglue, K-Y, how was I supposed to know the difference? Just hope the solvent gets here soon."

3) Uniforms: Unsung heroes of the game, protecting the public since 1880.

Oh, and Skorch, I believe references to the explosive capacity vis a vis luminesence of Derek Jeter's nipples were made.

Wait...I've got one :)
-----------------------

Sheffield: Derek, come with me to third base.

Jeter: But that's where A-Rod plays.

Sheffield: Shhh...not that. The other third base.

Jeter: Oh? ... Ooooooh!

Um, may I ask what the real story behind this picture is?

Oh, right, a caption...uh...

"A-Rod was right, Mentos DO work!"

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

In response to Skorch's geek test...

"Would you like to go back to my place, bouncy bouncy?"

Jeter..What kind of Thong are you wearing...

Oh..its the new lacy thong from the victoria secret angels addition...

OOO is it like the one A-rod has

Hey DJ, you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Now Gary, no matter how many steroid injections you have, you'll never look like Tim McCarver.

"DAMN! I thought you were Sweetcheeks!"

That's the most PG-13 I can keep it.

There is something seriously wrong with this picture.
Seriously.

As a matter of fact, I do have away for both of us to appear on Bat Girl

Or, "People are staring. let me work on that glut problem later"

and a third

"I understand what you mean by saying Torii Hunter is like a thief, I dont need you to show me what a "thief" is"

"No Gary...not here. Everyone's watching. Later...in the clubhouse shower."

Oh come on. Does that photo even need a caption?

1-everytime I look into your eyes, I get the Jeters.

2-You are my jeterbug bug. Jeterbug bug

3-Im sheff, Come back to my place and I'll cook something up.

4-Oh gary you are my sheffield of dreams.

So uh, you come here often?

dudes... the answer to Skorch's little puzzle:

please fondle my bum.

No - No Sheff - Batgirl said Ass-bats -we have ass bats -not grab my ass

Much Love
Wonder Woman

"You had me at 'Hello'"
...or
"You wanna see my OPS?"

YankeeFan (who can't decide whether OPS or VORP works better in the caption)

P.S. My vote goes to Pander's "You inject it WHERE?"

"Is that a Whizzinator in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"I love you too, man, but you're not getting my Bud Lite."

"I'm sorry. I told you it's over between us. Batgirl is back!"

or

(music swells...)"I've had the time of my life, and I've never felt this way before..."

Kafumbly pretty much got it, the line referenced is "Please fondle my buttocks", but Pander and Heraldguy get points for knowing the Python sketch referenced.

Hold me...like you did by the lake on Naboo

Twins players note: This is how you promote team chemistry

*with a lovely southern drawl...*

Why, Mr Sheffield! I had no idea your feelings were so STRONG!

ahem:

Bailiff: I quote on example. The Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the station?" is translated by the English phrase, "Please fondle my bum."

sound byte is linked in my name.

never doubt the kafumbly. ;-)

Give me back my cream dammit! I know it's in your pockets somewhere.

Oh, just put your arms around me already, wouldja? Everyone knows anyway ...

See, Derek ... um ... well, I don't know how quite how to say this, but, er ... it's a little more than a NSMC for me.

"I am NOT that kind of a shortstop!"
"Didn't I see you on Yankees Hottest Chick?"
"Left, two, three, dip."
"You sure got a purddy mouth."
Excedrin headache moment #273.
Jeter to self: "No more home runs for me, no mor home runs for me. . ."
"Dude! not that kink of a squeeze play!"
"I know there's not much to do in Cleveland, but shees!"

Sheffy! I'm not that kind of girl!

If only Gardy was like this with Mauer and Morneau...

I've got an idea that'll make you forget all about losing a series to Tampa.

for the last time, Sheff: your butt cheeks are just as firm as mine. now will you please stop grabbing me for comparison?

Dude! Sheff you gotta brush your teeth!

"I didn't need to hit a home run to score with you? Oh, Derek, that's wonderful. Shut up and kiss me, you fool!"

Looks like Jeter is learning to play the (Shef)field.

2 tickets to a Yankees-DebbilRays game: $95
2 Lips-butts-and-ears hotdog and a beer: $15
Squeezing your teammate's bum: priceless!

"Not here, my girlfriend has MLB.TV."

Really? You don't think so? Because I'm pretty sure this is how you do the Heimlich Maneuver!

"Derek, I have wonderful news!"
"You're having my love child?"
"No."
"You love my ass?"
"Yes, but that's not it."
"We won a series against the Devil Rays?"
"No man, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

This touching moment of genuine happiness brought to you by Nike, Balco, and George Steinbrenner.

Shut up Derek. You had me at "hello".

Show me your money-maker.

"Mr. Torre, Mr. Torre! Gary's pinching me *back there* again!"

You're not Piazza...

Kafumbly - Aah, I think I know what the problem is. I believe they used "bum" on the TV show, but in the movie "...And Now for Something Completely Different", which I watched with sickening regularity in high school, they used "Buttocks".

Full credit!

hooray!

"Do you think these pinstripes make my butt look big?"

"After yet another loss, a frustrated Joe Torre urges his team to 'just go out there and have fun'."

OR

"Sheffield finally decides to see what's so great about this 'clubhouse chemistry' everyone else seems to think is important."

"Get a load of THESE dangerous curves!"

"Gary, I keep telling you, Posada is the catcher!"

"But you don't understand, Sheffield. Oh, I'm a man."

"Well, nobody's perfect."

annun, that line's from the ending scene of "Some Like It Hot," isn't it?

Yes it is, QJW.

I'd like to change my vote (sorry Pander) to Smash Hit Tom

YF

NOT NOW! The kiss cam comes in the 8th inning!

your place or mine?

"Let's ditch this joint, and go somewhere quiet, and I'll show you the stars, baby..."

Here's looking at you, kid...

Hershey's makes a million kisses everyday Derek. All I'm asking for is one.

Who do you think I am, Mike Piazza??!!

Derek, you give any thought to switch hitting?

This damn thong keeps riding up!

Bad touch!! Bad touch!!

A little less homoerotic.

"I know it was you, Jeter. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."

Good one, SJ...

"C'mon Derek. We're on the Kiss Cam!"

C'mon, Derek, where did you hide the cabbage leaf?

"I need an adult!"

"You know Derek, I'm not really this tall, I'm standing on my wallet."

"Yeah, and I'm still taller than you Sheff! Now get off!"

OK -
On the count of three -
we'll pull George's head out of my ass

HAHA love it Hegs

Shoeless Joe, you quoted from my favorite movie.

(A kiss did follow, but it wasn't the good kind.)

"I'd like to see Damon and Manny do this."

Can you feel it? How 'bout now?

Let's show this sloth of a team how to play with enthusiasm!

See, affection between men is healthy, not a threat to masculinity.

Someday Baby, our union will be legal.

"Gary, That's not what they meant when they said I'm a fast shortstop."

"Just you, me, A-Rod, a bottle of bubbly, and my hot tub. How does that sound?"

"I know this amazing spot where we can look out over the city and be alone."

"Wow, usually when I tell people I like meat, they get the wrong idea. But you, Gary, you know what I'm talking about (wink)."

"Derek, have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

LOL @ Flounder. I love that movie.

"Say it, who's your daddy?"

Don't turn me down, Derek, my uncle knows people.

(By the way, my vote is for "Naboo" and "Jeterbug Bug")

"Cialis. Do it on your schedule."

"Alright, I know skip told us to increase team chemistry, but this might be taking it too far."

"Today...I consider myself...the luckiest man...on the face of the earth."

I did say left hand, Derek. I bat First!

"NEW YORKERS CELEBRATE GAY PRIDE WEEK"

"Are those space pants? Because those legs are out of this world!"

Wow. And I thought "Hottest Chick" was bad. Garth's caption above is pretty good.

Jeter: NO, Sheffie, it's my turn to do it. It's my turn for batting practice, and I'll give you your bat back when I'm done with it.

"Derek you just make sure you keep getting into scoring position and I'll drive you in all night long"

D

You go 90...I go 10.