Twins 6, Royals 5. (11 innings)
Oh, my Batlings, there's really no way to describe today's game, except perhaps for Batgirl to take all the cans in her pantry and open them up and throw the contents against the wall and then take a picture of the wall and print it up and feed the picture to one of the Batkitties and wait a few hours and then go to the Batkitty Litter Box then throw the result on the wall too and then try to clean the whole thing up, accidentally mixing ammonia and chlorine bleach, which my dears you should never ever do, and then having Jeb find her and the Batkitties passed out on the floor and he has to take them to the hospital where they are all miraculously revived, but not before vomiting various substances into a puddle on the floor that one of the orderlies trips on and skids down the hallway, through the operating room doors, and lands head first in someone's right breast implant, which promptly explodes in everyone's faces. The game was like that. Kind off.
It all started innocently enough. Kansas City pitcher Runelvys Hernandez, who had promised a victory today, began by getting Shannon Stewart to ground-out. A good start, but then he promptly walked Jason Bartlett, hit Lew Ford, gave up a single, a long sac fly, and a walk before retiring Corky (Corky) Miller for the 3rd out. Oops.
That three–run lead was enough for Lohse…at least for two innings. In the third, the Royals came back with two singles, a triple, and a sac fly and suddenly the game was tied. All was very peaceful for some time, with Hernandez acting all good-pitcher-y, and Lohse surviving another inning until somehow he managed to hurt himself while hitting Angel Berroa, which is some feat. But Shaggy Guerrier performed ably in long relief, and the Twins came back in the 7th thanks to some heroics by Justin Morneau and Lew Ford, and took a 5-3 lead. Jacque and Stewie flashed some leather in the bottom of the inning, and then Juan Rincon came in—and game over, right?
Right?
Well, it should have been, but nothing's right when you have Corky (Corky) Miller starting. The guy has yet to have a hit on the season and due to some sort of cause/effect yin/yang action/reaction energies-in-the-universe thingy his presence in the line-up sends the rest of the players into hyperdrive, manifesting in things like Juan Rincon pitching as if he's trying to hunt for snipes as opposed to, you know, getting the batters out. It's fine to hunt for snipes, but do it on your own time, Juan. One walk, a passed ball, and two wild pitches later, the Royals had gained a run, but Rincon recalled himself in time to get out of the inning with the lead in tact.
So, we went into the bottom of the ninth with a one-run lead and the Vice President coming onto the mound, so really, game over, right?
Right?
No. Angel Berroa led off with a double, which was totally inconsiderate of him. And then—well, it all gets foggy. David "Oh" DeJesus hit a deep fly to Lewwww and Berroa broke for third and Lew made a beautiful throw to Juan Castro at 3rd who didn't exactly catch it. The ball dribbles away and the Veep fields it and throws to home—too late to get Berroa. Tie game. Batgirl dazed and confused. Batkitties all out of sorts. Wrong. All wrong. Up is down, day is night, and the Royals came back on Joe Nathan to tie the game.
So, into extra innings we go, Batgirl popping a lot of Ambirioxes, but then Dr. Morneau—who had been healing Batgirl's woes all over the place all game—led off with a single. Then Torii Hunter walked and all seemed so well in the world. Runners at first and second, no outs—what could go wrong? Game in hand, right?
Right?
So, the good Doctor gets lifted for pinch runner Luis Rivas, which is a good move, really, for the good Doctor may have many fine qualities but running isn't really one of his skills, unlike, say, cake-building or hitting the ball really, really hard. Or it would have been a good move had Rivas not immediately gotten picked off second. I mean, Morneau could have done that all on his own. Except he probably wouldn't have because he wouldn't have dared move his feet off second on account of how damn slow he is.
Well, the Royals threaten—and I mean threaten—in the bottom of the tenth. They took a knife up to our throats and pressed it so hard into the skin that they drew a little blood and they made that little sound Hannibal Lecter makes that gives Batgirl the willies and pressed the knife in a touch harder—and then proceeded to pop out a couple times.
Then, finally, Gardy substituted Joe Mauer for Corky (Corky) Miller and all was well in the universe again. Energies balanced, yins yanged, and the good Chairman drew a lead-off walk. One Little Nicky Punto sac bunt later, Mauer was on second, Lew Ford was up to bat, and soon the Twins had their victory. Not soon enough mind you, but still.
Now, there's been some gnashing of teeth and pounding of chests about how close these games with the Royals have been, but, you know, it's what you do in the one-run games that matter. We won. They didn't. The sign of a good team is the one that can pull it out in late innings, that can win by one run, that can come back when Juan Rincon starts thinking he's playing a few rounds of Crazy Pepe's Chug and Throw at the Caracas Summer Festivale. We are 6-0 against the Royals now, we pulled out all of the victories--yes, sometimes from the deepest, darkest recesses of our bums but we still pulled them out—and that, my friends, is a good thing. So smile for Batgirl, and prepare for the Los Angeles Angels of Incredibly Stupid Names.
Posted by Batgirl at April 28, 2005 06:44 PMThat was a "take 4 Ambiriox with a double Bombay Blue Sapphire Gin martini" sort of game. But all's well that ends well, the work week is nearly done, and tomorrow night I'll be at the Metrodump.
Posted by: Attyfan at April 28, 2005 07:37 PMI knew I shouldn't have closed yahoo and gone to that client meeting.
Of course, I could have taken the laptop along and gone all wireless, but would have gotten fired for screaming at Juan in the middle of said client's presentation. Which would probably have been bad form.
Posted by: CubsTwinsSeries at April 28, 2005 07:48 PMWith today's beaning, Lewwwwww has now been pegged 4 times while getting only 3 walks.
I think the other players are jealous of his repeated contention for BOD.
That or it's some sort of pick on the egghead thing.
Posted by: Squiddie at April 28, 2005 07:49 PMIt seems that with Cuddyer, Castro, Miller, and Rivas all on the 25 man roster somehow,some flotsam has to be on the field. Let us pray that this includes neither Rivas, nor Miller {Miller} in the Angel series. Of course, we could do the sensible thing and call up Tiffee, but we won't. Al
Posted by: al at April 28, 2005 07:53 PMI just returned from the "K", as I am both a die hard Twins enthusiast and Missourian. I learned from my girlfriend that it is less appropriate to curse and throw things while in public than it is while watching the games on my Directv package in my small college apartment.
I can excuse Juan and Corky's problems in the eighth, as we ripped off quite a few shots together prior to the first pitch...
sw
Batgirl,
Since your site has become the HOTTEST Twins site in the world, I feel like Gardy himself might even check in now and again, so if you dont mind, I'd like to drop him a note.
Gardy,
We all know you are worried about young Joe's knee, but enough is enough. Corky's career BA is like .197, and he doesnt look like he will improve upon that anytime soon. Add to that the fact that his catching skills today resembled Roberto Duran (manos de piedra), and I must ask you.... WHY?? Joe is fine, or so it looks from the few times he gets to play. Even if he needs a rest, Redmond can do it and in a pinch Matt (Larry the Cable Guy) LeCroy could even play behind the dish. So PLEASE Gardy, let young Joe play, get rid of Corky, and bring our pal TT back.
In closing Ron, I figure you are new to the site, so I wont hammer you today about Rivas or Lyle, but be aware, we are watching.
Your friend, Scott
Posted by: Scotty Dawg at April 28, 2005 08:22 PMBG,
I was listening at work (posted a few comments when the boss wasn't looking), and every so often someone would ask how the game was going. I had some difficulty properly relating it. Your opening 'graf summed it up much better than my "Homer Simpson acting crazy while hopped up on goofballs" noises. But that is why you are the writer.
One comment, however. You failed to mention that the Veep's throw (after backing up Castro)was to Corky (Corky) Miller.
And feel free to borrow my name for the guys' next foe: The Los Angeles Anaheims.
Posted by: double-a at April 28, 2005 08:41 PMWTG Lew! The Good Doctor did well too. Must be the Canadianess finally showing through.
Dear Gardy,
DO NOT USE CORKY MILLER!! You should not use a catcher that has repeatedly allowed the ball to nut him with easy bounces off the plate. He's making all of us look bad, even the ones without balls.
Thanks,
A concerned catcher
Two things. Batgirl-gross. That whole first paragraph wad gross. :)
Second, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If we want an incompetent backup catcher, we still have LeRoy, and Matty can hit. - Ryan
Shannon was awarded Web Gem #1 on BBTN!
Also, Harold Reynolds thinks Joe Crede leaned into the pitch and the ump got it right. Sorry, Hawk & DJ.
Plus, Gardenhire apparently now has the best record in one-run games of any manager since 1900. Or something like that.
Posted by: Word Smith at April 28, 2005 10:24 PMBatgirl -
Once again, great recap. It was indeed a crazy game - with Lew bunting one off his head and seeing birdies circle his head. At the end off the day, Twins win and Batgirl wins a free O-Cedar Angler with the sweep - congratulations.
We have the Los Angeles Angels of Berroa or Anaheim or something like that. Can we just call them LAAA-LAAA-LAAA-LAAA?
Posted by: Hegs at April 28, 2005 10:31 PMHas it hit anyone with even the the slightest understanding of Spanish that the phrase the "Los Angeles Angels" is translated as "The Angels Angels." I can't wait to play the Angels (squared).
Posted by: Lu Chan at April 28, 2005 10:34 PMI get off work at 4:00, so had to leave the game behind for the long busride. I was concerned, but only mildly, what with it being a one-run game, an enemy on second, but the Veep was pitching. But J.Ro pitched better than Boo, so the whole world was confusing. I called my Dad on the way from the bus to my apartment to find the final score. That's when he informed me that the top of the eleventh was coming up. I got to a radio in time to hear the end of the game.
Yes, Batgirl, you summed up the game very well, without resorting to using the batkitties, who probably had enough stomach problems after listneing to today's game that they didn't need the stress mentioned in your delightfully accurate first paragraph.
But JustIncredible decorating cakes? That'll keep me laughing for DAYS!
Just Beth
Posted by: Just Beth at April 28, 2005 10:37 PM>>Crazy Pepe's Chug and Throw
My very favoritest part.
I just don't know what to make of the boys this year. Or the roster. That phrase keeps coming back to bite us .. on paper. On paper, we have a great lineup. On paper, our starting rotation and bullpen are unstoppable. On paper, we rock. But ... cheese and rice, we keep making some boneheaded plays. And the thing is, it's not just the new guys making the plays, it's the guys that have been around, too. So, I don't know what to make of it. Maybe they just need some time to gel and make those little connections where everyone knows what to expect from everyone else. I dunno. I dunno. There's still a lot of baseball left to play.
Posted by: mmmarkiep at April 28, 2005 10:46 PMHey, I wasn't even watching BBTN but I cought one thing as it aired in the next room, (or was it sportcenter?)... RG now has the best record in one run games of any manager with 125 one run games since 1900! That's right, no manager in the last 105 years has a better record in one run games than Gardy! Maybe we should give him some more slack the next time Rincon give up a 3 run homer...
Posted by: sawdustking at April 28, 2005 11:02 PMHe just does that to pad his stats, sawdustking.
Posted by: mmmarkiep at April 28, 2005 11:08 PMI have the solution. Bring in Matthew Lecroy in for a pinch runner next time. Cant be any worse.
Posted by: Dean at April 28, 2005 11:35 PMWow BG, very inventive game summary. The imagery was very...descriptive. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or hurl, but then again, that was my reaction to the game as well. At least my boyfriend Shannon seems to be coming out of the duldroms.
Posted by: ysolla at April 28, 2005 11:39 PMWOW! Did Jeb have to explain what happened to BG and the BKs?
Posted by: Stacy at April 28, 2005 11:44 PMbatgirl, you are so damn funny. i had a really rotten day and i hate day games because i have to work and i was all crabby until i popped in here. what a hoot. thank you for a really good laugh (and several subsequent chuckles).
Posted by: dorkyhouse at April 28, 2005 11:48 PMDoes Jesse Crain (who got the win today) have a BG nickname?
Posted by: Trev at April 29, 2005 12:54 AMBatGirl, do you still have Goober goat of the day? if ever a game has called for it yet this year it's this one. corky (corky) miller.
Posted by: Mike&Jane at April 29, 2005 12:55 AMPity Z-wife. The computer is in the bedroom. I wake her with a 'Yessss!' when Lew singles in the 11th (1230am here on the Adriatic coast) and again at 0630 in hysterics over 'Crazy Pepe's Chug and Throw'. Both times I got a muttered 'Jebem ti.' which is a very evocative way of expressing frustration in Slovene.
And you batlings are brightening up my life. One day soon I hope to get the hang of posting on the Game Thread AND 'watching' the MLB Gamecast, which, for a cyber-dunce, is the technological equivalent of chewing gum and walking at the same time.
That should have read 'the technological equivalent of George Bush chewing gum and walking at the same time'. Oprostite.
Posted by: sloveniatom at April 29, 2005 03:54 AMlast year when Kyle whined about the defense played behind him, I started paying closer attention... and was surprised that yes, the boys do, indeed, play crappy defense behind him. I was a little mystified, because I would think that the boys would be a little more cautious with Kyle on the mound.
but since my arrival here in Batland, I have come to understand that it's not their fault - it is Lyle spreading his curse across the entire lineup.
The Curse of Lyle must end!
Posted by: kafumbly at April 29, 2005 06:18 AMBG,
Not to be picky, but I think the Twins are 5-0 against KC.
Regards,
E
Also, Miller is now 1 for 51 since last season. Seriously, even Rob Bowen is better than this. Free Terry Tiffee!
Posted by: E at April 29, 2005 08:08 AMWonderful recap, Batgirl. A truly craptastic win.
I have an unrelated etiquette dilemma for team Batgirl and the Batlings. This weekend, to celebrate a coworker's birthday, I will be accompanying coworker and boss to a baseball game. A Bitchsox-Tiggers baseball game. Birthday coworker is a lifelong Tiggers fan (sad, really). Boss is a die-hard Sox supporter (sadder, possibly).
What's a batling to do? Cheer for the Tiggers (because of division standings and birthday)? Cheer for Bitchsox (because of boss and not getting beat up at the Cell)? Cheer politely for both teams' hitters (not wanting to build Garland's and Tiggers pitchers' confidence)? Cheer for all errors and missed cut-off men (moral highground)? Cheer for fried-onion-smothered bratwursts (really yummy)? Help please.
Posted by: hrunting at April 29, 2005 08:30 AMI have some spare time at work today, I may construct a "FREE TIFEE" sign to bring to the game tonight.
Posted by: HooliganKat at April 29, 2005 08:34 AMI appreciated the comments of hope and positive vibes from BG and her troops during yesterday's "no really, YOU win, we don't want to" game. I must say, though, that it seems as if we've been in a youth movement since '86... ok. not really true, but definitely since the strike in '94.
I think about all the players that have been with the Royals over the years, and if we were able to pay $$$, we'd likely have an outfield of Damon, Dye and Beltran right now. DeJesus is a righteous CF, but KC's stuck in the same financial muck we've been in for 10 years. That truly will dictate our (lack of) success from here on out. I know the Twins aren't a crazy-spending team, small market and all, but something's different up in the TC.
BG, sorry we mistreated your VP. it really wasn't right for us to do that, especially since we weren't planning to win the game anyway.
Posted by: Royals Fan at April 29, 2005 08:34 AMhrunting--
No matter which team makes the play, mumble through mouthfuls of brat 'Gosh! That was a fine throw!' 'Gosh! Nice catch!' Always preface the comments with 'Gosh!' It makes you sound naive and innocent and intolerably sincere.
Posted by: sloveniatom at April 29, 2005 08:56 AMhrunting-
When all else fails, take the moral high ground. And I'd wear Twins/BatGirl apparel, so everyone there knows you would just as soon see both teams lose.
I needed two Happy, Happy Fun Drinks to wash down my 4 Ambiriox after that game.
Posted by: Spike at April 29, 2005 09:12 AMhrunting--
Go with the bratwurst. You really can't go wrong there. Just smile and nod and keep chewing, and it will all be over soon.
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at April 29, 2005 09:18 AM"Doctor may have many fine qualities but running isn't really one of his skills, unlike, say, cake-building or hitting the ball really, really hard."
Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills...
Hrunting,
you could also play "all-knowing baseball enthusiast". You know the one who answers both companions questions regarding plays, rules and possible motivations behind line-up selections.
It might require a bit of studying up on your part before the game but that makes you look good to the boss and keeps in solidly in "non-partisan" camp.
Just pretend you are Dick Bremer...
Posted by: CapitalBabs at April 29, 2005 09:40 AMI know it's early in the season, but we may need to be reminded what the ingredients are of Batgirl's special drink.
Posted by: HooliganKat at April 29, 2005 10:16 AMhrunting--
I have relatives in Bitch Sox land. Bitch Sox fans. IN-sane Bitch Sox fans. Take ndtf's advice and you take your kneecaps in your hands. Discretion is the better part etc, etc.
A Twins shirt in Conelrad stadium. (shudder) Baying packs of slavering konerkos...the screams! Oh, the screams!
Yes. The special drink. What *was* in it? Did it have a name? Might I suggest "Ambiorix"?
Posted by: double-a at April 29, 2005 10:42 AMRoyalsFan, honestly, I feel for you. The Royals, the organization, just doesn't seem to be trying at all. Or at least, didn't care. But maybe, just maybe, they're going to keep some of these young players together and let them gel into a team. I don't know what's going on down there because I haven't followed it enough. I just know that it's sad for the fans.
Posted by: mmmarkiep at April 29, 2005 11:07 AMI don't know what BG's special drink contains, but I know that mine is a magical combination of Southern Comfort, Blackberry Brandy, Sloe Gin, Amaretto, juice and 7-up and is called a Stumplifter. It erases all pain. Unfortunately I couldn't have one yesterday during the game and therefore was given a colossal headache by the jackassery.
And hrunting, I stand by my statement about the moral high ground, but it would be for the best if you wear neutral clothing for the game. I would feel terrible if something bad would happen to you.
Posted by: ndtf at April 29, 2005 11:23 AMYes hrunting, please post on Monday and let us know you made it through the ordeal okay. ndtf will want to know that your demise isn't on his conscience, and the bratwurst suggestions could have serious health consequences. Also, there's the possibility of accidentally offending your boss and losing your job. It's a dangerous life you live!
Posted by: Pepper at April 29, 2005 11:33 AMBG,
Great re-cap but no comments on Lewwww bunting with his face? I'm reminded of my favorite Yogi-ism: "So what if I'm ugly? I don't bat with my face!"
go girl!
Jason Bartlett for Rookie of the Year!!!
Posted by: Bartlett_for_ROTY at April 29, 2005 11:45 AMActually Pepper, ndtf would not want hrunting's demise on her conscience. I would also hate to be in hrunting's position right now, because it is a truly dangerous place to be. Maybe just sit there quietly, nursing a beer. Unless you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from saying things like, "Hunter would have caught that." Then you'd best stay away from the beer vendors.
Posted by: ndtf at April 29, 2005 11:49 AMThanks for all of the help so far. SloveniaTom -- it's clear you've been to the cell and understand its denizens. I wore a Twins jersey there once. Once.
The brats really are lovely, but Pepper has a point. As I remember, the law of diminishing returns kicks in, with brat 2 being less delightful, and brat 3 being sick-making. Still, stuffing face and mumbling may be the safest option.
Also, there will be the necessity of disguising my actual cheers, which will be for the out-of-town scoreboard, as Santana shuts down the Lost Angels of Somewhere. I shall try to be subtle. "Whoot! Excellent slide step, Garland!" or "Hooray! Way to defensively shift, Bobby Higginson!" Do you think, CapitolBabs, that that can pass as terribly invested and knowledgeable fandom?
Posted by: hrunting at April 29, 2005 12:02 PMOops, sorry for the assumption, ndtf. Sure would be nice if English has non-gender-specific personal pronouns.
Posted by: Pepper at April 29, 2005 12:03 PMThat's ok Pepper. It's Friday, the boss is gone, and I'm in a good mood. All is forgiven.
Posted by: ndtf at April 29, 2005 12:23 PMI wonder if the team doctors could somehow fuse Corky Miller around the Chairman's knee, buttressing it from daily catching fatigue? That's a solution. Hopefully there wouldn't be a genetic osmosis involved, and the Chairman could still hit and have decent haircuts.
Gardy. God bless his little heart. He's so trusting, and you can't but respect his faith in his players.
"Gardenhire has no qualms about continuing to go with Michael Cuddyer at third base, who is hitting .200 through 65 at-bats. "He just needs to get a little more confident swinging the bat," Gardenhire said. "He can drive it to the gaps, he can drive the ball out of the ballpark. Defensively, he's playing the heck out of third base. Offensively, he hasn't gotten there yet. But hopefully, he can work through that and everything will be fine." "
I mean, Gardy's right to feel that way. Michael - who's still my boyfriend, because I can't ever break up with someone cleanly - is not bad at baseball... he's just bad at baseball through 65 ABs this season. Give the kid 150 ABs, I say, see where he's at, and then start thinking about blowin' Tiffee's Nextel up.
Posted by: Haplo at April 29, 2005 12:48 PMI wonder if the team doctors could somehow fuse Corky Miller around the Chairman's knee, buttressing it from daily catching fatigue? That's a solution. Hopefully there wouldn't be a genetic osmosis involved, and the Chairman could still hit and have decent haircuts.
Gardy. God bless his little heart. He's so trusting, and you can't but respect his faith in his players.
"Gardenhire has no qualms about continuing to go with Michael Cuddyer at third base, who is hitting .200 through 65 at-bats. "He just needs to get a little more confident swinging the bat," Gardenhire said. "He can drive it to the gaps, he can drive the ball out of the ballpark. Defensively, he's playing the heck out of third base. Offensively, he hasn't gotten there yet. But hopefully, he can work through that and everything will be fine." "
I mean, Gardy's right to feel that way. Michael - who's still my boyfriend, because I can't ever break up with someone cleanly - is not bad at baseball... he's just bad at baseball through 65 ABs this season. Give the kid 150 ABs, I say, see where he's at, and then start thinking about blowin' Tiffee's Nextel up.
Posted by: Haplo at April 29, 2005 12:49 PMForget all the gore of K.C. Now on to beating the liquid fat out of the overstuffed World Champs and get the WhiteSux out of first place.
Posted by: SoxSux at April 29, 2005 12:52 PMI have a theory . . .
Ass-Bats are contageous . . .
Corky Miller is one for what, the decade . . .
Corky Miller is the Typhoid Mary of Ass-Bats.
(Free Tiffee)
Posted by: Me at April 29, 2005 02:27 PMI have tickets to a Twins game at the Cell this season.
I am wearing my Twins hat.
I realize I am risking my life, but it's better than appearing to publicly root for the Bitch Sox.
Posted by: Cathy at April 29, 2005 03:09 PMTorii has been travelling so much to write more of his Torii's Travel Tips that he's forgotten where he lives:
"Torii Hunter, who said it's been the worst road trip he's ever been on, was asked if he remembered where he lived.
'I think I live off Lake Minnetonka ... or Calhoun,' he said. 'I've got 10,000 chances.'"
Help Torii find his way home!
Posted by: el diablo at April 29, 2005 03:27 PM"Torii, you live off Lake Wobegon!"
I'd like to see him find THAT!
bwwaaahaaahaaahaaaaaaa!
Posted by: kafumbly at April 29, 2005 04:08 PMTorii, just make sure you don't somehow manage to cross state lines in your search to find home. However, if you find yourself confused and on the shores of Lake Sakakawea, Lake Oahe, Sweet Briar Lake or Nelson Lake, just give me a call. I'll get you pointed in the right direction!
Posted by: ndtf at April 29, 2005 04:13 PMCathy -
You are a braver fan than I.
I have on my office door a picture of Joe Mauer; the ESPN magazine cover from a couple of years ago with Jacque, Torii, AJ, and Dougie Defense; and the wonderful Korean Twins cartoon. But my place of work is civilized. The Cell is called that for a reason, and it has little to do with money or a phone company.
Posted by: hrunting at April 29, 2005 04:15 PMhrunting-
I know all about the Cell and it's uncivilized ways, so pray for me.
I am hoping for lots of Bitch Sox strikeouts so I can yell "He gone!" as well.
I choose to live dangerously at times.
Posted by: Cathy at April 29, 2005 04:32 PM