Red Sox 4, Twins 3
Sunday, 6 May. Weight: 250 (albatross around neck weighing in at 10 lb.) ERA: 6.42 (magically went down, thankful of unearned run... though, technically earned, since committed error that led to run.) Alcohol Units: 1 (lost count and started counting again.)
Sigh. Was too excited after last start, spoke too soon, now eating humble pie. Can think of many, many different pies that enjoy more than humble pie. French Silk. Peanut Butter Silk. Apple. Peach. Cherry. Even enjoy mince pie more than humble pie, though mince pie v. disgusting. Beef fat is not dessert. Is appetizer, along with mini-gherkins. V. tasty. Suppose cannot really complain, as had to pitch against Bloody Sock, who is bloody awful to hit against, as Twins showed until had already left game. Also v. hard to pitch against Red Sox, after Queer Eye For Straight Guy makeover gave unfair advantage. Wonder if could call Kyan about hair. Possibly could bring Ted, to make tasty, tasty pies. Also could bring Skinny Puerto Rican Boy to learn napkin folding and burlesque dance, but have no need for other two. T. Hunter saved E.R.A. from growing by v.v.v. good throw home (though only other player that would have been out from play would be Prince Fielder), also got 2 hits, though wish could have had hits while was still in game. Wish had gotten runs while still in game. Wish had pitched better, B. Blyleven-type start with v.g. fastballs freezing hitters, movement fooling batters, flailing away in vain, easy pop-ups, grounders, etc. Suppose can wash scary pants now, and wear new elephant-trunk thong sent as lovely parting gift from G. Steinbrenner, along with swift kick in ass. (Wondering how J. Torre would look in such underwear if also receives swift kick in ass in coming weeks.) Must remember to think positively, imagine abundance for self, manifest wins, Cy Youngs, glory, etc. Did have 1-2-3 inning, and did not give up any homeruns, for crying out loud. Also, if not for self, Twins would have been swept by Devil Rays. Have more wins against Devil Rays this year than any other Twins pitcher. Must hang on to that thought, cling to it with all the strength can muster, to keep alive hope of staying with team. Choose not to die alone, washed-up, eaten by wild dogs. Choose vodka and Chaka Khan. Have to remember positive energy sent by Donnalove, who likes me, just as I am.
Posted by Donnalove at May 6, 2007 09:08 PM"Suppose can wash scary pants now, and wear new elephant-trunk thong"
And speaking of under garments, Free nutty.
Now if you will please excuse me, I must go barf.
One of the only reasons I look forward to Ponson pitching. Oh who am I kidding....this is the ONLY reason I look forward to Ponson pitching. Thank you, Donnalove, thank you. You ease the pain...
Posted by: Dobs at May 6, 2007 10:59 PMDear American League
We Got The Rocket
love
p.e.m.
Dear AM League
From: Yankees
We are still trying to buy our championships.
LOL, whats new? Will it work that is the question.
Rocket is not going to solve all their problems, he only pitches every 5 days and he is old. Better hope this is not the year he breaks down. The guy is what, 44?
Tyner, Punto, Rodriquez, Rabbe, Castillo, Redmond,Kubel, Bartlett,Heinz, Cirillo, White, Mauer,Casillo, in a fifth of a season, have hit 2 home runs. I sense a trend here. They have scored in 2 of their last 27 innings. They have faced a guy with a 7+ era in that period as a starter. I think maybe pitching is not the main problem. That sure was funny when Cuddyer turned that somersault on the basepaths the other night. These guys are a riot, and fascinating to watch/listen to.
Posted by: al at May 7, 2007 08:32 AMYes, this year the Twins are on the fast track to failure and the reason is two-fold Twins management and "Sir Sidney"Bad Luck Benny" Ponson". The one pitcher in the world that cannot pitch and the Twins have him but not for long I hope ...send him elsewhere ( back to Aruba would be nice) ....Gardenhire wake up and get a grip!!!! The other players are being demoralized and the only way it seems to get rid of that sweaty sleazeball (with a mullet for heaven's sake) is for the team to not try their hardest to win it is showing...they don't want his "non-help" that seemed pretty obvious to all except Gardenhire and Anderson last night....now let that doofus go !!!!! or there will be no fans except the masochistic ones left for the twins...
Posted by: margie phillips at May 7, 2007 08:55 AMHere uis a stat that maybe you did not know though al: Sox had not given up more then 4 runs in a game the last 12 games. Also it should be mentioned Twins won that game against Tavarez. Red Sox looked pretty punchless to me and much more healthy and only managed 2 more runs then the Twins this series which included Ponson and Silva. Twins did OK considering unfortunately they still lost the series.
Posted by: Nora at May 7, 2007 10:36 AMDear Nora
At least our owner cares about winning. Would you rather he didn't spend the money on the team and pocket it instead, like some 90 year old billionaire would ?
p.e.m.
Pem,
Where has all that money gotten the Yankees the last few years?
Last year it got them only one more win then the Twins. At least our owner doesn't waste money that doesn't help the team do any better then the one that does. Think about it. Money doesn't win championships. Yankees are proving it lthe last few years.
Posted by: Nora at May 7, 2007 11:45 AMMoney doesn't win championships ? Since when ?
95 Braves
96 Yankees
97 Marlins
98 Yankees
99 Yankees
00 Yankees
01 Diamond Backs
02 Angels
04 Red Sox
05 Black Sox
All of these teams spent real money in order to win. Yeah the 03 Marlins didn't spend a ton and won, but do think catching lightning in a bottle is the best way to build a team ?
It guarantees nothing to spend a bunch of money, ask the Mets and Phillies, but it shows effort. You know your team is at least trying to win.
You can't take it with you.
p.e.m.
Yeah and when it doesn't work out? What a waste. Yankees are the worst.
Posted by: Nora at May 7, 2007 12:52 PMEffort means nothing if you don't win it all. Esp. when you do no mbetter then a small market team
Posted by: Nora at May 7, 2007 01:04 PMOk - enough all ready - PEM we all know you love to stir up the pot find a different place to do it, please. We came here to read Sidney's diary and get a chuckle or two.
Thanks
Much Love
Wonder Woman
Aw...Nora & P.E.M...arguments like this suck a lot of the fun out of a website like this. It's a futile argument. Can't we just agree to disagree? Sometimes I think money and talent have less to do with who wins than what the baseball gods decree shall happen.
I agree with Dobs--I look forward to Sir Sidney pitching so I can read his very well written diary right here next day!!! Besides as my son the Os fan (who suffered for 3 years with Sir Sidney says) he pitches just well enough to keep his job and thats been true so far. Sooner (hopefully) or later--Ryan will give up and bring up Slowey or Nutty.
DAM
Posted by: DAM-DC Twins Fan at May 7, 2007 01:44 PMOh, I think there's probably more than one pitcher in the world that can't pitch.
Posted by: Donnalove at May 7, 2007 06:20 PMPEM & Nora: This is a sad argument - my mediocre baseball team (16-15) is better than your mediocre baseball team (14-15). I'm afraid the Twins will need actual hitters to beat other teams. The Yankees? They will need some pitchers. And, yes, rooting for a team that buys championships is simply rooting for bullies.
Now, I believe the Michael Cuddyer tumble needs to be commemorated in legos. That should make everybody happy!
Posted by: Brooklynegg at May 7, 2007 07:00 PMNo fighting.
damn, something about best twins record against the devil rays made me chuckle. WHERE WILL WE BE WITHOUT THE CHAIRMAN?? Is he really on the DL? aaaahhh, i wish we could keep torii
Posted by: tom at May 8, 2007 02:24 AMUhm, why does Sir Sid like Chaka Khan? Is there some kind of secret 1980's Prince/soundtrack to "Breakin'"/Twin Cities connection here? Or is it just the big hair '80s thing he's going for?
Posted by: MTTwin at May 8, 2007 02:33 AMWhoa...Chaka Khan...must be a joke! Hey if you saw Sidney in the dugout when he heard "Stayin' Alive" by the BeeGees, well, he looked like he was gonna die! (Joe Nathan seemed rather mortified, too!) Pretty funny, though!
Sid's really a Metallica-type... Chaka Khan to him is probably like Slim Whitman to the Martians in Mars Attacks! (OK, maybe I feel like my head will explode when I hear EITHER Chaka or Slim! AAARGGGHHHH! Or KC and the Sunshine Band-those are on the soundtrack in hell! Along with Barry Manilow, of course!)
I like Sid's taste in music, as well as his hair, mannerisms, and yeah, EVERYTHING about him! I would forgive him Chaka Khan, IF he really was sick enough to really like that, uh, err, (gag, gag) music-like sound.
Sorry, the afore-mentioned elephant trunk thong beckons...in my dreams, I hope, if not in my bedroom! (But what a thought...I'll live on it the next few days! Made my day!)
Posted by: MUPs2Hot! at May 8, 2007 04:20 AMI'm late, but amused. Keep it up, Donnalove. You make me giggle.
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at May 8, 2007 11:12 PMthe sass-to-serious ratio is waaaaaaay too low in these comments. p.e.m.: loved the Pohlad needles. Keep it up :-)
Posted by: brianS at May 9, 2007 02:18 PMSidney does like Metallica. And I think the funniest thing about Sidney parodies is that the authors generally attribute Sid with a command of the English language that is nothing like what he really talks like.
Posted by: Mary1966 at May 11, 2007 12:15 AM