Batgirl,

Speaking as a preemie myself (2 lbs 2 oz. at birth and 1 lb. 7 oz. at one point; 3 months premature), I commend you and organizations such as this. Us preemies may be kind of skinny and a bit slower at maturing physically but we are well worth the angst and sleepless nights. Dash looks like a wonderful little tyke. If he has half of his mommy's wit, charm and penchant for spinning a literary yarn then the world will be a much better place.

That being said, my commentary on the Twins recent performance may be akin to what Dash produces in his britches on a daily basis. Two astoundingly lousy nights in a row. Tomorrow's a new day, though.

Thanks, BG, I didn't think it was possible for me to have anything to smile about before heading to bed tonight but once again you've managed to produce more than an idle chuckle out of total assbattedness. "Oh, shit," indeed, Boof. LOL

Of course watching the A's come back and win against the BitchSox closer in the 9th inning while I was reading this didn't hurt, either. :)

If I knew how to think Freudian I'd come up with an explanation for BG's recent fondness for testicles/dingleberries.

I wish the boys would find their cajones, give the ass-bats to Cleveland, and either will some good starts from our "veterans" or run them out of town with torches and pitchforks (pun semi-intended).

Maybe playing in a dome ain't so bad after all

p.e.m.

There were no way there were any Thespians in that battle.

None of them could act to save their trunks :-)

(is it bad that I'm pleased for A-Rod that he's playing so well?)

I'm pleased. Too bad he has to continue his homerun hitting against us, though. So he's on track for what, 80 homers or something?

New York fans gave A-Rod too much grief for his playing last season. I'm glad he's winning them back... until he goes a game with out a dinger.

ahh... BG, you are a wonder to behold..

I do feel bad for NBP though.. perhaps no one is feeling the loss of their dingleberries more than him because... well.. in him it is just so much more obvious than the others!

Who took my team and replaced them with boy-bots and doomed Spartans?!?
Curse you Derek Jeter and your Avon products!
Bobby Abreu I cannot dislike you because you look like a giant Venezuelan Teddy Bear =)

Can we at least play like mighty Persians this evening?!?

While I was not quite a preemie I did decide to come into the world two months early - and my dear sister was three months early - Preemie power! Pledge peoples - The Dashers are ever so close to their goal =)

Much Love
Wonder Woman

PS - HI DOUG!
and
I hope you have good weather for the walk!

No dingleberries, huh? That makes a great deal of sense.

Again, BG, you have been missed. Any amount you can contribute is always great. Although keep an eye on your little MacDaddyDash.

Batgirl-thank you. That too gave me a bit to smile about before going to bed trying to forget what I just saw. I didn't think it could have been worse than Monday...boy was I ever wrong!

Dingleberries. LOL.

This year's home series against the Yanks just plain sucks. There's no Nutty, no Morneau game-winning single against Rivera in the 9th, no Liriano out of the 'pen. Nothing, just assbats. I miss Nutty.

I just glanced at the MoD link (yes I should have done it last night but I was worn out from yelling obscenities during the Twins game and then cheering on the A's 9th inning rally to beat the bitches).

BG and the Dashers are a mere $610 from reaching their $3000 goal.

Our boys may come up short vs the Yankees and there isn't much we can do about it. But THIS, we CAN do something about. The Dashers must reach their goal.

So here's my challenge. If the rest of the Batlings can scrape up $300, I'll match that amount (and even kick in the extra 10-spot just cuz that's the kind of guy I am).

Now how can any of you turn down a deal like that?

"It's suicide," squealed Barlett.

That was my favorite line. It's reminded me of the Sandlot and Squintz saying, "Don't do it, Benny, it's suicide!"

Fab.

Assbats...of course! The "No Assbats" shirt is still in storage, with all the other summer clothes (and no wonder)! I know I'm not the only one who hasn't dug it out yet. All you Batlings with "No Assbats" gear, get it out and put it on for tonight's game! Let's work the BatMojo!

--infield

I dunno, JC! That's mighty generous of you!

Ooer, the MoD does take personal checks. Aces.

Emma Span, formerly of the _Village_Voice_ and now a regular contributor at Bronx Banter, describes Sideshow Pat Neshek's delivery:

"Think of a stork being violently tickled, but with much better control."

Emma also credits the nickname to "awesome Twins blogger Bat Girl".

I know I'm working really hard today - but this also made me giggle:

Snow = no-go

Anywhere from 4 to 10 inches of snow have been predicted for the Twin Cities today, which is unusual for this time of year -- and a drastic change for members of the baseball industry who spent more than 40 days in Florida for spring training.
Some players -- especially those from Latin American countries -- have never driven in snowy conditions in the Twin Cities.
That subject was brought up to Twins catcher Mike Redmond, who was a teammate of Twins second baseman Luis Castillo with the Florida Marlins.

"Considering I'm not even sure Luis knows how to even get to the ballpark, it will be tough for him, let alone to drive in the snow," Redmond said. "I would want to alert the Minneapolis-area commuters that Luis Castillo would be driving in the snow, because that would be scary. Truly scary."

Castillo, who has never driven in the snow, was unaware of the forecast.
"I don't know what I'm going to do," he said. "I better go slow."

By the time the Twins took the field for early stretching, Redmond had promised to bring Castillo to the park today.

Thank Goodness for NBP =)

WW

Actually, A-Rod is on pace for 139 HR's this year. Even if he keeps that pace, about 131 of them will occur when the game is well in hand one way or the other, and he'll still bat .089 with 13 K's in the playoffs. Maybe Cuddy should start wearing purple lipstick to get his ass-bat going...

Oh, right. A-Rod isn't clutch. (Walk-off grannie in *APRIL*? Not clutch at all. If David Ortiz had come up in that situation, he would have hit the grand slam in *SEPTEMBER*.)

It's a rule in sports that no matter how good your team is, some other team will have your team's number. Like the Vikings and the Bears. Usually, I am secretly happy when the Bears whup the Vikes up and down the field so badly that the boys in purple start praying to mini-Ditka for mercy. Because that's usually the sign of a really good season for the Vikings. When the Vikings are on a roll, the Bears always seem to have their number.

But I'm getting tired of this whole the-Yankees-have-the-Twins'-number routine. Why does it have to be the Yankees who are able to sprinkle themselves with magic beat-the-Twins dust? Why can't it be, I don't know, Kansas City, say, or Texas, or even Tampa Bay? Any team, really, that doesn't fill a fan with rage to lose to, and whose continued success doesn't inspire existential despair in the possibility of justice among men.

Fiesta summed it up last night during the game when he said, "It's too early in the season for ass bats."
Amen. I said. Amen.

I guess I can understand how people outside of NY don't realise what our problem with ARod has been.

Walk off Grannies in April are great, and we applauded him for it, but look at these numbers

2004 ALCS vs Bos 8-31 .258 $22,000,000.00
2005 ALDS vs LAA 2-15 .133 $26,000,000.00
2006 ALDS vs Det 1-14 .071 $21,600,000.00

We have different expectations in NY. MVPs and batting titles are great, but don't mean any where near as much without a title.

p.e.m.

"Curse you Derek Jeter and your Avon products!"

Hah!

Wonder Woman, you are one funny babe.

Every time I see number 11 in a Yankee's uniform, I want to throw up a little.

I don't have much sympathy for A-Rod, even though I think some (most?) Yankee fans have treated him badly. I was a closet Mariner watcher back when he and Junior Griffey were more youthful. If they both had just stayed with Seattle, they probably could have still fed themselves and/or their family and enjoyed a more-appreciative environment. They have made their own beds, so to speak.

That said, I think A-Rod has exceeded his longball quota for this series. Save some for the Tiggers, BitchSox and Cartoons, dude.

P.e.m.,

I see that for some odd reason, you omitted these numbers (ALDS vs. Minn. 2004): BA .421; OBP .476; SLUG .737.

Also, you don't know where I live!

Franorama, I don't feel sorry for him either, but come on, you can't really be saying the guy should have stayed in Seattle and turned down the $25 mil/year. When Bronon Arroyo took less money to stay in Boston, his good bud Theo turned around and traded him to the Reds before the ink was dry on the contract. Okay, we all love loyal ball players, but you can't ask them to be suckers.

Whatever happened to Knoblach? I think that he working at a car wash in Toledo, crying himself to sleep every night because his deal with the devil expired.

One of my favorite clips from the KQRS Morning Show ever:

The Chucker: "And you would be-?"
Knoblach: "Chuck Knoblach."
[ PAUSE ]
The Chucker: "Well, we can't thank you enough for all the time..."

A World Series title would be great, no doubt about it. Still, it's a lot of fun to have the MVP and batting champ on our team. Now, come on guys, I know they're the Yankees, and I will concede that they can really smack the ball around, but they're human too. Put away the ass bats! You can smack the ball around too!

Back to work. Sigh.

"'Well that sucked,' mumbled Michael Cuddyer."
Yes it did.
I too secretly root for A-rod (when he is NOT PLAYING THE TWINS!).
Today's a new day,
Win Twins,
twin-X

Slider, I recall the Seattle offer in 2000 as 5 years/$95M and A-Rod (or Boras) probably could have squeezed it to $100M if they pushed hard. And so $20M/yr to stay in a place that I'm comfortable with, or $25M/yr to venture out into the great unknown?

I'm pretty sure I could live just fine on $20M, but if someone wants to offer me $25M, I would consider it.

Hm, well, good point, Franorama. I admit it's hard to understand him thinking, "Well, with just the $19.5 mil/year, I would only be able to afford eighteen BMWs with chauffeurs plus a house next to the Gates', so I'd better move to Dallas." Partly because, perhaps like you, Seattle sounds to me close to paradise, while Dallas sounds a lot like hell.

wait... has jeter ever have any dingleberries?
i don't think so...

maybe he could help the twins out with their problem.

P.E.M., what you have in New York is a sense of entitlement. It's not just that you think you should win the World Series every year - you feel it's your inalienable right, and that, when it doesn't happen, there has to be some cosmic scapegoat. Trust me, no one on the Twins is content with just getting to the playoffs, and we as fans aren't content with that, either. But we can still enjoy what we've accomplished (MVP, batting title, Cy Young, four division titles in five years), because that's all good, too - and we don't have the delusion that the title is already ours before the season begins, and that the only way it won't be ours at the end is if some cataclysm occurs that denies us what we actually think is rightfully ours. We have more respect for the rest of the league, and more realization of the vagaries of the season, than to think that way.

I mean that in a good way, of course.

Maybe today Lew will astral project to the team again.

Lew: Ok guys, this time imagine yourselves as the rebels in the Star Wars movies!

Twins: Yeah like in Empire Strikes Back, that's the best one!

Lew:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! the rebels lose in Empire...

Let's hope the Twins defeat the Empire tonight, just no Ewoks please.

Yub Yub,
Cal

A New Hope would be nice.

Once again, interesting testicle imagery.

YES!!!
A New Hope it is.

is it too soon to propose a nickname for Senor Ortiz?

howabout "Damage Control"?

This from here http://www.startribune.com/blogs/christensen/

{Funny scene in the Yankees clubhouse after the game: The media throng around A-Rod was so big that Mike Mussina had no chance to get to his locker. “Aw, c’mon!” Mussina said, jokingly. “Six home runs in seven games is no big deal. He’s supposed to do that — just ask you guys.” A-Rod had a good chuckle over that.}

dfb, Nice.

by the way, it occurs to me we may need to provisionally give Sr Ortiz some nickname, as i feel he should be B.O.D. - for stopping the bleeding at a most opportune time, what with our relief staff so depleted (Crain & Juanie out).

I know its a little late to reply on this board, but PEM, you should enjoy the ARod walk off blast(s). Because back in Texas, we had the MVPs and the meaningless HRs, but PayRod always struck out in the bottom of the ninth situations. We didn't weep when we lost him.

fwiw

I don't expect the Yankees to win every year. I do expect them to make playoffs and when they get there I expect the highest paid player and former mvp to play like one. I'll give him credit for the good series against the twins in 04, but playing well in 1 out of 4 playoff series isn't what you should expect from a guy making 25 million a year now is it ?

p.e.m.