This entry posted by Twayn, who is not eligible for arbitration.
Remember 1987? It was a great year to be a Twins fan, which I had been already for ten years, ever since moving to Minnesota. It was also the year, exactly twenty years ago today, in fact, that I got a special letter in the mail. It was from a girl I had met the previous fall, a girl I pursued despite the fact that she had a boyfriend. To her credit, she did nothing to encourage me at the time. So I gave her my address and asked her to get in touch if she ever found herself unattached.
Twenty years ago today she got in touch. We went on our first date one week later, just as pitchers and catchers were reporting for spring training. Much, much later, she would tell me she hadn’t intended to ever see me again, that she threw away my address as soon as she got home. But when she did, she heard a voice. “What are you doing?” it asked her. “That’s the man you’re going to marry,” said the voice. I was skeptical, too, but she swears it’s true. And if Field of Dreams teaches us anything, it’s that you should listen when a disembodied voice tells you something. So she fished my address out of the trash and tucked it away, and there it remained out of sight and out of mind as autumn turned and the cold dark of winter settled in, until one day she found herself unattached, and remembered the voice, and wrote me a letter.
From our first date on we saw each other as much as our schedules allowed. She was working, I was in school. We lived 60 miles apart. But we had each other on the weekends, we had the telephone, and we had the Twins. You see, I’m one of those lucky guys who love baseball, and somehow managed to fall in love with a woman who loves baseball, too.
As the Twins season heated up in that summer of 1987 so did our romance. By the time the Twins clinched the pennant we were a serious couple. By the time they beat the Cardinals in the greatest World Series ever played we were a done deal, and we both knew it. We married three years later and we’ve been together ever since. So for us, Twins baseball is not just a sporting event, not mere entertainment. It’s part of who we are and where we’ve been together from the very beginning. One year after our wedding the Twins were on their way to the other greatest World Series ever played - but that’s another story for another time. Happy Valentine’s Day, one and all.
Now, on with the unofficial Bat-girl.com 2007 Pre-Season Photo Caption Contest (that isn’t really a contest)™. There have been some great entries the past couple of days, and my thanks to everyone who has participated. Here’s today’s photo caption contest picture, featuring an ensemble cast of some of our favorite Twins in a touching moment from last season.
Have at it, Batlings.
Twayn, that is a lovely story.
*collective sigh*
Punto: Jesus. Look at that. BOTH CHEEKS.
Bartlett: And why him? My ass is just as hot and it NEVER gets that kind of attention.
Morneau: And everyone KNOWS Sideshow is taken! What's the deal?
MORAL: Wear your socks up and get the attention you deserve.
Posted by: Carmen at February 14, 2007 10:54 PMUsually perfectly positioned, Luis Castillo suffers a brief mental lapse and misses the best show in town.
-or-
Gardy and Joe coach Neshek on the Joe Niekro method of emory board concealment.
-or-
In a moment of desperation, a bizarre ritual begins to summon Nutty to the mound.
Gentlemen, look how the pinstripes fall evenly across the back...This, this is how you wear a uniform.
Posted by: Doctor Right Hand at February 15, 2007 12:08 AMA new exhibition sport will be offically unveiled at the 2008 Beijing Olympics: the Three-Man Macarena.
Now that's a release point.
Posted by: popomo at February 15, 2007 07:13 AMJuicy... with just a hint of firmness.
Posted by: Neil at February 15, 2007 07:30 AMBetween batters, the infield likes to get together with Gardy for a quick game of Red Rover.
Posted by: JustBeth at February 15, 2007 07:47 AMJoe: "Left cheek is firmer."
Gardy: "Yep, good call. My thoughts exactly."
Punto: "Pay up, guys."
Gardy: Well, it's not as nice as Mint's, but it's nice to see the short pants back on the field again.
You are right Justin, the high socks with the black belt really do bring out the natural curves of his firm buttocks...
Posted by: Sandee at February 15, 2007 08:38 AM"Twins staff take great care in preparing the rookies for their inagural 'Name that butt' contest."
Twayn: Touching story, and even better baseball-related romance than "Fever Pitch". Real life always trumps Hollywood.
E-9
Posted by: e-9 at February 15, 2007 08:44 AMGardy: "He got this from doing yoga?"
Maurer: "Yes yoga, can you beleive that?"
Punto: (in tiny voice) "Is yoga why he throws so funny?"
Posted by: bc twins fan at February 15, 2007 09:09 AMNice one, E-9. :D Man, I can't wait for the Name That Butt contest. I miss baseball.
Posted by: WC at February 15, 2007 09:10 AMBartlett...don't look, but Gardy and Mauer are checking to see if Pat's butt throws sidearm too. No, don't look!!!
Posted by: Reboulet at February 15, 2007 09:39 AMLNP: Oh my goodness, did you guys see that, Gardy cupped.
MVP: Holy, he did, doesn't he know you can't cup! Straight hands only, COME ON!
Bartlett: I can't look, this is unbelievable!
Neshek to Mauer: Damn Joe, Gardy cupped, let's just go with fast balls for the first few until I can get settled down.
Here is an exerpt taken from the StarTrib:
The final two contestants in the Neshek Giveaway remain. The last one to keep his hand on the ass wins the Neshek. On-lookers stop on their way to and from work to see who will be the lucky winner.
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at February 15, 2007 10:51 AMLet me just say that your story is a beauty, Twayn - thanks for sharing, and congratulations. Life is so good when you have your spouse and your best friend at your side and it's the same person, isn't it?
As for the photo, well...
JOE: Man, Gardy, you're right!
GARDY: I told you, Joe. Not only is there no visible panty line, but you can't even FEEL one! It's incredible! That's what we expect from all you guys this year - smooth and shapely, a clean, unbroken line. OK, who's next?
JUSTIN: Sorry, Bart - you're up. You look good, though.
LNP: Don't be nervous - and, whatever you do, don't clench!
BART: I hope my mom isn't watching...
jonny20
Posted by: jonny5 at February 15, 2007 11:33 AMDon't tell me you forgot the Preperation H?
Posted by: jim c at February 15, 2007 11:52 AMGardy: I can't believe you signed an endorsement deal with Spanx.
Joe: Which ones are you wearing, the mid-thigh shaper or the high rise body smoother?
Morneau and company: Pat looks great. I'm getting a pair too.
Twayne, great story. I too have the good fortune to be married to a baseball fan. It makes it all the more fun.
Posted by: Attyfan at February 15, 2007 12:27 PMMorneau: Don't know 'bout you guys, but if they ask him to turn and cough, I'm outta here!
Posted by: ljhatlga at February 15, 2007 12:46 PMMauer: No, here's where the needle is supposed to go.
Gardenhire: If you want to get caught, yeah! Put in this side and no one will know.
I don't care what you guys say, I say that's the end of Neshek.
Posted by: markominne at February 15, 2007 01:16 PMMauer: He's no Miss America, but I'm impressed.
Posted by: T.C. Rafters at February 15, 2007 01:22 PMgardy, "you guys should feel neshek's ass. it's like a rock. you could bounce a quarter off it."
joe, "it's so magnificent it has it's own gravitational pull."
bartlett, "i think we are at a safe distance that we don't have to worry about it's gravitational pull."
punto, "it's like a solar eclipse, you know you shouldn't look but you just have to even if the beauty of it could make you go blind."
morneau, "it's like the 'forbidden fruit of eden'. i know i shouldn't but it's just too tempting to not look."
Posted by: Ellie at February 15, 2007 02:14 PMahahahaha I just came to read the captions. I've got nothin'. :( Great work. Keep up the laughs!
Great v-day story as well.
Posted by: Olivia at February 15, 2007 02:35 PMSuddenly .... in the bottom of the 8th a spontaneous game of "pat the bunny" broke out.
Posted by: jamar1700 at February 15, 2007 03:18 PMOh come on LNP don't get upset, there pat has nothing on yours with Rondell!
Posted by: Spamsmom at February 15, 2007 03:52 PMUnrelated note:
It's time for bat girl (or twain) to move LeCroy from "former twin" to "current twin" on the nickname guide.
Posted by: bc twins fan at February 15, 2007 04:46 PMKSTP is reporting Cuddyer sign.
http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S30635.shtml?cat=1
Excuse me are those majestic baseball pants you are wearing?
Posted by: coydog at February 15, 2007 05:37 PMPunto: They're impressed, but I still say Torii's going to win.
Posted by: likeTwinsluvCubs at February 15, 2007 05:39 PMGardy: OK, Bart, it's your turn to run through the spanking machine.
or
Gardy: OK, Shek, your clean. Bart, your next. No one leaves the mound until I find my joy buzzer.
Posted by: SoCalTwinsfan at February 15, 2007 06:42 PMIs your jock on right?
Seriously, give me the ball.
Welcome to the big leagues. Did you crap your pants?
Posted by: nailbiter at February 15, 2007 08:56 PMGardy: Nope, no keys here, Joe?
Joe: No, did you try your locker?
Dear BC Twins Fan,
I am but a humble neophyte scribe happily unversed in the deeper mysteries of blogdom administratum. We must trust that the more enlightened shall hearken unto your discovery and rectify the inadvertent erratum in the inviolable course of temporal progression.
Verbosely,
Twayn
Posted by: twayn at February 15, 2007 11:02 PMA game of pepper dangerously close to spiraling out of control...
Ellie beat me to this one ... I was just thinking: Feel this ass, it is hard as a rock. See guys, this is why you want to build all your muscles when you lift weights.
Posted by: Army of Mom at February 16, 2007 04:49 PMPunto: Look who's getting all the action around here
Morneau: its just not fair
Bartlett: I wish i wasnt here right now...
Neshek: I like ice-cream
Gardy: where is he?!
Joe: i dont know...i just dont know
{lew: i hope they dont find me in pat's pants!}
Posted by: Brittany at February 17, 2007 05:04 PMNeshek: Do these pants make my butt look big?
Justin and Company: No, no, your butt looks fine, don't worry about it. You look good.
Joe: Guys, not only does it look good, but it feels like he's been working out. You should check this out.
Gardy: Way to work out the whole body. Guys, you should start this training regiment.
Posted by: Jess at February 18, 2007 12:51 PMHe's right! Those do make his butt look big!
Posted by: Dennis at February 20, 2007 01:50 PM"I think the right one's firmer, but Morneau keeps coppin' the left."
Posted by: Mental Wimp at February 23, 2007 06:34 PMBaseball 2007-Feel the Love.
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