Fresh off the news that Major League Baseball had just signed a licensing agreement with a company that makes caskets and urns, (and please, do Batgirl a favor and go read the entire article), came another very exciting announcement.
This evening, Major League Baseball inked a contract with the National Postmortem Body Art Association to allow any baseball fan who has passed on to get the logo of his or her favorite team tattooed on his ass.
"We're getting a lot of requests for sports team logo tattoos," said Dracul L. Gluteus, president of the NPBAA. "When people die, their families really want to commemorate them in a way that speaks to the dignity of their lives. I can’t think of a better way to do that than getting the logo of your favorite baseball team tattooed on your corpse's heinie for all eternity."
Gluteus continued, "We've also approached the NHL and NFL but MLB was incredibly eager to provide their fans this magnificent opportunity. We were also hoping to approach NASCAR, but most of the postmortem real estate on their fans' buttocks is already spoken for by advertisers."
Major League Baseball was equally enthusiastic. "We like to think of it as a service to the fans," said MLB spokesperson Brandi Tuckus. "Before, when anyone who got a team logo tattooed on their cold dead buttcheeks, we would have to call our lawyers to extract our pound of flesh, as it were. But now, all baseball fans can die happily knowing that for a really modest fee, they can get their favorite team's logo tattooed on their behind without fear of legal reprisal."
Not all baseball fans were ecstatic at the news, though. For young Jimmy Popo, the announcement came too late. "I just wish they'd done this earlier," said Popo, wiping away a tear. "My dad would have been so happy to go to his grave knowing we were donating his hard earned money to a truly worthy cause--Major League Baseball's licensing department."
Uhh... wow... that's... interesting. I think a twins logo would look good on my old wrinkly behind. That's not a pretty sounding picture.
Posted by: Melissa at October 18, 2006 09:30 PMAs a wise woman once wrote,
"Just because someone offers you a great opportunity to look like an ass doesn't mean you have to take it."
Not being content just to look like one, apparently MLB wants to be tattoed on them, as well.
Posted by: Spyder44 at October 18, 2006 09:31 PMan urn is almost as cool
Posted by: Melissa at October 18, 2006 09:33 PMIt's increasingly difficult to tell the difference between parody and reality.
Posted by: Kurtis at October 18, 2006 10:08 PMOnly for the real die-hard fans?
Posted by: Eric at October 18, 2006 10:57 PMThis could be a compliment or an insult but that sounded like something from the Onion. To me, BG, that's a compliment because being a University of Wisconsin student, I'm proud that The Onion originated here and I just think it's an amusing thing to read every so often.
If they tattooed my ass with the Twins logo after I kicked the bucket I bet my parents would still roll over in their graves and saying something like, "She's never going to get accepted into Heaven with that tattoo. Where did we go wrong as parents? If she wasn't already dead I'd kill her myself!"
Posted by: Shelley at October 18, 2006 11:09 PMThey will probably sponsor a player signing parade for an additional 10,000 dollars. You could get the whole team to autograph the urn, adding their witty comments like, "Thanks for being a great fan!" "He always gave his best in the stands." "I'll never forget the day he said, "Go Torii." It could all be videotaped and the bereaved family could replay the signing ceremony again and again as a way of bringing back fond memories.
Posted by: Skippy Tastes Better than Jiff at October 19, 2006 12:35 AMThe actual website for the urns and caskets talks more about the company's investment potential than the products.
Anyway, Isn't that WHY people requested to be buried
in their jerseys?
Although there IS potential here, BG.
Perhaps a tombstone saying, "STILL not a Bitch Sox fan." or something similar?
Posted by: Piranhtachew at October 19, 2006 01:58 AMAlso, The American Kennel Club has penned a deal with Mr. Glutes. :P
Hopefully, The feline version won't follow suit. Think of the Bat Kitties, won't you?
Chacarron.
Posted by: Piranhtachew at October 19, 2006 02:03 AM--Perhaps a tombstone saying, "STILL not a Bitch Sox fan." or something similar?--
Piranhtachew, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. they WILL NOT haunt me to my grave! my tombstone, if I weren't going to be cremated, would have a more "Twins rule" kind of message. I would want all people passing my grave to leave thinking about how much I love the Twins, rather than how much I hate the Bitch Sox.
Posted by: kafumbly at October 19, 2006 07:08 AMUm...pleeeeaaaase no open casket and special tatoo viewing period.
It appears BG's really on a tear on this whole MLB sponsoship deal. I'd hate to be them right now -- not good to be on BG's "list".
Posted by: rotrhed at October 19, 2006 08:33 AMI was wondering if anyone else had noticed The Nutty Buddy on Countdown with Keith Olbermann last night (Wednesday). Apparently someone did. A very funny segment, which is also probably on his web site at MSNBC.
And -- I think the wrong person won Project Runway!
Posted by: Nancy at October 19, 2006 09:49 AMThis is absolutely insidious and must be stopped. Why should dead people have all the fun? If I'm going to have a Twins logo tattoo on my butt, I'm going to do it while I'm still alive to enjoy it. My only question is, if I moon someone do I then get advertising revenue from the team?
Heh. Gluteus... Tuckus... Popo... :D
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at October 19, 2006 11:02 AMI have to admit I find the urn to be rather cool. I mean if you have to have it there why not let it look like a piece of decor instead of depressing reminder.
Posted by: sports fan at October 19, 2006 11:15 AMI don't know. To me, there's a line, a line across which we should not go - and being on the other side of it suggests we are nothing but a walking billboard, and intimates that we have no identity save that of the team we follow or the beverage we drink or the designer we admire. If at the end of my life, that's the grand statement I want to make - "I was a Minnesota Twins fan" - then I lived a pitiful existence.
However, if adidas were to start making coffins...
Posted by: adidasman at October 19, 2006 11:34 AMOkay...something is really wrong with the world when people who have died can have TEAM LOGOS on their urns/caskets. That's slightly disturbing.
Posted by: TwinsPrincess at October 19, 2006 11:36 AMI'm with Tawyn. Why wait till your dead. When the Wild win there first Stanley Cup (by the way that will be next June-2007-)I plan on getting a tatoo of the cup with the Wild emblem.
Posted by: Spamsmom at October 19, 2006 01:02 PMHeh, I dunno, I think it's kind of funny. I mean, really, there are people who live and die by their teams, so why not? *shrug*
Nancy: I dunno, I liked the winner's runway stuff a LOT more than the others' things. The winner's garments gave me goosebumps a couple of times, while the others didn't really interest me much at all.
Posted by: FH at October 19, 2006 01:24 PMA lot of people request that some or all of their ashes be scattered in their favorite ballpark or playing field. The requests are almost always not honored, although I think I read that someone busted out of the stands to scatter his father in the end zone at Veterans field in Philly... it was the old man's wish to be so scattered.
It's strange how fans seem to request these things and not the players.
Posted by: Kurtis at October 19, 2006 02:27 PMum...........I'll have the plain pine please.
BG, you are making the off season transition much easier for me.
Um, did anyone else notice that the Nutty Buddy is available in medium, large, and extra large sizes (The Boss, The Hog, and El Jefe), but not in a small? Who says men aren't vain. But it did remind me of a conversation I had with a McDonald's employee recently while ordering lunch...
Twayn: I'd like a cheeseburger, small fries and a Coke.
McEmployee: Oh, we don't have small fries, just medium and large.
Twayn: No, that would have to be small and large, since medium implies something in the middle, like in between small and large.
McEmployee: No, we just have the medium and large fries.
Twayn: But that doesn't make any sense. You either have small, medium and large, or small and large with no medium.
McEmployee: (blank stare) So you want the medium fries?
Twayn: (sighs) Yeah, what the hell...
BG - that was wonderful!
Twayn - I'd noticed the illogic of fast food sizing before but hadn't analyzed it as carefully :)
I refuse to let our surviving feline Yang get a tottoo, and we cremated Yin so he can't have one either. Good thing too.
Posted by: twinsaholic at October 19, 2006 03:50 PMOK "tattoo" Damn keyboard never could spel rite.
Posted by: twinsaholic at October 19, 2006 03:51 PMI'm sitting here, trying to picture my long-departed b&w cat, Iggy--may he rest in peace--with a tattoo on one of his pinnae. The Igman thought he was pretty cool withOUT a tattoo; I'm not sure if I could have handled any more cattitude from him.
Hey! Maybe I should get a tiny baseball inked somewhere. Or, since we're talking licensing, maybe it should be one of the Klement's Sausage Racers...
Posted by: JetChick at October 19, 2006 04:22 PMThis girl I see at games here all the time was at spring training at the same time as me last year. She got a tattoo of a baseball on the side of her foot (yeouch!) and then had her favorite Mariner sign it on the sweet spot. My friends and I thought that was a little creepy, but the look on his face was priceless.
Posted by: jenninseattle at October 19, 2006 05:21 PMWell, at least it will make it easier to tell who sold their souls in exchange for championships.
Posted by: Bob at October 19, 2006 07:38 PM