Cleveland at Twins. Indians 6, Twins 4.
It was knitting night at the Metrodome, and all the Twins gathered early to start work on their projects. Everyone had a different one. There was Juan Rincon with his reindeer sweater, Justin Morneau making a Canadian flag, Michael Cuddyer a tea cozy, Lew Ford his Dr. Who scarf. Matt Guerrier, finally able to knit again after weeks on the knitter's DL, is back working on some cotton manpris, and Johan Santana took a break from his relentless knitting of bears for the Mother Bear Project to make a zebra striped thong, which he worked on all game.
There was, as often happens when groups of knitters gather, some taunting. Most of it was in good fun, but some of it cut a little deep. When Torii Hunter questioned Justin Morneau's intarsia skills, Morneau muttered, "Whatever. You don't know your moss stitch from your ass stitch." Them, of course, are fighting words. Meanwhile Juan Rincon was happily knitting away at Martha's poncho when Carlos Silva took one look and shook his head.
"Juanie, ponchos are so five minutes ago."
Rincon sighed. "Carlos, why are you such a slave to fashion? I like ponchos. They combine the very best qualities of a sweater and a blanket in one wearable garment. Sometimes I like to sit around my house wearing just a poncho. It feels so good to feel the breeze through my armpits and also my pee pee while my torso is snug and warm."
"Hey," said Little Nicky Punto, who appeared in front of the pair carrying two bulky packages in his arms. "Have you seen Cisco?"
"No," said Silva.
"Probably still waiting for Ozzie to put him in the game," said Rincon.
"Oh," said Punto. "Well, tell me when he gets here. Oh! Gardy's in his office!"
And with that, Punto took off.
A few minutes later, Gardy appeared in the clubhouse wearing an outfit that was decidedly not MLB-standard.
Silence spread over the clubhouse. One beat. Two. Three. Finally, Torii Hunter's voice broke through.
"What the hell is that?"
Gardy narrowed his eyes. "Little Nicky Punto made it for me. I think it's nice. He's got spunk, that LNP!"
Just then, Francisco Liriano walked through the door. Little Nicky Punto jumped up, ran to the pitcher, and slid head first into his feet. "I made you a present!" he exclaimed, getting up and handing Cisco a package.
"Thank you, Little Nicky Punto," said Francisco, looking genuinely moved, or at least very very tired. But when he opened the package, his face changed into puzzlement.
"I thought you could wear it today," said LNP.
"But…." said Cisco. "I have to pitch. I cannot wear your ridiculous scarf and hat."
"Why not?"
"The yarn is too thick."
"It's very breathable."
"It does not even match."
"Who cares? It’s made with love!"
"But I do not wear scarves and hats. I pitch shut outs and strike people out and make them question their self-worth."
"Are you saying—" Punto's eyes filled with tears—"you don't want to wear my scarf and hat?"
And Punto's eyes grew so round and sad, and Liriano was taken back to his first knitting project, when he handed a pair of fun fur gauchos to his sweet mother who took one look and said, "I hate gauchos!" and his heart broke into tiny little pieces and since then he has had to work out his feelings of anger and regret and shame by making opposing batters feel very very bad about themselves. And Liriano looked down at the diminutive infielder and forced a smile on his face.
"I'll wear your hat and scarf Little Nicky Punto," said Liriano. "I'll wear it proudly!"
"Oh, yay!" said LNP.
"But if it interferes with my pitching, I will have to have you eaten."
"Deal!"
"Deal."
Noooo! LNP must not be eaten again! Who will bat second? *sniff*
Posted by: FordHoiberg at July 14, 2006 12:31 AMLNP is channeling my mother. This can't be good.
Posted by: TD at July 14, 2006 02:03 AMOddly, it seems to be Lew Ford who got eaten. Did someone misread the scarf?
Posted by: twink at July 14, 2006 05:49 AM*passes Liriano the hot sauce*
Posted by: dlarso01 at July 14, 2006 07:29 AMLooks like someone needs to knit some fasinoable braces for Jason Kubel's knees.
Posted by: Brooklynegg at July 14, 2006 07:29 AMSomeday, I'm going to get in trouble for laughing at work. It's worth the risk to read stuff like this, though!
Posted by: JustBeth at July 14, 2006 07:57 AMI knew Juan was a little off kilter - must be the January baby thing - I love him =)
Poor Little Nicky Punto - I hope his speed will keep him from getting eaten!
Oh dear - the Twins have become a MASH Unit - Lew is on the DL!
http://www.startribune.com/509/story/551414.html
Happy Friday All - and go Yankees???=)
Much love
Wonder Woman
We were perhaps lucky that the Twins went 1-2-3 in the ninth. If two runners had reached, it would've been Wickman vs. LNP in a very clutch situation. Sure, we would've had a chance to tie or win, but at what cost? We have enough injuries already...
Posted by: Nick at July 14, 2006 08:15 AMWhat?! BG, this may be the end of us. This was not LNP's fault!
Sure was nice of torii to show little kids how to stop, drop, and roll into first base if they start on fire though.
Posted by: aurora at July 14, 2006 08:37 AM
Yet one more reason to adore Johan. As if I needed another.
At least LNP didn't make him a dress out of coffee filters...
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at July 14, 2006 09:16 AMHmm. I KNEW this was sounding a little bit like "Twins Project Runway!" So, Little Nicky Punto got voted off in the first round. Well, better than being eaten I guess.
Posted by: SaraJ at July 14, 2006 09:59 AMAfter reading about how little sleep Francisco had over the break and how much time he spent traveling, was it the best idea to have him start the first game back????
Posted by: Joe at July 14, 2006 10:08 AMThank you for explaining that Batgirl- I knew there had to be some reason as to why Liriano would pitch like that. Poor LNP, all he was trying to do was be nice... there goes one more man off the roster. (sigh)
Posted by: L.H. girl at July 14, 2006 10:28 AMHappy Friday to you too WW...
We will do what we can, but it seems we have sunk so low as to have signed Sir Sidney Posnon, effectively waving the white flag for the season. I cannot understand how, with all the injuries, and the Red Sox's good fortune during the first half, and what with the Yanks being only 2.5 games back (2 in the loss column mind you), that there is Panic (yes capital P) enough to sign Ponson... sigh.
Anyway, this is not off topic as I assure you that we will topple the Bitch Sox and (finally) allow you to pick up some games in the division...we'll try to do our part if you try to do yours...
Good luck in the second half -- would hate to meet you in the playoffs...and so would every other team in the league...must be nice to hear that...
Warmest regards,
YankeeFan
So does LNP taste like chicken?
WW, I had to read it twice "go Yankees" ??? and then I remembered who they are playing so, GO YANKEES!
Yankeefan, I love to hear it as much as "well coming back and scoring 4 runs last night was at least a moral victory." In other words not so much.
GO TWINS!
Posted by: cal at July 14, 2006 11:13 AMThe evil Ozzie empire used the All Star game with the sole purpose of messing with young Francisco's head.
I'd hate to think that Ozzie was playing head games with our star pitcher to throw off his rhythm,but how many times do you hear of a manager taking great pains to not upset a pitcher's routine and yet they wait until Liriano is out of the country until adding him. And this to replace a pitcher that Guillen practically lives with and decides to take him off at the last minute. Another White Sox evil plot.
duppyconqueror: I agree 100% that a casual observer would come to this conclusion. Being casual observer, I agree 100%.
Posted by: Brooklnegg at July 14, 2006 11:28 AMYankeeFan:
I congratulated a co-worker from Boston for the Red Sox's 2006 AL East title after reading that the Yankees signed Sidney Ponson. Soon they will have every overrated starting pitcher in the league.
Posted by: aztwinsfan at July 14, 2006 11:40 AMHey, Dr. bandwagoner -
(I don't know if you're a doctor, but our language is short on gender-neutral titles, so that's what I'm going with.)
I LIKE the coffee filter dress! I will admit, however, that pitching more than a couple of innings in it might have led to some embarassment. I've spilled enough grounds that I know that wet (sweaty? eew) coffee-filter paper would not be a durable fabric.
Poor Lew. I adore him. (He is, as Batgirl astutely put it, adorkable.) What a tough season. I hope he comes back refreshed, renewed, and hitting like it's spring/2004. That would be nice.
Did everyone notice that Wayne Krivsky's trying to get the old band back together in Cincinnati? Okay, so Castro and Eddie would be more like different eras of Menudo, but I like that Wayne still has faith in his Twins.
Sorry about the ramble. I'm just so excited that the All-Star break is over. Who needs breaks? Taking time off in the middle of the pennant race to fish, or see one's family, or PLAY MORE BASEBALL, why that would be like me just stopping in the middle of the work-day, ignoring everything I have to do, and just . . ..
Nevermind.
Posted by: hrunting at July 14, 2006 11:59 AM"Little Nicky Punto jumped up, ran to the pitcher, and slid head first into his feet."
Losses are so much easier to take when I can read lines like that after the game. Oh, how I laughed! I don't know how I got through the '90's without you BG!
Posted by: neckrolls at July 14, 2006 12:45 PMNot a Dr.
But I did stay at a Holiday Inn...er...last summer...in Orlando.
I had not seen the dress. I heard it was cute. I just knew BG's sartorial entry was, mostly likely, NOT a coincidence of timing.
Ok, I believe this is the dress. (click name)
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at July 14, 2006 01:07 PMHey, I was reading the ST. Paul pioneer press sports section, board off my rocker and I found this. Under the title HE HATE ME (don't ask ME)
Here are Twins infielder Nick Punto's three biggest pet peeves.
1 "People who are late"
2 "When People aren’t courteous on the road, and they cut you off."
3 "When sheets of toilet paper are facing underneath the roll. They should be on top."
I hope I have not drifted too far off topic, but I thought this was very funny.
Get well soon, Lew!!!!
So, that's the reason Francisco was off. And here I thought it was the lack of sleep. Thanks for clarifying, BG.
Posted by: Candace at July 14, 2006 01:41 PMOkay, my father is absolutely positive that's it's Ozzie's fault Francisco was off last night. He makes a good case: Ozzie knew Contreras wasn't going to be able to pitch, yes? He knew on Sunday; Jose is his player, he had to have known. So why not say "Hey Francisco, before you head home to the Dominican, you should know that you're going to the All Star Game." Cisco was in Texas, right? Right. Arlington, not San Cristobal. Arlington is a fairly short plane ride away from Pittsburgh (under 4 hours). It would've saved him making two long ass international flights in 48 hours, and he would have been rested enough to pitch last night. While there is the possibility that Ozzie couldn't have contacted Cisco in Texas, I like to think that all MLB managers have each others' numbers. So Guillen, I'm chalking this loss up to you. Thanks a million.
Posted by: Erin at July 14, 2006 02:36 PMthe truth is out there....cue the spooky music
I think the reason why the Twins haven't been winning the last 6 games or so is that...
1. Mauer's bat has cooled
2. Cuddyer's bat has cooled
3. the Doctor's bat wasn't exactly hot last night
last night
1st inning as an example, runners on 1B and 2B and no one scores. Mauer couldn't get them in, Cuddyer couldn't either, not even the doctor.
The series in KC and Texas had a similar feel. Runners were getting on base but our big boppers weren't bopping.
Or it could be all Ozzie's fault. Curse you man of a thousand curses and the that horse you rode in on.
Posted by: cal at July 14, 2006 03:08 PMYankee Fan -
Well I'm sorry that your pitching woes made you sign Sidney Ponson - he is trouble with a capital T (IMO)-all he did in Milwaukee(when I was there in June) was stare at a girl with rather large assets - granted she was calling attention to herself - but geesh - lets try to be more discrete!
And yes I think you will take down the evil Ozzie Empire – after all he did mess with The Kid – (oh come on everyone knows it =p) and hopefully we can return the favour in September – everyone loves a great pennant race!
I think Moose – will have one heck of a game on Saturday – and when he beats The Devil – it will make me most happy!
Cal –
Sorry about scaring you =)
It’s rare when I cheer for the Yankees (no-offense Yankee Fan) it makes my friend Greg very happy –if only for the weekend –then it’s back to normal – with him trying to make me like the Yankees again =)
Enjoy –
Oh – some streets might be closed Downtown today – it’s the Aqautennial –and Semisonic is playing tonight
While cry laughing over this entry (again) just now, I remembered something I noticed last night. Francisco was only sweating down the left side of his nose for a while, and he appeared to be crying.
Posted by: Erin at July 14, 2006 03:43 PMErin, I saw that too! I would have been crying if I had just walked the first guy up at bat and with the next three players I managed to get the count to 3 balls.
Remember the date when the Twins wonderful streak started? June 11th... ring a bell? Find some reason to celebrate and let's get the Batgirl gang to another home game.
Posted by: Shelley at July 14, 2006 04:07 PMLittle Nicky is right. The TP should always come from the top.
Posted by: bubblemint at July 14, 2006 04:19 PMLiri will bounce back. I am honestly more concerned about Radke's shoulder. He got a cortisone shot in it, so hopefully he can make through the rest of the season.
I remember a time when there would be some negative posts on here, but they were nothing to some of garbage on the Twins website message board. Anyone else ever go there and read that or post? Seriously there are some freaks over there!
We winn! And, the Yanks winn!
Posted by: Twin-X at July 14, 2006 10:44 PMProblem is we are fighting Yankees for a wild card spot too. White Sox vs Yankees doesn't help us much. :(
Posted by: Nora at July 15, 2006 02:29 AMUnless we hope all their games are rained out! :D
Posted by: Packerchu at July 15, 2006 04:17 PM