We have so much business on this off-day. Below, please find TWO EXCITING POLLS. The first comes from the comments a few days ago, courtesy of That's Rich. Batgirl found the question so stimulating she had to put it in an entry.
I need a ruling. And this is, I believe, an area that the Batlings are singularly well equipped to arbitrate. The current batch of young Twins is composed of a fine array of talented and attractive young men. But, my wife, poor dear, is having a difficult time telling them apart.No, not in the traditional "Who's that playing shortstop?" or "What's number 27's name?" kind of thing. My wife is most excellent at that kind of object recognition. Rather, as I have attempted to spell out for her, some of the young Twins are hotties, some are cuties and some are just dreamy. Cases in point:
Joe Mauer - hottie
Nick Punto, Michael Cuddyer, Juan Rincon - cuties
Johan Santana - hottie
Jason Bartlett - dreamyAlas, however, we have reached an impasse...
Which is Justin Morneau? Is it his cute smile that dominates? Is it his dreamy eyes and languid demeanor? Is it his hot, hot, hot power-hitter skillz? We can't decide.
It's up to you...
Justin Morneau: hottie, cutie or just dreamy?
Note: to all the boyz with emotional ages under 15 who are dismayed by this discussion - yes, I'm a male; yes, happily married; yes, I prefer the opposite gender; no, the foregoing analysis doesn't conflict with that; and I have no problem with it. Flame away if you must, but it says more about you than it does about me...
Dear Mr. Rich--we'll settle this once and for all!
And now, finally, the Chairman Mauer Slogan Contest! The winning slogan will appear on an official BatStore t-shirt. It was very hard to pick the finalists, there were many wonderful entries. Below is just a sample. And remember, we are in no way glorifying Mao, butcher of millions. We're glorifying communism.
Posted by Batgirl at June 29, 2006 10:25 PMBG - I really think the second one was supposed to be "Mauer to the Meople". A bad case of alliteration.
Posted by: Shanghai Twins at June 29, 2006 10:55 PMEven if it doesn't win in official voting, I want a t-shirt that says "Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon".
I would wear it every day.
Posted by: Webster at June 29, 2006 11:07 PM"Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon" seems like it would lend itself to a most excellent illustration.
Posted by: timprov at June 29, 2006 11:20 PMMauer to the Meople, Mauer to the Meople!!!
Posted by: aussie at June 30, 2006 01:01 AMLet 1,000 points of OPS bloom?
Chairman Mauer's power grows out of the barrel of a bat?
Posted by: The Commish at June 30, 2006 01:03 AMHere's a stick-in-the-mud-male question about Morneau: Do brains enter the dreamy/cutie/hottie equation at ALL? I mean, Justin is my NSMC and all ... but one gets the impression that he's Not. Too. Bright.
Doesn't rate a formal poll, of course - but I'd be interested if some of the female voters could clue in some of us dolts. Is Not. Too. Bright. an issue?
a) Yes
b) No
c) You're a complete idiot for even asking
d) Wha? Sorry. Too busy staring into languid, dreamy eye-pools.
Dear Mr. Improv,
BG agrees, but she cannot draw worth a crap.
Regretfully,
BG
Love the Mauer slogans, although my personal choice isn't doing too well.
I'm curious to see the ESPN power ranking today. Last week we went from 19 to 12. I'm guessing 6 this week ... not that it matters.
Posted by: gopher38 at June 30, 2006 07:52 AMBG: one vote for the "Crouching Mauer..." in the minimalist design of the boyfriend shirts.
tqd: the pretty is the pretty.
self: stop staying up so late.
cat: stop waking me up so early.
boss: i'm not coming in until Wednesday.
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at June 30, 2006 09:06 AMDear TQD,
In Justin's case, no, it doesn't matter, especially when you are smacking the stitching off the ball every night. I think it's the way he speaks (probably a canadian thing) and in reality he's a genius. Either way he's very dreamy.
Helpfully,
HooliganKat
tqd: My answer is "d"
*swoon*
I really wish 'stud' or 'smokin' were choices in the poll. Those, I think, are more accurate. I went with the closest choice: hottie.
*swoon, again*
TQD:
(d) Wha? Sorry. Too busy staring into languid, dreamy eye-pools.
Posted by: JanineInDC at June 30, 2006 09:12 AMTQD-
Perhaps Morneau just isn't a good public speaker. It might be that he is a very intelligent dude. Isn't his mom a teacher? (Or did I make that up?)
In a completely shallow way--brains are not the most important thing. But for the long term, of course they are! Brains can be sexy.
Dear Batgirl,
How many times are we allowed to vote? I was thinking about printing this poll off and asking the lovely Rookie Leaguers to give their opinions, but then I would need to find a way to add their votes to the total.
Wonderingly,
Annun
Many, many of the slogan choices are simply genius. It was super hard to choose! But I second (third?) the motion to make "Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon" into a tshirt, regardless of the poll outcome. I would for sure buy two or three of them.
TQD: Maybe not brains per se, but personality (of which brains are a chunk) does enter in. That said, my answer is still D. Eye-Pools Whuh?
Posted by: LeftCenter at June 30, 2006 09:20 AM"Crouching Mauer, Hitting Tiger" is great and deserves it's own shirt, but "The Chairman's Bat is Benevolence to the People and Misery to the Opposition." fits better with the whole Chairman Mauer theme.
Posted by: David Peter at June 30, 2006 10:04 AMI agree that while cool, "Crouching Mauer" isn't really Chairman themed.
That "sideburns grow you" thing, though... genius! Somebody give that man a raise! (okay, it was mine.)
Posted by: Roscoe at June 30, 2006 10:12 AMDear Ms. Annun,
Just once a day, alas. To prevent shenangins.
Sincerely,
BG
Speaking of polls, me and a few friends shut down the All-Star polls last evening. Hopefully, we can get get one final push to get our baby in the Star Show.
Vote "Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon"!
Roscoe and DP,
My goodness, you're absolutely right. I was so swept away that I didn't realize that. "The Chairman's Bat is Benevolence to the People and Misery to the Opposition" is the superior Mauerist choice. Indeed, where the broom does not reach, the dust will not vanish of itself.
Or something.
I myself voted for the "Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon", but had a very tough time choosing from the others as well. The sideburns one was cool cuz it applied more to himself personally, but he's a hitting machine so I guess that also fits.
Long Live the Chairman!!
crouching mauer, hitting dragon is shorter and catchier, i think that's why it got my vote.
and dreamy seems to capture that whole non-mensa thing just a little bit better than the others. i might go with "pretty" as an alternative.
Posted by: Say Rah! at June 30, 2006 10:40 AMYes, come on, people - the "Crouching Mauer" bit is clever, but it has nothing at all to do with Mao. "The Chairman's Bat..." is the obvious choice. (And I didn't think of it, so I'm not biased like SOME folks...)
Oh, BG - as for the one-vote-a-day bit, what exactly is wrong with shenanigans? Just wondering.
Posted by: adidasman at June 30, 2006 10:50 AMAnnun: You could tell them to go vote themselves, and give them the website.
Mauer to the Meople makes me laugh, but Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon sounded like a better t-shirt.
TQD: JustBeth feels she is at least moderately intelligent, but she is quite certain she'd sound less bright than Justin. I vote that he's just not talented at public speaking.
Posted by: JustBeth at June 30, 2006 10:57 AMAnd I, uh, wouldn't be so sure about the once-a-day thing, BG. Let's just say that, well, I've voted more than once this morning, from different IP addresses.
Not in any malicious way, of course.
At least not *yet*.
Posted by: tgd at June 30, 2006 10:59 AMadidasman,
Shenanigans are how you end up with Jason Veritek (and his .252 batting average) as starting catcher in the All-Star game.
Posted by: twayn at June 30, 2006 11:11 AMWhat's an IP address? Isn't David Wells leading that category?
Posted by: EW at June 30, 2006 11:14 AMI'm sorry, but "Mauer to the Meople" just makes me roll my eyes. In boardgamer circles, a "meeple" is a small wooden figure used in many games. There's even a site that sells "Power to the Meeple" shirts: http://www.meeplepeople.com/proddetail.php?prod=Meep15
Myself, I think I voted for "Once all struggle..." mainly because it actually says "Chairman Mauer" in it, which is the main joke behind all of these ideas -- a joke that would be lost on non-batlings were that name not present.
(I do confess to loving the "Sideburns grow you!" entry, but like "Crouching, Hitting" it doesn't properly fit the theme.)
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at June 30, 2006 11:14 AMNahhh...I choose not to believe that, Twayn. It's just the way the All-Star voting is designed; it favors well-known players in large markets, regardless of their statistics for that particular season. We all know who the true All-Star catcher is - not to mention the true AL All-Star first baseman and right fielder - and we know who should be starting and closing on the mound for the AL. And all of those gentlemen wear Twins uniforms. I kinda like that.
Posted by: adidasman at June 30, 2006 11:20 AMTQD: For me, in any actual relationship, brains are paramount. In baseball, and in particular my relationship wit the Twins, the ability to speak an eloquent sentence on camera falls way behind nice arms that bat in runs. Besides, I think the doctor is rather nervous, which is better than being arrogant...reference the article in the Pioneer Press.
Posted by: ejt at June 30, 2006 11:29 AMThough "Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon" may be catchy, I am glad to see there's others here that agree, it's not really within the theme we've got going here. It's not even communist, for crying out loud!
Vote for "Misery to the Opposition!" (and I didn't make that up.)
Posted by: Donnalove at June 30, 2006 11:36 AMI see the Twins have added a new promotion to their schedule -- Stitch 'N Pitch Night -- on July 13th. What a missed opportunity. It could have been billed as Balls to the Wall Sewing Night. Click my name for the press release.
Posted by: twayn at June 30, 2006 11:44 AMJustBeth: That is true, but not all of them have computer access.
Posted by: Annun at June 30, 2006 12:24 PMOk, and NOW I want this:
"support communism. buy a t-shirt."
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at June 30, 2006 12:42 PMOk did anyone see the St Paul sports section today? I think we need to add another word for Justin. Smoldering. Now that enough to make a girl need to take a cold shower.
Posted by: Spamsmom at June 30, 2006 12:48 PMWait - wasn't yesterday an off-day? Am I the only one who has been waiting for Legovision of the two fans rushing the field during the Red Sox game? I can't wait to see the heroics of the Red Sox bat boy played out, Lego style. You promised, Bat Girl... (click my name if you don't remember)
Posted by: Beth at June 30, 2006 12:49 PMSpeaking of silly voting, the Chairman gets some love in an ESPN.com piece on the ridiculousness that is the All-Star Game. Click on my name.
Posted by: Kris at June 30, 2006 12:53 PMMauer to the Meople is amazing. I'd buy one of those.
Posted by: haplo at June 30, 2006 01:01 PMThis breaking news just in. Batgirl and the Chairman score major league kudos on Deadspin.com. You know the drill... name, click.
Posted by: twayn at June 30, 2006 01:40 PMThere are so many good slogans... can we have a runoff vote? Like, take the top five, and then the winner of that will be the shirt?
Posted by: CarrieICL at June 30, 2006 02:22 PMI admit that I am of the wrong gender preference to properly determine such things, but I just don't get the "dreamy" over "hottie" results for the Doctor. RsBI in bunches seem pretty dang hot to me. Of course, I wasn't able to determine the "dreamy" versus "cutie" distinction for Jason "Free at Last" Bartlett, either. Is dreamy somewhere between cutie and hottie? Or am I overanalyzing this, and it has nothing to do with any sort of continuum?
Larry the Cable Guy -----------> Tom Green ---------> Big LeRoy ------> Cutie -----> Dreamy -----> Hottie
e-9
Posted by: e-9 at June 30, 2006 03:05 PMI admit I enjoyed "hit or get off the Pot." I think my definition of hotties and cuties has changed as I get older. I think Justin Morneau is a cutie because he's younger than me but I think A.J. is a hottie because he's my age. But then I thought Jacque Jones was adorable and he's older than me, so I'm not sure what to think about him.
Posted by: Sarah at June 30, 2006 04:11 PMFor me, Dreamy is all in the eyes...Ah... I think you can be dreamy and hot too.
As "not. too. bright." maybe that open look on his face as he surveys the field each time he's at bat is actually deep concentration on what's going on on the field. (ooh, am I watching a little too closely?)
As far as his public speaking prowess, I think he's gotten better over the last month. I vote that he's the "quiet and shy 'til he gets to know you" kind of Canadian. (3 more reasons he's dreamy.) He's no Torii Hunter, but give him a couple of years! The boy's young!
The Doctor, I mean! The Doctor!
Posted by: Kari J at June 30, 2006 04:36 PM"Dear Ms. Annun,
Just once a day, alas. To prevent shenangins.
Sincerely,
BG"
Crud, I was hoping to rely on shenanagins to get my choice "Once All Struggle is Grasped, Base Hits Are Possible--Chairman Mauer" to the top. The communist saying parodies that have appeared on this site are excellent, by the way. Thanks for the smiles.
Perhaps I'll make my own t-shirt of mauerist sayings...but perhaps I'm too lazy...
Just a question - if I wear such a t-shirt, does it mean that I am rooting for the twins? Or can I just like the sayings and continue to root for others? (namely the White Sox and Athletics)
Posted by: craig at June 30, 2006 05:04 PMI still say Morneau is Yummy. Can't find a way to vote for the others although all would also apply. Did manage to send another 125 votes for both M&Ms last night. Hope we sent enough love to see Joe make it!
Posted by: Jaguar at June 30, 2006 07:40 PMJustin must agree. He whapped that ball right out of the park just as I posted that. :)
Posted by: Jaguar at June 30, 2006 07:43 PMAs I guess I'm the only one actually posting from China, I'd comment that there are two real Mauerist slogans.
"Once all struggle is grasped, base hits..." and
"The Chairman's bat is benevolence to the people..."
But I'm not a communist, and likely neither is the BatStore manager. Capitalism (with all his shenanigans) definitely votes for Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon. No doubt the top seller.
The only new vote should be for "2 T-shirts - BG" !!
Posted by: Shanghai Twins at June 30, 2006 10:32 PMJust one more thought...
The Chairman DESERVES 2 T-shirts !
and another one, sorry.
Crouching All-Star, Hitting Dragon also has a nice ring to it. Apologies that I'm also no illustrator.
Posted by: Shanghai Twins at June 30, 2006 11:05 PMI like some of these mourest things and I think they are funny but the truth is that I would not ware them. So my vote is for "Crouching Mauer, Hitting Dragon" Now that one I would buy.
Posted by: Twin-X at June 30, 2006 11:27 PMWondering about Corey and Justin's tearful reunion prompted us to sing Morneau's plaintive aria from "Oh Five."
Good things happened as they did. Practically nothing rhymes with Milwaukee.
Posted by: Kurtis at July 1, 2006 12:07 AMCast another vote for "2 T's" in honor of the chairman, for he is gracious and powerful.
Posted by: fiesta at July 1, 2006 10:42 AM