As you all know, BG thinks of nothing but you. When she took the Oath of Bloggiosity, she made a solemn vow that she would use her platform only for good, and she would dedicate herself to helping her readers sort through the endless morass of Twins-themed novelty frozen goods. So when BG discovered Kemps had released four Twins ice creams, she knew she had a job to do, so she called Team Batgirl together for a taste test. Below, as a service to you, Team Batgirl presents their impressions.
N. B. Each flavor of Twins ice cream contains a "chocolate Minnesota Twins cup" which is essentially a chocolate piece in a shape which roughly approximates the state of Minnesota in the way the Batbaby might draw it. These pieces are about 1/4 the size presented on the box, as seen below.
THE ICE CREAMS:
Touch 'Em All Chocolate Malt: Fudge filled chocolate Minnesota Twins cups in malt-flavored ice cream with a thick fudge swirl.
Goober found that this flavor had "surprising legs" and "slowly blossomed." He found it "light-bodied with hints of fig and pomegranate." Jeb thought it had a subtle flavor, "well-suited for a sophisticated palate." Batgirl found the malty nose overpowering, but appreciated the "consistency and commitment." Sooz said it wasn't chocolaty enough.
The package promises chocolately goodness, but the product pales in comparison.
Graham Slam: Marshmallow filled Minnesota Twins cup in graham-flavored ice cream with a graham swirl.
Jeb spent some time appreciating the bouquet—"graham-y," he said, "with a hint of salt...Redolent of a day at the seaside, as long as you spent that day snorting graham crackers." Upon tasting, he found the marshmallow "unconvincing" and the bouquet to promise more than the ice cream delivered. In other words, its smell wrote a check that its taste couldn't cash. Batgirl adored it and remarked with great pleasure that there was a "grahamspolosion" in her mouth. Goober found it more mature than the malt. "Oak-y, with a faint hint of nutmeg." He favorably noted the strong graham taste and longed to enjoy it "with apple juice and a nap on the floor." Sooz said it wasn't chocolaty enough.
Pennant Fever Peanut Butter Peanut Butter filled chocolate Minnesota Twins cups in chocolate-flavored ice cream with a peanut butter swirl.
Jeb said the smell was "chocolaty…tends toward the fudgy," and commented on the "cinnamon notes." Upon tasting, he pontificated that the "peanut butter tastes like ass butter," and "you can really taste the xantham gum." Goober described the taste as a mélange of "coffee, cardamom, tree bark, and feet," and commented that it was "a little too enthusiastic to get to know you but then it doesn't want to stick around to cuddle…Creamy in texture, like a blend of Miracle Whip and yarn." He suggested renaming it to "Batista Butter Blowout," which would "capture the sheer mediocrity as well as the disconcerting overall impression." He also took the quart home with him. Batgirl found the general taste quite pleasing, but the peanut butter as weak as the Yankees farm system, while Sooz said it wasn't chocolaty enough.
TC Fudge Sundae Fudge swirled chocolate Minnesota Twins cups in vanilla flavored ice cream with a thick fudge swirl
Batgirl felt that the ice cream flavor itself was "less vanilla than freezer burn." Jeb found the chocolate chunks to be pleasing, like something that might belong in ice cream, yet not remotely chocolaty, and as a result he was left "dizzy and reeling." Goober described the flavor as "Styrofoam peanuts with a nutella swirl and a hint of marmite…so neutral and cheap that at first it doesn't actually exist." He was disconcerted by the swirl—"as if someone ground up cigars in it, but not bad cigars." After thinking for some time he decided it "tastes like the Ovaltine factory smells." Sooz found it not chocolaty enough.
In sum, Sooz and Jeb liked the more subtle notes of the Touch 'Em All Chocolate Malt, while BG and Goober loved the more overt and welcoming—some may say slutty—taste of Graham Slam. All agreed that, despite the irrepressible lovability of its namesake, TC Fudge Sundae tastes like ass.
Wow, a suberb effort by all of team BG.
Matthew Lecroy had to put some time in behind the plate again, but the astros just kept running. Robinson had to pull him in the middle of the seventh after a 2nd throwing error and seven stolen bases, and was overcome with emotion after the game for putting Lecroy in said situation. I'm glad the Nat's won the game; always felt Matty was a team player.
Posted by: Bob at May 26, 2006 12:28 AMBut I'd bet "TC Fudge Sundae" is miles better than "Vikings First Down Fudge" from Cass Clay. I think that's really what ended up blowing the stadium deal for them.
Posted by: kw at May 26, 2006 12:38 AMYou ate all that ice cream jus to be able to review them for us?
your sacrifices know no bounds :-) And at least you didn't have to go see the de vinci code
D
Posted by: dan in london at May 26, 2006 04:38 AMI was definitely thinking about getting some Twins ice cream. Thank you, BG and team, for the consumer report.
Posted by: CarrieICL at May 26, 2006 07:08 AM"Less vanilla than freezer burn." Mmmmmmmmmm. The Baseball clan may have to replicate these taste tests.
Also, click on my name for a Matthew Lecroy recap. It kinda sucks.
Posted by: Mr. Baseball No. 1 at May 26, 2006 07:44 AMHmmmmmm . . . I will have to wait for a trip home in August to taste it for myself. I want a Frosty Malt too.
Do they still make Blue Bunny ice cream in MN?
Mr. Baseball is right -- not a pretty day for Mr. LeCroy. Matty is the talk of baseball this AM. The biggest position player substitution since Billy Martin sent Paul Blair in for Reggie Jackson in 1977.
Posted by: funoka at May 26, 2006 08:35 AM"...like a blend of Miracle Whip and yarn". Now that's what I look for in my ice cream. Team BG, your gift for coining colorful phrases is, indeed, stupefying. Perhaps a few cartons of TC Fudge Sundae left in the opposing team's clubhouse can leave the Twins' competition equally stupefied.
Oh, and Ralph Nader (see today's Strib for Ralph's letter to Gov. Pawlenty)? Get in your Corvair and go hang out with Jesse Jackson. Nobody invites either of you to their parties, and yet you continue to show up...
Posted by: adidasman at May 26, 2006 08:40 AMDo they still have frosty malts with the wide tops at the dome? We used to remove the tops and write on the ice cream within- replace the top- give it to a friend- there's a novelty- such clever messages as "Vic Albury sucks" or "Billy Gardner, threat or meanace?" or the ever popular "Don't forget to say thank you!"
Posted by: ganderson at May 26, 2006 08:45 AMAlmost made me snort my coffee! Always the sign of a great Batgirl posting!
Posted by: soccerfan at May 26, 2006 09:06 AMConversation overheard in the supermarket some months back:
Mother of two young children: "What flavor ice cream do you want?"
Little girl: "Blue Bunny."
Little boy, disgustedly: "Blue Bunny isn't a flavor."
Mother: "There's vanilla fudge swirl, or marshmallow nut, or mint chocolate chip. What would you like?"
Little girl: "I want Blue Bunny."
I've become quite a fan of Kemps Turtle Fudge Brownie ice cream, even though it's not quite chocolaty enough. For even more ice cream fun, check out this Pillsbury press release.
http://www.kemps.com/products/pillsbury/media_console.html
Posted by: twayn at May 26, 2006 10:02 AMLittle girl was smarter than the rest of her family. ANY flavor of Blue Bunny is better than whatever other options are available.
And don't get an Iowan started on those tiny little chocolate "Minnesotas"!
Sounds to me like Kemps had some leftovers that they couldn't get anyone to buy so they made a deal with the Twins to help them unload their dregs.
Thank you, BatFamily, for the community service!
Posted by: JimCrikket at May 26, 2006 10:02 AMHmm. I knew I had bad taste in music, but if I recall, I bought TC Fudge Sundae and didn't think it was bad.
Posted by: JustBeth at May 26, 2006 10:34 AMBG-
I was totally going to do this, this weekend! Review the Twins' ice cream from Kemps...well done. Perhaps I'll look for consistency instead....
Jesse
Posted by: Jesse at May 26, 2006 10:52 AMI thought the Graham Slam looked good.
On the other hand, the Kemps Caribou ice cream? That stuff *IS* good.
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at May 26, 2006 10:59 AMI guess we "scooped" you, Jesse.
Posted by: Jeb at May 26, 2006 11:07 AMPardon the interuption you BatGirliness (?) but I think there is need for a moment of silence for LeRoy former Twins great and loveable back up bear to TC
The Houston Astros had stolen seven bases -- the most by any team in the majors in nearly four years -- against third-string catcher Matthew LeCroy. In the seventh, with the tying run on base and shortly after LeCroy had committed his second error by throwing a ball into center field, Robinson pulled him for emergency catcher Robert Fick.
"If my daddy was managing this team, I'm sure he would have done the same thing," said LeCroy, a former Twin.
Keep on keepin on Matty
How does one get to enjoy frozen dairy twins goodness in CA?
Posted by: cal at May 26, 2006 11:10 AMI want Twins-themed blizzards. Mmmm, blizzards.
My parents game me their extra coupons from hat night. So I have to keep going to DQ to use them, right? I feel obligated. It's the right thing to do.
I, myself, have tried Graham Slam and Pennant Fever Peanut Butter, and I found them both most heavenly! Tumbleweed, my cat, is also fond of the Pennant Fever Peanut Butter.
Posted by: kafumbly at May 26, 2006 12:25 PMI am a bad person. Am I the only one who, upon reading "chocolate Minnesota Twins cup," thought in horror of Nutty?
Posted by: ctate at May 26, 2006 01:06 PMI am, alas, in the same situation as funoka. A trip home in August will be my first chance to get a taste.
I think Sooz and I need to grab dessert some time...
Posted by: adam at May 26, 2006 03:18 PMI want Twins-themed blizzards. Mmmm, blizzards.
Posted by: Laurel Krahn
--
I agree
Posted by: James at May 26, 2006 04:42 PM"He also took the quart home with him."
That Goober, he's quite the coinasewer ;-)
Team BG should open up a booth at the Wine Show. I'd come for that!
ctate: Unfortunatly, you were not.
Posted by: TwinsFoghorn at May 27, 2006 12:10 AMi tried the pennant fever peanut butter and i just thought it needed waaaay more of those little minnesotas. my cat ole, who likes ice cream A LOT, tried to bury it. hmmmm.
Posted by: dorkyhouse at May 27, 2006 01:11 AMB.G.-
Great reviews of Twinkie confection. Alas I have a bit of Lactos intolerance, soooo...no thanks.
Thanks (anderson?)to your Comment above, about Nader. Yes, who asked you Ralph? Sheesh. Give it up. It is getting built and we will move on and have Twins baseball for a long time and it will be wonderful and those of you who whined and complained about that lousy 3 cents/$20--get over it. Now.
why is it so freakin' hot outside today (Sun>)? Where will the shade seats be in the new stadium?
Go Twins,
kal
Posted by: kal at May 28, 2006 01:00 PMThe Teece household plus a few random others have decided we like the Marshmallow/Graham combo the best, mainly since the majority of the house disagrees with the use of chocolate in ANYTHING. Be that as it may, I've had better ice cream in my life, which makes my heart a little sad, since I'm a Twinkie at heart. Hey, maybe Hostess should come out with Twins Twinkies...(although I HATE the Twinkie nickname with a passion)
Posted by: Teece at May 28, 2006 11:26 PM