Chicago at Twins. Bitch Sox 7, Twins 3.

When Ron Gardenhire arrived at the Dome—slightly late due to his annual Ma Ingalls Day After Mother's Day Annual Brunch—he walked into his office, took one look, and walked right toward the clubhouse bellowing, "LEW!"

Lew Ford looked around. "Me?"

"Yes, Lew. You," said Gardy, appearing in the doorway. "Could you come here a moment?"

"Uh...sure..."

With trepidation, Lew Ford followed as the manager stalked back down the corridor to his office. When they got to the doorway, Gardy motioned grandly towards his desk. "Do you know anything about this?"

"Oh," Lew said. Sitting on Gardy's desk chair was a diminutive creature with a white beard and red hat happily chomping on a line-up card. Lew looked around. "…Maybe."

"Get him OUT!" yelled Gardy, turning a lovely shade of magenta.

A moment later, Ford was dragging the creature out into the hallway. "I told you not to go in Gardy's office," he hissed.

"What was I supposed to do?" the creature hissed back. "I was hungry!"

"You are such a—"

The two appeared in the clubhouse door, arguing with each other, while one by one the players stopped to stare at Ford's companion. "Ford!" said Kyle Lohse. "What the hell is that?"

"I think it's an elf," said Scott Baker, scratching his head.

Ford's eyes grew wide. "Man, I wish!" he exclaimed. "Elves are spellcasters!"

"Oh, like you'd know what to do with an elf," the creature said to Ford. Ford scrunched up his face and glared in response.

"I believe that's a gnome," announced Rondell White.

"Yeah," sighed Ford. "He's a gnome. They're pretty much worthless."

"Hey!" said the gnome.

"Well, it's TRUE!" said Ford.

A small crowd gathered around the bickering pair. "LewLew, what's he doing here?" asked Brad Radke.

"Oh," Lew said with a heavy sigh, "Corri won't let him stay at home. I had to put him somewhere."

"Yeah, but Lew…why do you have an elf?"

"Gnome," corrected White.

"Oh!…well, I was playing Warcraft one night and I fell asleep with my forehead on the keyboard. I don't know what I pressed but next thing I knew, Mr. Winkles was sitting next to me eating my copy of Yoda: Dark Rendezvous."

"Oh," said Radke. "Mr. Winkles?"

"At your service!" enthused the gnome, taking a bow. "Would you like a hug?"

"I…well, sure…"

Just then, Terry Ryan walked into the clubhouse, humming the Nutty tune to himself. When he saw Mr. Winkles, he stopped short.

"What the hell is that?" Ryan asked.

"He's a gnome," said Ford. "He came out of my computer from Warcraft and started eating all my Robert Jordan books and Corri said he couldn't stay and so I put him in my locker and made a nice little nest for him...which I didn't have to do--I could have just put him out on the street--but he went into Gardy's office even though I told him not to and now Gardy's mad at me again and—"

"Can he pitch?" interrupted Ryan.

"Uh…" said Ford, stopping short. "I don't know...He's got Shield Bash."

"Great," said Ryan. "He starts tomorrow."

*******

Nutty sez: Hi Boys and Girls! Did you like today's entry? That Mr. Winkles sure is crazy! Poor Lew Ford having someone follow him around like that! Scott Baker had a rough time today and I thought it would cheer everyone up to hear Nutty: the Remix! This was made by mbennett, one of the fabulous diarists at Twinkie Town. Thanks, mbennett! I sure enjoyed recording the voice for your phat remix!

Posted by Batgirl at May 15, 2006 03:16 PM