Waylon Jennings: Folks, leave it to Boss Guillen to try to ruin an otherwise beautiful day in Twins Territory with another scheme.
Boss Guillen: Roscoe, get me Enos on the line down at the jailhouse. Those criminals from Chicago we're holding for transfer to the state penitentiary might come in handy for finally getting rid of those Duke boys!
Enos: Telephone's for you, Mr. Convict.
Konerko: Ya, I'm listening.
Boss Guillen: Listen here... If you help me get rid this one persistent irritation, I'll make sure you and your partners "escape" before you're transfered to the state pen. ...I want you to kidnap Daisy Duke and take her across the county line. Let the Duke boys see you and chase you. The moment they cross over to Chickasaw County, Sheriff Little will be sure to snatch them up for violating the terms of their parole. They'll find themselves in the slammer and you'll be free to run away with the central division!
Waylon Jennings: Now does that sound good to you?
Boss Guillen orders Enos away from his post and releases the criminals. They proceed to the Boar's Nest and kidnap Daisy!
Uncle Wayne: You boys got your ears on? Folks down at the Boar's Nest say Daisy's been hauled off by some escaped jailbirds! They say they were driving a tan Impala. You gotta find her!
Duke boys: Right away, Uncle Wayne.
Bo: Did you just see that? A tan Impala with Illinois plates!
The Dukes take off in hot pursuit. With each passing moment they close with the Chicagoan thugs!
Absorbed in the chase, the Dukes don't notice that they're approaching the county line.
Sheriff Ed Little lies in wait, having been tipped off by a "concerned citizen" that the Dukes might try to flee.
The Duke boys corner the thugs!
Konerko: Ha! You think you've done a mighty fine job, eh boys? Think again! You've just crossed into Chickasaw County, and a little birdie told me that that's a violation of your parole. A certain sheriff should be here any second to haul you away, while we run away with the division!
A tow truck approaches.
Matthew Lecroy: I wouldn't count on Sheriff Little comin' any time soon, sir. See, I overherd Boss Guillen's phone call with you in the town square. I didn't like the sound of that trap you were a layin' for these honest Dukes, so I just moved the Chickasaw County line signpost a about a hundred yards or so into Twins Territory. Yep, you're still there.
Waylon Jennings: Leave it to ol' Matthew Lecroy to doublecross a doublecrosser.
A moment later, sirens can be heard. Boss Guillen and Roscoe had hoped they were coming to witness the downfall of the Duke boys, but instead they just take credit for re-capturing the escaped convicts.
Daisy was saved, Matthew Lecroy declared a crawdad-bake, and the Dukes were free to keep making trouble for Boss Guillen!
There I sat, enjoying what I thought was yet another excellent post by team Batgirl, and I get to the last picture, and there, lo and behold, is that awful picture of Shannon Stewart. Bad enough at a normal hour, but right before I go to bed? I blame the nightmares on you, Jeb.
Posted by: sadgoatboy at August 23, 2005 02:31 AMsadgoatboy lies. that was the best ending possible.
Posted by: IcePhoenix at August 23, 2005 02:42 AMhoooooboy.. that just salts your grits, don't it?!
you did it to us again BG... that's just cruel.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at August 23, 2005 03:30 AMThat may have been the greatest thing I've ever seen. Fantastic work, BG!
Posted by: FPM2K at August 23, 2005 05:13 AMSo. Dang. Funny. Well done, Jeb.
Posted by: Patty at August 23, 2005 05:32 AMwhy is everything in italics...did a certain sassy web blogger forget to close her html tags?
Posted by: IcePhoenix at August 23, 2005 05:36 AMoh man, sorry jeb, I just assumed it was bg posting.
I see a couple others did as well
If the Dukes of Hazzard movie would have been like this, I would have been interested through the whole movie!
Posted by: Candace at August 23, 2005 07:12 AMGenius! For some reason I kept imagining Bert as the narrator!
Posted by: ndtf at August 23, 2005 07:14 AMmuch less traumatic than the other possibilities.
Posted by: aurora at August 23, 2005 07:29 AMIt's downright creepy how well LeCroy fills the role of Cooter. Ben Jones would approve of this Dukes version.
Posted by: E at August 23, 2005 07:32 AMThose are the hottest Bo and Luke Duke's I have ever seen!
Posted by: Mic at August 23, 2005 07:46 AMAnother photoshop gem. Big LeRoy as Cooter was inspired. But that "untouched" pic of Coy and Vance (the knockoff scab Dukes) actually looks just like Mauer & Morneau.
Posted by: double-a at August 23, 2005 07:50 AMLast night, I wondered what sort of genius Team Batgirl would have in store for us today, what with the off-day yesterday. We didn't completely escape the hottest chick; however, this was a lot more fun.
Posted by: Just Beth at August 23, 2005 08:08 AMYou just HAD to work in the hottest chick didn't ya LOL
Posted by: Torhu at August 23, 2005 08:34 AMExcellent work, Jeb. Better than most of the other Duke boys adventures.
Hey, wait a minute...I drive a tan Impala. I swear, I had nothing to do with any of this.
k-bro
Posted by: k-bro at August 23, 2005 08:49 AMBeth, you read my mind on this. I was a little nervous when I opened Batgirl today, and then it looked safe. I was just relived it was Shannon that was Daisy. Off days during the sucking time were a relief because we knew they woupldn't lose, now they are like the day before Christmas, you can't hardly wait until SANTA(na) delivers another wonder present.
Posted by: Sandee at August 23, 2005 08:52 AMYeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
Posted by: soccerfan at August 23, 2005 09:06 AMThe keep slipping in Twins chicks when we complain, so.... I LOVE TWINS HOTTEST CHICK! They are a witty and clever way to make fun of popular culture and bring a lighthearted approach to our favorite Twins! Good going Team BG!
Posted by: Ryan at August 23, 2005 10:29 AMNice try, Ryan, but I have to believe that, unlike opposing pitchers, Team Batgirl is immune to reverse psychology.
Posted by: Katharriet at August 23, 2005 10:57 AMI always wish Roscoe had a larger role. But really, what good is he to anyone?
Posted by: Roscoe at August 23, 2005 11:01 AMbeautiful work, Jeb! I love them Duke boys!
Posted by: kafumbly at August 23, 2005 11:27 AMyou know maybe it's because I am from the East coast, but I never really got the dukes of hazzard. Daisy was alwyas hot though (just not the one in this story)
Posted by: mike at August 23, 2005 11:36 AMRyan, be careful with that. What if it backfires and they do a championship round? *shudder*
Nice work Jeb! Although I agree that LeCroy just looks way too natural in his role. Not sure if its a bad thing or a good thing though.
Posted by: TwinsinBoston at August 23, 2005 12:12 PMI watched the Dukes religiously in re-runs.
Excellent work, I have to say that Doc makes a much better Bo Duke than John Schneider ever did.
Posted by: HooliganKat at August 23, 2005 12:14 PM
Oh and Waylon is a god to me. If you ever have a chance to watch a Waylon concert from the early seventies, watch it. Good stuff.
I feel like such a hillbilly.
Posted by: HooliganKat at August 23, 2005 12:18 PMOnly the Bat Crew could figure out a way to have Paul Konerko listen to a phone call -- while wearing a batting helmet.
You know, the Twins for quite some time have been making their way the only way they know how.
Posted by: The Commish at August 23, 2005 12:24 PMI don't know what it is about LeCroy's face that cracks me up every time but he's just got that look about him that says "ok, laugh now". Fear not, big daddy, I'm laughing *with* you, not *at* you.
Seeing him as Cooter was high-quality. And it also made me realize he could be an effective stand-in for Larry the Cable Guy.
Posted by: let's go mets at August 23, 2005 01:52 PMApparently the Bitch Sox have resorted to "Rally Panties".
And no, I am not kidding.
(click my name for Chicago Tribune article)
Posted by: Eric at August 23, 2005 02:19 PMI should probably take offense, seeing that I also drive a tan Impala, but this was just so hilarious that I don't mind too much. Nice one, Jeb!
Posted by: annun at August 23, 2005 02:39 PMHooliganKat,
My respect for you grows and grows. I didn't know anyone else liked Waylon that much:)
Posted by: cubsfan36 at August 23, 2005 02:54 PMEric -
Although I couldn't open the article (darn subscriptions) this may sound remarkably like Sacky's underwear hats.
And, slightly left of topic...
Happy 90th Birthday, Carl Pohlad.
Now please open the wallet. Remember, you can't take it with you.
Posted by: heraldguy at August 23, 2005 03:01 PMOh, sorry. In the future, try www.BugMeNot.com. They have passwords you can use for almost any newspaper you can imagine. But here is the text of the article:
Sox slide-stopping ploy: 'Rally Panties'
Fred Mitchell
AROUND TOWN
August 22, 2005
Baseball lore is replete with instances of superstitious behavior bordering on the obsessive-compulsive.
Recent Hall of Fame inductee Wade Boggs used to eat chicken for every pregame meal. Pitcher Denny McLain insisted on drinking a can of Pepsi between each inning of each game he pitched. And Cubs shortstop Nomar Garciaparra … well … his every at-bat ritual of tugging at his batting gloves makes everyone watching feel a little twitchy and fidgety.
Former Cincinnati Reds shortstop Leo "Chico" Cardenas was terrified of seeing the letter "X." So opposing players naturally would scratch an "X" in the dirt near his position every chance they got. Cardenas would not go near the letter and would have teammates scratch it out or kick dirt on it.
This behavior came to mind Sunday, when White Sox outfielder Timo Perez went to unusual lengths to try to help the team end a season-worst seven-game losing streak.
Perez decided to hang a pair of women's black panties—"extra wide" black panties—in the Sox's clubhouse at U.S. Cellular Field. The Sox went out and ended their streak with a 6-2 victory over the Yankees.
Perez wasn't around to discuss the, well … unmentionables, but teammate Aaron Rowand did.
"We had the 'Rally Panties' up today," Rowand said. "A woman's undergarment—a large undergarment—was our rallying flag."
So while the Angels had their "Rally Monkey" in their 2002 World Series championship season, the innovative Sox offer up "Rally Panties." Whatever works, I suppose.
Rowand said he would have chosen a less titillating tactic to end the losing streak. "I almost changed the CD in my car on the way to the ballpark, but I decided not to," he said.
And yet we have rally socks- which are white (can anyone explain that logic to me?).
and another wonderful, semi-scary, dayoff-y post! way to go, jeb!
Posted by: Hannah! at August 23, 2005 03:29 PM"Former Cincinnati Reds shortstop Leo 'Chico' Cardenas"?
How about "Former Minnesota Twins shortstop Leo 'Chico' Cardenas"?
I mean, just because he played with the Reds first....
Posted by: heraldguy at August 23, 2005 03:30 PMNow that is a disturbing article. Let's sweep them back to Chicago so they stop with this foolishness.
Rally socks? I thought the Homer Hankey was our good luck charm...
I never thought Bo and Luke could get any hotter, but I guess I was wrong!
Posted by: Renae at August 23, 2005 04:27 PMNo one's mentioned how absolutely inspired Wayne Terwiliger is in the "Uncle Jesse" role. Bravo, Jeb for that and the rest of it!
Posted by: Skorch at August 23, 2005 04:28 PMDear Cubsfan,
I too, am glad someone shares my love of Waylon.
Outlawishly,
HooliganKat
No surprise, I'm sure, but LeCroy is a confirmed fan of Larry the Cable Guy.
Somehow I picture Lew and Cuddles as Good Ole Boys more easily than Doc & the Chairman, but I guess the M&M Boys are the more bankable stars--and that's Hollywood, ain't it?
Posted by: frightwig at August 23, 2005 07:30 PMJoe Mauer should consider a haircut like that one! He looks so much hotter than his Sixteen Candles Jake Ryan haircut.
Posted by: Donnalove at August 23, 2005 08:32 PMJustin, however, looks like Dave Coulier.
Posted by: Donnalove at August 23, 2005 08:33 PMWhile I was a bit disturbed by the cameo appearance of Shannan in this post, I have to say Donnalove's comment of,"Justin, however, looks like Dave Coulier," disturbed me more. Mostly because this is very true, and it is not a piece of photoshop genius I would like to look into. Joe can stay as Luke though, because he looks pretty awesome.
~Hannah~
Posted by: Hannah (the second) at August 23, 2005 08:53 PMum, Skorch, I am pretty sure "Uncle Wayne" is not Twig, but rather Wayne Hattaway the career minor league clubhouse guy who has been with the Big team all season.
Posted by: double-a at August 23, 2005 09:29 PMA bit off topic, but Ben Jones (the original Cooter) holds some sort of public office in Virginia. Yup, he's an elected official (I forget where or what he was elected to, though).
Posted by: twink at August 23, 2005 09:33 PMHooliganKat, I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.
Great post, with the exception of Shannan. Dang it all to heck, BG, those pics just give me the willies!
Posted by: mmmarkiep at August 23, 2005 09:55 PMBG...just hilarious. I'm still in tears over the Matthew LeCroy pic. Too funny!!
Posted by: Rah at August 24, 2005 12:36 AMmmmarkiep, I wish upon you rhinestone suits and new shiny cars.
Posted by: HooliganKat at August 24, 2005 01:53 PMAre you sure we can't get you to jump on the White Sox bandwagon? LMAO great stuff as always.
Posted by: tex at August 27, 2005 08:06 AM