Since there's some time to kill before the game, figure I can let you guys know that I joined the Air Force this week. Went through MEPS, qualified for entry, took my oath, and signed my contract.

Due to the Air Force having to cut down on the number of recruits, no recruit gets a guaranteed job anymore, nor do they know when they'll be shipping out.

Most likely, I'll start off in engineering, stealth bomber avionics (avionics deals with the black boxes in planes), or computer, network, switching, and cryptographic systems. I plan to do that for a few years while I get an undergraduate degree with a double major in physics and electrical engineering, and then become a physicist, most likely with a masters in electro-optical physics (lasers and such). All the while helping defend my country. Not a bad gig.

But yeah, moderately exciting time.

good luck to you, Will!

as for the game, I was considering switching it up and going with my Lew Ford jersey today, but ... can't do it. gotta go with what works. the Vice President is in the house!

I'll have the Free Tiffee sign today. (and whoops, I'll be in the fourth row behind the new crap behind home plate; 2nd row is in June.) but I refuse to hold it up when Cuddyer is at the plate. I like the little bugger.

Will, I was going to do that, but I dropped out of high school, and became an alcoholic instead. It seemed an easier career path at the time. Al

That's impressive, Will. Just knowing some ROTC people, it's nice to see you wanted to go that route for the country and not to take advantage of the free college. Nice little bonus though, isn't it?

Ach, the Schocktenaffe is back.

Squiddle,

What in the Aitch Ee double-hockey-stick are you talking about?

- Kurtis

I know affe is monkey in German, so I'm asssuming that is "Rally Monkey"

Has someone been listening to us? Check out this press release:

http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/press_releases/press_release.jsp?ymd=20050501&content_id=1034692&vkey=pr_min&fext=.jsp&c_id=min

That's good detective work, Ryan. The babelfish site shows schockten-affe as "shocking ape." But we know the rally monkey doesn't translate well -- they tried showing "Ray Mo" in Japan, and the crowds responded with a mystified silence, despite the helpful slogan, "If you make noise, he will come." (Indeed, perhaps the slogan was the reason for the silence.)

As reported on ESPN.com:

"That's the biggest difference between baseball in America and Japan," Twins center fielder Torii Hunter said. "They don't have a monkey that jumps up and down.

I bet it was LeRoy's idea, mk.

I took 9 years of German, K-8, but somehow I only remember how to say "monkey" Who knew that would pay off?

It's sort of a reference to Friday night's game thread.

Peter Gabriel has recorded some of his songs in German. Shock the Monkey becomes Schockt den Affe.

Sooooo instead of a rally monkey, we have a shock monkey or a Schocktenaffe.

Anyone else think Roy Smalley is a bit odd looking?

Man, this sucks. They're showing the Angels' broadcast again. SONNNOFABIATCH

Greetings all! I've been "lurking" out there checking out Twins sites and found Bat Girl's site...alas, sound medicine for a Twins' fan out in Oregon.

Physioc and Hudler announcing on mlb.tv...what have we done to deserve this? At least, we don't have to listen to the Hawk's "He's gone."

Go Twins!

TBird, you need to get MLB Extra Innings on your cable or satellite.

Drift--I'm not so sure these guys aren't worse than the Bitch Sox' crew--Hudler sounds like a poor man's Jim Rome (that is NOT a compliment) and he KEEPS CALLING DARIN ERSTAD "ERSTIE" I swear to God I will fly back to MN and break Hudler if he calls Erstad "Erstie" again.

Laurie--I would, but I'm a college student, so I only get the cable they provide in the dorms and MLB.TV is cheaper, too.

Bitch #1 has been sat down.

J

There's K #1.

And with the first J of the game, I'm done ranting...Johan sitting bitches down sends me to my happy place

Hi all - I can tell you as a life-long Twins fan living in SoCal that when I go see the Twins at the LA of A Big A or whatever, that their own fans are tired of the Lufte Monkey

Churro Figgins strikes out. Sit down bitch

Yeah, and it has its drawbacks too... I get shut out of the Mets games because I'm in New York City, even though my cable system is no longer carrying the Mets. How funny is that? I can watch the Twins in NYC, but not the Mets.

That's the way El Presidente!! Way to get through the first unharmed!

Wow, Bartolo Colon gets bigger every time I see him.

Tbird, I hear ya on being angry about the lack of Twins broadcasts by mlb.tv

http://www.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/help/contact_us.jsp
this is the comments link for mlb.tv. we should all flood it requesting Twins Baseball to be shown on mlb.tv

Even his typed name on Gameday looks fat.

Actually, there was a football game here at Purdue, it was nationally televised (I think we were playing Ohio State) and they had the Bartolo Colon Blimp flying overhead. Very exciting.

Say a Twin were to hit 3 home runs off of Colon (say Cuddyer, who hasn't really been accepted by the fan base and has been struggling)--do yall think that ESPN would spend half as much time on it as they did on A-Rod's three bombs? A quarter as much time? Hmmmmm?

Nice glove Colon...dork

Doesn't Gameday Audio give you a choice of home or away audio feeds? I used to have that to listen to the games that were not being shown on MLB Extra Innings. Also, XM Satellite Radio always uses the home feed, for anyone here who happens to have XM and would rather listen to CCO.

Damn right he is stocky, Bert.

On the plus side, he wears his cap straight.

Yeah, he definitely looks much fatter this year. He's no Rich Garces though...yet.

Three groundouts....the Twins seem to put a lot of hits on the ground. Even yesterday a lot of their hits were rolling on the turf, weren't they?

I like Cuddyer. OK, bring it on...

Watching the game on MLB TV...

Bartolo Colon is the "Carl's Jr. starting pitcher."
I wondered how he got even fatter. He's going to need a Bartolo Colonic if he keeps getting all Garces.

Laurie- If only they gave us that option for mlb.tv. Yeah ive heard they give an option for radio, but that costs more on top of the video and im a poor college student.

When I see that Cuddyer gets up, I expect a double play everytime. He could lead off, and some how he would hit into a double play.

WTF? Ball dropped by Morneau?

And Herb says it was Bartlett who made the throw? Isn't Castro playing?

Yeah, it's Castro. The throw was a little low, but still got there on the fly. The good Doctor just dropped it.

Rats...maybe they're doing it on purpose to help the double-play inning contestant

I would love MLB TV if I could choose the broadcast team. I'd even love it if I could just watch the video from the other team and listen to CCO at the same time.

GAH!

ok, lets rebound from this and either sit down the next two bitches J-style or just get a nice quick DP outta this

I know what you all mean. I pay $42 a month for Extra Innings on TV, and then I have to endure freaking Royals announcers for every Twins-Royals game... even the ones at the Dome! Not nearly enough Dick & Bert, although we've (mercifully) had them for this entire series so far.

Somebody needs to slip Herb a note and explain that Castro is playing short. He keeps referring to Bartlett.

I dont care who you are, Lou Merloni is just a great, old school baseball name.

Hey weren't we all worried about Jason bartlett's fielding? He seems to be fine so far....

All right! What do we say when a base stealer is gunned down ... maybe "Stand Up, Bitch" ???

Ugh, poor NBP. He got hit in the head by the follow-through on a swing, but he's okay. (It may have just hit his mask).

Apparently he's just fine, as the throw was right there!

Redmond...yes!

Well he certainly fooled me...

yeah, Ryan, Lou Merloni is a great name.

Hey, did Naked BP just throw a guy out? great! and that means we get even more Lou Merloni!

The worst is when the Twins play the Yankees (home OR away) and I am forced to watch Yankees broadcasts for every game because I am in NY. You don't know pain and suffering until you've endured that.

Yeah, we're lucky if we get dick and bert 1 game out of 10. I'm really dreading when we have to play the yankees and the YES announcers spend the entire game talking about when Twins player contracts are up and their chances of getting them on the FA market. They'll probably spend a whole game salivating over JJ...

Herb just apologized for messing up on the shortstop. Now I feel bad.

Laurie, I get the same here in New Haven. It takes a special strength of mind to block out the stench of entitlement emanating from Yankees broadcasters/fans/Jeter.

I'm really worried about all these groundouts. This is just asking for DP's when we actually get someone on base...

Getting a little tired of these groundball outs today.

Did Silva talk to Colon before the game today or something? I mean, I know the Twins ground out a lot, but jeeezz

Sun's going down here on the Slovenian Riviera. We don't LIKE ground outs here on the Slovenian Riviera. Hit an fing fly ball will ya?

Has the big guy seriously just gotten 6 straight groundouts out of our boys? I don't even know what to say to that.

Oh, and on my last statement: Not ALL Yankee fans exhibit the sense of entitlement at all times. In that respect, they're not really much worse than the BoSox fans, I'm afraid. I get both in pretty much equal measure here.

Are we looking at a good old-fashioned pitcher's duel? I like our chances if that happens. That'd be like Zorro in a swordfight against ... well, Bartolo Colon, I guess.

I wonder if they keep groundball/flyball stats for teams....we gotta be leading the league

AT: Too funny!! They are nauseating. They are like little groupies, always with their tongues down the back of the Yankees' pants. And they never refer to the players by their last names, either. It's always Derek or Bernie or Jason or Mariano. I feel like I'm watching a boy band. And they're always insulting the other team and their fans... they sound way more like a fan club than announcers.

JJ

Laurie: word. I love the boy band part; that is truly the worst.

last time when Colon got beat up by the Yankees, the guys out here were all saying that he was collapsing his back leg and if he fixes that he's very hard to hit. I have a feeling this game is gonna be tight tight tight

JJJ

I like Jim Kaat on YES, but I did like him more when he was doing Twins games.

Hearing some of the other TV guys on Extra Innings gives me appreciation for Dick and Bert, though. I think they are better than most, although I am sure being a Twins fan helps their cause with me.

My favorite non-Twins TV is Vin Scully. I didn't realize how good he is until I was able to get him almost all the time on Extra Innings.

Laurie--$42 a month for EI? I paid $139 with Direct TV...divided by six months that's $23 and change per month.

And in a pitching duel, I really like what we can bring off the bench today: LeRoy, Chairman, Punto and Bartlett for some running. Feels like a good day for small ball.

Of course, the Dr could just hit some out too.

To be fair, we never refer to our players by their first OR last names...

J, backwards J, J

I'm in Durham, NC. So, there are no baseball games. Unless you count the Durham Bulls home games, which you can catch on digital cable. I caught some Bulls/Red Wings games last summer.

AT, the best is when the Yankees lose. The way the announcers do the postgame in serious, hushed tones, like they're at a funeral. I love their disconsolate, grief-stricken commentary, like "how did this happen? This is not supposed to happen..." You'd think a national tragedy had just occurred.

Nice one, CATwinsFan! Where in SoCal's home for you? Ever get to Johnnie's Pastrami on Sepulveda and Washington?

Jerry Remi and Don Orsillo on NESN are pretty good announcers as well. If only they could figure out the best few pairs of announcers, then use them in the playoffs. McCarver must be one of the worst announcers in all of sports.

Vin Scully is great. He makes every game sound like the most interesting, important game in history. Always referring to what happened earlier, and often referring to some game in 1954 or something that he's reminded of

Oh, and Andre, I have to give you a shout for the Johan-as-Zorro vs Colon image. It seems eerily appropriate, and likely a great topic for photoshop.

7

8

Driftwood - too far inland for that...closest thing we've got in here is The Hat.....

What are the odds Rivas will be the one to finally hit the ball in the air?

Not very good AT.

Let's just put a couple over the wall. Then we can ground out all we want.

Franorama: I had signed up in advance when it was $149 ($37 a month) but my cable company screwed up my order and didn't fix it until it was up to $169 ($42 a month). They're promising me a $20 credit, though. We'll see.

I agree, it was cheaper when I had DirecTV. And they never screwed it up, either. I remember the first year my cable system had it, and I asked for 4 monthly installments like I had with DirecTV. Instead, they billed me 4 times and I got a cable bill for almost $800.

Well, it was in the air more than any other Twins hitter.

first player to hit a ball in the air for the Twins should win a car.

He seriously just grounded out the entire batting order. I'm terrified. It feels like the coin that just keeps coming up "heads".

maybe they should start swinging up a little more like Peanuts characters

AT...well, it was mostly in the air...:)

That's one of the things I like about Vin Scully, CAT. He can tell you about that game in 1954 and still let you know what's happening in the current game, too. I know a couple of radio guys who do Twins games who could take a lesson on that sort of thing. They go off on a tangent and miss two or three batters in the process.

You get 6 installments? We only get 4. But hey, it's worth it to see the Twins. And the Giants, who I watch to follow Edgardo Alfonzo. And the Red Sox, who I watch because I hate the Yankees. If only I could see the Mets as well.

Hey Driftwood, where are you in OR? I'm in portland. Have to make do with AAA Beavers.

The thing is, I can't actually see them (the groundouts) happening, and in my mind's eye they are pretty scary.

I need to get over this, like now.

Fran - you're right. One thing though that J-Gord does that's better than most is when there's a fly ball to the outfield, he'll tell you right away that it's "in the park." Almost everyone else makes you wait until it's caught to tell you how deep it is.

The groundouts are quite anemic.

On the bright side,

J J J J

Does it seem to anyone else that all the stadium talk on the radio is starting to sound like PBS asking for money during their shows?

JJJJ

Colon will start giving up the hits soon. He'll start collapsing his back leg under his sheer weight. But that's what happens when you have to get a gravy IV between innings just to keep awake.

Holy poo on toast.

Oh man. You knew where that sucker was headed as soon as it hit the bat. Ouch.

Left the ball up. Damn Santana!

While I'm whining, I want Johan to throw less pitches. It looks like we might want him to stick around awhile in this one.

I'm worried that the Anaheims are gonna get Johan out by pitch count and go after everyone else in the pen....

Crackerjacks.

Ok. Second time around against Bartolo. Time to start hitting the bastard.

Crap. of course we're not gonna get Colon out if he's only thrown forty three pitches in eight innings....

Yeah, CAT...Gordo sometimes gets carried away with the "high drive" call, you think it's gone and it's foul or caught at the wall.

Not to dwell on Vin, but I like the little stories. I remember when Miquel Batista was with Ariz and Vin just drops in between pitches..."Batista, he's a sensitive sort, a writer, keeps a journal." He teaches you little things you don't know about players like that and keeps it within the flow of the game.

Damn you, Vlad Guerrero. Time to get the bats going. Angels have had their infield practice.

Johan's got 54 pitches through four innings. He could go eight or maybe even nine at that rate.

Odd conversation here, Dick & Bert. Too much information.

Nice Stewie.

"But that's what happens when you have to get a gravy IV between innings just to keep awake."

Hilarious, Woo.

Dazzlel Man already started spewing about the, shall we say, appearance of the scoreboard last inning. STFU, Dazzle Man!

Yay, typing that made the scoreboard change from all round-shaped digits!

Andre, you're right, but the whole groundout thing has me all flustered and unreasonable.

What were they talking about? I get to listen to WAZY-Lafayette Indiana.... Good music, absolutely no Twins commentary

Here we go.....get the ball up off the ass-turf

OK, so this time through the order, all singles, right?

B-Sox about to take the field.

If Lewwwwwwwwwwwwww can make only one out, the Dr. will be up with someone on....

Looks like Leewwwwww has some winning streak stubble going

Hey, so why is it that Shannon has so many more at bats than anyone else on the team?

If you were to look up the definition of "peach fuzz", there would be a picture of Lew Ford's facial hair.

Second time through the lineup: just swing a little lower this time (Yeah, like that, Stewie!)

He bats first in the lineup, AT. It's bound to happen. That and Gardy never sits him.

park it, Dr.

Well, Ryan... Bert reminded us that we all make poo-poo. Yes, sad but true. Person w/baby requested to be circled as baby had just made a poo-poo. Dick said we didn't need to know that. Bert reminded him that "we all do it." Dick answered that not all of our parents announce it on TV.

The kind of thing you just don't get from Vin Scully.

wow..... so who is this injury delay for?

So much for Louuuuu, but we've still got Lewwww

Never rejoice in anyone's owies, but unfortunately it's neither Vlad nor Chonenanigans.

Lou Merloni hurt his ankle on a GB to third

You don't even get that from the Rock Cats' announcers

Lou Merloni - ankle something.

Sonofabiscuit.

That's too bad. I'm gonna miss Lou Merloni. So far he was 1 for 1 on Js, which I find endearing. Oh well.

Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight....rats.

Wow, was THAT not a strike.

Paging Dr. Morneau ... we need you to perform a quadruple base bypass next time up. Thank you

The Yankees' announcers would tell you that Derek's poo-poo is better than everyone else's--the poo-poo of CHAMPIONS!! 26 rings, bay-bee!!

That's how their commentary usually goes, anyway. I prefer Bert's comparatively understated version.

Thanks for the injury info. I'm on sometimes frustrating Gameday. Did he spike himself?

Quadruple base bypass! LOL!!!

Nah, he turned his ankle.

And that K pitch to the good Dr. was 3-4 in off the plate inside

lol, laurie

They would call it Y-Y-Y-Y-Yankees poo! When it comes to talk of poo, I prefer Bert, too.

All right residents of Batville. I've finished my lab and its time to head home.... Perhaps I will be back in 20 minutes? One can only hope.

This is a good old-fashioned pitcher's dual. Let's even it up at least.

Time to change out the ass-bats....

Fran, did you know that you can get a ringtone of that awful "Thaaaaaaaa Yankees win!!" call? Imagine hearing that repeatedly? I'd stomp that phone out of existence.

Let's go, Tigers!

Do you think Bradke's telling Johan "see? isn't a lot of fun is it?"

Come on, Boyfriend. It's OK to be the hero today.

Come on, Jacque!!

Bunting isn't a bad idea.....

Colon does NOT need this huge-ass strike zone. He already has a huge ass.

Geez......

Lemme guess...the third strike called on DJ Cuddles wasn't a strike, either.

Or was it?

This is not how the second time through the order was supposed to go.

Start hitting this freak! Down with lower-intestine boy!

wow. better swing the bats boys. the pitches are in the zone and I think the ump is gonna call the ones that aren't quite, too.

This is starting to suck.

Come on, now. Even the Angels broadcast team replayed the 3rd called strike to Morneau and said "if Bartolo's getting those calls, it could be a good day for him."

A ringing endorsement of my "not a strike" call.

Marnie Gellner is jinxed, today. Let Miss Venezuala sub for her.

Holy derek jeter poo-poo on toast! Settle Jo.

Santana's got to start throwing more of those non-strike strikes. That way THEY CAN'T HIT THEM.

Our president's only Achilles heel can be a doozy sometimes. If he could just cut out the home runs he'd be in great shape.

Hey I was gone for a second....what'd i miss? Ohh....crap....

If I was facing el presidente, I would set my bat speed to "change-up."

I still wouldn't be able to hit him, just sayin'.

Corey Koskie hit another homer against the Yankees today. He was my scumbag ex's non-sexual man crush, but I don't hold that against him.

Ugh. That 2-1 pitch to Figgins looked like a non-strike strike to me.

WHAT? You're not supposed to walk anyone Santana.

Last year, my daughter and i got to sit in some really good seats at the dome, and Corey gave her a bat. He's cool forever.

Speaking of Corey and bats, someone needs to find a chair ASAP.

Okay...let's get going!

All right, boys. Time to start smacking Mr. Bartolo Columbus around.

So is lower intestine (good one!) the only one getting the special "fat-ass" strike zone?

Didn't we used to hit the ball the other way a lot more? All these pitches (according to the cartoonists at Gameday) look outside....

I hate to say it, but he's throwing some really good pitches today.

The radio announcers were mocking the home plate ump, who apparently made the big steeerike-three gesture on NBP after two strikes.

Woo, your theory is holding.

Agreed. That last strike was a killer. Nice pitch.

I wish they'd show the view from above on some of these "strikes." Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing that view all year.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

XL pitcher + XL strike zone = 6 shutout innings.

This ain't the game to end a winning streak on....come on you guys....

when you live out of town, and the local team beats the twins, you hear about it......

Nick--they showed it on Morneau's "strikeout". The ball was clearly off the plate. Just a horrible call.

Smell any pinch hitters for us in the 7th?

Dang, I must have missed it. But the ball was clearly way inside, and the good Doctor did not look pleased with the call. And we know he's not the most animated fellow.

SD, B.

Out here in SoCal, the Anaheims' announcers are making it sound like they're winning game seven of the World Series.

Holy 1 hitter. We still haven't got anything since Stewie?

Ok, I'll admit that Johan probably got the benefit of the huge strike zone on the first pitch to Cabrera.

Nope...1 batter over the minimum for Bloated Colon.

J J J J J

I hope they pinch-hit for Castro next inning. They need runs, dammit. Maybe we'll get Mauer instead of NBP next time.

We need a patented Lew infield hit, then a bomb from Doc Morneau. That'd perk me up in a hurry.

Sounds like the umpire has a hot date..

I wonder if LeRoy will pinch-hit one of these innings.

He called into Gardy's radio show this morning posing as a guy driving down from Grand Forks and wondering when Matty was going to get a start.

Gardy said prob not today, so LeCroy stayed in character and said Gardy was going to owe him some gas money.

Bitch Sox 1 - Detroit 0 - Top 2

"Sounds like the umpire has a hot date."

Yeah, he and Mr. Columbus plan to split LNP for dinner after the game.

I'm sorry to be disloyal, but I think Colon is throwing some excellent pitches. I didn't know he still had it in him.

Come to think of it, I think he has EVERYTHING in him...

No PH for Castro; we'll see if he can come through.

Wow. That first pitch was outside AND low.

LNP would be just a light snack for Mr. Colon

Wow...the broadcast from the Not Quite Los Angeles but Close To It Angels is interesting.

Bartolo Colon is apparently sponsored by Carl's Jr. AND Jack-in-the-Box. During the game as well, I mean.

Speaking of LNP...has anyone seen him today? Colon does look fatter today.

Woo, stop. I can't take anymore... ROTFLMAO

And if the Angels get Rodriguez in in the 9th, it's gonna be real tough....

Yeah, that dinner would have to come with soup, salad, and dessert or colon would go home hungry.

A fly ball. I think El Grande Intestine is tiring.

I don't think this is our guys' day. All streaks must eventually come to an end.

Sorry for the pessimism, but I'm getting a bad vibe.

Bartolo has apparently eaten Sandy Koufax

Wow. Just wow. That pitch looked more than 6 inches off the plate. I can't blame the good Doctor for his K's today, that's for sure.

OK, have we figured it out yet, hitters? If it's close, you're going to have to swing at it.

Two innings left to get something started. One hit through seven. Ouch.

Wow. Again, that was NOT a strike. That's just terrible.

Do you think Bartolo has one of the umpire's kids, or something? Some poor kid, rolling on a spit?

It's time for LeCroy to sneak into the Angels dugout and steal Columbus's gravy IV.

Bert called it a perfect pitch... and he oughta know...

Why was Castro hitting?? Must be frustrating for the President to watch the B team watch the strikes go by. You'd think we'd want our best guys up there for him....

It was absolutely perfect when you have that strike zone. Basically impossible to hit, yet still a strike.

Good idea, but I don't think LeRoy can sneak anywhere at any time.

It is much better to strike out looking than it is to hit groundballs to infielders.Glee no longer in sight.Al

J J J J J J J

is there a big crowd?

QJW--No! Not LeCroy! He's big enough. Send LNP to go get the gravy.

It's hard to make Colon work for his LNP (with cheese)when Mr. "Don't Show Me Up" is making the plate a rectangle.

On the down side, Colon has not yet imploded. But, on the plus side, he might have the critical mass needed to become a black hole, and his implosion would thus kill all of us.

I thought MLB started testing for gravy

Yes, true, but if LNP gets caught with the gravy, that's just an excuse to go right to the entree.

i think its more likely that colon is a mule, smuggling families into the country...i think in the itnerest of the families health the ump wants to let the mule "pass" the family as soon as possible

I wonder what Bert would say about Columbus passing an entire family?

I think that was the sound of the earth cracking in half

Well, at least the Yankees are losing, again.

DaVannon hasn't attempted a stolen base this year, and can't hit. So we walk him and then throw a bunch of times to first.....hmmm dogs and cats living together....

All I know is that we are going to have to put the bat on the ball next inning. This is ridiculous.

the bitterness is beginning to rise......

sadly this is probably johans best performance all year and he is looking at a loss

I haven't dealt with a baserunner in so long I'm not sure how to handle it, so leave me alone, okay?

Has he had his Colon scoped? There are 30,000 there today. I don't know where the other 15,000 are; probably on line. Al

Way to go LNP! One thing about a game like this, it's easy to look at the box score and see who's up next....

Where's the Royals bullpen when we did it?

So it IS possible for Colon to have a ball called on him.

If we can do something quickly, I don't think the LAAA's have anyone thinking of getting ready in the pen...

"Has he had his Colon scoped?"

Yes, by A-Rod, just a few days ago.

OK, Jacque. You haven't done anything good in a while. I think now is the time.

Please.

Swing at everything off the ground and below the stands...

Straighten that out, JJ!

OMG! An [exceptionally weak] hit!

Stuff like that is the only way we're gonna score in this game...

There's the break.

This would be a good time for Cuddy to pick his spot.

Yes! Hit number two.

Now we need a big one.

Crap. Cuddyer's up. He broke out of that slump of his, right? Let's see him prove it.

All it takes now is a homerun. That's it. Not that hard.

That's a good Boyfriend, Jacque.

All right! Come on now! One quick blast, and it's a brand new, you know, thing....

Gee, Bartolo, considering you put like three tons of pressure on your ankle by coming down on it...

(Rejoicing in his owies...)

Aw, Columbus pulled his roast and has to come out of the game.

And Colon manages to hurt himself going for that chopper. Let's hit the bullpen, boys!!

I would like to thank JJ for getting the hit that gets us to their bullpen.

*evil laugh*

That's a lot of weight to jump up and down with.

The good: Intestine boy is gone.

The bad: The Angels have a good bullpen.

One more baserunner, then we can get Chairman in for NBP. Then anything can happen.

Oh, that sucks. Colon's had a great game...you hate to see a player leave the game on something like that.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see the Twins bust it open.

Also, the Angels announcers just called Colon "such a good athlete."

Colon is coming out. Run, Little Nicky, run!

And c'mon, Cuddy.

Nine walks in 14 innings.

Take a strike.

So, does this count as chasing the starter out of the game?

Oh, and I think I felt Colon land when he jumped all the way out here in Boston. Must be why figgins missed the ball. Hard to field in an earthquake.

It's bad when you see your hitter in this situation and you're begging him to only record one out....

I think Colon's jump broke ground on the new stadium.

If the Chairman and Bartlett are not the next two batters up, I will be very, very, dissappointed with Mr. Gardy

Crap, two strikes on Cuddy ... I know how this usually ends ...

"I think Colon's jump broke ground on the new stadium."

:D

BASE HIT!!!!

YES!!! I knew I liked him for a reason!!!

HERE WE COME!!!!!!

YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! Cuddy is on the comeback trail!!!

yes!!

Bring in the Chairman!!

Got Stew in Between there, Boston

Oh please oh please oh please.

Yes! Meower is coming in for NBP! Come on, baby. Make the home town crowd proud.

The chairman will be taking over the proceedings from here.

Dimples! Dimples! Dimples!

It's Chairman time!

KEEP THE STRIKE ALIVE!!!!

Let's go Chairman!!!!

MAUER POWER BABY!!

Gameday's behind.... is Frodriguez coming in?

Remote getting a workout... Corey up with 2 men on vs the Yankees....

Perfect timing in the lineup to bring in the Chairman!! Johan will be vindicated!!

Ok, runners on the corners...do we start the run carousel or just beg for a 3-run shot?

My boyfriend is pinch hitting.

If you can't bust a chair, bust out the Chairman.

Get it off the ground Chairman!!!!

If Mauer walks, and Gardy sends up Rivas, I will be quite disappointed...

WALK. That's good, sort of.

Bring on Matty!

Plate discipline!

Fozzy Bear says, "Walka, walka, walka."

Fran that's funny!!!!

Leeeeeee Royyyyyyy

Uh-Oh...Scoscia knows our weakness....

YES!!!! C'mon Matty!!! LOL, Bert pretending it's his birthday again.

I'm on a mission to find the outer boundaries of this vast strike zone!

MATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DEMAND this game be stopped until they can fly Tiffee up to MN!

LETS GO MATTY!!!!!

Crap. K-Rod's coming in.

Make him look mortal, boys!

here comes Matty......

The wheels are turning. Good ballgame.

K rod with a big strike zone.......Eeeyikes

Remember when we'd all written the game off against Toronto last year and then LeCroy hit a 3 run pinch hit bomb to give the Twins the lead and the win?

Remember how cool that was?

Though I don't think the Blue Jays had anyone near as good as K-Rod on the mound at the time...

K-Rod doesn't always throw strikes, don't chase crap

This is what back-to-back-to-back AL Central Division Champs are supposed to do!

Happy birthday, dear Bert...

No double play, no double play, no double play ....

Say it with me

We can score a couple here without a hit...just get it in the air....

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rivas could have done that.

ugh

Oh, one more thing

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fudge...

That's what you get for telling LeRoy to get the gravy IV. :(

Sorry thought there were no outs...

$R#%$#^%#^%#$%#$#$#@!@#@!@!@!#%$#$@#@$!$
WHY!!!!!!????
NOOOO!

Thought we had some BG karma there

At least LeRoy made it close at first, lol

LNP would have brought just a little more speed to stay outta that....:(

"That's what you get for telling LeRoy to get the gravy IV. :("

I think he didn't follow my instructions.

Waaaaaaaaah!

The score of Santana's last loss .... 2-0

Let's just whip thru this half-inning, guys.

What gameday says LeCroy did: "Grounded into double play for Rivas in the 8th." Pretty much, yeah. Like, "Don't worry, Lulu, I'll do your job just like you would."

Vlad and Molina are on my craplist.

Not to feed the flames or anythig, but....

Chicago 4
Detroit 0

Bottom 4

Ok Juan, 2 more outs, then give Stewie, Castro (ugh) LEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW, the good Dr. and Torii a chance to keep the streak alive.

arrrrggggggg. My partner calmly stated, "Dumptruck. A double play waiting to happen." dang it LeCroy.
Santana looked bummed in the dugout.

any hope for the 9th?

Good job Boo...

Top of the order coming up in the bottom of the 9th. Maybe that's reason for optimism. Come on, boys!

thank you

All I can say is, didn't someone tell the Somewhere Angels of Somewhere Else that Kryptonite is on the banned substances list?

"What gameday says LeCroy did: 'Grounded into double play for Rivas in the 8th.'" Wow, how appropriate.

I'll be perturbed if we don't see LNP in a pinch-hitting role here.

more bad news...bitchsox up 4-0 early

Can they pinch-run for LeCroy as soon as he hits the ball? Like, have Punto standing by the batter's box to take off as soon as he makes contact? That's what they need to do. Is that against the rules?

We can Stew and Lew and do it.

top 'o the order. It's only 2 runs. yes. hope.
we loves our sweeps.
please!

Well, Bartlett is in for castro though, isnt he?

STEWIE!!

B.O.D.

bam

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yippeeee skippyyyy!

all right, 2 more of those

That guarantees an at-bat for Morneau! Time for that procedure he was going to perform.

Boo-yah! Someone confiscated the Kryptonite!

That, or they confiscated the ass-bats.

YEAH!!!! Thats the way!
One more to go.

YIPPEE! No shutout for you!

Come on, LNP. Tumbleweed is counting on you.

That is unbelivable!! Late inning heroics!!

Ok LNP, find a way on...find a way on for LEEEWWWWW, the Dr. and Torii

Lou, you want another shot at BOD, don't you? You know what to do.

LEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I meant "lew."

CRAP. One out left.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

sers?

Well, there won't be a double play this inning at least. Well, not for you guys, forgot I had the Cubs game on as I was typing this. Crap.

Doctor, we've got a fever. The only prescription is to PUT ONE OUT!

One thing's for sure.

No matter what the outcome, no BOD for LeRoy

CRAP. One strike left.

CRAP. That freaking sucked ass.

Well, that sucks.

*Sigh*

Nuts...

*hums taps*

The Streak
R.I.P.
2004--2005

well, as much as I hate to say it...
You cant win em all. Lets Start a new long winning streak for JKS next time he starts.

Oh, and GO TIGERS!

Welcome to my world, Jo. See what I mean? Lemme take you out for a beer.

That was painful.

I'm going to ge remind myself that there is no crying in baseball now.

I blame that damn monkey.

NO DICK!

All good things do NOT need to come to an end!

o.k. now el presidente knows how Radke feels when he pitches well and gets no offensive support. But cripes. It is sad that the boys couldn't hit off the colon. Time for a walk in the cold--I need to let go of this one.
Tuesday night and Mays and the Tribe. Let's put our best team out there.
p.s. I miss Tippee. Sat. night I had my "free tippee" signage in 114. I don't suppose it did much good.

Second guess time. Does anybody have a thought as to why Gardy didn't use LNP to pitch hit with the bases loaded? A fast switch hitter who's been hot. Could he not see Rodriguez coming in?

We've been spoiled. We have been led to believe that whenever Johan starts, we can mark it in the win column.

Oh, well. Let's sweep Cleveland now. That would make me feel better.

OK, Twins, did you forget our little talk the other day? Johan Santana gave up two measly hits (ok, so the hits weren't so measly, but there were only two of them). And you couldn't manage to give him more than 1 hit while he was in the ballgame? (Cue a scotch-addled Harry Doyle) "No runs on one hit. That's all we got? One goddamned hit?"

Oh, you can't say god damn on the radio? Well, you can't play like poo when Mr. Santana is pitching. You owe him more than that. Good god, you should be absolutely bare-assed ashamed right now.

That was vintage Stahoviak-era Twins baseball today, you ass-crappers. You're better than that. Now pick it up.

That's harsh talk for a team that's been playing pretty well. Sometimes the other pitcher has some say in the outcome of the game, too.

The Twins played well today, but Colon had a good outing. They've got nothing to be ashamed of. Except maybe LeRoy.

hi guys i'm a yankee fan. haha.

a twins fan that i know sent me the URL for this site and i've been reading some of the comments for the past 2 weeks. i think it's a nice little site you guys have here.

btw, i hate the yankees TV announcers too other then paul o'neill. Michael Kay is one of the worst announcers on baseball. i watch the games on YES on mute and also listen to the radio.

you guys have a contender in minny this year. i like the way your team was built. reminds me of the yankees when they were good in the late 90s (good pitching, great bullpen, clutch hitting, solid fielding). it's a good formula. good luck.

Santana... lost.

*confused and sad, like a camel in a snowstorm*

Yes, congrats to Santana. He had a very nice outing. Congrats boys on the 5 game streak.

Now, Batgirl will simply NOT have people getting down on the Twins for losing this game. Colon was fierce, and sometimes you're just going to lose. We won the series, and it's very sad about Johan's streak, but he'll start another one.

Oh, and I blame the monkey.

A frustrating and confusing loss, but it happens to everybody, even El Presidente.

Man, and I was looking forward to beating that monkey with a broom too.

Just back home from the Dome...

Have to say kids: that was one of the finest baseball games that I have attended at the Dome. Yes, we lost but we played hard - no HUGE errors and the opposing team played their asses off too.

And after the crap I have given fans in the Dome during the opening weekend, today they were great. Everyone stood and shouted and was involved in the game - at the appropriate times. When I a batter and pitcher matched up, it went dead quiet. It was great. And when Colon came off the mound, there were Twins fans standing and applauding.

Truly, it was an excellent baseball outing which could have been better but all together was great.

Guys,

Sometimes, you get beat by a team that was better than you that day. Twins played well, Angels played a bit better today. Good try Johan, go get em next time.

the Twins brought their ass bats into the ump's misshaped strike zone and completely destroyed my happy place!

*sigh*

I just have to go back to before the game started... I just have to remember how well Santana pitched... I just have to pretend that the bottom halves of each inning turned out differently.

it seemed Colon was pitching well, but it also seemed that what was a strike when he threw it was a ball when Johan threw it. stupid ump.

on a different note, everyone around me LOVED the Free Tiffee sign! thanks, Adam!

Nature and I went to the game and we cheered as loud as we could.

I'm sad.

At least I got some compliments on my Johan BF t-shirt.

:(

It's okay, Johan. You'll make all those bitches sit down next time.

Captina

Can somebody find out what they've been feeding John Garland and give some of it to Kyle Lohse? He's now thrown two straight shutouts. Yikes.

*Come on, LNP. Tumbleweed is counting on you.*

QJW, I even told him that! I yelled "c'mon, Nicky, Tumbleweed wants a hit!"

apparently, that just made him nervous.

I think Johan's wife needs to be pregnant again... i mean, if you look at it... his streak started about 9 months before the baby was born (or at least generally somewhere in that region) and since the baby was born, well, he had some trouble that first night right away, but he hasn't had a 10-J game since. I'd hate to see him slip and not get back to those 10-J games. He still, of course, dominates, but i'm just sayin....

On the plus side it doesn't seem like the President's spirit is dampened at all....

(From MLB.com)
"It doesn't mean the fun is done," said Santana, "We'll still work. It's too early in the season. There's still a long way to go. We're going to have a lot of fun, I can tell you that for sure. That's the way we are and that's the way I am. I'll never change that."

On the minus side, our manager apparently failed high school english when he slept through the adjective/adverb lecture....

"I don't think his streak of throwing good is over," Gardenhire said.

I know I'm not an official agent of the Grammar Police, but I just couldn't resist making a citizen's arrest.

LNP gave it a good shot today in his first appearance as a pinch-hitter. it's too bad K-Rod was so rude and didn't let him get a hit. how selfish!

here's a pic from the good ol' days in the minors. Li'l Nicky Punto and I go way back.

http://69.93.183.37/889/77/upload/p2907226.jpg

Dearest Kitty Tumbleweed,

You are almost as adorable as a kitten as LNP as a young pup.

Yours, Batgirl