I wondered how long that would take to make it BatGirl.

I can just hear the players standing around, commenting:

He's swinging pretty good.

He's really putting some wood to the ball.

Look out! He's bringing the big lumber.

Yeah, sweet swing.

Ball, inside.

It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes.

Hopefully not "Boy, he really got a hold of that one."

YF

If you haven't yet, go read this article on Santana. It's fantastic. It's a shame there aren't more stories like this one, instead of all the subpoena and steroids stuff.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=stark_jayson&id=2013056

YF, hehehheeheheheheheh. Good one. Another one you don't want to hear "He really pulled that one."

As a Cubs fan, I now know where to place blame for the Marlins winning the NLCS. Bastard Redmond. Bastard Steve Bartman. Bastard Marlins.

"Choke up on it a little."

Or: "He's crowding the plate."

"Pitch him middle in."

Ball FOUR!

How early would one have to show up to watch this batting practice?

I'm just curious. . .

Let's hope he doesn't break his bat. ;-)

"Wow, that one was a frozen rope!"

That's a foul tip.

I think he got jammed on that one.

It's a little blooper back to the mound.

"Batting practice lasting longer than 4 hours is unhealthy, and one should seek immediate medical attention..."

Dear mmmarkiep,

Thanks for sharing that link to the Johan story. It made my day.

Yours,
k-bro

And, related to my earlier one: He's hanging out over the plate.

Sliding into second would be a B!%@#. And there's a joke about pounding a knuckler in there somewhere. (and I have another one, but decorum has gotten the best of me.)

How low have we sunk?

I hear he's corked.

Mr. Redmond's favorite pitch: A screwball.

Mr. Redmond's most feared pitch: An inside cutter.

My mother would be so proud.

Ooh-La-La

"That Redmond is really swinging a hot bat!"

Yeah. I vote for that. Mandatory naked batting practice.

"here comes the heater"

YF

P.S. I vote mmmarkiep's "foul tip" as best (or worst) in show... see, I *am* your biggest fan...

How many balls must a man swing at
before he puts one in flight?

And how many years must an A-ball guy play
before he can don the home white?

Oh how many Ks will it take till he knows
that too many chances have died?

The answer my friends, is blowin in the wind.
The answer is blowin in the wind.

With sincere apologies to Bob Dylan,
YankeeFan

And hitting one off of the part of the bat closest to your hands to a spot in the infield where there is no fielder would be called . . .?

Last one .. and it might answer Me's question as well: Stroking it!

I had something else in mind.

(a balled up hand used to hit things with)_______ing it to the______(a concave depression in the ground)

Now I really have to stop.

YankeeFan, your Dylan satire ROCKED! Didn't you like my "choke up on it a little"?

Excellent rework of Dylan, YF.

Dearest YankeeFan,

You are my hero. That was hilarious.

-Stacy

Eric's also cracked me up, lol.

I am a fan of this new form of batting practice.

Isn't this a hygiene issue? Think of the sticky situations that could arise with all the pine tar floating around.

And the congratulatory butt slaps are totally inappropriate now. Fun, but inappropriate. :)

"Uh-oh, he went high and tight on Pujols."

"He's spraying them all over the field today!"

I cannot claim to have an intimate knowledge of baseball chatter (insider? anyone?) but I seem to recall the following being accepted baseball chatter:

"Good eye!"

"Just a little poke now"

Probably not accepted baseball chatter during NBP.

YankeeFan

P.S. Of course, I had nothing to say during the literary analysis stage, but when it comes to penis jokes, I seem to be full of ideas. Well, that about sums up my existence... :)

Eric, yours had me laughing out loud.

>>Of course, I had nothing to say during the literary analysis stage, but when it comes to penis jokes, I seem to be full of ideas.

I was thinking the same thing of myself. I'll never be a thought provoking literary conversationalist, but clever little pervert, well, I can fill that role.

"And Redmond is a-head in the count..."

Great Stuff! Came over from one of the Dodger Blogs and laughed and laughed. Plus, I loved the Santana story. It's a big joke in my Fantasy League, cause one guy was giving me the hardest time for drafting Santana first... then he found out why...

"Hanging out over the plate" HAHAHAHAHA!

Anybody remember the game with all the bees? Was it a Cubbies game a couple of years ago?

There may never be another opportunity to share this story in a more (or, uh, less) appropriate forum.

The Coach, Captain and Pitcher for a team I played on once upon a time (fast pitch, national tournaments) was also a tennis pro, club instructor, etc. And as tennis pros are reputed to do, he had on occasion extended lessons to some of his female clientele. And gotten in some hot water for extending lessons with a gal not quite of age, let us say. Eyebrows were raised. Admonishments were privately delivered. Most things went on as before, with some greater caution. His name was Bert.

But he was our Captain, Coach, and Pitcher. And I was out at shortstop when we were in the field cheering our guy on -- because, well, he was our guy, right? -- with a fairly standard piece of chatter: HumBert! HumBert!

I was entertained, at least.

Um... wow. Add me to that, Stacy.

Kind of makes you feel differently about a player if they are said to:

"Go the other way."
or
"Hits to all fields."
or perhaps "He'll swing at anything. A real free swinger."

I don't think there'd be much "Laying one down." or "Taking one for the team."

One would think Pine Tar usage would also decrease.

Imagine the batting cage banter:

"Are you shaving down your handle?"
"Can you believe Babe Ruth's was 44 oz?"
"Chicks dig the long ball."

Hold up guys, Redmond's coming in a few minutes.

is Redmond a switch hitter??..........

It would seem appropriate to use KY pine tar on a Louiseville Slugger!

What???

NO PICTURES????

So, mandatory naked batting practice?
Would that be for all players?
Like Matthew LeCroy?

TwinsGoddess, be careful what you wish for.

Also, Joe Nathan does not really bat, so this does nothing for me.

Donna,

Joe will just have to get loose in the bullpen.

-E

In the spirit of fairness, there should be mandatory pitching practice as well.

Uhh, make that "mandatory naked pitching practice".

Me, don't take this as any form of encouragement whatsoever but...

that would be conVEX not concave if I recall correctly...

And while I know where you are going with that, I will certainly refrain from sharing.

*ponders*

I must say that aesthetically, I think mandatory naked batting practice for all players could certainly um... well... lighten the mood. While on the other hand, SELECTIVE participation by only players needing *ahem* additional attention might be more valuable to the fans.. I mean team...

Reading through the replies, thinking I was the only one pondering "switch hitter". Then Jim beats me to it.

Also, without a cup, isn't Red flirting with potential disaster? What if he chops one off his foot and it takes an odd bounce up to the groinal region?

AA, maybe he's got brass ones?