Twins at New York. Yankees 5, Twins 3. Yankees 5, Twins 4.
Batgirl has gotten several letters from BoSox fans asking her if the Twins would be so kind as to sweep the Yanks in this series. And Batgirl understood, she really did, and she felt their pain. The unceasing, brain-splitting pain, like someone has stuck a screwdriver right inside your eyeball and pushed really really hard, so it goes right through the eyeball, making a kind of squelching noise, and you think that hurts, like, a lot, but then they just keep pushing the screwdriver, and it's a Phillips head and you would think that that would hurt less but in fact it hurts more, probably because of all the little divets, especially when they just keep pushing and it goes through your eyeball and pierces some membrane and then just goes right into your brain. Just right there. Like that. And by this point, you're rolling around screaming for dear life, and it sounds something like, NOOOO! NOOO!!!! YANKEES, YOU ARE NOT MY DADDY, but then they start twisting, and they twist the thing around real good and say, "I am your father," and then they laugh maniacally and start stirring around your parts with the Phillips head.
Like that.
So, anyway, dearest Boston fans. Batgirl feels your brain. I mean pain. She is so sorry for everything you have had to go through; it's just not fair. The Twins get to triumph over evil (Bitch Sox brand) year in and year out, whereas Boston faces evil all the time and evil generally slaps them around a bit and calls them its bitch.
So Batgirl would like to help. She would. And she thought of calling up the Twins and saying, "Hey, Twins, the BoSox really need this one. All those nice fans, they're suffering, and they're asking you to make the miracle happen. Can you do that, my darlings?"
But then Batgirl thought about it. And she looked at herself. And she looked at the BatKitties. And she said, "You know, Boston had a good chance on their own of catching the Yankees. And they didn't do it."
And Batgirl sighed, and she shook her head. For Batgirl cannot do the Red Sox's work for them anymore. Again, oh, how she would love to help—did she mention the screwdriver? That sounds way painful. Batgirl is highly sensitive to pain. But, my darling Boston, you need to take care of your own business. You do. And when you're three games back and you've got six games left in the last two weeks of the season, you're really going to have to do more than split. I know it's hard, but it's a cruel world out there and there are Yankees everywhere, and you have to be able to face them on your own. It's time. You guys are a terrific club, thanks to that Manny guy and the whole David Ortiz thing, not to mention that whole Pedro and Schilling bit. You don't need anyone else to fight your battles for you. You don't need Batgirl! You guys are your own masters! You can do it! Come on, boys, self-reliance!
So, Batgirl didn't make the call and while it was tough on Batgirl spending six hours of her life watching the Yankees beat us, she decided it was really for the best. For what would happen if the Twins did sweep the Yankees, and Boston backed into first place? What would they have learned?
Besides, it was total Twins B-Team action out there today, with Stewie benched and most of the regulars sitting at least one game out (except for "I, Robot" Morneau, who apparently does not require rest.)
Augie Ojeda: "I feel a little overmatched."
Never mind that our B-Team players (Jason Kubel) did a lot better than our A-Team players (JC Romero, assorted others). JC seems to be going through another one of his phases, and Batgirl, for one, questions his timing. Like, it was really cute in, you know, May, and then we could send him down to AAA to get his groove back, and then he got that groove back, and how it was all really really good for a while, with that whole scoreless streak, until, well, suddenly, it wasn't. And there's just something a little less adorable about losing it at the end of September with the postseason next week
Now, see, dearest JC. Batgirl adores you. She adores your red shirt and your sexy accent and your fierce fastball and she just adores that you like to read. I mean, who on earth says they like to "grab life by the horns" by reading? Well, you do, JC, and Batgirl thinks that's just so great. But sometimes she's afraid you read a little too much—not that you can read too much, that would be like saying Johan could smile too many times or the Bitch Sox could collapse in September too many times. An hour spent reading is an hour in paradise, as the poets say. But the thing is, Batgirl's afraid you've got too much on your mind, what with the whole Gatsby accident and Jude the Obscure's deal and the tragic ending of The Mill on the Floss, and those things on your mind, well, they sometimes interfere with your job, which is throwing the baseball over the plate really really fast and making the batter swing wildly at it and miss. I want you to pretend you're a really dumb guy for the next few weeks. Try it. Look in the mirror, stick your lower lip out a little bit, slump your shoulders, and say, "I am a really dumb guy." Make your voice lower and don't focus on things so much. Hang out with Koshe for a while, then you'll get it. Big guy not worry about human condition. Big guy throw ball fast. Big guy strike out batter! Wheeee! Do it again! Do it again!
After game seven of the World Series you can pick up where you left off in the collected works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
Okay, plus there's the whole thing with Lew Ford's facial hair. You warned Batgirl, you did, but she was still not prepared for the horror before her eyes. It made Morneau's look good. Sort of. Unless it's just some sort of rash—it really is hard to tell—like Ford maybe got a little too excited on his off day in New York and went out and bought, like, a hot dog from the street vendor and the guy dropped the hot dog on the sidewalk and Ford said, "Oh, it's okay! Just like Mom used to make!" and promptly swallowed the thing while the street vendor looked on in horror, clasped his chest, and then muttered, "I have seen some horrible things in my country, but this…this…"
You can get all kinds of rashes in New York City, as I'm sure our boys found out!
So, as a Twins fan in New York I was at tonight's game and here's a couple thoughts I have.
1) I can't stand Kyle Lohse, but it made me feel kinda good that we lost 5-4 by scoring 4 runs off of their pitcher who will be pitching in the playoffs and we had a guy pitching who(hopefully) won't be anywhere near the mound.
2) Hunter/Koskie didn't play and they'll definitely be in the games in the playoffs. The Yanks played everyone.
3) Morneau/Kubel/Crain(especially) got to experience Yankee Stadium so it won't be so new to them in the playoffs
4) Joe Nathan came into a game with a screaming crowd and a man on 2nd and struck out Jeter...good for him.
5) There's no way we lose that first game if Santana isn't on a 5 inning count.
So, now we're tied with Anaheim(and maybe Oakland) for homefield in the first round. Hopefully, Gardy plays the regulars this weekend and with Anaheim and Oakland beating each other up, we'll be able to get homefield for the first round and not see the Yankees until the ALCS.
Posted by: Joel at September 29, 2004 10:45 PMIt's good to see Han Torii is hitting again. But, JC is pitching like Brad and Johan told him that blue is their favorite color.
Posted by: Mike&Jane at September 30, 2004 01:06 AMOn an unrelated note, is anyone else feeling a twinge of regret (or even guilt) at the recent announcement of the heat death of the Montreal Expos?
MK
Posted by: mk at September 30, 2004 02:15 AMAs a Twins fan here in bonny London, there are few opportunities to see our beloved team in action in part because Britons insist on playing baseball for five days at a go, including tea breaks, and calling it cricket. That said, two ESPN games are broadcast a week, so I've been followed the schedule waiting for a chance to see the Twins. What could be better than a game against the Evil Empire with mighty Johan "that's Mr. sit down, bitch to you" Santana on the mound? Imagine my dismay when I stayed up until the 1.15 AM start. time to watch the latest Kyle Lohse shelling. I hope Bat Girl has another chat with young Kyle before the playoffs because a large proportion of his pitches still end up on the wrong side of the fence or hit so hard that they could decapitate one of our hobbit infielders, and little Nicky's had a rough enough year already, what with being eaten and all. At least the kiddies (like Kubel) can hit, but does anyone else wish a non-serious injury on Lohse so he never pitches in the post-season? Maybe he could play Doom with Lew and strain a thumb or something...
Posted by: Lord Sweetmusic at September 30, 2004 05:42 AMNot even a Twinge, MK. Je ne regrette rien. It's about time Washington got a team, and the move means that the Twins can no longer be threatened with relocation to the Mid-Atlantic. Everyone benefits, except for Canada, but they've got the Twins' Canuk Caucus to root for now.
And the even better news is that the Washington ex-Expos will play in the National League, so adopting the ex-Expos need not conflict with existing Twins (ex-Senators) loyalties for those of us who live in the Washington area. It's like a win-win solution, except that the French lose, which is a win for the rest of us on principle.
Wonk
Posted by: Wonk at September 30, 2004 06:06 AMYou mean I'm not the only one who watched JC Romero come out to the mound with trepidation? I was pleasantly surprised when he got the first out. I was a little wary after the homerun (mistakes happen; it was only one run). I was *yelling* at Gardy (I'm surprised he didn't hear me in NYC) after the first walk that JC needed to be pulled. I understand Gardy wants JC to figure out what he's doing wrong, but couldn't he bring JC out in less tense situations?
I said I'd be happy if K/Lyle didn't give up more than ten runs in the first three innings. In that respect, it was a pretty impressive outing. Love the boy, but, err, don't trust him on the mound right now.
And they were great games considering we sent the Little League team to play against the Big Guys.
I am going to be breaking into the 'Dome this weekend and shaving the faces of most of these guys. I mean, a few of them look great with facial hair (i.e., Johan K. Santana), but that doesn't mean everyone will (I'm talking to you, Lewwww and JustIncredible). Who's with me?
Beth
Posted by: Just Beth at September 30, 2004 07:53 AMLord SM - Just go to Highbury and watch Henry play. He is at least as masterful and beautiful to watch as Santana. Glory Glory Arsenal!
Yesterday was hard to take. I left work "watching" on the internet and we were winning. I get on the bus and listen to the game and Santana is coming out already and I knew in the pit of my stomache it was a mistake. 71 pitches? Come on. Santana is already gonna get an extra day off before Tuesday's game. He could have easily gone another inning +. I disagree with the decision, but I guess I trust Gardy. If Santana and the Twins win next Tuesday's game one, than nothing that happened last night will matter. I guess I understand not wanting any Yanks to get more at bats against Santana. The less they see him the better.
I just want the darn playoffs to start!
Best line I heard on my way home in the car from game one - Cordel is on third and Henry is on first -Dan Gladden at the mike "Well - we don't have the best speed on the base paths right now" or somethig like that it was funny.
I held my breath for as long as I could when Grant came in and was thankful for the out come.
Then it was JC - I have nothing more to say.
Granted we did leave ten men on base but still -
Boo - I still love you;-)
Game two was a little better - Lyle showed up - then Kyle popped in for a couple pitches then Lyle came back so Klyle must have been on the mound - he did ok.
I guess we have to win our last four games - hope that Seattle and Texas win today and since the A's are behind the Angels root for the A's?!?!?
I don't know it's too early to think -
SO GO BRAD!!!
I Robot - ;-) Thanks!!
Much Love
Wonder Woman
Unbelievable.
Simply unbelievable.
The Twins are a World-Series caliber team this year with World-Series caliber fans. Let me explain: If the Yankees had lost both games today, "fans" like "Jeter" would be screaming and ranting and raving. You have taken two defeats (including a defeat in a game that your Cy Young had started) in stride, and realize that when the teams meet (whether in the ALDS or ALCS) the games will be quite different. No panic, no worries.
Two close games were played between the Yankee playoff team and the Twins semi-playoff team. I look forward to tonight's game, clinching the division, and setting our playoff rotation. I can only hope that we avoid playing you in the ALDS...
The World Series Ring would be easier to attain going through Oakland-Twins-NL than Twins-Boston-NL.
Good luck tonight, and best of luck the rest of the way.
YankeeFan
Gracious as always, YankeeFan. Yep, I don't think the Twins or we fans are exactly shaking in our boots at the thought of running into the Yankees in the first round (like we might have last year, but without admitting it!).
Posted by: Jeb at September 30, 2004 08:44 AMWonk,
Your words help.
I guess I am too haunted by the realization that, if things were slightly different, it could have been the Twins.
MK
Posted by: mk at September 30, 2004 09:00 AMI don't know about all this B-Team stuff. Here's the issue, in my mind. Kubel, especially, hasn't been seen by the Yankees. Granted, he hasn't seen the Yankees pitchers, either, but still, it's a clean slate for both. We already know the kid can hit. He's been up here smacking the ball around like he's still in AAA.
Ok, so what's the problem? The problem is our regulars didn't hit so well. The guys that know the pitchers, that the pitchers know how to pitch to, didn't get the job done with runners in scoring position. Yeah, we scored some runs, but we had some real opportunities to score and failed. In a regular season game, ok. Not to big an issue. But come the playoffs, if you get a runner in scoring position, you've GOT to make something happen. We executed very well to get the runner in scoring position but after that, it got ugly.
I admit, though, I was (and still am) in a foul mood. So that could be coloring my opinion. I scared the poor lady in the car next to me on I35 yesterday with my outburst after the Twins lost the lead in the first game.
Now is not the time for our bullpen to have confidence issues. I do like the fact that we played them tough. But, letting the Yankees get another comeback win against us certainly gives them a jolt of momentum I'd rather they didn't have.
Posted by: mmmarkiep at September 30, 2004 09:14 AMDear Gardy and our Twins,
Have you noticed that Pedro Martinez has lost his last four decisions and that Derek Lowe is pitching worse than L/Kyle? Have you noticed that if we play the Red Sox, we get to start at Home Sweet Dome, homer hankies and all (yay, Red... maybe they'll inspire JC...)? Have you noticed that, for all their flaws, the Yankees have set a major league record for comeback wins this season? Let's win some games and get that home-field...
Posted by: Twinsprof at September 30, 2004 10:35 AMI 100% agree with mmmarkiep, now is not the time to be tentative. Momentum is how you win confidence to win series.
But you know what? I'm not Gardy and I trust him so I'll just shut up.
BG
That screwdriver bit was from SNL right? Billy Crystal shoving a meat thermometer in his ear. Oh I hate when that happens.
Dearest Mr. Yankee Fan,
You make it difficult for a gal to hate the Yankees.
Love,
Batgirl
p.s. But not that difficult.
Posted by: Twins Rube at September 30, 2004 11:25 AMOk,
First off, I TOLD you that there is some sort of lockerroom deal going with our boys that they are all attempting the facial hair thing... Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that those notoriously superstitious baseball players have decided there is some kind of connection between the days they shave and the runs they get. I'm telling you - every time a guy gets even a little less action with the ball, out sprouts the chin hairs (almost). Anyone else get a little funny feeling in their stomach about seeing Lew in the leadoff spot? Kind of a combination of sisterly pride and trepidation... wierd.
Secondly, I have no pangs of loss over the Expos moving to DC and it means that they don't have to maintain both a french and english website. However, if MLB actually calls them the "Nationals", I might have to puke. I don't have any sentimental attachment to the Senators so I don't care if they go back to that. BUT, I do have a little problem with a National League team being called the Nationals. a) it just sounds dumb... b) we are ALL nationals - it's like calling them the "Americans" or something dumb like that. This is supposed to be an individual identity for the team. In my book, "Nationals" just doesn't cut it. I voted in a poll to that effect yesterday and I can't find it today or I would post it for you folk. I don't think I have a problem with them using Senators or even something new. I do have a problem with Nationals..
Win TWINS! CapitalBabs
Posted by: CapitalBabs at September 30, 2004 11:34 AMDear JC,
Stop. Don't leave New York. Put on the Yankee Pinstripes so you can SUCK FOR A TEAM THAT DESERVES IT instead of us for once.
To Gardy: What were you THINKING you know JC can't pitch worth a damn! He was giving inherited runners "Please Move to Homeplate!" passes even during his streak.
Posted by: Mimiru at September 30, 2004 11:39 AMCan anyone tell me what the influx of facial hair on the Twins if for?? Are they trying to look older, b/c it is not working..Lets see how many last night.
Lewwww Ford....ahhh, please shave!
Dr. Justin..."
Jason Kubel.."
Jesse Crain..."
I think we can blame Canada for the facial hair thing. It is hockey tradition to grow a "playoff beard" and not to shave til you are eliminated. Even if it is not their fault it is still fun to blame Canada!
I wonder what the Venezualen Hockey playoff tradition is???
I don't trust Gardy. Not after yesterday. Pulling Santana after 5 was inexcusable. NOT pulling J.C. after the walk was worse.
I agree with soccerfan. I think that's hockey-style playoff facial hair.
So, as ever, "blame Canada!"
I will third the "playoff beard" motion. Er...notion.
MK
Posted by: mk at September 30, 2004 12:19 PMI thought a few more people would be getting uptight over yesterday's twin bill loss. I'm pleased to read that most realize that Gardy's trying to answer some questions before postseason.
He's resting some players (Shannon Stewart 10/14 against Yanks this year) seeing how others react to pressure situations (J.C.) and making decisions about the backend of the bullpen (Crain and Balfour).
When postseason comes, our Twinkies will be ready, and Santana will be sitting a whole lotta bitches down for more than 5 innings.
Posted by: Brundlefly at September 30, 2004 12:26 PMDear JC,
Batgirl loves you. Infield, on the other hand, does not. Infield used to want to claw her own eyes out when she saw you warming up in the bullpen. But then she got to thinking that you suck WAY too much to be self-destructive over. So now she wants to throttle you with her bare hands. Oh, you're laughing, but you shouldn't. Do not underestimate the strength and motivation of small, enraged fans of Irish descent, JC. Infield is positive that if you blow a lead in the playoffs she will somehow manage to stretch her hands around your freakishly muscular neck and squeeze. If only in her dreams.
But seriously, JC, do us all a favor. Go spend a day or three at a daycare (perhaps with the Ford and Koskie children?). Catch one of those horrible diseases little tykes spread with reckless abandon, especially this time of year with the changing of the seasons. Be feverish and queasy and full of phlegm by Tuesday. Then stay home. No shame will attach to you for being too sick to pitch. And no shame will attach to the Twins for letting you pitch. Everyone wins--literally!
Added to say about the "playoff beard" thing,
Back in college, our rugby team would grow that 1-2 day scruff on their faces so that when they were in the scrum the prickly nubs would rub on the other teams cheeks, arms, legs, whatever. It was basically just to be a little more irritating.
Why do I bring this up? I dunno, do hockey players think like this? Anyway, I just like to hear the sound of my own keyboard I guess.
Posted by: ketut at September 30, 2004 01:33 PMI, for one, believe it will be easier for the Twins to beat the Yankees in a 5 game series than it will be to beat them in a 7 game series. I also have noticed something rather incredible: I don't fear the Yankees. I think in a 5 game series we have a distinct advantage. We can hit Yankee pitching and the Yankees have a hell of a time hitting Johan. We must lose home field advantage for so that we draw the Yankees and beat them. And so that I will be there to watch it.
FL
Posted by: Florida at September 30, 2004 01:38 PMDear infield,
My my my, you've been handing J.C. a well-deserved tongue-lashing all over the place today, haven't you?
Sing it, sister!
She-Ra, P.O.P.
Dear She-Ra,
I'm a little irritated with JC today, yes. I took the afternoon off work to watch Santana win, and JC singlehandedly wasted my hard-earned vacation time. So, fie on him, I say! ;)
infield
Posted by: infield at September 30, 2004 02:12 PMInfield,
Perhaps you could write JC a poem. It might make him love you more. Something along the lines of:
Oh Romero, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...1 homerun, 2 more baserunners, 3 outs not made, 4 runs scored...
Posted by: E at September 30, 2004 02:47 PMDear E,
You misunderstand me. I do not hate JC. I reserve my hatred for those who truly deserve it, like Yankees and boy bands and the occasional elected official. I do not love JC, either. I used to. But he used to, well, not suck. And if ever he ceases to suck, I may once again love him. If I can bring myself to trust him again after all the sucking, that is. At this point, I would very much like to simply be indifferent to him.
But, to your idea, I will attempt through verse to convince him to pitch competently enough not to cause me to shout at the television things which oughtn't be said at any volume.
Apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Oh, JC, how do you infuriate me? Let me count the ways.
You send hits to the depth and breadth and height
That bleachers can reach, careening out of sight
Into the hands of fans at home and away.
My wrath rises with the proloning of every game's
Longest inning, by sun or electric light.
I curse thee freely, a hit lands in right;
I curse thee purely, as runners round third base.
I curse thee with a passion put to use
In four-pitch walks, and with runners on.
You provoke my ire with a pitch destined to pluck
Poor Radke's lead, -- I curse thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, while you suck,
I will curse thee for each victory's death.
Well DONE, infield!
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at September 30, 2004 04:24 PMIndeed.
Posted by: Batgirl at September 30, 2004 04:25 PMIts hard, i get to see 15-20 Twins games a year, if i get lucky. ( 3-METS 6-RED SOX 6-YANKEES 3-MISC/ESPN 1-LIVE ) And we did sweep the mets if i remember correctly, and i watched all 3. I was at camp for 5/6 of the Twins-Sox games, so i didnt get to see those. And for the 3 game series against the Yanks i was at camp (I HATED CAMP THIS SUMMER, IF U NOTICED). I saw one twins game at Camden Yards, which was fun, and of course - those tricky ESPN ppl sneak it past me all the time, so i ususally end up starting to watch those games at around the 6th inning. And now, something simialr to heaven im sure comes around, and we loose BOTH games. It hurts, it hurts. Klyle ( not quite kyle, not quite lyle) didnt COMPLETELY suck, which is the one thing, other then the TORII HOMER!!!, that makes me un-sad.
Posted by: Sasha at September 30, 2004 05:18 PMSuitable for framing, infield.
Posted by: frightwig at September 30, 2004 05:49 PM