Here at Batgirl, we are proud to introduce a new feature...
...and none too soon. Doug Mientkiewicz is the first baseman for the Minnesota Twins. Doug likes to play golf and fish, but nonetheless is happily married. Doug is renowned for his defense, but he's in the middle of a soul-sucking batting slump, and it's affecting everything he does.
Straight Guy:
In a recent interview, Doug said, "You care so much, and you want to be part of the guys, but you just don't feel like you belong when you're not hitting….I take it so hard."
Clearly, Doug needs some help. He's got a big series coming up with the Twins' division rivals, the Chicago Bitch Sox. Can the Fab 5 help this Twin win?
Mission: Turn this slug into a slugger.
Oh my god, what IS that on his helmet?
First, Doug met culture expert Jai to talk about batting…and self-esteem.
"Now, Doug when you're at the plate, I want you to take a deep breath, close your eyes and think, Today, I am my own MVP…Oh, and keep your weight back, will you?"
Then, stylist Kyan set to work on Dougie's "look."
"Dude, this dead animal on your face has got to go. I'm picturing you with a cleaner, more adult look. You're a veteran now. And have you tried Crest Whitestrips?"
Then, fashion expert Carson helped complete Dougie's external transformation:
"See, now you look hot. You make Magglio look like Sagg-lio!"
With a new look and a new attitude, Doug set out to face the Bitch Sox….
I am my own MVP. I am my own MVP…
..while his new friends look on.
"Come on, Tightpants!"
A hit!
Yay!
It seems that before Doug could really see the ball, he needed to see himself.
Posted by Batgirl at June 28, 2004 10:46 PMWow Batgirl, I mean just WOW! You are the one working miracles, marrying popular culture to our beloved Twins!
Posted by: Andrew at June 29, 2004 12:01 AMGenius.
Posted by: Florida at June 29, 2004 08:44 AMI think Team Batgirl needs to courier this column over to the Metrodome STAT and make sure Dougie " Big Junk " M. will have time to absorb the positive vibes for tonight's Bitch Sox match-up.
Sagg-lio? C'mon even Ordonez has to laugh at that one!
I love it! BUT, you didn't have Kyan say "Bro" nearly enough, however.
E
Do me next! Hard to believe, but I do have some troubles with the ladies.
Posted by: Boo at June 29, 2004 01:32 PMhahaha that is GREAT.
Posted by: Emily at June 29, 2004 01:37 PMDoug has to wake up to this. Thanks BG
Posted by: mas at June 29, 2004 02:17 PMDear Batgirl,
You have outdone yourself!!
You never cease to amaze and entertain me!!
If Dougie sees this, he will HAVE to come out of his slump. ;-)
Posted by: bubblemint at June 29, 2004 04:27 PM
Batgirl = Cooliousityness
While I always want our guys to win, it normally seems selfish to *especially* want them to win just because I'm going to the game. However, given that it's the Whi- -- er -- Bitch Sox, and the Radke-Garcia matchup, for once I feel completely virtuous in really, really wanting them to win tomorrow night. In light of that, do you think it's too late to have the Fab Four stop by and have a little chat with Brad, to help insure that it's RadBrad who shows up at the game? I'd really appreciate it (and so would my dad).
Posted by: Regina at June 29, 2004 11:16 PMI don't think the Fab Four could work with Radke, considering that two of them are in Rock and Roll Heaven, but the Fab Five could make an appearance.
However, Brad doesn't seem to need their help. He is Rad always, and I think he'll be especially Rad tonight.
Oh, that's so embarrassing. Especially since I'm old enough the remember the Fab Four. Perhaps age will be my excuse. That, and a distinct lack of hipness.
Posted by: Regina at June 30, 2004 11:26 AM