This entry posted by Twayn, who likes rabbits and other furry animals.
Minnesota at Cleveland. Twins 7, Indians 15.
The low evening sun silhouetted the two men, one small, one very large, both clad in dungarees and chambray shirts, casting long shadows as they walked deliberately down First Avenue then veered north, skirting the railroad tracks until they reached the wrinkled, pocked surface of a large commercial parking lot.
“Okay, I want you to take a good look around so’s you’ll remember this place.”
“It’s a parkin’ lot, George. In…uh, um…Saint Apples!”
“Dang it, Lenny, you can’t get nothin’ straight in your head! It’s Minneapolis. Minni-ap-o-lis. St. Paul’s on the other side the river. That’s where we slept last night.”
“Don’t get mad at me, George. I’ll remember. The parking lot in Minneapolis. And if I ever get in trouble, this is where I should come.”
“That’s right. Only it won’t be a parking lot for long. Next week, why, they’ll bring in the bulldozers and start rippin’ up this old blacktop. Then they’ll start building a new stadium.”
“A new stadium, George?”
“Well, not really no stadium, Lenny. Stadiums is where you watch football and monster truck rallies. This here will be a ballpark.”
“Tell me, George, tell me about the ballpark. Tell how it’s gonna be, you and me at the game.”
“Oh, it’ll be a dandy of a ballpark, awright. It’ll have a beautiful manicured field inside it with real green grass that shines like an emerald, and comfortable seats all around that point right at the field, and the city skyline in the background for ambiance. And you can sit in the summer sunshine or the cool of an evening and take in a ballgame, and it’ll be so much better that people won’t mind paying a little bit more for a ticket or to buy a sausage and beer.”
“Will there be transit, George? And inferstructure?”
“Shoot yes, Lenny! You want to talk about transit and infrastructure? Steps away from the light rail line to the entrance gates, plenty of parking garages just blocks away.”
“Tell about the revenue again, George. Tell how the revenue’s gonna be.”
“Oh, the Twins’ll be rakin’ it in. Just wallowin’ like hogs in cash. Advertising, naming rights, concessions, corporate sponsorhips, luxury suites, merchandising, you name it. Why, they’ll have to move piles of money just to get to the crapper. They’ll be able to keep Johan and Joe and the Chairman and the MVP and Cuddy and Torii 'til they all retire. Shoot, they’ll be able to get a third baseman that can hit and still keep Nicky Punto just cause he's fun to have around.”
“But the Twins are doin’ bad now, George. Tell how it will be when they don't suck no more. Tell about that again.”
“Well, you see Lenny, the Twins is fella’s just like us. They got nobody but each other to look out for ‘em. Only they got the kind of team has to play the right way. Got to have strong starting pitching and good defense and a bullpen you can count on, like I can count on you and you can count on me. They need the little guys like me to get on base and run around a lot so the big guys like you can clobber the ball and drive in runs.”
“Only they ain’t doin’ that so good, George.”
“No they ain’t, Lenny. But they will, ‘cause this is a good team. Remember that old bus we rode up here on? Had four cylinders, but they was all out of timing and she run all rough and sputtery. Get all them cylinders to fire right and you got a smooth ride. Same with the Twins. Once they got the pitching and hitting and catching and throwing all goin’ at once, then they'll stop sucking. One of these days they’ll get everything to click and keep it goin’, game after game, and it will sure be somethin’ to see.”
“An’ the Twins will kick the Indians’ butts. And the White Sox’s butts, and the Tigers’ butts, and win the division and the pennant and the World Series, an’ live off the fat o’ the land!”
“Dang right they will, Lenny. Dang right.”
Aye, those'll be the days... Yes indeed.
Posted by: Ryan at May 16, 2007 02:21 AMoh the sucking time is hard... my little brother asked me what the score was last night and I didn't have the heart to tell him.
Please, put some injector cleaner in the Twins tank or SOMETHING. Do we need new plugs and wires??? maybe it's the distributer cap. Fuel pump? Bad gas??? ooooo.. that sounds like it. We gotta get a better staion I think.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at May 16, 2007 07:26 AMSigh. I can't wait until 2020.
Posted by: SC at May 16, 2007 07:35 AM
Beautiful.
Dang right.
Posted by: Katharriet at May 16, 2007 08:19 AMHopefully, that injector cleaner that Capital Babs is talking about will flush Jesse Crain from the Twins system. I'm actually glad he's going on the DL...although it will make him harder to trade I'm sure...
Posted by: Dave at May 16, 2007 08:40 AMWe've got assbats...is there such a thing as assballs? Yes. I know how bad that sounds...and maybe that's why we only have assbats...
Posted by: Dobs at May 16, 2007 08:59 AMAt least we know we'll have a team to complain about in a few years...thanks for looking on the brighter side of things today after the bloodbath last night.
Posted by: Eric at May 16, 2007 09:23 AMOh, that balm for all wounds, John Steinbeck. Thank you, twayn.
Posted by: Carmen at May 16, 2007 09:37 AMOh, that balm for all wounds, John Steinbeck. Thank you, twayn.
Posted by: Carmen at May 16, 2007 09:38 AMAwwww. . . this makes me wanna read "Of Mice and Men" and go to a Twins game all at the same time!
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at May 16, 2007 09:46 AMup here in the Great Northwest, where the rabbits sit as quietly as little gray sculptured stones?
we have us a little house and a couple of acres, a cow, a pig-- and when it rains, we just say the hell with it, and we build up a fire in the stove and set around it an' listen to the rain comin' down on the roof...
'course we don't got us no pitchin'.
Dobs,
Assarms. And assgloves. These are the counterparts to the assbats.
Oh, and the ever-popular assumps. Can't forget those, though they haven't been as much in evidence as the other three thus far.
Posted by: infield at May 16, 2007 11:19 AMhas anyone seen twins str8up?
i've been watching it and absolutly love it.
cool insight
Posted by: mrs. bartlett at May 16, 2007 01:33 PMThank you Twayn nice to look at the bright side, I think I needed that.
Oh, and it looks like somebody forgot what she already wrote. One is from before Crain went on the DL
http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070516&content_id=1967551&vkey=news_min&fext=.jsp&c_id=min
And the other one is saying he is on the DL.
http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070516&content_id=1968069&vkey=news_min&fext=.jsp&c_id=min
Humm...
I suddenly have a vision of Santana with the inside of his glove coated with Vaseline to keep it soft for the bitches he's going to sit down.
Posted by: Beth at May 17, 2007 03:07 PMBut George, what happens to all those people that live hours and hours away, when they come for a weekend and it rains?
Well, Lennie. If it rains they are screwed. And if it snows in the spring or during the series they will also be screwed.
Say it ain't so, George?
Yup, a retractable roof was determined to be too expensive, so lots of little boys and girls will get their hopes dashed without a pitch even being thrown. They will feel like we felt at the end of last night's game, only they won't have bellies full of dome dogs.
That's is just sad, George. I hope Sandee and all those North Dakotans pick games when it doesn't rain. Guess they won't get to come for many spring games anymore.
Sandee bitter
PS twins str8up is great, especially the Cuddy one!
How much are thiose Dakotans chipping in for a roof?
They want a roof? Help pay for it.
But you see, we do help pay for it.
We stay in hotels. We take taxis when we are not close to the dome and don't want to deal with parking. Or we pay to park our car. We buy gas. We eat out (just discovered the ricotta lemon hot cakes at Hell's Kitchen, oh, my). We shop. We buy Twins stuff ($7 for the Mauer sideburns? And not even a tag or label on the package?). We eat at the dome. We eat too much at the dome (footlong Chicago dog with the works is easier to eat if you ask them to cut it in half). We buy the flexible season tickets. Maybe we don't pay the state income taxes, but we pay a lot to come see our team. And even when they lose (last Thurs and Friday) we still come to the games and enjoy parts of them. We sing "Take me out to the ball game" the "Weiner Winner" song, boo the umps, ask to be circled, and cheer so loud we embarrass our kids. I love going to the cities to the games, but there have been a LOT of games we have gone to where it was raining outside and we still got to see a game (don't get me started on the one chance I got to see Frankie Viola pitch in Ft Worth and the game was called after one innning)
I wish the new stadium would have the retractable roof.
Posted by: Sandee at May 17, 2007 04:52 PMYes, but Minnesotans pay for all that AND do it with Taxes also.
Posted by: Nora at May 17, 2007 04:52 PMall-
Nice piece. warm, hopeful...
sucking is not fun. Not fun at all. It's embarrassing. I was even glad that today's game (thurs.) was not televised and was during my working hours so I did not have to suffer so. I understand there were no runs to support our beloved Santana. oy vey.
How long 'til the sucking is done?
Here I sit sad and blue
Wishing that the sucking weren't true
Feeling bad about being glad
that the boys are out of town
and I don't have to sit inside
and witness sucking up close
Arrrrgh,
kal
Posted by: kal at May 17, 2007 06:00 PMWell the pitcher they were up against is 5-0 the last 5 games with an ERA 1.38. They were actually going against a good pitcher.
Posted by: Nora at May 17, 2007 06:25 PM