Tigers 8, Twins 2
Saturday, 12 May. Weight: Unsure (Still calculating exact weight of entire world) ERA: 6.93 (Thought maybe should only have 4 earned runs, but accidentally ran over cat of official MLB scorekeeper) Alcohol Units: 0 (Cannot drink with Canadian MVP in such a state!)
Have discovered variation of Murphy's Law that will name after self: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, while am pitching. Trying to focus on positives (had 5 pitch, v.v.v. good 2nd inning, did not give up homerun... um... did not trip over mound? Ok, v. short list this week) but can't help dwelling on negatives. Am frustrated that pitched against pitcher with last name Durbin and did not win. Aren't all pitchers with last name Durbin supposed to be terrible? Scouting report seemed to imply pitcher was v. similar to self in many ways. Instead, looked like Brad Freaking Radke on his best day out there. Am v. devastated to see pretty face of MVP messed up by bizarro hop of ball on turf. However, could not have happened to tougher player, as happens in hockey all the time. Only person tougher would be C. Koskie, who would probably have shoved two wads of caribou hide up nose, beat up couch, and then returned to game. Would not have minded seeing it happen to ugly face of, say, P. Rodriguez, allowing at least one run to score while was on mound. That face has nothing to lose. Also, was not first ball that took bad bounce by MVP. First ball led (indirectly) to unearned run scoring. Don't care that run was unearned. Hate that run scored. Didn't want to give up run. Wanted to have back-to-back 1-2-3 innings. Wanted to keep team in game. Have failed again. Went home and dug out typewriter (Is electronic typewriter! Is state-of-the-art! Has auto-delete function, so do not need Generic Correction Fluid anymore!), started brushing up résumé. Have considered career in television. Am passionately committed to communication... or at least want to seem that way. Called up Sunday Night Baseball, wondered if job was available as correspondent. Said was passionately committed to communicating with public, delivering factual, interesting commentary on games, not interested in discussing "heart" or "plays game right way" or "intangibles" or "miracle that is Dave Concepcion," but was hung up on. Strange. Tried to think of ideas to "spice up" résumé. Hopefully have plenty of time to think of ideas (maybe one more start? Pretty please? Can not help having to face scary Tigers!), as could only think of titles like "Journeyman" and "Cleavage Inspector," and only honors could think of include "Given Fifth Chance At Success By Minnesota Twins" and "Associate Judge, South Padre Island Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest." Not exactly appropriate for most jobs, although would not rule out putting on application for Fox News. Hopefully (!!!!) will get one more start with team. Must remember to do well for fans (Still have fans!!! Yes, still plural!!!) Must look ahead at schedule to see who will pitch against... hmm... Milwaukee? They can't be that good, can they?
Posted by Donnalove at May 12, 2007 07:21 PMReading this makes me recall the one time I saw him pitching for the Cardinals against the freaking Royals, letting them get six runs in the freaking first inning. (Cards eventually caught up, but Ponson lasted only an inning and a half, if I recall correctly.) I remember distinctly shouting, "We need a pitcher, not a belly itcher!" at him, despite me being a grown woman. He never seemed happy to be pitching. He looked like he'd rather go somewhere else, scratch his balls, and drink a keg of...whatever's nearby.
Posted by: Laura at May 12, 2007 09:01 PMGreat stuff again, Donnalove. It's been a hard luck season so far, and not just for Sidney. Hopefully the boys can get it together soon.
Posted by: twayn at May 12, 2007 09:19 PMI think for the sake of Ponson's sanity, the Twins should let him loose before the Dome crowd gives him the kind of treatment I haven't seen since Lohse and Mays got essentially booed out of the state.
Posted by: Torhu at May 12, 2007 09:39 PMPost v. v. good.
Someone please find a way to eradicate the Suck virus. The disease mutated a little since the Twins last infection during the postseason last year.
If no vaccine, just give it to the Brewers on Friday.
Posted by: Shelley at May 12, 2007 10:10 PMCompletely off topic but did anybody make it to Twins Unplugged? I din't know when it happend but there are pics of it on the website. Cuddles hosted. Tynie Tyner and Broccoli (I'm guessing pre-DL)Rabe were there.
Does anyone have any interesting details/stories?
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at May 13, 2007 12:36 AM"Someone please find a way to eradicate the Suck virus."
Yes! We "caught the Suck" from the Sox during the last home stand of the regular season, then we gave it to the A's, and they in turn gave it to the Tigers. It must have hung around in the clubhouse or something. They should have burned all the towels and clothing, sterilized all the other surfaces, and maybe even thrown in a bug bomb for good measure, after our scary playoff performance. You just can't be too careful.
Posted by: Sarah at May 13, 2007 01:35 AMThank you Donnalove this post is the only thing I look forward to when Sir Sid is pitching.
Posted by: Spamsmom at May 13, 2007 07:46 AMGive Sidney a break!
Him and Rondell White are the "answers" to the problem of depth and starting pitching the Twins need so badly. Once Rondell gets healthy again and Sidney gets his groove back, all problems will be answered!
Ok, enough spouting Terry Ryan's bullsh!t. This team isn't deep. Kubel, Rabe, and Tyner are glorified AAA ballplayers. Lew Ford is inconsistent, sure, but I'd play him 8 days a week over Kubel. You think Sidney is bad, wait until Silva comes back to earth. Yeah, his record isn't that great (2-3) but Silva has pitched better than his ability really should show. He'll come down and it will be 2 out of 5 pitchers in the rotation who can't win.
Bonzer's had a rough beginning, but I think he'll turn it around. Really, I would still have Garza and tbat other guy (Cloowey or something like that) in the starting rotation and put Ponson on the next trip to China and Silva on the trading block. Seriously, he's pitching so well, I'd trade him before he comes back to earth.
Posted by: redwing77 at May 13, 2007 09:55 AMPlease say that is the last start for Ponson. I love the posts, but he stinks.
Posted by: twin-X at May 13, 2007 11:57 AMlooks like you got your wish twin-x.
LEN3 is reporting today that Sid's being "DFA'd", essentially that means being released effective today.
Click my nick for the link.
Posted by: JimCrikket at May 13, 2007 04:26 PMWow, our time with Sidney is over. I shall always cherish these diary postings. But that's about all I'm going to cherish about the Sidney Ponson Experiment. ;)
Posted by: Dobs at May 13, 2007 05:28 PMI second the above sentiment.
Posted by: Ryan at May 13, 2007 06:26 PMWell, at least the Twins were smart enough to not give him a huge contract, so it was a cheap experiment - at least monetarily, the division race is a different story. I have no problem with them giving him a try (hey, it's worked out OK so far for Silva), but they gave him too many chances.
Posted by: Twin Mama at May 13, 2007 06:58 PMDid anyone else see the look in Torii's eyes tonight before he hit that first pitch BOMB to center? I swear to god I was watching the game and I saw him for one second and said aloud "Torii is going to hit a home run" and he DID. First pitch. It was kind of like Babe Ruth calling his shot only if the Babe was watching the game and some other seemingly magnetic in every sense of the word center fielder hit the home run. I've changed my opinion from "The Twins would be dumb to sign Torii for 15,000,000 a year" to "Come on. It's Torii friggin' Hunter."
Posted by: Ricky at May 13, 2007 07:34 PMBatGirl-
As much as Sir. Sidney sucked this season, and all the games we lost with him pitching, I truly and deeply will miss Sidney Ponson's Diary...
Maybe he'll have to keep a diary and share it with us about his "special assaignment". :]
Now maybe Baker and Nutty'll come on back...Yea! Nutty!
Posted by: Bailey at May 13, 2007 08:58 PMIf I hear Joe Morgan say "Astro Turf" one more time, I'm going to to berserk.
OR, if he says the Tigers are having trouble pitching because of the 'height of the mound', I may commit murder.
Joe Morgan = WORST BROADCASTER OF ALL TIME.
Posted by: Bloody P at May 13, 2007 09:48 PMYes the sunday night broadcasters are not ideal, but that call of Torii Hunter's second home run was priceless, as was his reaction. Something special needs to be done with that bat of his.
Posted by: Bob at May 13, 2007 10:15 PMYeah, Torii should definitely stick with the pink bat if he's allowed.
That was a refreshing game tonight.
Posted by: TX Ken at May 13, 2007 10:45 PMI got three wishes today. No Ponson, no ass bats, plus a win. *still smiling*
Posted by: twin-X at May 13, 2007 10:46 PMHoly crap. I mean, sanctified waste. What a game (tonight, not last night).
Posted by: angryscott at May 13, 2007 10:48 PMHunter for BOD.
Posted by: twin-X at May 13, 2007 11:10 PMWhy does Sidney Ponson hate America?
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