Tigers 8, Twins 2

Saturday, 12 May. Weight: Unsure (Still calculating exact weight of entire world) ERA: 6.93 (Thought maybe should only have 4 earned runs, but accidentally ran over cat of official MLB scorekeeper) Alcohol Units: 0 (Cannot drink with Canadian MVP in such a state!)

Have discovered variation of Murphy's Law that will name after self: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, while am pitching. Trying to focus on positives (had 5 pitch, v.v.v. good 2nd inning, did not give up homerun... um... did not trip over mound? Ok, v. short list this week) but can't help dwelling on negatives. Am frustrated that pitched against pitcher with last name Durbin and did not win. Aren't all pitchers with last name Durbin supposed to be terrible? Scouting report seemed to imply pitcher was v. similar to self in many ways. Instead, looked like Brad Freaking Radke on his best day out there. Am v. devastated to see pretty face of MVP messed up by bizarro hop of ball on turf. However, could not have happened to tougher player, as happens in hockey all the time. Only person tougher would be C. Koskie, who would probably have shoved two wads of caribou hide up nose, beat up couch, and then returned to game. Would not have minded seeing it happen to ugly face of, say, P. Rodriguez, allowing at least one run to score while was on mound. That face has nothing to lose. Also, was not first ball that took bad bounce by MVP. First ball led (indirectly) to unearned run scoring. Don't care that run was unearned. Hate that run scored. Didn't want to give up run. Wanted to have back-to-back 1-2-3 innings. Wanted to keep team in game. Have failed again. Went home and dug out typewriter (Is electronic typewriter! Is state-of-the-art! Has auto-delete function, so do not need Generic Correction Fluid anymore!), started brushing up résumé. Have considered career in television. Am passionately committed to communication... or at least want to seem that way. Called up Sunday Night Baseball, wondered if job was available as correspondent. Said was passionately committed to communicating with public, delivering factual, interesting commentary on games, not interested in discussing "heart" or "plays game right way" or "intangibles" or "miracle that is Dave Concepcion," but was hung up on. Strange. Tried to think of ideas to "spice up" résumé. Hopefully have plenty of time to think of ideas (maybe one more start? Pretty please? Can not help having to face scary Tigers!), as could only think of titles like "Journeyman" and "Cleavage Inspector," and only honors could think of include "Given Fifth Chance At Success By Minnesota Twins" and "Associate Judge, South Padre Island Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest." Not exactly appropriate for most jobs, although would not rule out putting on application for Fox News. Hopefully (!!!!) will get one more start with team. Must remember to do well for fans (Still have fans!!! Yes, still plural!!!) Must look ahead at schedule to see who will pitch against... hmm... Milwaukee? They can't be that good, can they?

Posted by Donnalove at May 12, 2007 07:21 PM