This entry written by Helen Fielding Donnalove
Royals 11, Chug ‘n’ Toss All-Stars 7
Sidney Ponson’s Diary
Friday, 20 April. Weight: Don’t even want to discuss (n.g.) ERA: 9.39 (n.g.) Alcohol Units: 0 (had herbal refreshment instead.)
Arrived at ballpark early to celebrate national “holiday” with M. Guerrier. J. Bartlett walked in and said “It smells funny in here. Are you guys burning incense?” Could not stop laughing. Stopped laughing when realized M. Sweeney had hit home run off self. Then caught sight of Guerrier in bullpen and started laughing again. Not sure what was funny. Laughed anyway, couldn’t help self. Called bullpen to ask Stelmaszek if refrigerator was running. Thought disguised voice, but was found out and yelled at. In fifth inning, was thinking about eating pizza. And chocolate cake. And Doritos. And pickled eggs. Pickled eggs v.g. Could not stop thinking about pickled eggs. Baseball began to look like pickled egg. Could not get pickled egg out of head. Pickled eggs kept going past. Then realized pickled eggs were hits, home runs, etc. Was no longer laughing. Then saw Gardy coming from dugout. Looked like Santa Claus, but mad. Had to turn away to stifle laughter. Once in dugout, thought about previous start, when received standing ovation when was taken out of game. Part of self v. excited, cheering for self. Other part of self could not let enjoy it, felt applause was sarcastic or pitying. Should have enjoyed moment, may never experience again. Must re-read Pitchers Are From Venus, Catchers Are From Mars. When Gardy took out of game, patted on butt, which is size of Antarctica. Must attend expensive Pilates class signed up for. Got pat on butt tonight, but could be accidental due to colossal size of ever-expanding rear, as did not think Gardy was pleased with performance. Called Guerrier in bullpen, told him about Gardy’s face. Got him laughing, as well. Could see him laughing on mound as he walked out. Felt bad as he was distracted and also gave up home run. Should not have told him that, was glad did not tell about pickled eggs as well. In dugout with Guerrier, thought about Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny’s. Could not figure out why until realized Dennys Reyes had loaded bases. Tried to be serious after that. Was slightly paranoid (possibly due to herbal substance, possibly due to pitching performance) about losing job, but felt comfortable after 8th inning antics by other pitchers. Do not even have highest ERA on team. V. v. good. Maybe will get to stay another start.
Posted by Batgirl at April 20, 2007 10:56 PMOh God...this was beautiful. "Looked like Santa Claus, but mad." LOLOL.
So that begs the question...who's the Mark Darcy? ;)
Posted by: Dobs at April 20, 2007 11:04 PMThanks BG and crew. Always know how to cheer me up after nights such as these! :)
Posted by: Torhu at April 20, 2007 11:16 PMWell, at least no one else was participating in the festivities (as far as we know).
Posted by: TwinsPrincess at April 20, 2007 11:19 PMYay! Bat-girl.com has an favicon! V.g.
Posted by: Shelley at April 21, 2007 12:27 AMI needed that laugh after tonight pitching performance. Uggh.
Posted by: angryscott at April 21, 2007 02:00 AMRight.
Was bemoaning losses of all favorite teams last night. Clicked bookmark to site where Batgirl resides and, due to highly uncontrollable laughter, spat morning coffee on keyboard whilst reading.
Brilliant, Batgirl. Quite brilliant.
Posted by: JetChick at April 21, 2007 04:40 AMDear Ms. Chick,
Alas, Batgirl has nothing to do with this. It is written by Donnalove.
Sincerely,
Batgirl
p.s. The favicon is courtesy of Twayn.
Posted by: Batgirl at April 21, 2007 06:25 AMI wonder what Matt Garza's diary looks like this morning.
Posted by: Attyfan at April 21, 2007 07:54 AMCould we just say that last night's game was a big "thank you" for their sweep of Detroit at the end of last season and therefore the game doesn't really count?
Posted by: hossengopper at April 21, 2007 08:35 AMI don't know when I have laughed so hard - went to Batgirl to see if the post would make me feel better about last night and did it ever!
Posted by: Katie at April 21, 2007 10:13 AMOkay, it's time to package Sidney Ponson for someone, and release Jeff Cirillo. But who would take a fat and crappy pitcher? Hmmmm.....oh I know...the Phillies.
We could trade Ponson to the Phillies for Chris Coste and free him from his excile in AAA Ottawa. Coste can serve as the Twins 3rd catcher if needed, and he can replace Cirillo's role.
Let's face it, Cirillo is done. He's not going to come back from his knee injury and contribute like Terry Ryan invisioned, so just release the guy and move on.
Coste can DH too. I'm not too excited about what I've seen from Kubel or any other Twin that Gardy puts in that number eight position in the lineup.
Send Ponson packing and bring up Garza. Make a trade and get Coste here.
Posted by: hitztaters at April 21, 2007 10:18 AMFrom the Twins website:
"Kevin Slowey, a 2005 second-round draft pick out of Winthrop, allowed three hits, walked none and struck out nine in 5 2/3 innings in Triple-A Rochester's 3-0 victory over Pawtucket on Thursday. Slowey is 2-0 with a 0.00 ERA in two starts, allowing six hits, walking none and striking out 11 in 11 2/3 innings."
Isnt it about time to get rid of Sir Sidney and bring up Slowey???
Outstanding entry BG--
DAM
Posted by: DAM-DC Twins Fan at April 21, 2007 10:20 AMBatgirl and crew, you guys are killing me! Dunn Bros.French Roast up the nose from laughing to hard is a heck of a way to start the Day.I am a newbie to this forum, but coffee and Baseball are now not my only addictions!
Posted by: Sal-16 at April 21, 2007 10:25 AMI was gonna pitch really good, but then I got high.
I was gonna make that ball miss wood, but then I got high.
Now I'm DFA, and I know why. Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high.
Just checked in to the Drury Inn across the street from Kaufman Stadium and I'm ready to walk over to the game. After last night, I questioned whether to bother making the drive for today and tomorrow... but it can't be any worse than last night, right?
Great entry DL! I was understanding about the Sid experiment but I do think it's time to give one of the RedWings a shot. That said, it wasn't just Sid who stunk last night... in fact, the sad thing is he probably wasn't even the worst pitcher last night.
Posted by: JimCrikket at April 21, 2007 11:53 AMTalk about Minnesota Nice! We'll throw the lowly KC Royals a bone every now and then. (No, seriously I hope this is a one time deal. They're the KC Royals.)
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at April 21, 2007 11:58 AMHAHAHA! That was amazingly amazing! I loved it! Nice work!
Posted by: Bailey at April 21, 2007 12:13 PMWe need Perkins to replace Ponson. Or Garza. BG could print some "Free Garza" buttons. Or the Twins could sign ME to a contract, can Ponson, and get the same results for $50 an hour!
Posted by: tgd's stat freak at April 21, 2007 01:27 PMDonnalove,
Great post! I love BatGirl AND RWD, so this is like the best of both worlds!! Funny, funny, funny! Funny, I truly thought it would be Silva who would self-destruct first, but Sir Sid beat him to it!! :)
JimCrikket,
where you the one yelling "let's go Mauer, Cuddy etc.?" who ever it was it made me smile, as did the game, and this post.
Nice work, Donnalove. I'm glad I read this instead of watching the game.
Posted by: hrunting at April 21, 2007 04:50 PMtwin-X, no that wasnt me... or at least it wasnt me who started the chants (I confess to participating once or twice... or more). There was a sizable Twins contingent at the game and the chants were generally started by a big group behind me. I was 20ish rows straight up from the on deck circle and there were Twin fans all over that area (behind the Twins dugout).
80+ degrees... sun shining... shade covering after about the 6th inning... green (real) grass... a nice breeze. Exactly what God had in mind when he invented baseball. I can't wait for 2010.
Posted by: JimCrikket at April 21, 2007 04:50 PMNBP for BOD.
Posted by: twin-X at April 21, 2007 05:51 PMI would like it to be known that I actually LIKE Sidney Ponson... sort of. If Joe Nathan is my boyfriend, and Dennys Reyes is my "I just want to be friends" guy, then Sidney Ponson is the nerd who keeps asking me out who I don't like, but who helps me with my homework.
I am hoping for one more chance, in which the sinkerball will sink, and he will turn the corner.
Posted by: Donnalove at April 21, 2007 08:09 PM3-4 vs K.C. and Tampa Bay; boy, that is some hysterical material. M.V.P. takes 2 called 3rd strikes, one with the bases {all of them}occupied. I thought I'd bust a gut.
Posted by: al at April 22, 2007 04:45 PM3-4 vs K.C. and Tampa Bay; boy, that is some hysterical material. M.V.P. takes 2 called 3rd strikes, one with the bases {all of them}occupied. I thought I'd bust a gut.
Posted by: al at April 22, 2007 04:46 PMI only sent it once; I swear.
Posted by: al at April 22, 2007 04:47 PMI just peed myself.
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