BD :Mother, says BabyDash. What is a Boyfriend?
BG: Well, says I. A Boyfriend is that special player that makes your heart go pitter pat. BabyDash, who is your Boyfriend?
BD: I do not know, says BabyDash. There are so many players to love. My heart fills at the thought of each and every one of them, from the biggest Canadian to the Littlest Punto, from the Chairmanist of Mauers to the Nathanest of Joes, my love spans the circumference of a Sidney Ponson and Dennys Sampler Reyes hug.
BG: That is a lot of love, says I. How about Johan Santana, says I. If Johan Santana were your boyfriend, surely you would kick Uncle Goober's ass.
BD: No, says BabyDash. Johan Santana is like the sun, the stars, the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. Johan Santana belongs to all of us.
BG: Your wisdom astounds me, BabyDash, as well as your ability to quote Louis Armstrong songs.
BD: That's Lou-IS, mother.
BG: Yes, BabyDash, but, who is your Boyfriend?
BD: When I think of a Boyfriend, I think of someone like me, someone small and scrappy, someone who needs a little extra love, someone who was premature (ly sent down to Triple A), someone like Jason Bartlett. Yes, I think Jason Bartlett is a fine boyfriend. Further I have been speaking to Father, who chooses Little Nicky Punto this year, and with the BatBaby who is no longer a Baby and chooses to be known as the BatCub, and I have been speaking with Uncle Goober and he said his Boyfriend is the best Boyfriend in the whole world, and he said he is going to kick our asses again this year and he says if we're sad at night we can just snuggle our boyfriend's MVP awards, and then he said, Oh, right, your Boyfriend doesn't have an MVP award, and then he said, In your face!, and then further he said that his Boyfriend had two RBIs with a homer and also knocked the crap out of a guy, hockey style, and he said that should make Justin Morneau the Boyfriend of the Day. And Mother, I agree.
BG: Then so it shall be.

Goober/ Justin 1, BabyDash/Bart 0, Batgirl/ Chairman 0, BatCub/Torii 0, Jeb/LNP 0, Sooz/Cuddy 0, Readers/Field 0.