This entry posted by Twayn, who is really sorry about that.
Ahem. Yes. Is this thing on? It is? Okay.
You know that post from last week? The one about hotness? Well.
Dimples, I have been duly reminded, are cute. Right arms that accurately propel baseballs great distances at terminal velocity are adorable. And hitting 24 dingers, driving in 100+ runs, and scoring 100+ runs in one season is HOT with a capital H-O-frigging-T, and don’t you forget it Buster.
Cuddy, I apologize. Really, I didn’t intend any disrespect. It was just an oversight, that’s all. And honestly, I was one of your biggest fans last year. I don’t know how many times I’d watch a game and I’d say to my wife, “There’s your Boyfriend of the Day right there,” and then later on somebody else would do something fantastic and game-changing and doubt would start to creep in and I'd get on the computer and find out that Joe or Justin or somebody else got it, and I’d post a comment like, “Cuddy needs some BOD love, too." You just had this unfortunate habit of playing very, very well when the Chairman was going 5-for-5 and the Doctor was hitting baseballs like they'd insulted his mother and Canada and Johan was just en fuego.
I was right behind you all the way, Michael, even early in the season when your outfield footwork made you look like a bad Dancing with the Stars contestant. But you worked on it, and you got better, and by September, why, you could have been out there tripping the light fantastic with, dare I say it, the long-leggedy Stacy Keibler herself -- who was absolutely robbed by Drew Lachey and I don’t care if it was two whole seasons ago I’m not going to let go of this one any more than a terrier will let go of a rat, which was exactly what I smelled when Stacy lost. And that's all I have to say about that.
So just to set the record straight, Michael Brent Cuddyer is also hot (and I say that freely without coercion or fear of reprisal). He also has some vociferous and, um, assertive supporters who get together to quilt and embroider every Wednesday afternoon and who are, in fact, excellent motivators. And even though he went and got himself married during the offseason, Cuddles' cheeky features, outfield cannon, and hitting prowess continue to warm the hearts and minds of adoring fans throughout Twins Territory.
And Cuddy, a tip of the hat and hearty congratulations to you. It sounds like your wedding was the Twins social event of the offseason. But I’ve scoured the Internet and can’t find a single picture from the reception out there, so I guess we’ll just have to be content with mental images of Matty LeCroy stuffing his face with shrimp cocktail and those little Beef Wellingtons. And thanks to the Internet, we also get to process this mental image, courtesy of the globegazette.com:
MASON CITY — Backup Twins catcher Mike Redmond admitted he has worked out more than usual during this offseason. In the past, this wasn’t the case for Redmond...
“First of all, my body’s not that great anyway,” Redmond told the crowd at Wednesday’s Twins Caravan. [But] Redmond said he had some incentive to stay in shape this offseason — Michael Cuddyer’s wedding in Jamaica.
“I got home and I had to hit the treadmill,” he said. “I knew I was going to have to take my shirt off in Jamaica. So I guess I can thank Cuddy for that.”
Uh, yeah, thanks for that, Cuddy. I think. We just hope Red Dog kept his shirt on during the wedding. And his pants, for that matter.
DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way intended to imply that any other member of the Minnesota Twins 40-man roster is not hot or otherwise unworthy of fan adulation.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Twayn would like to thank his eldest daughter for her graphic artistry, and the Michael Cuddyer Fan Club and Sewing Circle for his kneecaps.
While I'm not about to dispute Michael's hotness (my knees aren't what they used to be, but they're all I've got), I do want to point out that we're starting to see a trend here that is dangerous.
Our "bullpen" of relief writers is beginning to catch grief for their noble efforts. First, the Geek was too "statty" and not sassy enough. Now twayn neglects to mention one guy in an entry about hotness (which I'm SURE was merely an accidental oversight).
While I understand that we all miss BG and we're all going buggy with cabin fever in sub-zero temps while we anxiously await the arrival of all 741 pitchers that TR has reporting for tryouts to fill out the 2007 starting rotation, let's not be threatening the kneecaps of the guest writers (even if you find yourself married to one).
Thank you all and thank you BG for not asking me to fill in for you. It's hard telling what appendeges I'd have ended up losing.
JC
Posted by: JimCrikket at February 8, 2007 08:23 AMShannon just signed with the A's.
Posted by: Jose Hernandez at February 8, 2007 09:03 AMDear Twayn:
Lovely post. It got me thinking...I need to replace my baseball boyfriend, as mine retired. And your arguments for Cuddy's hotness are quite compelling. Maybe he would make a fine boyfriend.
Oh, and tell your daughter that she did a great job.
k-bro
Posted by: k-bro at February 8, 2007 09:21 AMarrrghhh.. Twayn!! I am going to be trying to get the image of NBP en dishabille at Cuddy's wedding all day!! That's just cruel!
*laugh*
I can't believe how crazy I'm going waiting for even spring training to start - not even the season. I guess it is always darkest before the dawn.
But thanks for the humor Twayn. At least I got an opportunity to snort my coffee this morning and it's definitely been awhile since THAT happened.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at February 8, 2007 09:39 AMI'm so anxious for the season to start, I'm delighted to see anybody's postings up here. Thanks, Twayn, and Geek, and everybody else who's kept things going while Batgirl's been busy with the baby.
(By the way, I was all about Stacy Keibler too, but you have to admit, Drew & Cheryl dominated the free-style. Plus, they catered to the Southern vote, and I guess that's how you win elections in this country.)
Posted by: neckrolls at February 8, 2007 10:14 AMFor starters, Stacy Keibler just may be the most attractive human being on earth. That alone should have won her the "dancing crown." I absolutely am going crazy without baseball season, especially now that Sundays are empty. Spring Training can't get here soon enough.
Posted by: DrinkingTwinsBaseball at February 8, 2007 10:40 AMOhhhh, Cuddles . . . you with your magic and dimples . . . your magical dimples *sigh*
On a serious note, NBP should swim in a wetsuit to avoid being shirtless outside of the clubhouse. I already have the flu, I don't need you making it any harder to keep my breakfast down. I do, however, feel that you have great spirit. :-P
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at February 8, 2007 10:44 AM-and by "you" I mean RedDawg; not you, Twayn. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at February 8, 2007 12:00 PMall-
Hottness is as hotness does--swing bat good, make a diving catch, pitch with prowess--all hot, burning hot. Dimples do it too. Can't wait for the new season, be it Spring training or the real thing.
sick of snow and cold--want HOT
cheers, kal
I too am eagerly awaiting the start of Spring Training. Since the sooner ST starts and it over, the sooner I can see the Twins come to Chicago the first weekend in April and lay the smack down on the Bitch Sox!
Best wishes to Stewie in Oakland!! A good player who just couldn't stay healthy. Never will forget the boost he gave the Twins in 2003 after the trade. Hopefully playing on grass at home for the first time in his career will do wonders.
Posted by: Shaun at February 8, 2007 01:23 PMNot statty enough, Twayn. What's Cuddles' DAA (Dimples Above Average)? What's Crawdaddy's Major League Equivalent (SCR) Shrimp Cocktail Rate from his Jamaican Wedding League performance?
Posted by: brianS at February 8, 2007 01:35 PMNot statty enough, Twayn. What's Cuddles' DAA (Dimples Above Average)? What's Crawdaddy's Major League Equivalent (SCR) Shrimp Cocktail Rate from his Jamaican Wedding League performance?
Posted by: brianS at February 8, 2007 01:35 PMoops.
Posted by: brianS at February 8, 2007 01:36 PMOn a totally unrelated topic...
I know I'm an "out of stater" and it could be argued that it's none of my business... but I read the online story in the Strib (click my name for the link) this morning about the new ballpark hitting more than just a little snag and how, if it's built at all it may be built on a different site and it may not be done in 2010 and it may need to go back to the Legislature and... and... and...
All I can say is, Jeez... can't your f'ing government(s) get ANYTHING right?!
Posted by: JimCrikket at February 9, 2007 01:48 PMHi JC...I don't know how much of this ballpark fiasco is a government screw-up, really. Why didn't someone get something in writing from the owners of that piece of land, for Heaven's sake? Why won't the team and the owners of the land just sit down at a table and hammer out an agreement, for crying out loud? I do know that if something happens and this ballpark doesn't get built, I'm going to cry. It was gut-wrenching waiting for it to be approved. And there are STILL people going on and on about how there shoulda been a referendum. Over one measly little cent on every $20 spent in Hennepin county. I am an optimist by nature, but I don't hold out much hope for a stadium getting built if the team has to go back to the legislature.
Posted by: Tricia at February 9, 2007 04:51 PMI saw the article online about the latest snag in the stadium land deal. I think a problem is the fact the Twins put all their eggs in one basket by limiting the sites for a stadium to one site. I know they can select another area in Hennepin County, but the article JC linked mentions the MN Legislature would have to get involved again:
"Moving to another parcel of land would force the county and the Twins to return to the Legislature, where approval last year was conditioned on the stadium being built on the so-called Rapid Park site."
If that happens, no way the new park opens in 2010. Plus at the representative quoted in the article didn't seem too thrilled to have the MN Legislature have to take up the stadium issue again.
Here's what I say-Carl Pohlad, you kick in the difference between what the land owners want and what the county can pay. Wishful thinking but at least that can most likely keep the open day 2010 timeframe realistic.
Posted by: Shaun at February 9, 2007 06:52 PMThanks to you, now I know who Stacy Keibler is.
Posted by: nailbiter at February 9, 2007 09:14 PMCuddyer is a hitter. And I'm impressed with his arm. Don't throw it out, Michael.
Beloit-Detroit, late June. My dad, bros and I are planning our baseball trip.
I just bought a book about Christy Mathewson and Tug McGraw by Frank DeFord. Book club? Was I the only one who loved that.
Twayn, thanks, you rock. I miss baseball - and I miss my gurus, Dan Gladden and Batgirl. I'm frozen until you return.
Posted by: nailbiter at February 9, 2007 09:47 PMGOD PLEASE LET BASEBALL START.
Batgirl and all please keep this sight going.
LOVE YA MUCH
Posted by: Gamer at February 9, 2007 10:08 PMReusse is right. Anoka wants a stadium, it is a great place for one (with apologies to my son, who does not want to lose Metro Gun Club). Reusse explains the hold up in his column.
Posted by: Brooklynegg at February 10, 2007 07:21 AMTowards the end of last season I got XM radio so I could listen to all the Twins games and they've kept me fed (along with Batgirl) during the offseason. But honestly, this is going to be the LONGEST week of the offseason!!
Shaun, I too am looking forward to the first weekend of the season when the boys are down here in Chicago. I say we do all we can to find all the Twins fans down here and plan on all sitting in the same section for say the Saturday game or whatever game Santana will be pitching. There's strength in numbers, ya know??
Car Loans Cash Loans http://www.completeloansource.com/cash-advance/ No Fax Payday Loans
Posted by: Cash Advance at March 16, 2007 02:09 AM