This entry posted by Twayn, on assignment for Bat-girl.com
Here’s the thing – it is cold in Minnesota right now. And it’s going to get colder before it gets warmer. Brass monkey cold. Cast iron bra cold. Teeth-grinding, nose-burning, butt-clenching cold. And the off-season is so very, very long when it is so very, very cold and bleak outside. You know what would feel good right now? Heat would feel good. Hotness would be very good. And what Twins fan can think of hotness without thinking Johan Santana? Well, not Batgirl. Not my wife. Not the population of Venezuela, where right now, according to my public school education, it is actually summertime, and the living is easy, fish are jumping, and the cotton is high. And it’s hot. Really hot. So damn hot that you want to reach out and grab a bottle of something cold. Something sparkling. Something refreshing. Something like… Malta Regional!
Yes, commercials featuring Johan Santana are hot, even when they are in Spanish. Or maybe especially when they are in Spanish. You know what would be even hotter? A commercial featuring Johan Santana and Justin Morneau. And you won’t have to wait long for it. Here’s an excerpt from the New York Times that elucidates:
At 8:45 a.m. yesterday, Mets shortstop Jose Reyes sat shivering on a sidewalk in Greenwich Village. Next to him was Twins starting pitcher Johan Santana, who was grilling a hamburger. It was about 20 degrees outside, and the wind chill made it seem like the low teens. So what were Reyes and Santana doing there?
Along with five other players — Minnesota’s Justin Morneau, Detroit’s Justin Verlander, Boston’s Jonathan Papelbon, St. Louis’s David Eckstein and the Yankees’ Robinson Canó — they were filming a commercial for new baseball caps under the direction of Spike Lee. The hats, manufactured by New Era, are designed to absorb sweat more efficiently, and they have a new black underside to the bill intended to reduce glare. Over and over, from 7 a.m. till noon, the players filmed the ad with 10-minute breaks from the cold.
“I got an idea about how to stay warm,” said Morneau, the 2006 American League most valuable player, as he shuffled between the street and a dressing room at the back of the store. “I could find all the White Sox hats and light them on fire.”
Mercy sakes, so much hotness all in one place. You know what else is hot? Two Cy Young awards in three years, which should have been three Cy Young awards in three years, but who’s counting besides you and me? And you know who loves Cy Young awards? The Venezuelan National Assembly, that’s who. They think two-time Cy Young winners from Tovar Merida are hot, hot, hot. Take a look.
Okay, the heat index is getting up there now. Oh! Oh! I just thought of something else that’s hot. Major League baseball players with their own websites. Especially big, rugged, Canadian major league baseball players with curly blonde hair and bulging biceps and a fetching smile and a Most Valuable Player award. Check it out. And look at the links page for a horribly glaring omission that we must all work diligently to rectify.
Of course, no post about the Twins and hotness would be complete without the catcher with the hottest sideburns and sweetest swing in baseball. And while Chairman Mauer doesn’t have his own website that Google and I know of, he does have fans that are legion, including this little guy who recently got the bestest birthday present of his young life.
And I just thought of something else that will be hot. In just a couple of months, when the Twins open the 2007 season, all of us once again get to be just as excited as Evan.
Patience is a virtue, they say, but it’s hard to come by when it’s ten below.
oh, my gosh, that little kid with the Mauer shirt is adorable!
and I love the Johan Santana song! what an awesome commercial!
thanks, twayn! :-)
Posted by: kafumbly at January 30, 2007 10:25 PMI agree with kafumbly; that Joe Mauer kid is the cutest thing ever. And it IS cold, even in Chicago, and that was just the right kind of warmth. indeed, thanks twayn!
Posted by: AT at January 30, 2007 10:28 PMUltra mad props for tracking down that Santana commercial, and for sharing it with us! Oh my god. That may be the best thing I've ever seen.
Posted by: Jonas at January 30, 2007 10:33 PMTwayn,
You are my Bat-girl.com hero.
I have never wished that I could speak Spanish more than I wish it today.
The commercial was amazing.
Thank you!!!
(And the kid was pretty cute too!!)
bubblemint
Posted by: bubblemint at January 30, 2007 11:11 PMAnd the good Doctor's comments about burning White Sox hats??
Priceless!!
I swear, he is making a bid for my position player co-boyfriend status this season.
Posted by: bubblemint at January 30, 2007 11:18 PMOk, the Johan commercial was stellar and I was super excited about the Johan song...
...until I got to the little kid with the Joe Mauer shirt. Cutest. Kid. Ever.
Posted by: olbiemn at January 30, 2007 11:42 PMOUTSTANDING pitch-blogging!
I can't even say which is better - the Johan song, Morneau's comments about burning Sox hats, or a little kid emulating The Greatest Minnesotan Alive.
Thanks for a glorious start to my day, Twayn!
Posted by: JohnWayne at January 31, 2007 06:20 AM
Holy God I love him.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for that!
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at January 31, 2007 07:46 AMSuddenly, I'm not feeling as cold.
Posted by: JustBeth at January 31, 2007 07:52 AMThose clips are great, twayn, thanks! Now, I could be wrong, but it sure looked like Johan was having a lot more fun hanging with the people in clip 1 than speaking to the Assembly in clip 2 (though he certainly does clean up nice).
And Evan... now that's a cute kid!
JC
Posted by: JimCrikket at January 31, 2007 08:12 AMOh my. Good way to start my morning! Thanks Twayn!
Posted by: Shelley at January 31, 2007 08:23 AMThanks for brightening my day, which is looking pretty crappy (as well as cold, even down here in Kentucky -- our 10 degrees is like your -5, and it's expected to be -8 for low temps early next week). Would love a translation of Santana's apparently extemporaneous talk to the Venequelan assembly.
Should "Baby Boof" be concerned for his catcher spot from Little "Joe Mauer"?
Posted by: PatGLex at January 31, 2007 08:44 AMwell you're right Twayne, that certainly warmed up a cold morning a bit. I had seen that little kid clip awhile ago and it certainly doesn't lose anything - just as cute seeing it again!
I REALLY wish I understood spanish better though.
Posted by: CapitalBabs at January 31, 2007 08:54 AMGREAT post, and GREAT quote from the good Doctor.
I miss those boys so much. Two more months!
And I'm so excited about getting to see the Twins seven times this year (live in NYC)! Interleague play is the best.
Posted by: Packman at January 31, 2007 09:58 AMPlus you could drive down the coast to Baltimore or up to Boston...
Great job Twayn -- only one thing. Apparently your public school education did you a bit wrong -- it is in fact winter in Venezuela as Venezuela is wholly within the northern hemisphere! ;-)
Posted by: wolvesgeek at January 31, 2007 10:03 AMDear Wolvesgeek,
I stand corrected. And my parents want their tax money back.
Twayn
Posted by: twayn at January 31, 2007 10:08 AMTwayn -
Bravo to your discovery of the Malta Regional ad - it is a cure for the current weather here in Twinsville. And although your public school geography let you down, your meteorological instincts are well-tuned. It's currently 86 degrees and humid in Venezuela - irrespective of the season. Just 19 days until pitchers and catchers report!
Posted by: Glove Boy at January 31, 2007 10:39 AMClick on my name for another HOTTT Johan interview.
Great post, Twayn! That little boy was the cutest ever. "It's Joe MAUER!" I loved how he didn't even care about the rest of his presents. Just wanted his glove so he could play pretend.
Posted by: Newton at January 31, 2007 10:44 AMI'm totally reminded of a dream I had last night that, sadly, did not involve being fed grapes and fanned by Johan or Mauer...
I had a dream that the Nathanest of Joes decided to sign with the Mariners. Yeah, I know. Seattle? Random. I think Twitchy would get twitchier with all the rain. Hopefully it's not a premonition.
Posted by: Shelley at January 31, 2007 11:02 AMSo, is anyone working on a transcription of the lyrics from the Malta Regional ad?...
Posted by: Adam at January 31, 2007 11:06 AMAmazing. That's all I can really say. Amazing.
Posted by: AnnaM at January 31, 2007 11:12 AMMy Spanish is much too rusty to try translating the Malta Regional commercial. Because translating is hard -- even for computers. Like the way Google translated this Malta Regional press release about their new ad campaign:
The slogan “Life and more ná”, the advertising pieces of Regional Malta, offers to the consumer a pleasant picture on the style of life of the Venezuelans, accompanied by a contagious and urban rate like hip-hop. The campaign of Regional Malta will have presence throughout the 2007, as much in audio-visual means (radio, cinema and television) like in average forms. Its production includes/understands the development of several pieces that recreate situations in where the consumer enjoys the flavor of Malta Regional. The strategy includes in addition the incorporation of Johan Santana as image of the mark, that by his simplicity, humility and talent has become a worthy representative of the Venezuelan culture.
“With this campaign we have reached excellent levels of acceptance and recognition of the mark between the consumers, due to its realism and simplicity”, commented Maria Ximena Rodriguez, Vice-president of trade of Regional Brewery.
New Malta Regional offers to the consumer a delicious flavor, thanks to the correct balance between texture, sweetness and refreshment that its new formula has. At the moment one is available in three presentations: bottle turnaround, nonturnaround, and broad. Its market is constituted by men and women, who enjoy a sweet and refreshing drink that conserves in its aroma and flavor the qualities of the barley.
Yikes. Not exactly the kind of translation the company would hope for, I'd guess. Kind of makes one wonder what sort of English-to-Spanish translation Google would provide for the typical Bat-girl entry, doesn't it?
JC
Posted by: JimCrikket at January 31, 2007 12:22 PMI wish I could see the videos. My computer at work will play a video for three seconds, stop, then play for three seconds . . . it would be cool if it were a video of claymation! I miss Gumby.
Posted by: Bring Back Reboulet at January 31, 2007 12:56 PMJC,
You asked for it. Here's what the first paragraph of today's post looks like after translating via BabelFish from Engish to Spanish and back into English:
Here it is the thing - she is cold in Minnesota now. And it is going to cool off before it obtains warmer. Cold of the yellow copper monkey. Cold of the brassiere of the fused iron. Tooth-grinding, nose-burning, join-tightening themselves cold. And the low season is so very, very of length when it is so very, very cold and sad outside. You know what would feel well now? The heat would feel well. Hotness would be very good. And what ventilator of the binoculars can think about hotness without the thought of Johan Santana? Well, no Batgirl. Not my wife. Not it the population of Venezuela, where now, according to my education of the state school, it is really summer, and of the life is easy, the fish are jumping, and the cotton is high. And he is hot. Really hot. It warms up so damn that you wish to reach towards outside and roasts a somewhat cold bottle. Something that sparks. Something that it recovers. Something has pleasure... Regional Malta!
Posted by: twayn at January 31, 2007 01:30 PMOh my. That just kind of reaches out and grabs ya, doesn't it? Thanks, Twayn... I think.
JC
Posted by: JimCrikket at January 31, 2007 02:13 PMSomebody absolutely has to start a Twins blog called "Ventilator of the Binoculars."
Posted by: Word Smith at January 31, 2007 02:20 PMso, if say one were to go to Venezuela and drink some Malta, would then one get to hug El Presidente too?
Posted by: msb at January 31, 2007 03:00 PMmsb, you probably could have done that by going to TwinsFest!
Posted by: JimCrikket at January 31, 2007 03:01 PMJustin Morneau is awesome. I LOVE how he totally shut down the White Sox with the burning-hat comment. LOVE IT. Now I am even more anxious for the season to begin. Twinsfest didn't help, either. But anyway, this was a great post. Thanks, Twayn.
Posted by: TwinsPrincess at January 31, 2007 04:48 PM(I'm warmer already).
Posted by: TwinsPrincess at January 31, 2007 04:48 PMWarmth! Finally!That was a truly wonderful entry, it really really was. I'm soo excited to see that commercial.
I was tremendously excited when one day I randomly typed in Justinmorneau.com and found an actual website, but it wasn't up yet and now it is!!!
Opening day can't come soon enough.
Posted by: melissa at January 31, 2007 05:42 PMlol, i don't know how many times i've watched that awesome commercial today! and the round-trip babelfish is hilarious. truly, what ventilator of the binoculars can think about hotness without the thought of Johan Santana?
I watched Johan's whole speech several times. I have no idea what he said...but he looked mighty fine saying it. :wub:
Posted by: jamar1700 at January 31, 2007 06:35 PMIt's cold even in Tennesee. This makes me excited for spring, though!
Posted by: Annun at January 31, 2007 06:46 PMAy ay ay. How many days till Spring Training? I don't know if I can wait. En fuego.
Posted by: Erin at January 31, 2007 07:35 PMOk... I just listened to the speech and i think this is what he is trying to say (more or less, my spanish isn't perfect)
He wants to bring the great happiness that winning not one, but two, cy youngs that he feels to all of venezuela. He wants the country to support other athletes, and not just him. Sports is something that, although you have to work hard at, crosses borders and is universal.
and then i zoned out. but i hope that helps!
Posted by: Hannah! at January 31, 2007 08:08 PMIn watching that commercial again, I distinctly picked up a "Doble Cy Young..." Other than that, it really is a random collection of thoughts, phrases, and words... and a poor effort to dub over him while he is chatting with his companeros on the bike... fantastico!
Posted by: wolvesgeek at January 31, 2007 08:34 PMThe commercial gets better everytime!
Posted by: melissa at January 31, 2007 09:15 PMI found another great interview from the Twinsfest on youtube. It is one with both Torii and Johan. Great interview. Johan is getting lessons from Torii about how to play center field. LOL Good stuff!
Posted by: Nora at January 31, 2007 11:13 PMClick on my name in my previous comment to see the video.
Posted by: Nora at January 31, 2007 11:13 PMHey guys, I noticed some of you wished you knew what was said in those spanish-language videos. Head on over to my blog, www.vivarivas.com, where I've translated all the videos PLUS the press release on Malta Regional that someone mentioned, all into English!
Thanks a million for finding those videos -- I was grinning ear-to-ear the whole time I watched the Malta Regional video!
Posted by: V. Rivas at February 1, 2007 12:02 AMMan, whatever we have to pay to keep Justin Morneau in a Twins uniform, spewing invective in the direction of the evil, pernicious Bitches forever and ever, we must pay it. Right now. I'm not always the biggest fan of trash-talking, but you have to love the fact that, in the dead of winter and at a commercial shoot, Justin is still dishing it out. Come on, Carl, open up that enormous wallet and let's keep all of these guys, OK? Pleeeeeeeeease???
I love these Twins. I really do.
Posted by: adidasman at February 1, 2007 08:37 AMAll of those clips and reminders of the Twins DID make me want to go outside and roast a cold bottle.
Because nothing says baseball like a good, old-fashioned bottle roast.
Posted by: David at February 1, 2007 09:01 AM"msb, you probably could have done that by going to TwinsFest!"
lessee, 1384.7 miles from Seattle to Minneapolis, 4092 miles from Seattle to Caracas... yup, it would have been a better bet!
Posted by: msb at February 1, 2007 12:31 PMI will say, however, that given the relative temperatures in Mpls and Caracas, the extra miles may well have been worth the effort (unless you presume the Johan hug would provide all the warmth you need). :)
Posted by: JimCrikket at February 1, 2007 01:11 PMThe root beer comercial transaltates roughly to:
Johan Santana comes back to Tovar and reconnects with his hometown and the great flavor of malta Regional.
Double Cy Young, humble guy, no attitude, thats Johan.
That "gocho" (gocho = person from The Andes Mountains, where Tovar is located) is an 'executioner' and he's even bigger because of his humbleness.
In the big leagues he's always courageous, Santana , for Venezuela. Malta regional is always with him, and in the street of his town, Johan , is back home.
Lady in the clown suit says: "No wonder your arm is so strong" as they both eat.
The slogan "Vida y mas nada" rougly means: "Very alive and nothing more"
Posted by: venezuelan at February 1, 2007 02:58 PMThe speech in congress:
The best part isn't winning the 2 Cy Youngs, it's sharing that joy with the whole country, and fill people with hapiness. (applause)
I think that has been the nicest experience I've had a a professional ballplayer, and I dont want it to end there, I want it to grow, and that you all as representatives support it, and find a way to support sports in general.
Just as you celebrate with the things I've done, and the things my fellow venezuelan colleagues have done in the Big Leagues, imagine if we had that same opportunity, not just in baseball but in many other sports as well.
Sports for me, is a universal language, and it represents ALL of us , and gives us hope.
Im very proud to be a role model for the youth of this country; it gives me strength to continue working hard, as a venezuelan, a person and a human being....
A little late in checking Batgirl.
What a happy surprise to see that Malta video. I will watch it every day until we thaw out up here on the MN/ND border. Just put a smile on my face. The Cy Young one too, even if did not understand a single word knew he was saying something sweet and sincere. Thanks for the translations and thanks Twayn. Did I mention it warmed up my dull drab cold little day?
Just cuz I was curious...per wiki...
"Malta is a type of soft drink. It is a carbonated malt beverage, meaning it is brewed from barley and hops much like beer. However, malta is non-alcoholic. It is similar in color to stout (dark brown) but is very sweet, generally described as tasting like molasses."
Any news on how Dash is doing?
Posted by: Ellen at February 2, 2007 10:55 AMNews on Justin:
http://www.startribune.com/509/story/977272.html
WW
Posted by: Wonder Woman at February 2, 2007 01:52 PMJustin and LNP signed along with "Feeling good, Louis!" (My brother's and my nickname for Lew). I'm a little curious about the 1 year deal for Morneau. Why just 1 year? Maybe someone else will have more insight.
Posted by: David at February 2, 2007 02:08 PM
Ellen, there are occasional Tiniest Superhero updates here:
http://batgirlsbabyshower.spaces.live.com/
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at February 2, 2007 05:07 PMLegoVision for 2007? PLLLLEEEAAAASSSSEEEE! :D
Posted by: pickles at February 3, 2007 12:32 AMThank you TwinsGoddess.
Posted by: Ellen at February 3, 2007 05:12 PMIt looks like there's been an addition to the links page on justinmorneau.com.
Posted by: nyminnesotan at February 6, 2007 11:05 AMThat little boy with the Joe Mauer t-shirt is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I tear up everytime I watch it. Kids are awesome! It's amazing how one t-shirt can bring that much joy into a child's life! VERY VERY CUTE!!!!!
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