FROM THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Orlando, FL--With a small free agent market, everyone knew there were going to be some surprising contracts this year. Already, even the most mediocre players are being rewarded with huge paydays. But perhaps no deal is more surprising than the Chicago Cubs' signing of Orlando sixth grader Ephram Bumblebrox.
Bumblebrox, 12, was playing catch with his younger brother in the park when Cubs GM Jim Hendry was being driven by on his way to the nearest Olive Garden. Hendry was impressed with what he saw.
"Everyone knows we're looking for some outfielders," said Hendry, "and I said to myself, 'That kid can throw!'"
Hendry has his driver stop the car and immediately offered the child a four year, 20 million dollar contract.
"I know given some of the numbers being thrown around this off-season that that's pretty small, but we want to be conservative given Ephram hasn't hit puberty yet."
As for Bumblebrox, he is very excited to be playing for the Cubs. "I think they have a lot of potential," he said. "I just think they need to get the right group of players in. Hopefully, I can help the team."
He then immediately ran out and bought himself a Playstation 3, a video iPod, and an ass-load of candy.
Nice... and of course, it was the Cubbies that signed him! Very funny stuff!
Posted by: Drew at December 6, 2006 08:04 PMHe's a pretty conservative spender if all he bought was a video iPod, a Playstation 3, and a ton of candy. Don't most baseball players buy a Hummer right away? :)
Posted by: Webster at December 6, 2006 09:12 PMHe doesn't have a driver's license, silly!
Posted by: anna at December 6, 2006 09:25 PMI am /so/ excited about this signing! I've been saying /forever/ that the Cubs should rebuild and go young, and Hendry /really/ shows a commitment to young talent here!
Posted by: cubsalot at December 6, 2006 09:31 PMYay Candy.
Posted by: Paul at December 6, 2006 10:24 PMAgain... stingingly true, Batgirl.
Posted by: Neil at December 6, 2006 10:56 PMI thought the headline read "Major League" deal...
Posted by: e-9 at December 6, 2006 11:41 PMHe didn't have time to buy more stuff; you know he still had to be home by 7.00 pm for dinner.
Posted by: Skippy Tastes Better than Jiff at December 7, 2006 04:38 AMYea, the market has definately gone crazy this year. It seems like every signle free-agent this season is massively getting overpaid, especially in the outfielder and starting pitching free-agents. These types of signings this year make me worry about the small-market Twins because we have so many players that have yet to reach their value and finally get their multi-year contracts. Specifically Mauer, Morneau, Cuddyer and hell -- even Punto. The little good news i suppose, is the Twins can stall the big contracts for now and go through the whole arbitration deals until they really do become unrestricted free-agents, which would then force us to really give up the big money.
Posted by: Nam at December 7, 2006 05:05 AMPitcher's got a big butt -
Much love
Wonder Woman
Funny stuff, but I got this really creepy image of Brian Cashman and Theo Epstein hanging out at grade school playgrounds and leering at the young boys playing ball. "Hey, kid! Wanna make six million dollars next year? Am I a what? No, you got it all wrong, kid. Wait, wait! There's no need to call the cops!"
Posted by: twayn at December 7, 2006 10:44 AMWhat exactly constitutes an ass-load?
MLB has just one-upped the NHL by signing a 6th grader. High school? Pshaw!
Posted by: Dave at December 7, 2006 10:46 AM"Don't most baseball players buy a Hummer right away?"
Webster, if the double entendre was intended -- bravo.
Dearest k-bro sorry!! =)
That was the first thing that popped into my head then like Dave mentioned was exactly is an ass-load of candy and how much does an ass-load of candy cost - more then the Playstation?? How did he find a Playstation in the first place??
Ohhh what kind of incentives did Bumblebrox get attached to said contract?
and holy crap lots of deals yesterday - guys moving left - right and sideways!
Does anyone know where I can get an ass load of Swedish Fish and Sour Patch Kids? The Candy Shoppe does not have enough =(
Much Love
Wonder Woman
And how far into his budding career before he gets "cubbed" I ask you?
Posted by: Tim at December 7, 2006 12:38 PMThe Cubs are obviously willing to spend a little more on young talent than the Twinsare willing to spend period. As I boarded the plane in Orlando last night to return from the Winter Meetings, I bumped into Gardy who was busy listening to something on his MP3 player. I couldn't hear if it was "Showtime" or not. Any way, the meat of the story is that he sat down a few rows ahead of me in Coach. I guess the Twins are planning on using the $200 they saved on Gardy's ticket to lure a huge free agent pitcher to replace Brad Radke.
Posted by: Batman of Brooten at December 7, 2006 12:45 PMGardy flies coach? Why doesn't that surprise me?
Posted by: Erin at December 7, 2006 12:49 PMHow do you sign a 12 year old??? Anyway, I think i would of bought a bunch of candy too, Cause, who doesn't like candy? especially when you've got 20 million$$$ to spend!!!!!
Posted by: Sweethart at December 7, 2006 03:18 PMNo wonder Jacques Jones want's out.
And the Red Sox just bid $62 million for the rights to negotiate with Bumblebrox's younger brother...
Posted by: ramon marcos at December 7, 2006 08:02 PMDear Dave
An assload is way more then a s**t load, but nowhere near a f**k load. Hope that helps.
p.e.m.
Posted by: public enemy mike at December 8, 2006 12:35 AMHow about a pony? Do kids these days not want ponies? I'd want a pony.
Oh, and let me add...
"Mom, you said you wanted me to do something constructive this summer! You said, Jimmy Brackman has a job, why can't you get a job?"
"Jimmy Brackman is a paper boy!"
"Oh, so you just don't want me to get a GOOD job."
Unless the pony comes with a built in Ipod port and stearing audio controls I doubt that they would want a pony.
I'm just sad the Twins didn't sign this kid. I guess TR is going to have to start scouting in the maternity ward and try to sign them there.
By the way Ted Lilly sign the same contract Santana did a couple of years ago. Who would've thought Lilly was that good.
Posted by: cal at December 8, 2006 10:27 AMI know this is completely off-topic, but Justin Jones, the player the Twins got for Dougie M, was lost in the rule 5 draft. Something about that makes me sad. I know that he'll probably never be a great major leaguer (or a major leaguer at all without a complete personality change), and you have to prefer Dr. MVP over a guy who's hit like Juan Castro the last few years, but still... Doug was one of my favorite all-time Twins and the pain of seeing him decline, get traded, and then decline some more would have been eased quite a bit if the Twins had gotten ANYTHING AT ALL when they traded him.
Posted by: ralf at December 8, 2006 12:20 PMRalf, we did get something when we traded ol' Dougie. We got rid of a guy who was way too full of himself as a Twin and was in desperate need of an ego deflation. Sadly, I'm sure the last few years have taken care of that quite handily.
Posted by: adidasman at December 8, 2006 01:34 PM