I have never laughed so long!!! *gasping* Oh, this entry is a jewel!

That's world-class, Batgirl. Thank you!

Eh. I'm tired already of what appears to me to be invented bias. I was rooting for Jeter to win the MVP as a long-time Yankees fan and long-time admirer of Derek Jeter. To suggest that I (or ESPN) am going to claim it was theft that someone else won it simply because I'm disappointed leaves a bad taste in my mouth far worse than Jeter's not winning in the first place.

Um, of the many, many things you missed is this headline from the New York Post:
"JEETED: Anti-Yankee yokels cheat MVP Derek."

Um. Jessica Biel. Sorry. Jessica Alba's been with her non-celeb bf for years. :)

Dear Ms. Girl,

Oops.

Sincerely,
Batgirl

Dear Mr/Ms Alliance,

No one is implying anything about you or any of the other good people disappointed by Mr. Jeter's loss. Many are disappointed for perfectly normal, reasonable reasons. But the implication of bias has, in fact, been made in the media, including ESPN.

Sincerely,
Batgirl

i refuse to believe that God is a yankees fan....

i mean, isn't steinbrenner the devil?

just curious....

if one assumes that the hallmark of evil is avarice, then ,yes, Steinbrenner is synonymous with Satan, for the baseball world. i believe i cited George Vescey's article in the NY Times upon the demise of the Yankees at the hands of the Tigers, & i would again cite that article as proof. i do not have it directly at hand here (you can comb through the Bat-Girl archives to find the quote), but one part in particular is rather emblazoned upon my skull - thera is a part where he states somthing to the effect that the Yankees do not exist to lose to other teams within the regular bounds of fair play, but to "stomp upon the inert bodies of the rest of baseball". this last part i believe to be a direct quote. and, for Mr. Vescey, the fact that they did not is a severe dissappointment. i submit this as proof that they Yankees are baseball evil - & that Mr. Steinbrenner is Satan.

This MVP thing is bittersweet. I'm starting to feel sorry for Jeter and that is not okay. It's very very wrong. I just have to keep reminding myself: "The people who are upset did not watch a Twins game after June 7 this year. But I did. They did not notice that the Big Canadian's hitting was the bright spot of the playoffs. But I noticed. My opinion is all that matters."

That said, I sincerely hope God doesn't smite us all. Because I definitely thanked him heartily for bringing the joy of baseball to me this year.

Oh, I had hoped the reaction (from God) wouldn't have been so bad. Oh well, it is well worth it! :)

I love this sport... and I love this website!

Damn you Derek Jeter - now I have to learn how to swim =p

And I've never felt sorry for Derek Jeter - there is no reason to.

Much Love
Wonder Woman

"Some outside of ESPN and God have commented that Mr. Jeter was one of several good candidates for the award this year, and Mr. Jeter's narrow loss is not the total outrage it might seem. Those people have been smited."
I love it, it reminds me of Monty-python and the sacking.

I hate to say it, but an Anti-Yankee Bias does, in fact, exist. I, for one, have a rather severe case of it.

Dear Batgirl

Do you feel that Jeter receiving 4th and 6th place votes were fair judgments of his season, or do you think that there are people that just wouldn't vote for him because he is Derek Jeter ?

p.e.m.

*snort*

Although I rather hoped that God wouldn't favor the Yankees so highly. I mean, "Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" and all that.

Dang it. Got through almost the whole thing drinking my morning coffee... until the "oh shit" comment from the spokes person for humanity. Coffee burns the nose on the way out. FYI.

Dearest Mr. Mike,

Batgirl does not think Mr. Jeter getting 4th and 6th place votes were any more absurd than Mr. Mauer finishing 6th place overall, receiving a 10th place vote, and not appearing on some ballots. In other words, they are postseaon ballots. Of course they are absurd.

Regretfully,
Batgirl

Suddenly the "Jews for Jeter" t-shirt (http://www.jewishfashionconspiracy.com/index2.html) takes on a whole new meaning.

(NB: I'm not sure, but I believe that t-shirt was inspired by members of the group Jews for Jesus repeatedly showing up at Yankees home games in bright orange slickers.)

For the record, I was at the home game proceeding Morneau's abysmal benching during the Seattle series.

I was 10 rows behind homeplate.

As he stepped to the plate, I hollared "HIT THE BALL YOU BIG DONKEY!"

He proceeded to go on his turnaround, and deliver unto us another Division Title.

I'm not tooting my own horn here - just want my fellow Batlings to retain this nugget in case Justin has a slow start again and I can't be there to help him out.

Thanks BG, a definate Monday morning brightener. On a day when it looks like God is going to smite ND with snow and subzeros,however, rain is looking okay. And if that is the price we have to pay, I think we should get to win the World Series first. Of course, God is probably busy right now weeding through the zillions of football fans beseeching him to help their real teams, fantasy teams and not the bookies win.
And thanks for sitting there at the right time John Wayne (I was the one who got Rondel to hit and score--at the game he finally remembered how to hit, I kept shouting at him that I believed in him)

Seriously, this just further proves that Jeter doesn't deserve the award. If the Yankees have God on their side, they would have won the AL East with or without the golden child.

Apparently, all of the praying from football fans (both real and fantasy) distracts God during the playoffs and he leaves his precious Yankees to flounder.

But seriously, how will they pick an MVP in this new world created from the offspring of Jeter and whatever gorgeous starlet he's with at the moment? Won't ever year be a huge disappointment? I mean, you can't give the award to everyone...can you???

I'm still laughing! Thanks BG, for the Monday morning humor!

Count me in the group that doesn't beleive for a moment, however, that God is a Yankee fan. In fact, if there really is an anti-Yankee bias, clearly the Almighty is leading that charge. How else do you explain the team that outspends everyone else year in and year out always falling short of the championship?

Contrary to Dave's opinion, I think the playoffs is when God actually starts paying attention (kind of like the rest of us with regard to the NBA). He sits there laughing at how George thinks "this is the year" again and again... then intercedes by doing things like turning Kenny Rogers in to Sandy Koufax (or at least Gaylord Perry) and suddenly "poof", the Yanks go home early again.

And they say God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Dear Batgirl

Mauer or Morneau they both can't be the most valuable to the Twins. I don't have an issue with any writer picking one over the other, since the award is for the most valuable.

Jeter got screwed, and there is no East Coast bais in sports.

p.e.m.

Maybe if Jeter was better than Morneau this season he would have won the MVP.. Too bad for him (and God?)

*dies laughing*

*leaves all worldly goods to Batgirl and family* (good luck sorting THAT out...

There is no conspiracy when a Yankee won the award last year. The writers thought Morneau was the most valuable. Deal with it. Geesh. I think Mauer got screwed the most if anything he was not even on some people's ballots! I don't think he should have won over Morneau but I do believe he should have done better in voting then he did. Is there a anti catcher conspiracy or something? LOL :)

I've sat out the "Jeter v. Morneau" debate for a good week now. After all, it's not a time to hate, it's a time to celebrate.

But I can't resist. P.E.M. just won't let dead dogs lie...

P.E.M. Get over it. Yankees fans in general, get over it. If vast anti-Yankee conspiracies among AL baseball writers make you feel better, fine. But take the lead from your own Golden Boy - tip your hat to a very strong field this year, and move forward to next season.

It's just an MVP award. Jeter has his World Series rings, and will have his first-ballot Hall of Fame entry. Let us celebrate what few accolades our boys accumulate without belittling, chiding, or berating.

Please. Thank you.

It would make Batgirl very, very happy indeed if we now concluded that particular discussion and moved on to whether or not God is a Yankee fan, if Jeter is His most Divine creation, what a world populated with Jeter-Biels would be like, and whether or not God truly has a press department.

Thank you,
Batgirl

Best. Blog post. Ever.

I don't know where else to make this statement because I don't know of any football blog sites worth going to... but THE FREAKING GIANTS ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Football is dead to me.

Of course God has a press department, and it's headed up by the archangel Gabriel.

Or would that be Metatron (as in the movie "Dogma")?

I for one am not inclined toward a monotheistic doctrine, since it seems like putting all of ones eggs into a single basket. But it seems to me that God would not be a Yankees fan. Looking at biblical precedent, we see David beating Goliath, Moses beating Ramses, Noah beating the Flood, the Maccabees beating the Syrians, and on and on. So it seems clear that God prefers the underdog. I don't believe that Derek Jeter is God's most divine creation. That would be Roberto Clemente, or a latter day saint like Johan Santana. I have no idea what a world of Jeter-Biels would look like, but I remember an episode of The Twilight Zone where everyone got plastic surgery to look beautiful, only everyone ended up looking exactly the same as everyone else. I think it would be something like that. And God would definitely have a media relations department, though it would not be on very good terms with Fox News these days.

I agree with twayn.

El Presidente is undoubtedly God's most divine creation. If not in the history of the world (or baseball) then most certainly of this century!

"God, who would not give his age, last flooded the world on Saturday, November 6, in the year 2343 BC, after disgust with what mankind had become after the fall of Eden. "

Talk about coincedence. Who'd a thunk the Anniversary of my birth would also be the annviersary of when God kicked mankind's butt the first time.

Is the new stadium going to need sails or will there
be a motor? Our new promo might be "lifejacket night."

A world of Jeter-Biels is not a world I want to live in. Well, unless, of course, I was the only non-JeterBiel to survive the flood. That might be okay. I mean, diversity in the gene pool is a good thing right?! Besides, it'll make the MVP voting in the new world much easier. The BWAA can have an anti-DaveGene bias (particularly because the BWAA will all be JeterBiels).

I get the feeling that this scenario has now reached critical mass for ridiculousness on my end.

You'd think that God's press department would suggest that God give booming decrees from the sky. I mean, that strikes me as the most effective form of communication this deity would have at the ready. At least it would be more effective than the AP Wire.

Priceless Batgirl.

Absolutely priceless!!

Being the woman of discriminating taste that I am, I must say that I don't find Derek Jeter the slightest bit attractive. But Jessica Biel is true-blue Minnesota home-grown lusciousness ;)

By the way, the Hall of Fame nominees have been announced.

Click my name, yadda yadda yadda

John Wayne,
The whole donkey comment... not nice. But HILARIOUS. Nicely done on turning him around.

And SH, Amen

"Being the woman of discriminating taste that I am, I must say that I don't find Derek Jeter the slightest bit attractive. But Jessica Biel is true-blue Minnesota home-grown lusciousness ;)"

Being the man of discriminating taste that I am, I completely agree.

I needed a good laugh today, great post, thanks!

After going through a trying weekend during which I've seriously considered (and am yet on the fence about) giving up my love for this game, I ventured back to Batgirl to see if I missed anything; whaddya know--here's a gem of a post. Brilliantly written, as usual.

Though I may well never enjoy another game with quite the same intensity as I did in 2006, coming to Batgirl's site today allowed me to remember that an enjoyable life is about friendship and humor and compassion and not taking ourselves, or the game, too seriously.

Thank you, BG, for the much-needed humor!

Drew,

"Maybe if Jeter was better than Morneau this season he would have won the MVP"

He was better, this year anyway. Check out firejoemorgan.com, a site full of admitted Jeter-haters, for the cold blooded objective analysis.

But as a long-time Bomber fan, I have to agree that it is a serious waste of sympathy to feel sorry for Derek Jeter. And with batgirl that it's general sportswriter foolishness, and not any conspiracy, that explains some ballots listing Jeter sixth -- and leaving Mauer off entirely, for that matter.

I do believe God is a Yankee fan, though. He sent Steinbrenner to test us, and through Brian Cashman and Robbie Cano shall we be redeemed.

BG, every year after the Twins lose I take some time off from sports so I don't fail out of school. This year I returned to sports due to the large number of emails, phone messages, and other text-based communications proclaiming Justin Morneau to be the AL MVP. So I looked for myself, and lo! It was true. And now, having emerged from my annual month-ish-long post-Twins non-sports funk, you present me with this absolutely hilarious report on God's relationship to baseball and Jeter. Brilliant. thank you.

oh, and as I do actually hold the title of Master of Divinity, I feel compelled to comment on the potential of God's being a Yankee fan. I'd say, given the entire course of human suffering since, oh, ever, that God may well be a Yankees fan. That actually might be the best response to the theodicy problem since process theology or before. I mean, if God is a Yankee fan, God could still love the world, but just has a view of 'love' very different from most human conceptions. And it may get around that pesky 'omnipotence' thing, because one would expect God either to let God's team win or not to have traditional omnipotence.

Oh, and I'd say God certainly has a press department. Depending on who you ask, it's headed either by the Pope, whoever would replace Ted Haggard (maybe Rick Warren? gotta clean things up after a scandal), Jim Wallis, Martin Luther (some silly Lutherans can't seem to get a handle on the fact that he's dead), the Apostle Paul (biblical literalism at its 'best'), Rowan Williams, Emilie Townes, Bono or the Holy Spirit.

ps - Sorry, all. I really should finish this systematic theology final.

My press agent passed along your question, BG. I admit I was surprised to hear from you. It has been a while (but we'll deal with that another time).

Setting aside the whole blasphemy issue (but only for a moment... we'll deal with THAT another time, too, trust me), let me just address a few of the questions you and your disciples have posed.

I generally don't concern myself with worldly sporting events or teams. Sure, when I get bored, maybe, I occasionally amuse myself for a bit... the 69 Mets and Jets (that really was a slow year here in heaven)... the Miracle on Ice... Princeton basketball every few years... that kind of thing. Oh... and I did throw a Cy Young award over to a pitcher a while back who didn't really deserve it, but he was, after all, one of my Angels. I'm sure nobody noticed anyway, am I right (that's a joke, of course I'm right... I'm God).

I'm not, however, a Yankee fan. I don't know who this Jeter person is. I certainly haven't heard a prayer from or about him in some time... perhaps he has no need for divine intervention. Nor do I have an anti-Yankee bias. The MVP thing was truly just not something I paid attention to.

In fact, I typically wouldn't take time to communicate this directly with you, but I just wanted to say my Son (you know him as JC) and his buddy St. Paul recommended your site to me (St. Paul IS a Twins fan by the way... though I'm not sure why exactly) and I glanced back through your archive of entries.

Now... I should (and will...eventually) discuss your occasional use of, shall we say, questionable language. But I can't do that until I stop laughing. FUNNIEST stuff I've read or heard since... well... since Cosby did his Noah routine ("Lord, what's a cubit?" almost had me passed out from laughing so hard).

Anyway... no second flood is imminent... just keep up the good work and I'll be looking in on you again soon. Now if you'll excuse me, the prayers always seem to stack up this time of year(who do these people think I am anyway, Santa Claus?)

Your Father,
God

-- "HIT THE BALL YOU BIG DONKEY!"
John Wayne, that made me laugh out loud.

Jim Crikket, er... "God"... that was awesome.

oh, and BG, brilliant as always. :-)

I love it. Thank you for being the most entertaining Twins news source online.

Being here on the left coast, it has been rather interesting. I happened to catch Live with Regis and Kelly the day after the announcement was made. Oh the kvetching and rending of garments that was going on...

My measure of an MVP - The Twins do not win the division/make the playoffs without Justin Morneau, whereas the Yankees do win their division without Jeter.

:P

God may be a Yankees fan, but the Goddess is a Twins fan. :D

Brilliant job BG, and JimCrikket for that matter.

"Lord, what's a cubit?" . . . LOL!

Well we all know God loves base-ball, (not so sure about the Jeter thing, but *shrug*) And what else does he/she love?...
Voting :-)
So don't forget.
http://minnesota.twins.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/awards/y2006/tyib/index.jsp

Heh. If you say "Biel-Jeter" fast enough, it sounds like "Bilge-eater."

Also, I'm pretty sure that Johan Santana is the second coming.

I'm done here.

Beth,
Haha thats good!

October 2004 is proof there is no god.

p.e.m.

Pretty sure God is not a Yankees fan, it is a mistake to confuse material blessings with favour from God (see numerous biblical examples). 27 championships are just the things of this world, a sweet swing, a perfect breaking ball, a smooth double play, these things are truly divine
If Jeter isn't His most divine creation he's pretty close.
a world full of Jetter/Biels would be like one of those scary sci-fi utopias with a dark underbelly
And yes God does have a press department, but it's rubbish, does more harm that good and He should fire it double time.

Have a good one

D

PS p e m, October 2004 isn't proof that there isn't a God, it just shows that sometimes He'll mess with you just to remind you He can.

"October 2004 is proof there is no god"

For a spilt second I had to think what happened then, Then I started laughing. nice.

Well it looks like Batgirl could get a job at the Onion anytime she wanted one.

It's nice to see a bit of theology mixed in with the usual nonsense - and I think putting all one's eggs in the same monotheistic basket makes sense when you're discussing the One who made the eggs, the basket, and the person placing the eggs in the basket. I enjoyed "God"'s post in particular, though I suspect He was funnin' a little in places; the Cosby reference is a beauty. ("Why don't you have it rain for forty days and forty nights, and wait for the sewers to back up?" "Right!!!") God, of course, knows who Derek Jeter is - after all, He made Derek - He just doesn't really put a whole lot of stock in whether or not he deserved the MVP for 2006. He doesn't really care that Morneau won, either, of course. Like God's representatives here on Earth, the voters are mere humans and therefore prone to error - but, in this instance, the bipeds got it right. Woo hoo. So who knows? Maybe we'll get Iraq and the Middle East and the environment and racism figured out, too. Hope springs eternal.

Oh, and a world filled with Biel-Jeters means lots of bronzed, slightly oily-looking folk with perpetual five o'clock shadow and glazed expressions. In other words, it'll look a lot like LA.

Now I think I'll go find a Yankees blog and argue vociferously about how Morneau was the right choice for MVP. Given a few of the posts here, it only seems fair.

Hah, sure you will, adidasman.

Go straight to bronxbanter.baseballtoaster.com and explain to Cliff and Alex and boys and girls why Morneau was the right choice. "Argue vociferously." I'll keep an eye out, it should be fun to watch!

Dear BG-

Thank you for making me coffee spray all over my keyboard yet again. Loved today's entry.

Oh

"Dad" (not to mention BG) has commanded that I lay off the Yankee fans lest the "God is anti-Yankee" movement gain steam and we end up with yet another religion who's zealots are prone to terrorist activity.

However, if YOU go over to the Yankee sites, adidasman, while you're over there, be sure to point out the hypocracy of complaints that 2 other Twins in the top 10 MVP voting proves Morneau couldn't possibly be the most valuable player in the AL, given that a year ago there were FOUR Yankees in the top 10 MVP voting and there was no rending of garments over the fact that ARod couldn't thus be the most valuable.

My Father may or may not be pro or anti Yankee... but He's really down on hypocrites in general.

JC

Not sure where all the so-called anti-Yankee bias was last year.

AT- "Martin Luther (some silly Lutherans can't seem to get a handle on the fact that he's dead)"

Eh?

Believe it or not, here's a fairly insightful piece in the NYT about Jeter, NYC bias and the MVP vote.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/28/sports/baseball/28chass.html?ref=sports

Ha ha! This is such a great entry. Thanks again, Batgirl. You make me laugh every time!

I feel so dumb...who IS Jessica Biel dating? (As you can tell, I don't really keep myself updated on all the celeb gossip.)

um... probably Derek Jeter...

Eric:

Martin Luther was a German who is generally accepted as inspiring the Protestant Reformation movement in the early 1500s. The "Luther"an Church is one of the denominations that has its roots in the Reformation.

Click my name for Wikipedia link.

Boy, Does this Jessica Biel (whoever *she* is) feel like a schmuck for choosing Blah when she could be going out with a doctor.