Since joining the Twins eight games ago, Jason Renyt Tyner has been trying to figure out his role. It would be easy to stand atop the dugout and announce to all who'd listen, "I am Jason Renyt Tyner and I am a good-luck charm. This team has not known defeat since I joined its ranks."
And he would be correct, for the Twins have gone 8-0 since Jason Renyt Tyner joined the Twins during their week of the injured outfielders. He was the first to come up, to be joined by Rondell White and Josh Rabe. And on his first night with the Twins, he got the game-winning single and felt the happy breath of his new teammates as they pounded his helmet and showed him all forms of man love.
But, still, as the hits and wins kept coming, Jason Renyt Tyner wondered, "How can I make them remember me after the novelty of my arrival has worn off? How can I be more than a man whose middle name is his last name in reverse?"
And Jason Rynet Tyner pondered. He saw hustle and determination wherever he looked, and understood that his hustle and determination was matched by other little Twins -- by Nicky Punto and Luis Castillo and Jason Bartlett, to name three. And he knew that he could not hit the ball as far as JustIncredible or as consistently as The Chairman or even with the sudden combination of power and hotness that is now Rondell White.
"How will they know me?" Jason Renyt Tyner asked himself as the team plane landed in Cleveland, and again as teammates stretched, dressed and touched their noses in preparation for the series opener. He was in the lineup again, batting eighth against the loathsome C.C. Sabathia.
And then, as he approached the plate in the second inning, he understood.
"No, I cannot hit as far as Morneau nor as well as Mauer," Jason Renyt Tyner told himself. "But I can hit it hard and short."
(This is backed up by statistics. In 863 major-league at-bats, Jason Renyt Tyner has 0 home runs. In other words, he trails Barry Bonds by 722 career home runs and Lew Ford by 28 -- and he is likely to catch neither.)
As he approached the plate, Jason Renyt Tyner looked the corpulent Captain Cheeseburger in the eye and in the gut. "Show me your best heater, fat ass," he drawled to himself, knowing full well that Texas Aggies don't cuss out loud.
And C.C. tried. It was a fastball.
And Jason Renyt Tyner swung, and drilled the ball toward Sabathia's big head. When C.C. raised his left arm in self-defense, the ball banged off his wrist and into center field for a base hit. Captain Cheeseburger waved away help and acted as if he was just fine, thank you.
But he wasn't. He didn't make it through the fourth, allowing eight runs on six hits and four walks and looking for all the world like he wanted to make a big hole -- a big, big hole -- in the pitcher's mound and jump in.
And Jason Renyt Tyner thought to himself, "I know what I am...
"I AM THE ASSASSIN."
But how could he convince others? In the third inning, he came to bat with the bases loaded. His brain was in overdrive.
"To be an assassin, I must know and show more than brute force," Jason Renyt Tyner thought.
So he hit a slow grounder toward third base, daring Aaron (BBB) Boone to throw home and start a double play.
Aaron (Bret Boone's Brother) Boooooooone booooooooted it, letting a run score and starting an 8-run inning, giving the Twins a lead that not even Carlos Silva could put asunder. (When Boone made a routine fielding play later in the game, he received derisive cheers from the Clevelanders. And then, after making a key out when Cleveland still had hopes of a rally, he held his head in his hands by home plate. Boone was psychological toast.)
As he stood at first base and listened to the crowd direct anger toward its third baseman, Jason Renyt Tyner thought to himself, "I AM THE ASSASSIN."
Then, later in the game, when Cleveland threatened a bit and more runs were needed, Jason Renyt Tyner came to the plate against Jason (No Relation) Davis, a journeyman of little repute who was called up from the minors this week.
"I will destroy this mediocrity," Jason Renyt Tyner said, approaching the plate, where he smacked a single off the reliever's body, a deft reminder of what he'd done to Captain Cheeseburger, and a blow that led to two runs that seemed needed at the time.
This time, brimming with confidence, he turned to the first-base coach, Jerry White, and said out loud, "I KNOW WHAT I AM NOW! I AM THE ASSASSIN!"
Jerry smiled and offered him a breath mint.
So on a night when Rondell had four (more) hits and four RBI ... and Chairman Mauer tripled, doubled and singled ... and Cuddy had three hits and four RBI ... and JustIncredible raised his average to .308 with two hits and two walks ... and Dennys (Grand Slam Breakfast) Reyes defeated Pronk in a key game of 1-on-1, it was Jason Renyt Tyner who left Jacobs Field with an identity.
Opponents beware, HE IS THE ASSASSIN!
I was wondering where he fit in, it all becomes clear now. HE IS THE ASSASSIN!
Nice work RD.
Look at this.
http://chicago.whitesox.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20060721&content_id=1568213&vkey=news_cws&fext=.jsp&c_id=cws
I didn't realize that JRT was a fellow Ag! Whoop!
Posted by: bayareatwinsfan at July 22, 2006 12:05 AMTwin-X....I don't know if it's the same thing you saw, but that headline had me rolling.
Posted by: Torhu at July 22, 2006 12:09 AMGreat game! I have to say, this is the first time i had seen Neshek pitch. Puts Twitchy McXanax to shame...I wonder if he swears uncontrollably as well when he pitches...
Posted by: ghost42 at July 22, 2006 12:35 AMThe Assassin is my new hero. Captain Cheeseburger had better think twice about eating LNP as long as Jason Renyt Tyner is around.
Posted by: twayn nyawt at July 22, 2006 12:52 AMI hope that nickname sticks RD! Having someone earn the nickname 'the Assassin' is just awesome.
It's a good problem to have, but Garde and TR are going to have some tough decisions to make when guys come off the DL. Tyner and Neshek have both been outstanding. I think the roster size increase in September could help us down the stretch this year.
'Down the stretch'? We're in the hunt for a playoff spot?? Whoohoo! Maybe one really does have to suffer the bad to truly appreciate the good...
Posted by: Bob at July 22, 2006 01:06 AMBob, it is a *moral imperative* that this nickname sticks.
We need BG to return from her travels (or at least find a Starbucks with a Wi-Fi connection) to issue a BatEdict - forevermore, Jason Renyt Tyner is: The Assassin.
Hollywood is casting the movie for Summer '07 release.
(Ron: Sheer brilliance on the post.)
Posted by: tgd at July 22, 2006 06:57 AMQUESTION: I didn't see the game, so I'm confused by the box score a bit. Apparently the Twins were up 9-5 or 9-6 when Silva was pulled, yet he didn't get the win...why?
Posted by: imprvyz at July 22, 2006 07:09 AMimprvyz : from wikipedia
In baseball, a pitcher is credited with a win (or "W") when, in a game won by his team, he is the team's pitcher at the time that his team takes a lead that it does not relinquish for the remainder of the game.
An exception to this is that a pitcher who starts a game cannot be credited with a win if he does not pitch at least five innings. If his team takes a lead it does not relinquish while that pitcher is in the game, the win is awarded to the relieving pitcher who, in the judgment of the scorer, pitched the most effectively. The winning pitcher cannot, however, be a pitcher who is credited with a save in the same game.
Let's call him "Palindrome."
Posted by: Kurtis at July 22, 2006 08:10 AMJames - thanks!
Posted by: imprvyz at July 22, 2006 08:21 AMYay for the Assassin!! What a threatening name, it will definetly put fear in the heart of any opposing pitchers!
Posted by: L.H. girl at July 22, 2006 10:03 AM
He IS! He totally IS!
Jason Davis wasn't really making his MLB debut, was he? I swear I've seen that guy plenty.
Posted by: sacky at July 22, 2006 10:44 AMSacky,
Darn details. Must have confused JD with one of the other pitchers making their way through the haze of last night's game.
Best, RD
Posted by: RonDavis at July 22, 2006 11:01 AMSacky,
You're right. Jason Davis was just coming off the DL. He's been a member of the Clevelands for some time. He just looked like a rookie last night - I'm sure that's what RD meant.
Yours truly,
Dr. Jane
Posted by: Dr Jane at July 22, 2006 11:03 AMSacky and Dr. J,
I am proud to present, "Jason Tyner discovers his identity, second edition."
Happily, RD
Posted by: RonDavis at July 22, 2006 11:32 AMRenyt...how does one prounounce that anyway? Is the y silent? Or does it make a vowel sound?
Posted by: jamar1700 at July 22, 2006 11:55 AMI was watching ESPN last night and they said something about the twins getting alfonso soriano.
Does anyone know any more about this?
It was a rumor...the Twins may be one of the teams that are pursuing him low-key and Kurkijian thinks we'll get him
Posted by: Josh at July 22, 2006 01:08 PMThey are talking about it right now, on WCCO.
RD-
really fine job while B.G. is away. And our team, well, I can't believe how much fun they are to watch. And Rondell is hitting effectively with joy and we have a new guy as our heavy (the assassin) to take care of the opposition if they really annoy us.
Twinsville is a happy place indeed.
Go Twins!
kal
Posted by: kal at July 22, 2006 04:53 PMKurtis,
- Renyt Tyner - is in fact a Palindrome but "Palindrome" doesn't sound as threatening or as cool as "The Assassin" so how do you propose we do this: Jason Palindrome, The Assassin; or Jason, The Assassin, Palindrome?
Play Ball!
Posted by: Play Ball! at July 22, 2006 05:21 PMthe game right now is pretty much making me want to go cry in the corner and then kill myself. 11-0 cleveland in the top of the ninth? UGH!
Posted by: iheartmntwins at July 22, 2006 08:33 PMTonight's game made me want to break things. But then an hour later I saw that the Sox lost to the Rangers.
Posted by: Grace at July 22, 2006 09:17 PMYou guys settle down it was one game! We were not going to win every game! Tomorrow: Francisco with revenge on his mind! :)
Posted by: Nora at July 22, 2006 09:37 PMThis game made me want to eat my heart out. But I WILL have REVENGE tomorrow. I hope they know that the Franchise was sitting watching this game and that he will come (with-out any of Punto's knitting) and those bitches will sit down.
I'm rally not as mad as that post made me sound, but that was not fun, can we not have any of those for at least, oh, say the next four, no 7 days.
Oh I agree. The game was ugly and I hope we don't see it again. Francisco not only had to watch this game but he pitched against them with no rest after the all star game where he had to travel pretty much the whole time and had his worst outing and gave up 4 earned runs.
Posted by: Nora at July 22, 2006 10:44 PMHow cool - Rookie BF gets a kick-ass nickname. Sweeeet.
Posted by: FH at July 24, 2006 01:45 PM