This is all some big cosmic joke, right? We took our awesome hurlers for granted, and now The Pitching Gods are punishing us.

Get out the Legos, it's time for some ritual sacrifice.

Lohse...wow.

It's really hard to believe that you can make our current mound circumstances funny...

what a gift.

Here's an idea, lets use some current and former Minnesota athletes from other sports... too...
1. El Presidente
2. Liriano
3. KG (pro:height con:glare from bald head might distract Joe Mauer)
4. Daunte Culpepper (pro:he can throw con:do we really want to replace one whiner with another(Loshe))
5.Big Boy Lecroy...I just want him back!!

I think Joe Mauer should try pitching. He spends more time on the mound than some of our starters.

Funniest BG entry in quite some time, or at least a few days. I think I startled Ornette.

"I think Joe Mauer should try pitching. He spends more time on the mound than some of our starters."

So does Rick Anderson ... and the plate umpires, who come out & beg Anderson to return to the dugout (vs. pitchers begging him to stay).

What's wrong with a 4 (oh! 2) man rotation?
Day #1: El Presidente
Day #2: Liriano
Day #3: El Presidente
Day #4: Lirian0
Yes out with the legos

Where's Terry Mulholland?

Pro: a lefty with 80 years of experience.
Con: His name is Terry Mulholland.

An early lead squandered. A starting pitcher unravelling like a cheap sweater. A fly ball artfully dodging the right fielder's glove. Three straight outs from the heart of the order with bases loaded. Four double plays hit into. Clearly, the forces of evil are back on the march. Sometimes I get so frustrated all I can do is throw back my head, cast an imploring gaze to the heavens, and invoke the Spirit of Stengel. "Can't anybody here play this game?"

Day #1 Johan
Day #2 Liriano
Day #3 Geena Davis (Pro Athlete in archery, starred in "League of their Own"
Day #4 Sadaharu Oh (Other Japanese players are finding success in the states. Who cares if he's an outfielder and puching 80?)
Day #5 Me. (I'm bored, like to travel and need somethig to do.)

Lohse can't get an out
Rad and Silva can't either
I could puke right now

Just trying to stay sharp on the haikus.

I would really like to see Lohse and Radke and Silva somehow grab onto the solid profile they had established last year. Lohse needs confidence, Silva needs that sinker ball of yore and Radke needs -- I'm afraid to say -- something else to do. I think the three of them should go camping and sing a few of their favorite songs together. Stuff like Camptown Races, do-da, do-da and perhaps a few mazurkas and polkas. Maybe something like "Who stole the Kishka?"

Using a free translation site:

Querría realmente ver Lohse y Radke y Silva asen de algún modo en el perfil sólido que ellos habían establecido el año pasado. Lohse necesita la confianza, Silva necesita esa pelota de plomada de antaño y necesidades de Radke -- deberé decir -- algo más hacer. Pienso que el tres de ellos deben ir de camping y cantar algunos de sus canciones favoritas juntos. El material como Carreras de Camptown, hace-da, hace-da y quizás unas pocas mazurcas y polcas. ¿Quizá algo como "Que robó el Kishka?"

And then back to English:

It would want really to see Lohse and Radke and Forest they grasp of some way in the solid profile that had established last year. Lohse needs the confidence, Forest needs that ball of plumbline of long ago and needs of Radke -- I will should I say -- something more to do. I think that the three of them should go of camping and to sing some of its together favorite songs. The material as Careers of Camptown, causes gives, causes gives and perhaps some few mazurkas and polkas. Perhaps something as "That stole the Kishka?"

I can be the fifth guy in the rotation. I've got a killer eephus pitch.

I'm not so sure 'dead' is that much of a con at this point.

Hey batgirl, funny stuff over here.
This is the only twins blog I ever go to. That may not be saying much because, because to be honest, I have very little interest in following the twins, but I will watch Santana pitch whenever I can, and if I do want to get a taste of the talk in Twin Fan Nation, this is where I go...
Anyway, as a Cub fan who now has the dubious privelage of rooting for Jacque Jones, I wanted to ask you, was this guy the dumbest baseball player in the world before he became a Cub or is it something he has learned under the tutelage of Dusty Baker.
I won't even get into his hacktastic approach at the plate. But I have never seen an outfielder throw to the wrong base, or miss the cutoff man so frequently. Worse yet is his baserunning. I don't know if you saw Jacque's epic Guffaw on the basepaths last night. He got doubled off 2nd base on a routine line drive to left field, with one out and the bases loaded. It was quite possible the worst baserunning error I've ever seen at the major league level. For one thing, the play was right in front of him, the runner on third was also right in front of him, waiting for the ball to be caught before tagging. Jones wasn't even close to making it back in time. The most astounding part of this all, is that it was the third time this season that Jacque Jones has been doubled of 2nd base.
Does this surprise you as a Twins fan?

Hi Dan,
Yes we did trade Jones for a reason, he is not that good and he wanted a ton of $$$'s.
Sorry your gain is not our lost. See ya in June.

:looks around: Scott Baker could fill in the fifth spot in option #1. I mean, he's no Frisco of El Presidente, but...I'll take him.

Dan-Jacuqe's biggest advantage is his power. He has always--ALWAYS--swung at any pitch that comes in anywhere between first and third base (unless he's changed, he's always been able to check his swing on pick-off moves to second). I kid, but he does like to swing the bat. And when you're lucky, the ball and bat connect, and the ball soars out of the park.

Here is a whine.

In addition to the painful starting pitching issue -- how can a team continue to use a DH who is batting .187 and is showing absolutely NO power.

I know he got an RBI last night, is "hitting the ball hard" right at people, and is a solid citizen and all that, but it's mid-May for Pete's sake.

This team would be much better with Matt LeCroy at DH and Cordell at third, which could have easily happened for about the same amount of money.

I hope Rondell comes around -- he looks like a hitter.

Dear Mr. craig,
Actually, JJ is some kind of baseball savant--he has a freakish knowledge of thr rules of baseball. Hacking at the plate is his forte, but stupid plays, BG thinks, is not. He should come 'round there soon. (Though not on hacking...)

Sincerely,
BG

I agree, BG, I never equated Jacque with "stupid" during his time with the Twins. It is funny how players seem to get dumber around Dusty Baker, though. I can't honestly say I miss the "hacking" but maybe that's because I get my regular "what are you doing swinging at THAT pitch?" fix from Torii.

As for the rotation situation (my rhyme for the day), it may be about time to bring in Boof. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Kyle Lohse and Luis Castillo (he's only here for one year folks), for Aubrey Huff and Jorge Cantu.

I read today on Foxsports.com that the Royals released Joe Mays. Maybe the Twins could pick him up!!

"Here's an idea, lets use some current and former Minnesota athletes from other sports... too...
--Posted by: allie"
Hey, and once hockey's over, we can get Dwayne Roloson's bat in the lineup, too.

Back in the days when legends walked the earth, when men wore hats and ties to the ballpark, when Saturdays were devoted to double headers, when a fan could purchase a frank and a beer for a paltry two bits, when a blue haze of smoke hung low in the press box and scribes plied their trade to the steady clacking rhythm of Underwoods and Remingtons and Caligraphs, when hurlers fired pills past batsmen and uniforms were woven of flannel and four-man rotations were the norm and complete games were as common as infield dirt , there was a base-ball club in Milwaukee known as the Braves. That team featured two of the great pitchers of their time or any time, a pair of horsehide slingers who inspired the classic refrain, “Spahn and Sain and pray for rain.” I’ve been trying to adapt that phrase to reflect the current dichotomy of the Minnesota Twins starters, but all I can come up with is “Santana and ‘Cisco and… oh, crap.”

"But I have never seen an outfielder throw to the wrong base, or miss the cutoff man so frequently."

That always killed me about Jacque. He never hit the cutoff. He always had supreme confidence in his arm. Half the time, that was fine, there'd be a very good throw. The other half the time, he'd bounce the ball at his feet or throw it at a hot dog vendor.

But just when I'd start to sour on him, he'd hit one of those late inning home runs he was so proficient at.

It was a rocky relationship.

I found 1 good reason to hope Lohse keeps sucking. The Strib is saying the Twins might call up Boof Bonser! Just think of the fun Batgirl could have with that name!

"I read today on Foxsports.com that the Royals released Joe Mays. Maybe the Twins could pick him up!!"

Randy, in jest or not...No.

“Santana and ‘Cisco and… oh, crap.”

Bravo, twayn! That made me LOL :-)

KG starting awsome! He can whack the rosin (sp?)bag before the first pitch and stare at the batter and scare the begebers out of the batter.

Day 1. Santana
Day 2. Liriano
Day 3. BOOF!
Day 4. Sold on eBay
Day 5. RD, who is willing to come out of retirement and reinvent himself as a starter in this time of need.

The late great Gene Mauch essentially went to a two-man rotation of Jim Bunning and Chris Short with the Phillies in first place in the final days of the 1964 season. Of course, the team went on to blow a 6-game lead and lose the pennant to the Cardinals, so I'm not actually recommending that strategy.

Meryl Streep: so versatile and so Oscar-worthy!

I thought Ron Davis was on the 60-year disabled list with a chronic neck injury from spinning his head around to watch his pitches fly out of the park.

Option 4
Day #1: El Presidente
Day #2: Liriano
Day #3: Radke
Day #4: Lohse
Day #5: Baker
j/k!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!! : )

Why would he ever joke about that?? ;)

Here is my idea for a rotation:
Day #1: El Presidente
Day #2: Liriano
Day #3: Jim/Gaylord Perry (I think Jims still in the area but there getting a little old so we will let them split the rotation)
Day #4: Marian Gaborik (he speaks perfect Minnesotan, at least 2 "ya knows" and 3 "ahh" per sentence, refined in Woodbury)
Day #5: William "The Fridge" Perry- he qbed for Chicago

We could just pretend it's 2008:

Day #1: El Presidente
Day #2: Liriano
Day #3: Baker
Day #4: Boof
Day #5: Durbin

We had every reason to think that Radke and Silva would pitch well - their struggles are shocking. But I think we all knew before the season started that Lohse is an inconsistent, petulant head-case. If they're so high on Liriano (for good reason), why did they even bother signing Lohse for this year? And what idiot arbitrator decided he was worth more money?

PS: I think of Batista as more or less taking the place of JJ in our lineup. Fewer homers so far, but he takes a lot more pitches.

It would want really to see Lohse and Radke and Forest they grasp of some way in the solid profile that had established last year.

As Bert said after T-Bone forgot to stop running after an infield hit: "Run Forest Run."

I actually think Bob's on the right track. That many rooks in the rotation may give Gardy and Anderson ulcers, but could it be any tougher on their digestive systems than the current group? I can feel the acid doing its work on MY stomach every time anyone but Johan takes the mound to start a game so I can only imagine the pain in the guts of people who actually have something on the line.

Here's a idea: Remember a couple of years ago when Torii shocked us all with his knock-down fastball? Why not bring it into play here?

1. El Presidente
2. Liriano
3. Baker
4. BOOF!
5. Sweetcheeks

Streep's a good choice, except that between pitches, being a Method Actress, she'd constantly be asking, "What's my motivation here?" Gardy will tire of yelling-"Your motivation is to get him the bleep out!"

Okay, all the over the hill guys (like me) need to stop plugging themselves in as the 5th pitcher. If that was what we wanted, we'd plug in Old Man Mullholland, who has at least had some success in the big leagues before. Also, why not go to a four man rotation - Johan, Silva, Liriano, and Baker/Bradke/Bonzer? Silva's problem is the sinker isn't sinking - so send him out there until he gets tired and stops overthrowing. Then the sinker sinks, and all is right in Twinsville once again.

LTLC

The future is now!

1) El Presidente
2) El Presidente Jr. (Pro:Unhittable slider Con: still likes the macarena)
3) Kevin Slowey (Pro: 53/2 k/bb Con: WHO???)
4) Bob Dylan (Pro: Homestate boy Con: Conference on mound will need translater from Mars.)
5) David Blaine ( Pro: Trickster Con: Trouble holding breath over 7 minutes underwater).

Its good information, thank.