Seattle at Twins. Twins 5, Mariners 1.
Short, short tonight. Batgirl and Jeb spent the evening at the Dakota listening to Cyrus Chestnut and James Carter rock the freakin' house. Mr. Carter wore a red silk suit with black pinstripes and Batgirl thinks everyone should have one of those, especially Mr. Johan K. Santana, who would look mighty fine, Batgirl thinks, in such a suit. We almost saw it, too; apparently the quartet's drummer dropped out due to a profound case of existential despair and Mr. Chestnut called Mr. Santana and asked him to play the drums for them tonight. And Johan said, "Oh, Cyrus, there is nothing I would like more than to lend the rhythm to your funkarhythmia, for your jazz music stirs the fire in my blood and I play drums like I make love, which is to say excellently, but you see Cyrus—I have a game to pitch."
Oh, yes, Johan Santana had a game to pitch. Enough of these off-season cobwebs, this World PP Classic hangover, because his team needs him even more than Cyrus Chestnut did, because they have been very very very bad at baseball, and what we needed was someone to step up and—well, stop sucking.
And the Twins followed—there were hits, palpable hits, RBIs by Punto and Hunter and White and timely Morneau and Mauer hits and balls dropping in front of people and four whole runs in one inning. Sure, Jarrod Washburn sat down something like 16 Twins in a row, but you know what? It doesn't matter. If you recall from last season Batgirl was quite clear—we can strike out, pop out, foul out, ground out as many times as we want as long as we score four runs a game. This all seemed like a perfect strategy at the time because how many times is the Twins pitching staff going to give up five runs a game, huh?
Huh?
But tonight, four runs was an orgy of excess, because tonight we were in the hands of Mr. Johan Santana who strode up to the mound in his red silk suit, under which he wore absolutely nothing at all, and he said, Hello. I am in charge. The adults are here now, we are in control, and I pitch like I make love, which is to say, totally awesomely, and I am Johan Santana, and I am here to make you sit down.
Please, please, please let this be the beginning of another string of games like Johan had in 2004.
Fun to watch and good to see.
Posted by: BadAndy48 at May 2, 2006 10:09 PM:swoon:
The show sounds wonderful, too. I wish I'd been there.
Posted by: frightwig at May 2, 2006 10:15 PMGod bless Johan Santana.
Posted by: CarrieICL at May 2, 2006 10:18 PMAnd may Johan K. Santana touch the pitching arm of Brad Radke and pass on the magic, so he may beat the crap out of Joe Mays and the Royals tomorrow night.
But it's okay if they get one hit. As long as it's off the bat of the misunderstood but forever beloved Doug Mielswetski...oops, I mean Mientkiewicz.
Posted by: bubblemint at May 2, 2006 10:30 PMI think El Presidente could wear just about anything he wants to and still look incredibly hot. Especially when he pitches like he did last night.
Posted by: Rach at May 3, 2006 07:30 AMWelcome back Johan, nice to have you back in May instead of June. I can't ask for anything more.
Posted by: MNPundit at May 3, 2006 08:07 AMHail to the jefe.
Posted by: nailbiter at May 3, 2006 09:13 AMI agree with Rach. Viva el presidente!
Posted by: Stacy at May 3, 2006 09:14 AMDid anyone else notice that Taco Bell has a new ad campaign running where you can become "El Presidente for a day"? How cool would it be to be Johan Santana for a day?
Posted by: Saajak at May 3, 2006 09:14 AMDear Batgirl,
Do you think tonight's pitching match-up, Bradke v. Mays, is scary? Do you think the game will ever end? Is this someone's idea of a cruel joke, designed to remind us of every scary pitching performance we've ever seen at the Dome? Click on my name for a look at some stats filled with sass. There's even a gratuitous reference to your's truly.
Your's truly, RD
Posted by: RonDavis at May 3, 2006 09:27 AMSuch negativity directed at my boy Brad, RD - shame on you. Tonight is the night that returns Mister Radke to his rightful place as Elder Statesman of the pitching staff, whilst reminding us powerfully why letting Joe Mays go was a good thing to do. (Man, I hope I'm right about this...it just hurts me to see Brad suffer this way. For when he suffers, we all do.)
Posted by: adidasman at May 3, 2006 09:39 AMRD:
Yes, this could be scary--could be one of those 11-8 games....
Guess thats why in their infinite wisdom MLB extra innings decided not to show it...
Will have to come back here tomorrow to find out what happened.
DAM
Posted by: DAM-DC Twins Fan at May 3, 2006 10:46 AMDOUG MIENTKIEWICZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Last night I turned to kafumbly after the game and said, "Mays versus Bradke tomorrow. Any guesses of how many runs will be scored?"
Santana has remembered how to pitch. Hopefully Bradke will remember tonight, too. *crosses fingers*
Posted by: JustBeth at May 3, 2006 12:07 PMUnder the guidance of the President, our pitching will get better.
And, well, if we can avoid having our boys taking a dose of Ambiorix the next two days, life will be good.
Posted by: JustBeth at May 3, 2006 12:14 PMhopefully mr. radke was watching every move the president made last night as it was just lovely. bert said radke has announced he will pitch inside tonight. let's see how far out of the box the "pine grabbers" will be standing.
Posted by: dorkyhouse at May 3, 2006 12:29 PMI think red silk suits would be an excellent replacement for the pixie vests...
Posted by: MikeinMA at May 3, 2006 01:07 PMPitch perfect, Batgirl.
And to the rest of you: I think that Bradke will pitch lovelily tonight. The change-ups are due to round into form in May. Have faith.
Posted by: hrunting at May 3, 2006 03:10 PM