Thanks to her TOP SECRET connections with the Japanese mafia and also the guy who sells popcorn at Hammond Field in Fort Myers, Batgirl was able to arrange an EXCLUSIVE interview with the newest Twin, Tony Fatista. Here is the transcript:
BG: So, I was wondering if you could tell us how you feel things are going so far.
TF: Well, you know what it's like just starting with a new team. You don't know anyone, so you really do your best to try to fit in. And I think that's going really well.
BG: How do you mean?
TF: Well, for instance, in today's game I hit into a double play with runners in scoring position, and then I struck out with the bases loaded. I think that makes me one of the guys.
BG: Uh-huh.
TF: I know, I know. It would have been better to hit into the double play with the bases loaded. Next time I'll do better.
BG: Mr. Fatista--
TF: Please, call me Tony.
BG: Right. Tony, so far your spring training batting average is .000. When do you think you might get your first hit?
TF: Well, I don't know, Batgirl. I don't want to rush things. The hitting will come, but first I want to practice my striking out and my grounding to shortshop. I really want to be more than a one tool player.
BG: Uh-huh... And...which tool is that?
TF: I'm not really sure. But when I left the Orioles, Cal Ripken told me I was a giant tool. It was really flattering having a Hall of Famer say something like that.
BG: Uh-huh.
TF: Also, it's hard to see the ball over my gigantic beer belly.
BG: Yes, that reminds me. Tony, you showed up at camp fifteen pounds overweight. After Terry Ryan took a chance on you, wouldn't it have been better to show you're really committed to the team by coming to camp in shape?
TF: Oh, I'm committed all right. Every time I ate a donut this off-season, I thought about how happy I was to be with the Twins. They're a great organization and they really have a shot at the playoffs. Plus, there's a Krispy Kreme right by the team hotel.
BG: Okay, well, thanks so much, Tony, for talking to us.
TF: No problem, Batgirl! Sayonara!
Posted by Batgirl at March 4, 2006 03:00 PMHmmm...how can I get "in" with the Japanese mafia?
Posted by: Twinsboy at March 4, 2006 03:59 PMI sure hope Batista does better than this.
Posted by: Karl at March 4, 2006 05:15 PMMy theory is that TR signed Fatista so he would have an 'excuse' for not reacquring Koskie, thereby setting up for one of the following scenarios, from most likely to least likely:
A: Fatista's thirty homerun aura, and ample belly, deflect scrutiny from Terry Tiffee, TR's real plan for third base. Without the pressure of being the chosen one, ala Bartlett, Morneau, etc, Tiffee thrives in spring training. So far, so good.
B: Stop gaps fill the void until trading deadline, when a career year from Lohse gets him a ticket to the Rangers for Hank Blalock
C: Ditto above, except now it is a bunch of prospects for Miguel Cabrera. Believe it. TR practiced action through inaction at the winter meetings, knowing the trade market would be much more favorable mid-season. This way he gets to see if Cabrera can make the transition back to third base, no strings attached.
E-Y: Just about anything, including a revisiting of those enticing Joe Randa trade rumors, Gaetti out of retirement, Torii to third and Span to center, and Ruben Sierra just standing on the third base bag, not moving to catch anything that doesn't come right at him, but still making more outs (and hits) than Fatista.
Z: Fatista actually pans out.
Dear Friends,
I'm not a huge Batista fan but I'd have to say one thing having seen him in person now. He DOES NOT look overweight. Not that he's slim and he's probably not in perfect shape, but he looks decent build for his size. Not impressed with his at bats particularly but his double play today was actually a very hard hit ball ripped to left field - just right in line with third base man for a 5-5-1 DP not really Tony's fault. His strikeout with bases loaded however was all his responsibility!
Not sure how it will all play out, but he really doesn't look all that bad.
Just thought a note of caution before we go off too far on the Fatista route.......
Yours truly,
Dr. Jane
Posted by: Dr Jane at March 4, 2006 07:13 PMDR and Venezuela play at noon Tuesday, but I have school and parents have work. That isn't fair!!
Posted by: Rivasfan at March 4, 2006 10:20 PMDr Jane,
It's fun.
Bitch Sox isn't actually their name, Punto does not walk around with a cape, and Lew Ford does not, in fact, have a working lightsaber.
Posted by: Drake33 at March 5, 2006 12:00 AMDear Mr Drake,
Are you sure about that last part?
sincerely,
BG
Tone Toni Tony may wake up tomorrow, and like Bret Boone and Gabe White say, "I just don't have the hunger for the game anymore . . . I'm just plain hungry!"
Posted by: funoka at March 5, 2006 07:15 AMWell, I'm still holding out the false hope that we can con the Mets into giving us David Wright.
Posted by: Stacy at March 5, 2006 09:15 AMI said it over at Gleeman's and I'll say it here: Tony B. is as far north as he is going to get.
Posted by: Duquephart at March 5, 2006 10:46 AMI'm happy to see that stat-heads like Gleeman and sass-heads like Batgirl can all unite in the noble cause of trashing Tony Fatista. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I sure hope he can hit 30 home runs and maybe even put up an OBP somewhere in the .300s, but I find it slightly more likely that Gardenhire will get into Mensa or that Justin Morneau will become America's next hot stand-up comic.
Posted by: Andre at March 5, 2006 11:34 AMPhart.......but Gleeman hasn't seen Batista and likes him as much as Rivas. Hope you're thinking for yourself on this one. He's not all that chubby, really. And who cares, as long as he can hit. I haven't seen much of that yet.
Posted by: insider at March 5, 2006 11:38 AMI don't think for myself. Gleeman and Batgirl tell me what to do and what to think. I humbly await their next orders.
Posted by: Andre at March 5, 2006 11:52 AMI saw Rivas coming back when Gleeman was still trying to figure out which end of a pencil works best. There was something about his attitude that always irked me, even when he was valuable. Couldn't stand Guzman either, but had to keep mum. And it's not like Tony's shortcomings are just now being noticed. I have always liked it better, win or lose, when the team was primarilarly composed of players developed through the team's system. And players are welcome to be egotistical jerks, so long as they are not public about it.
And as far as stats, I much prefer this quote, found on the Sioux Falls Canaries' website:
"Baseball isn't statistics. Baseball is DiMaggio rounding second."
- Sportswriter Jimmy Cannon
OMG!! I love Luis Rivas!!!!!!
Why isn't he on Tampa Bay's 40 man :(
Posted by: Rivasfan at March 5, 2006 05:35 PM"Well, I'm still holding out the false hope that we can con the Mets into giving us David Wright."
BWAHAHAHAHA! AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHAHAHAH!
HAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAH!
ohh...heh...hah....hahahhahAHAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAAHH!
Okay, better now...heh. Better....pheewwww.. Anyways...so, spring training. Yeah! Woo!
0-6 White Sox will rox you! Heh. Sucked last spring training, suck this spring training, good sign!
-Pander
Posted by: Pander at March 6, 2006 05:53 PM