Twins at Tigers. Twins 9, Tigers 3.
For an explanation of DINGERS FOR DOLLARS, please scroll down to the bottom of this entry.
Or nine runs is fine, too.
Apparently, what the Twins needed was a little motivation. Now, for most teams, things like ‘the division championship’ and ‘postseason play’ and ‘dignity’ and ‘keeping Batgirl off the sauce’ would be motivation enough to score a bunch of runs, but as we all know, the Twins are not most teams.
Tonight, Fox Sports Network decided to donate $1000 for each home run hit in the game to the Red Cross. Now, if the whole network of Fox Sports stations were not doing the same promotion, Batgirl would be a little suspicious, for offering money for every home run the Twins hit in a given night is rather like offering to donate ten bucks for every person who attends a Devil Rays game.
Or so Batgirl thought. But tonight, the Twins hit three grade ‘A’ numero uno one hundred percent real extra juicy home runs. Yes, three. According to DicknBert, the Twins have not hit three home runs since a game against Milwaukee in late June, though whether they meant three home runs in the same game or three home runs total was unclear.
I’m not sure the team’s been very clear on the concept of the homer, but it’s really not that hard once you grasp the fundamental truth about it—and I know this is hard, but bear with me—when you hit a dinger, you are guaranteed to score a run. Like tonight. Matt LeCroy came up with the Twins down 1-0 while DicknBert were talking about the Doctor’s wish to gain ten pounds in the offseason, and just as DickorBert said, “He’s going to be a big boy,” Big Boy himself went long. And tied the game. Just like that. Easy, breezy, beautiful, Big LeCroy. And while the Twins have been shut out at least 40 times this season, they have never been shut out when they’ve hit a homer.
Now, here’s the other thing. There’s a whole other dimension to the home run thing, and that is: if you hit a homer with someone on base you score both yourself and the person on base. So if there’s a runner on, as there was for Bart in the eighth, you score two runs. And if there are two runners on, as there was for Luis “Babe” Rivas in the third, you score three runs.
We’ve all been on and on about the Twins inability to do the little things right this year, but BG’s feeling is if the boys managed to hit a few more dingers, a failure to advance to runner wouldn’t mean as much. And also, since we’re going to adopt Batgirl’s Happy Kitten Plan For Ultimate Victory, scoring four runs a game is a lot easier if you can hit some dingers.
So, anyway, apparently the Twins hit homers best for charity. So, for the rest of the season, for every homer the Twins hit, Batgirl will donate $1000—no, wait—Batgirl will donate FIVE DOLLARS to hurricane relief.
It’s almost the same thing.
Who’s with Batgirl? Make your pledges below, one dollar to one million dollars. BG will keep track all month and at the end of the year she'll post some options for giving. It's all right if you can't, of course, you can talk about homers or Travis Bowyer or Babe Rivas, too.
Posted by Jeb at September 13, 2005 08:42 PMSure, I'll match that. All they need is money riding on 'em in a fully charitable fashion, and they do fantastically!
So, $5.00 per homer. C'mon lads, make some Southern people a bit happier.
Posted by: FordHoiberg at September 13, 2005 08:55 PMFive bucks per dinger? I'm there.
Keep me honest, BG...
Posted by: heraldguy at September 13, 2005 08:55 PMI'm in for $5/. And I promise to do so above the $$ I've already donated. And I recommend going through a donation-matching thing; even venerable news outfit The Onion is matching donations now, so I see.
And the Twins TOTALLY DOMINATED. And Radke had a 5 pitch inning. And and and :)
Posted by: AT at September 13, 2005 09:03 PMI'll donate the $20 Checker gift cert I won tonight for knowing the trivia question (and getting through on the phone) to help keep the team bus running if the boys continue their winning ways.
Posted by: double-a at September 13, 2005 09:45 PMIn an effort to spur the Twinks on even more, I'm gonna do $5 for every homer, $10 for a walkoff, and $20 for any grand slams.
I just hope the total is under my checking account balance. So dont hope for 25 grand slams, please :)
Posted by: Tootie at September 13, 2005 11:13 PMI'm in. And I've gone from cringing when Matthew grabs a bat to casually hoping for a hit.... Baby Steps.
Posted by: Ovie at September 13, 2005 11:19 PMIf my $2 per HR helps the Twinkies get a little momentum, and helps out folks who need it too, what could be better?
It's kinda sad that ye olde International Infield will have scattered to the Four Winds after the season. Such high hopes once upon a time...
Much love,
Chris
Flagstaff, AZ
(Where we already had to fire up the woodstove)
Posted by: Mountainare Man at September 14, 2005 12:05 AMI'm in if there's a pet relief option. Since I've given a ton in just about every form imaginable, I'll go a buck per PLUS $10 for any from boyfriend LNP.
Posted by: BAT bandwagon at September 14, 2005 12:27 AMI already gave at the office ('cause our company had a match), but I'm willing for $1 per homer, plus $10 for every by my boyfriend, DJ. (I'll keep track of the extra $9 bucks per Michael homer, if that's too much for the BatDatabase to worry about.) Our boys are too worried about the good of the human condition to worry about games. I'm glad Fox and Batgirl are here to inspire them!
It's funny how we've never been shut out in a game in which we've hit a home run. I hadn't realized that statistic before.
And I'm pretty sure that both statistics of three home runs in one game/three home runs total since late June are the same.
Posted by: Just Beth at September 14, 2005 07:10 AMI'm in for $5 for every homer, and $50 for any walk-off bunt, $100 if Punto gets the hat-trick.
Posted by: PJStP at September 14, 2005 07:33 AMI'll be the first one to admit I just wanna talk abour Rivas. Yay! My BF is back! And in what fashion...
(I'll put something together for the hurricane too, I promise. My teensie tiny little bank/employer has a very generous owner who pledged to match up to $1M donated by the community.)
Posted by: Say Rah! at September 14, 2005 08:04 AMI'm in for $1 for every homer and $10 if my BF, Lew, gets a homer. $20 if it's a three-run homer.
Posted by: Katharriet at September 14, 2005 08:27 AMI'm in for $5 a dinger, $10 for each Morneau one.
Posted by: Skorch at September 14, 2005 08:28 AMI'm in for $1 per homer, $5 for every Cuddy homer, $10 for every LNP walk-off bunt, and $20 for every complete-game shutout by a starter.
k-bro
Posted by: k-bro at September 14, 2005 08:58 AMI'm in. $1.00 for a homerun, $5.00 if it's by my boyfriend LNP, and $10.00 for a grandslam. Is someone going to keep track of homeruns now?
Posted by: Saajak at September 14, 2005 08:59 AMWell, considering my financial situation... how about 50 bucks if the Twins finish the season? I think I can do that.
Posted by: Ryan at September 14, 2005 09:26 AMWell I was saving all my money to buy the LNP action figure - but that can wait =)
I'm in $5.00 for the homerun ball - heck I'll throw in another $5.00 each time Boo takes to the mound =)
BatGirl - you're fabulous -=)
Much Love
Wonder Woman
All I can say is, thank God for Batgirl’s Happy Kitten Plan For Ultimate Victory. What took you so long?
Count me in on the homerun thing, and I'll also donate $5 for every start in which Johan and Brad do NOT give up a home run.
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at September 14, 2005 09:41 AMIf somehow you can do it, you should keep a running tab day-by-day of all these. But I don't know how possible that would be when everyone is doing different things.
Posted by: Tootie at September 14, 2005 10:17 AMI'll keep it simple and simply go along with the $5 per dinger, over and above what I'm already giving through my employer's matching program. Great idea, BG!
Posted by: JimCrikket at September 14, 2005 10:52 AMDear Ms. Tootie,
BG's Blogtron 3000 is fully equipped for such eventualities.
Gratefully,
BG
I'm in for $5.00 per homer.
Plus I'll toss in $10 every time my junior boyfriend Juan Castro hits one, and $5.00 for every save that my main boyfriend, the Nathanest of Joe's, can accumulate until the end of the season.
What a great idea Batgirl!
Incentive for our guys, and charity for those who need it so desperately.
Thank you for inspiring all of us Batlings to follow suit.
Posted by: bubblemint at September 14, 2005 11:18 AMMy darlings,
That is $67 per homer so far, not counting all the individual homers and such. Bless you all.
Love,
BG
Truck yeah. What an idea. DicknBert should get in on this bidness.
$3 per home run
$5 (additional) for LNP home runs
$5 for doghouse-boyfriend Lohse wins
P.S. I got my "Chicks dig small ball" cap-sleeve-t and it's quite flattering and super comfy.
Posted by: She-Ra, P.O.P. at September 14, 2005 11:55 AMGreat idea Batgirl. I'll chip in $5 per homer.
Posted by: Attyfan at September 14, 2005 12:01 PMMotivation is good, but I think what the Twins really needed were the Tigers. I think they have one win for September.
Circle me for $5 a homer, too.
Posted by: The Commish at September 14, 2005 12:03 PMMy dears,
If you are specifying certain players for additional givings on homeras, please help Batgirl and let her know whether it is, say $10 on top of the dollar or $10 total. She will assume it is total unless, like She-Ra, you specifiy otherwise. (If that's the case, no need to specify.)
Thank you all. That's $85 per homer so far!
With love and gratitude,
BG
My specifics:
$1.00 per homerun
$5.00 (total) if LNP hits said homerun
$10.00 (total) if said homerun is a grandslam
Heck, I'll go $15.00 (total) if LNP hits said grandslam.
LNP action figure??!!! There's a "life-size" joke in there somewhere.
I see a whole product line: "Walk-Off Bunt LNP," "BOD LNP," "SB LNP," the very collectable "HR LNP," "Beaned In The Arse LNP," etc.
Posted by: BAT bandwagoner at September 14, 2005 01:00 PMI gave my circle me lotto winnings but I am also in for
$2 per dinger
$5 (total) if Chairman or DJ get at dinger
$10 (total) grandslam
I would also really like to see a brawl, so if any of the twins throw down against the Bitch sox, I will throw in an extra $20.
$6.00 total for a Cuddy homer from me ($1 'cuz it's a homer plus $5.00 to see those dimples as he's rounding the bases).
k-bro
Posted by: k-bro at September 14, 2005 02:26 PMI'll join in too:
$5 per Twins HR, another $5 for each Cuddy HR and another $5 for walk off bunt!!
Great idea BG
I would get involved but the yankees hit too many hrs, and I'm not rich like George.
Posted by: mike at September 14, 2005 03:54 PMOkay, this is the first time I've ever joined in, but this is for a good cause....
$5 for a homerun
$10 for an LNP homerun
$15 for a grandslam
And if Little Nicky Punto (my boy-crush) gets a grandslam I'll give you $50 to donate. Now THAT might make me pass out for a few minutes, but I'd fork it over once my girls woke me up.
*sigh*
Posted by: kctwinkie at September 14, 2005 04:26 PMOh mp! I LIKE the idea of the $20 for a throw-down with the Bitch Sox in the last month. I would suggest doubling it if one of the BitchSox has to be helped from the field and has to miss the playoffs. But that would be.... wrong... wouldn't it?
JC
Dear Mr. Crikket,
Yes, we could do that, but it will be wrong. And if BG were to add $50 if that player were Buehrle, it would only be to honor his sacrifice.
Sincerely,
BG
I'll donate $5 per home run hit by the Twins tonight.
Furthermore, to sweeten things up, I'll donate $5 per home run hit by my Bitch Sox in the HumpDome for the upcoming 3 game set this weekend.
BitchSoxPride,
Ilk
Dearest Mr. Ilk,
That, you will have to keep track of yourself.
Sincerely,
BG
Dearest BatWagoner -
Don't forget potty mouth LNP =)
Much Love
Wonder Woman
I am sorry i can't contribute. I have put lots of money into the cause already but it still isn't enough. I need to start saving for college. Batgirl you are an angel.
Posted by: razzledazzlem at September 14, 2005 07:22 PMDear Wonder Woman,
If you come out with the line, I'll be your number one customer and proud collector. I like the way you think.
Yours in buying power,
kctwinkie
p.s. I would suggest coming out with potty mouth LNP first, that'll get me hooked... lol
Posted by: kctwinkie at September 14, 2005 07:26 PMI'll donate $5 per home run, and everytime that my boyfriend, Chairman Mauer, hits a homer or gets four run game, I'll donate an extra dollar or two (depending on my cash funds) that day. Now you can say you got a pledge from a little girl who is going to private school on a scholarship.
Posted by: Hannah (the second) at September 14, 2005 08:24 PMWhat I love about this blog is that it starts with an assumption that the previous day's blog is just a thought away - simply the next thought in a conversation that wasn't over when the blog posted; we were just waiting for your next breath. As always.
It looks like I have not missed any dingers in the the void filled with another loss (sigh), so, if it's not too late, I would like to add my $5/homer, which brings the current total to a nice round $102 each.
Posted by: Brooklynegg at September 14, 2005 09:56 PMDear Mr/Ms Egg,
It is never too late.
Sincerely,
BG
Seattle reporting--
$2 per Twins homer, with gratitude for all the times you've made me laugh out loud. Let's put away the ass-bats for the sake of our displaced countrymen.
--TRP
Posted by: teacherrefpoet at September 15, 2005 12:01 AMI can't believe I missed this. I would love to help out . I'm in for the $5 per homerun. $10 if my boyfriend the good doctor hits it. Great idea batgirl!
Posted by: olbiemn at September 15, 2005 07:40 PMMy dears,
I am closing the comments on this thread. If you'd like to make a pledge, please do so in the most recent "Dingers for Dollars" entry.
Sincerely,
BG
BG-- Hoping I don't truck things up for the BatSabremetricians, I'll go in for $1 per homer, $5 (total) if it's by my BF, Doc Morneau.
And WonderWoman, please tell me there will be a "Little Nicky Ninja"-style LNP action figure. No collection would be complete without it.
-WC
Posted by: wildchild at September 17, 2005 01:22 PMwhoops -- will copy comment as instructed. :blush:
Posted by: wc at September 17, 2005 01:23 PM