Why do I feel véjà du all over again reading this post? Damn assbats.

BG, you've been a saint throughout this entire season. The season was an illusion carried mainly by hopes created with your spectacular movie, Oh, Five!, but the facts are the facts, and this is primarily a minor league team trying to make it in the bigs. Sure, we have major league pitching and catching and major league outfielders (until they all cratered), but the infield seriously sucks. And, of course, no one knows how to hit on this team. Could you have Gardy bring up Batmom? She surely could not do worse that Cuddy who likes keping the bat on his shoulder (probably so he won't break it) with winning runs on base and takes the big K. Batmom is way shorter that Cuddy - and all the others except Nickie, and so maybe she could draw walks. Then, send up the bat kitties who are even way shorter than Batmom and, as the St. Louis Browns did in the 1940s when they sent a midget to the plate, we could score runs on walk after walk. Again, I say this strategy can't be worse than what we've seen for the last few months, since this team simply cannot hit the friggin' baseball.

Thanks for all you do, BG.

Roy

*sighs*

Dear Mr./Ms Jeckyl,

Oops. All better.

Love,
BG

*is sad*

*wants to comfort BG, perhaps with a hug or some hearty homemade soup*

Batgirl!!!

Get ahold of yourself!!

Sacrificing Lego Lew is not the answer!!

I don't know what is, but we can't sacrifice Lego Lew.

I'm sure Tony will have a better idea.

He just has to.

Can we borrow Gwynnkerbell since you guys aren't using him? ;-)

Seriously though, both your team and mine played craptastically on Fri/Sat/Sun, each team racking up .333 winning percentages for the weekend, and at the least opportune moment.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and so I shall now whip out The Batling Creed (which I would have posted when we were on the Our Padre thread, only comments had been disabled by the time I got back from a few days away from home)...

Everyone join hands, bow your heads and in the hopes of seeing our postseason dreams come to fruition, let us pray:

I believe in Gwynn, the Padre, Almighty, shaker of heaven and earth;
And in Jacque Jones, his only begotten Son, our Lord;
Who was conceived by the Holy Cow, born of the Virgin Rizzuto;
Suffered under Pittsburgh Pirate; was caught looking, argued and was ejected: He descended into the clubhouse;
The third day he Pete Rose again from the dead;
He ascended into the dugout, and sits at the right hand of Gardy the Manager Almighty who is not looking for showtime;
Despite what was said by Rabbit Ears who shall come to judge the quick and the strike-em-out throw-em-outs;
I believe in the bang-bang play;
I believe in the holy Hall of Fame: the communion of the awesome;
The forgiveness of bonehead plays by driving in the winning run;
The resurrection of the blown-out elbow;
And the home run trot everlasting.
Chacaron.

BG,

I'm simply bummed. At the end of the season, I'm going to be able to look the cynical and the angry people in the eye and remind them that our guys have been to the playoffs 3 of the last 4 years -- and that's pretty darn good. But, for now, that's so hollow. As much as I agree with Roy's comments about many of the lads being impersonators (and with his call for BatMom), there have been a half-dozen games (including Sunday's) that they've given away for no good reason. That doesn't happen and the wild-card chasers are looking up at the Twins.

What does RD want?

1. A healthy and hungry Jim Thome as DH in 2006.

2. A bit more conservative take on the notion that youngsters are ready to replace veterans. Baker and Liriano for Lohse and Mays? Yes. Kubel for J-Jones? NO! A veteran third baseman so that Cuddyer came off the bench? Do that, Lord, and I shall tithe.

3. A bit more liberal take on the payroll as a reward to the fans who will, for better or worse, convince the Legislature to approve a ballpark bill.

4. A new hitting coach who has a clue. Not as easy as it sounds, which is why it shouldn't be hard to tell Mr. Ullger that his services would be put to better use elsewhere. Eddie Murray and Gary Matthews have been among this season's hitting coach casualties. I don't want Ullger to become Gardy's Dick Such, who musta had some kind of good pictures of TK.

5. More Legovision!

6. Even more Legovision!

Best, RD

btw, it was 1951 when Bill Veeck sent Eddie Gaedel trotting out in a uniform bearing the number 1/8.

For more info, go here:
http://espn.go.com/mlb/s/2001/0816/1240553.html

or click my name.

*sigh* I had to wait until I got home from my weekend job today to watch the game (I taped it)... and I was so very sad at the outcome today. when we got that one run... HOPE! there was hope. and a single, a walk, and freakin' catcher's interference smashed that hope flat. oh, and another single. ouch.

and BG, please do not burn Lego Lew... please! fire bad! those pictures scare me somethin' fierce! I may curl up in a ball and whimper softly to myself. please don't burn Lego Lew. please.

This is all so sad....and please, BG, don't burn Lego Lew. Fire is very bad. It's very scary. And what if we need Lego Lew...

*sigh*

Oh Tony Gwynn! Please don't let BatGirl burn Lego Lew! Who will play center field in LegoVision? Who will make choo choo noises as he runs the bases? Who will hit 2-out 3-run home runs? We need Lego Lew!

I'm not thinking of it as burning Lego Lew. I'm looking at it as lighting a fire under Lew's ass, and if this works you can hoist the whole lego team under the flames.

hey... remember after we swept the Bitch Sox, and we said that even if the season goes to crap after this, that we would forever enjoy the memory of that series? Let's not forget that feeling, as we weather the storm of suckitude that seems to be in our midst.

I'm sad that everyone seems so angry at our boys. Cuddyer is taking shots, rightfully so, for not swinging the bat, but he's got a better average than some of the more celebrated players. Poor Morneau doesn't even have anyone to back him up until he gets his swing back. The outfield is decimated because they play all out. And our hitting just hasn't come around.

What would have been a good enough record to win the division last year and a close second in 2003, is only good enough for a distant 3rd this year. And yet, the pitching staff continues to pitch to win and our boys continue to hustle in the field and give it whatever they have at the plate.

There's no quit in this team and for that, we should still be thankful.

mmmarkiep -

I think there's more sadness and disappointment than anger. I mean, oh five was supposed to be The Year! Sure, we probably had our expectations too high, but realizing that doesn't make it feel better.

Nevertheless, people, all hope is not lost: (a) there is still a month of baseball left, and anything can happen, and (b) the team is looking likely to be even better next year anyway.

"Do you like gladiator movies?"

LOL one of my favorite movie quotes of all time!

I agree with Sacky. It's definitely sadness and not anger in these parts. I mean, I don't see a B-Sox-like (2002-04) lack of effort or a Giants-like clubhouse implosion. It's just hard to do what needs to be done with the personnel that's been available, owing to injuries and payroll limitations. Sad, sad, sad. Our guys are pretty much better than the sum of their currently functioning parts, but it just doesn't appear to be good enough.

As usual, RD's right on the money. That was a tough one to take yesterday. I'd love to see us add a real bat. But my prediction: more of the same.

I am also in total agreement with RD and Sacky. Even though the ass bats are in full swing right now, you can tell the boys are trying.

Dearest Mr. P,

BG's not angry at all! She just wants to do whatever she can to help the team, and if Tony wants a sacrifice, by golly, she'll do it.

Sincerely,
BG

Dear Batgirl;

If a sacrifice must be made couldn't it be Captain Cheesburger?

And if Tony won't accept him, could we just do it anyway?

Dear BatGirl,
If we must sacrifice a member of the Twins, does it have to be an outfielder? We're kind of short on those these days. How about a pitcher? I hear Joe Mays is willing to make a sacrifice or two (such as moving to the 'pen) for his team. Just a suggestion.

RD is pleased to see that Batgirl appears to be auditioning for a scriptwriting position for Beavis and Butt-head II.

Beege, just throw the lot of them except for the Chairman into the fire. He's about the only everyday regular who doesn't deserve a roasting, and that includes the veteran outfielders.

I like RD's 6 point plan.

How about we burn the Lew "generic spaceman" Lego and then like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, just like the Twins will do this year :), Lego Lew comes back as Luke Skywalker Lego? I have one of those if BG needs it.

I think what they need right now is alot of ice cream and hugs. and a motivational speech or just kind words. And I don't think sacrificing Lego Lew is the answer. so...DON"T DO IT BATGIRL! DON'T DO IT!!

Sacrificie Lew? Why that's just... BARBARIC! Don't DO it Batgirl! You know how sensitive I am. To lose another boyfriend, why, that would just send me right over the EDGE!

And think of Jeb! He's only just barely gotten over the loss of that Canuck-who-shall-remain-nameless, and even so, he's still not quite right. He'll never recover. Never!

My advice to the Twins fans is to start drinking heavily!
And be prepared to root for the other two AL central teams in the playoffs to meet in the ALCS. Maybe our division will get some credit instead of another BlowSox/Yankmees ALCS. Cheers!

RD's six points sound excellent--does T Ryan visit this site??? Jones must be kept in RF--maybe next year the soul patrol can be healthy... a new hitting coach would be nice...

RD's six point plan looks suspiciously like my Christmas list...

Steve-

I'll worry about rooting for other teams in October when we are eliminated. In any case, I will likely turn to the west unless cleveland makes the playoffs (yankees,sox,sox=sadness), which won't happen if the twins get their say so. Of course, next year's indians could be this years' bitch sox... Let's just say if the central is going to any credit, I want the twins to be part of it.

RD-

Isn't baker starting tonight? Maybe we do have something to look forward to in september, even if we do hit ourselves out of wildcard contention.

All I ask for next month is that the twins get me excited for baseball again... We started out so well this year, and now BatGirl is resorting to lego sacrifice to get rid of the resurgent assbat malady... I hope Tony Gwynn will now realize the severity of the situation and bless us once more!

I think its amazing that there is only one team in the AL and one team in the NL that have a chance to win 100 games this season.

No please not sweet Lew-Lew - that would severly hamper our adorkable factor!!

Again - I'll check the bookshelf for some voodoo magic minus the sacrifices unless it calls for the burning of ass bats!

If the Twins don't make it or they don't go all the way - hey my glass is half full - my loyalties will turn to the NL Central - Go Cardinals!!!!!

Much love
Wonder Woman

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

bakerbakerbakerbakerbakerbakerbaker

Whew. Much better.

Didn't Gardy already sacrifice Lew? So the kid missed a bunt...big deal. JJ misses the ball roughly 78/83rds of the time.

Baker and Liriano throwing will help. But all we should expect either of them to do is simply keep the team in a position to win. The A$$-bats still need to be addressed.

My deepest darkest nightmare? That which keeps me fitfully tossing and fidgeting away all night? The decision to start Maysie last week led directly to that loss. A "hangover effect" led to the loss the next afternoon. After dropping 2 of 3 at home, the wind was taken from their sails and the Twins languish the rest of the season and fail to make the post-season. As a result, uncle Carlsie decides to not ante up and sign anyone to fill the offensive vacuum. Hence, fewer fans attend games next season. A downward spiral follows and the team is contracted in 2009. Damn Gardy for sticking with one of "his guys" even though everyone else on the planet knew it was a dire mistake.

Hey Double-A,

That sounds just like my Iraq strategy!

W

sigh.

It was just last Tuesday, remember Aug.23, Johan, JJ, the tallest win? I was so up for Sunday's game. Johan's pitching, the rest surely will follow and score and do that winning thing.

sigh.

A scant week and here we are bummed about ass-bats, BG burning Lew, talk about who else we will root for. My sweetie doesn't even want to go to Friday's game--he asks about the state fair instead..sigh.

So, to Mr. Pohlad: Please increase your investment in this team. We need some of those 275 or better hitters like some of the other teams have. I have been jealous of late of other team's batting averages being higher than many of our boys.

sigh

-kal

Totally off topic but I had to comment...

VERY pleasantly surprised to see the Twins-Royals game on ESPN, given that my program listing said it would be the Cubs game.

Then to just add to the excitement, Tony Gwynn is doing the analysis for ESPN.

How could this NOT be a good thing for the Twins?

Haven't heard him mention whether the sacrifice is acceptable yet though... and with only 1 run through 4 innings, I'm not sure that's a good indication.