Baltimore at Twins. Twins 4, Orioles 3.
Well, it's cold and dark down here, but that's the thing with holes in the ground—you don't fall down them for the amenities. The rest of Team Batgirl threw down a couple blankets and some cake pretty soon after Batgirl's endless plummet, which was thoughtful of them, except the cake had a bite missing from it. Batgirl's first thought, of course—after "Who took a bite out of my cake?"—was of her duty to her readers. Quickly, she tapped out a message in Morse code asking the rest of Team Batgirl to blog for her until they could get her out. There was a long silence, and then a blogtron came drifting down into the darkness suspended by a jerryrigged parachute followed by a crank-operated TV.
Well, okay.
Now BG's been cranking, she's been cranking hard for two days and so she's managed to catch much of the action. The reception's a little wonky though—Jeb has apparently stationed one of the BatKitties near the hole with a tinfoil antenna/helmet thing. The thing with BatKitties though is it's hard to get them to stay still. Sometimes, bugs fly by. BatKitties like bugs.
But that's not important. You don't care about that. The truth is, Batgirl is stalling here because she's not sure what to write. See, she watched the game, but there's not a lot of oxygen in this here pit and, again, the reception is weird, so she can't really trust her senses. The thing is, Batgirl seems to be under the impression that we won tonight. More than that, BG really gets the sense that we scored more runs than the other team.
Could this be true? BG's been Morse coding furiously, but no one from Team Batgirl seems to be around—Guys? Guys?—so she can't get any confirmation.
This much is clear. Lohse was totally 2002 in his performance, allowing two earned runs through six, and we went into the late innings tied. Now, BG's watched a lot of games lately, so she had a pretty good idea of how that was going to end up. The Twins were destined to lose this one by one run, it was just a question of when that run would score. Perhaps the 7th, when Shaggy Guerrier came on in relief and—Zoinks!—put runners on first and second. Or when he was relieved by J.C., who came on to face Rafael Palmeiro with those two runners on, for--well, it might be the lack of oxygen talking—but BG remembers pretty clearly that J.C. isn't always at his best when he inherits runners, and as Batgirl distinctly recalls, Palmeiro's gotten a little more "pop" in his "bat" lately. But J.C. coaxed a double play out of him, and somehow we survived the 7th.
But in the 8th, ah, surely this would be our downfall, for J.C. gave up a lead-off walk, and deep in the earth Batgirl felt a great rumbling that she assumed came from some organ of Gardy's or another. Walks, you see, will haunt. Especially lead-off walks given up by J.C. Romero in the 8th inning. But a sweet Bret Boone over-the-shoulder catch and a smooth 3-6-3 later and once again, we were home free. And then Batgirl started to wonder: Could we—possibly—hold them long enough to score a run of our very own?
No. No. As we learned on Monday, hope is the pill they give you to make it all hurt more in the end, and thanks to a base hit, a passed ball, and a sac fly the Twins went into the bottom of the ninth, once again, down a run.
But then—oh—again, BG's not sure about this. I mean nobody got any hits or anything, and there was absolutely a ground out and a strikeout, and did our catcher just try to steal a base? Who thought that was a good idea? But somehow Joe Mauer was on 3rd with two outs and things got very still inside Batgirl's hole. It's possible this is the point she passed out and started hallucinating, because a few batters later Jacque Jones hit a long ground ball to Miggy Tejada--who has a new Corvette courtesy of the good folks at Chevrolet--and then the next thing Batgirl knew the Twins were rushing the field, jumping up and down, and even—could it be?—smiling. Smiling! Also, Jacque Jones looked like a giant sandwich.
Well, look, it was probably just a dream, or something, but even so, it's a dream BG wanted to share with all of you, because it is a beautiful dream, one of togetherness and peace and joy and warmer blankets and, like, a protein bar or something? Anything?
Okay, things might be a little disjointed for awhile. BG doesn't know how long she's going to be down here. It's going to take a series win, maybe two, and BG hopes that it comes quickly because she misses the BatKitties. Plus, the food sucks.
Ah, BG I wonder who ate your cake? Sounds like a job for Nancy Drew! I'm happy the Twins won, hopefully this is the start of a winning streak, plus the Bitch Sox lost! Yes!
Did anyone hear when Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven were commentating a few games back, and Dick went to go catch a foul ball and made that grunting noise? Than Bert commented that it sounded as if he had farted. And Dick said that Bert did it enough for the both of them. Classic!
As always, a very good post Batgirl.
Posted by: Hannah at July 20, 2005 12:13 AMBG, is the food like college food? Tolerable at first, and then as time goes on, it gets worse?
I hope you get out of that hole soon. :)
And yes, they were smiling. And it was wonderful! I especially loved seeing Luis hugging Jacque...hehe
Posted by: Candace at July 20, 2005 12:26 AMwow... I should be sleeping now, but I'm so excited about the game, I just can't sleep. we won! we really, really won! and KYLE LOHSE was a stud! and Chairman was amazing. (but... that was a passed ball? I thought it was a wild pitch... didn't have my radio tonight.) and Jesse won his 9th game! as much as I'd really like to see these wins go to our hard-working starters, it makes me giggle that Jesse's got it goin' on in the win department.
and now I think I can sleep.
Posted by: kafumbly at July 20, 2005 12:43 AMthe call on the radio was like "base hit" then
wild throw to first. gotta love Gordo. a twins win.
A protein bar??
I don't think so.
This one calls for cake.
Chocolate cake.
Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and raspberry filling...from Wuolett Bakery.
That's what this one calls for.
Well. That sure wasn't supposed to happen.
I almost saw Gardy smile for a second there at the end. Almost.
And if Mr. Boone continues making catches like that, well, I might just be able to forgive his previous home plate abuse.
I had very nearly forgotten how happy it makes me when they win! Happy! HAPPY!
Posted by: TwinsGoddess at July 20, 2005 06:57 AMTwins win! Twins win!
Yes, BG, it's true. Everything you heard seems like a dream, but it's all true! Sometimes, just sometimes, dreams do come true.
And Joe Mauer scored without the benefit of a hit. There's something beautiful about that.
Posted by: Just Beth at July 20, 2005 07:44 AM*sniff* It was just beautiful. Truly beautiful.
Posted by: Katharriet at July 20, 2005 08:18 AMWell it's a start but I'm still somewhat disheartened by how much the Orioles had to screw up for us to actually score.
But 2 out of 3 boyfriends are playing well, we're coming off a crazy win, and I'm skipping work to hit the game, so all is right with the world.
And seriously, could Brian Roberts BE any more adorable?
Posted by: She-Ra, P.O.P. at July 20, 2005 08:40 AMInteresting tidbit about today's game:
From FSN (and has been in other articles)
"Before the game, Twins pitchers Carlos Silva and Johan Santana suggested to manager Ron Gardenhire that they puff on some cigars to smoke out the bad spirits that seemed to have sent the three-time AL Central champions into this midsummer funk."
Looks like Supernatural maybe worked some of that black magic ;)
Posted by: Torhu at July 20, 2005 08:56 AMPalmeiro's gotten a little more "pop" in his "bat"
I love that line. Heeeeeelarious.
Posted by: metsfan at July 20, 2005 08:57 AM>Palmeiro's gotten a little more "pop" in
>his "bat"
>I love that line. Heeeeeelarious.
I feel bad for not quite getting that joke until JUST now.
Yeah, it felt great to see the Twins won, but it still didn't feel like a real victory, considering it took a wild throw to first on what would have been out # 3 to get the winning run home. And we left, what? about 2 dozen runners in scoring position all night?
Torii told Marney Gellner after the game that this win was definitely the end of the slump. I sure hope so, Torii, but the offense didn't look any better than it's been the past week.
Posted by: Salt-Man Z at July 20, 2005 09:13 AMHey BG did you have a talk with Gardy and the boys about smoking the stogies before the game? Santana in today's PPress "Somebody's playing craxy games with us. We've got to do some mojo. We've got to do some smokin' and burn all the bad spirits out of here."
That has Batgirl written all over that.Thank you.
What they need to do is have a pow-wow and perform the "Banish the Ass-bats" dance.
Posted by: Saajak at July 20, 2005 09:33 AMShe-ra - what you're skipping work - noooo =)
I'm right behind ya!!
Maybe instead of SMOOTH - Johan should have Black Magic Woman played as he takes to the pitching mound.
I vote for a pagan cleansing of the ass bats
Much Love
Wonder Woman
I ran into the crazy toothless lady with the pet crow on Lake Street yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately all I had on me was a fifth of Jim Beam, so I could only squeeze a win out of her. I'm still trying to pull together all the ingredients for a full on exorcism, but I'm having a hard time getting a lock of Bradke's hair (he still seems to think the voodoo is bull so he won't give it up even though I keep telling him that if he uses a little more Aveda Be Smooth Gel, no one will ever know), I do have an in with his barber though, so we should be good to go soon.
Oh and Batgirl, we have a few extra bagels from our meeting, do you prefer veggie or honey walnut cream cheese?
Posted by: HooliganKat at July 20, 2005 10:13 AMThe Twins scoring a run in the bottom of the 9th to tie it up without getting a hit is great.
The Twins getting TWO HITS to WIN the game is beyond great.
If that's a dream, I don't want to wake up.
Posted by: brent at July 20, 2005 10:34 AMWish I could skip work to go to today's game.
Go Bradke!
I hffad nuffing to do wiff eating anffy cake.
I thffink it waff Heraldguy and Tinger.
(gulp)
Posted by: Me at July 20, 2005 11:54 AMI think WonderWoman has something with cleansing the assbats. Who's got a chicken we can sac?
Posted by: oh at July 20, 2005 12:24 PMChicken? No chicken but we do have ducks that occassionally camp out in our front yard. Will that work? If not I may be able to sneak into my Grandparent's farm and take one without them knowing it. I can lay the blame on a fox.
Posted by: Saajak at July 20, 2005 01:00 PM'Twas a passed ball, kafumbly. The pitch somehow went off the top of Joe's glove and down through his legs; and he got charged with a 'PB' in the box score. Fortunately, the Orioles defensive replacement behind the plate in the 9th (poor guy) had even worse misadventures.
Coming back to tie without a hit and winning on an infield grounder (which I thought really should have been scored an error too) sorta reminded me of that wacky comeback win against the Orioles a couple years ago, when Resto swung for strike 3 on a pitch that went into the backstop and Dougie scored in the ensuing mayhem. That seemed to be a catalyst for a Twins hot streak that summer, too. Maybe this is just the sort of flukey win we needed to turn our luck again.
Does Tejada's hit off the baggy in the 9th today stay in the park if our team were still playing under a cloud of bad mojo? Nay. It's a sign of brighter days ahead, I tell you.
Posted by: frightwig at July 20, 2005 04:18 PM